Chapter 12

Written By Illuminet

Disclaimer: Refer to the first chapter to view it.

"..."-Indicate Speech

'...'-Indicate Thought

:::TWF:::

Unknown...

"You've been making significant progress, Laharl!"

Flonne said as she sat by the lake, singing a tune on her harp. Laharl nodded slightly.

"Yeah..."

He said softly as he laid sprawled on the grass, lazily looking at the ever picture perfect blue sky. Flonne looked down at him from her vantage point a few feet away.

"You sound a little down. Are you okay?"

She asked him. Laharl didn't give a verbal answer immediately, his only response to lift one arm up towards the sky, as if he was reaching for something.

"I still have this sense of hopelessness, Flonne. That what I'm doing is as impossible as trying to reach for a cloud. Sure, I could fly up to one, but I can never truly grasp it because it will always be as fleeting as the wind."

He stated, his eyes beginning to close, as if he were drifting into sleep. It seemed kind of funny to him, that he looked like he was trying to go to sleep when he was physically already asleep as it was. The harp stopped being played. At this, Laharl opened one eye to regard his companion, only to find her not there. He sat up quickly.

"Flonne?"

He asked in an almost fearful tone. Slender arms slithered around his neck. He almost jumped in surprise. Almost.

"How did you do that? I should have been able to hear you if you moved."

He said. Flonne chuckled softly.

"This is a dream Laharl. Need I explain myself further?"

She asked him. Laharl remained silent, his body relaxing in her embrace as her chin rested on the top of his head.

"I suppose not."

He finally said after a while. He felt very relaxed, so the words came out with a slight slur.

"When you didn't see me playing the harp, how did you feel?"

She asked him softly. Laharl's mind snapped to attention.

"Seriously, I'll admit I was afraid. I thought the past fifty years I spent talking to you in these dreams may have been just that, dreams."

He told her. Flonne smiled, letting a small laugh escape her lips.

"Isn't that exactly what they are, though? Just dreams? You make it sound as if it were much more."

She told him. Laharl pondered to himself silently before answering again.

"That's what they may be truthfully, but on a personal level, these dreams are something much more. To me, they are..."

Flonne spoke before he could say the last word.

"...Salvation?"

She said. Laharl nodded.

"Exactly. Without them, I don't think I could be helped by anyone. I would be nothing more but a lost cause."

He said sadly. Flonne's hold on him tightened slightly.

"That's not true. I'm sure Etna could be all the support you'll ever need. However, it will take time for you to realize that. It's already been a swift coming of fifty years, and you've only just begun scratching the surface of it."

She told him. Laharl's face took a puzzled expression.

"You really think so?"

He asked. He found it hard to believe, though the possibility did exist. He wondered why he never thought of that before Flonne mentioned it. Had he been so blind to see how much Etna was helping him pick up the pieces of his own life in the real world? A new guilt welled up within him. He realized he wasn't the most approachable person in the real world. He was incredibly irritable because he was almost completely restricted to the Overlord's Castle, because of this, he tended to snap a great deal to the servants and other people who attended him. The only real people who approached after these hectic fifty years were only a handful of Etna's Vassals and Etna herself. They were the only ones that kept him from getting depressed in his self-pity of being alone.

"I should apologize to her..."

He said softly, more to himself than Flonne. Etna helped him the most, yet he hardly ever let her know how thankful he was. Outside of dream land, he was a self destructive person a good deal of the time, and was only recently starting to get out of that habit.

"That would be a good idea. She has been getting a bit depressed as of late."

Flonne said. Laharl nodded.

"Your right...now that I think back on it, she has been looking more and more down when I see her."

Laharl agreed.

"You do know why, right, Laharl?"

She asked him. Laharl remained silent for a bit before speaking.

"I have a pretty good idea. But I have rejected it for a long time. I don't see the need to lead anything on when I don't feel that way for her..."

He said. Flonne let out a sigh.

"Because of me, right?"

She asked. Laharl nodded.

"Yeah."

He said.

"You wouldn't consider Etna as someone worth being with?"

She asked. Laharl turned to regard the Angel with an odd gaze.

"Is there a reason your bringing all this up about Etna? You make it sound as if you don't want to be with me."

Laharl said. His tone was a mix of anger and sorrow. Flonne shook her head. He had let his emotions make him draw up rash conclusions unnecessarily.

"That's not what I'm implying, Laharl. Calm down and think about it for a bit. What I'm doing right now may be the right thing, but it is a grave sin. By choosing to reside in a body that already has a soul. Because of the sin I've been committing for the past fifty years, it's not likely my punishment will be light."

She told him. Laharl got out of her grasp roughly, beginning to walk away.

"That's enough Flonne. Stop saying anything more."

Laharl said roughly.

"Laharl...you know what's likely to happen once I become reincarnated..."

She began, but Laharl would hear no more of it.

"ENOUGH!!"

He screamed. The world began to crumble under his feet.

:::TWF:::

Netherworld, Overlord's Castle, Laharl's Room

Laharl rose up from sleep with heaving breathes. His motion knocked the coffin lid to the side. He clamped his hands over his eyes, feeling very sick. He got up carefully and walked out of the room that had been given to him by Etna.

:::TWF:::

Netherworld, Overlord's Castle, Balcony

Laharl leaned over the railing, peering down at the dark view that greeted him. He had a lot of thinking to do.

'Does Flonne...not love me anymore? Is my soul so ugly? So terrifying?'

He looked at his hands, desperately wishing the answers would fall straight into his palms. If only life were that simple.

'No...it's not because she doesn't love me...It's because she does that she doesn't want me to be hurt by her departure. Why did I not think of it before? Flonne forfeited her own chance of being reborn as she once was. By committing this sin of staying within me, when she's to be reincarnated...she most likely will have her memories erased and will be reborn as another race than what she was originally...'

He realized this, but it did not help his mood much at all.

'Why would she do this? When all she had to do was simply continue on with the process of reincarnation without deciding to reside in my soul...'

He pondered. It did not make sense. Laharl thought very carefully as to why she would do this. He realized he knew why all along.

'She had seen it coming...it's easy to say I could wait for her to be reincarnated as herself again, however, would I really have waited? My guilt was such that I pondered suicide so many times...there was a good chance that I probably would have killed myself because I wouldn't want to wait to be reunited...and in doing so, our roles would be reversed, right? It's a grave sin to take one's own life. If that had been the case, she would have been reborn as her normal self while I would most likely be reborn with no memories of her, and quite possibly as someone of another race, maybe even gender.'

He told himself. As a declaration of her love, she would sacrifice her purity in order to give him the chance he needed to get a hold of himself and continue living.

'Just like mom...'

He thought to himself. Flonne and his mother were so similar, it was almost scary. Both had sacrificed so much, all for the sake of keeping the one they cherished most alive. What his mother had done and what Flonne was doing now may not be the best things to do, but to them, they were the right things to do. Even his father had stayed behind to guide him. Laharl felt the annoying prickling of tears in his eyes. He didn't block them, only let the hot liquid slide down his cheeks.

"So this is what it's like...to cry..."

He said softly. He had been on the brink of crying only once before, when Etna found him in the Infinite Darkness. That time he did block the feel of tears, willing them away. His tears flowed endlessly now, and Laharl wondered if they would ever stop. For a good deal of his young life he had believed that crying was a sign of weakness, that it was better to keep the hurt within. Now that he was crying now, his hurt lessened more and more. He looked up at the sky through blurry vision.

"Maybe sometimes it's okay to cry...okay to be weak every now and then..."

He said to himself. He moved an arm over his face, drying the tears away. He felt infinitely better now for reasons he couldn't explain.

'Even though I said I would fight it, I still more often then not gave into my guilt. I took everyone for granted, forgetting I had to play a part in saving myself too. I though things would work out just as long as they were there, and that was my mistake. Tonight...I will stay in this solitude and think long and hard about what it is I want to grasp...the atonement I want to work for. Things will have to change...'

He thought as he looked at an open palm of his hand.

"...and only I can change them."

He said firmly, as his hand clenched into a fist.

-TBC-

Note: I know it's a short chapter, and not a very good one at that, but please bare with me as I've been suffering some major writer's block with this story as of late, plus have been busy with my own life as well.