Chapter 3!!! Yay! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I love ya'll!!! And, please, call the monkeys off, call them off!!!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, though I am constantly searching eBay for them on the computer that I also, coincidentally, do not own.
Raven felt numb as she stared endlessly at the blank wall opposite her in the hospital waiting room, her mind registering nothing. It seemed that everything in her head had come to a complete stop as soon as Beast Boy had hit the floor. She wasn't even entirely sure how she'd gone from that moment to this room, sitting in this chair, staring at that wall. She could only remember feelings of guilt, shame, and something else that she couldn't quite place.
She knew that Beast Boy had only broken his arm. She knew that. He'd be in a cast for a couple of weeks, and then he'd be back to his normal, annoying, self. So why did she feel so terrible? She wanted to curl up and hide, but her body wouldn't respond, so she sat and stared at that wall, her eyes wide and glossy.
What scared her was that the other Titans knew now. They knew that something was wrong with her, and they were ashamed, or afraid; Robin and Cyborg wouldn't look at her; even Starfire averted her eyes when the empath caught her staring.
So she didn't look at them, either, but just stared at that wall.
What would happen once they got back to the Tower? She didn't have to ask; she already knew. The team would approach her, demanding to know what had happened. Robin would be concerned, Starfire would try to be helpful, Cyborg would be angry. Beast Boy would keep his distance, afraid of making her angry at him.
Raven wanted to stop time forever, right there and then, as she stared at that wall. She didn't want to face the Titans. She didn't want to face Beast Boy. She wanted to run away, she wanted to hide. She didn't want to confront Beast Boy after she'd hurt him because of a problem that she was too scared of to deal with.
She was ashamed of herself; she was Raven, she couldn't be afraid! She wasn't allowed to be. She had to be brave and strong at all times, had to be. But there were still times when she wanted to scream, cry, and find comfort in someone else.
The Titans looked up as one as the doors to the waiting room swung open, revealing Beast Boy being led down the hall by a pretty, young nurse. He flashed a charming grin at her and winked as three of the four other Titans rushed up to meet him and his new cast.
"Man, there are some gorgeous girls working here!" he commented, and, as if on cue, the other three Titans began talking all at once, asking questions about Beast Boy and his cast. The changeling laughed, reveling in the attention, and answered them as best he could, though his attention seemed distracted as he looked about the waiting room. His green eyes landed on Raven, still in that chair, her dark eyes watching him cautiously.
"Hey, Rae!" he called over to her, grinning, but his smile faltered as the empath stood and left without a word.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos... Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos..." Raven repeated the phrase over and over again, as stars and planets hung in the black sky around her. Her mind was blank; she thought nothing, felt nothing. She didn't think of what had happened, didn't think of what would happen, just concentrated on those three words that held her together and kept her sane.
A constant, persistent sound was slowly unraveling her sanctuary, and Raven fought to keep it intact, but she could already feel it shredding apart and slipping away into the back of her mind. Resigning herself to the real world, she opened her eyes – someone was knocking at her door.
She stood and walked to the door, sliding it open just enough for her to see the knocker. Surprise, surprise - it was Beast Boy. "Yes?" she asked, her voice hollow.
"Hey, Raven... I want to talk to you. Can... Can I come in?" The changeling smiled hopefully.
Raven gazed at him for a moment. She didn't want to let him in – she'd been avoiding him since the incident in the hospital yesterday – but she figured that she had to face him sometime. With a resigned sigh, she slid the door open a little further and retreated to her bed. Beast Boy entered and closed the door, then took a seat on the floor. Raven's eyes landed on his cast; it was tied up in a sling, but from what she could see, the rest of the team had signed it.
"So?" she asked, looking back up at his face.
"Well..." Beast Boy fidgeted a little, looking uncomfortable. "Well... What... What happened yesterday, Rae?" He looked up at her, concerned.
Raven was surprised. He'd never looked so... so serious and mature. She looked down at the floor – his expression made her feel even more ashamed and guilty.
"Beast Boy, I... I'd rather not tell you." She looked back up at him, watching him steadily, hoping that the answer would pass. Somehow, she hated the idea of the rest of the team knowing that she had weaknesses, like everyone else.
"C'mon, Rae!" Beast Boy suddenly burst out, his good hand clenched in a fist. "You've got the whole team scared! They're all worried about you... I'm worried about you... The least you can do is tell us!"
Raven looked up at him sharply. "You have no need to be worried," she snapped, "because I can handle it. I don't need you and the others on my back, too!"
A lamp shattered behind her, and she took a deep breath to calm herself, before catching the look of fear on Beast Boy's face. Something inside her writhed with guilt, shame, and anger. The Titans were afraid of her... Of her...
She quickly closed her eyes. She couldn't look at that fear anymore.
"Rae... Raven... It's gonna be okay. We're all here for you." Beast Boy was suddenly sitting on the bed beside her, his hand on hers. She quickly pulled it away, scowling. The changeling grinned sheepishly.
"Hey... To show you that there are no hard feelings, why don't you come see a movie with me? My treat."
Raven looked at him skeptically. Was he serious? She was about to say no, when she caught the hopeful glimmer in his eyes. He wanted her to say yes. And she'd caused him so much pain the past twenty-four hours...
"All right."
"All right!" Beast Boy's grin widened. "'Attack of the Zombies VIII', here we come!"
Sitting in the dark theatre an hour and a half later, Raven had to constantly remind herself why she was here.
The movie was pointless. A bunch of dead people walked around, eating people. Big deal. Ten minutes in, Raven lost interest.
She looked around at the audience. There were couples making out in the back, and a couple of children huddling in front, terrified. And then there was Beast Boy. He would cheer the zombies on excitedly, until he was silenced every couple of minutes by an abrupt shower of popcorn from some gangly teenagers behind them.
Halfway through the movie, Raven found herself yawning. 'Oh no!' she thought to herself, 'You can't fall asleep now!' But it seemed that sleep was determined to take over, now that it had begun.
She tried staring at the screen, concentrating on the movie, forcing herself to stay awake, but her efforts only made her eyes watery, which made her want to close them. Everything was getting darker, the hushed noise from the theatre sounding fuzzy...
'Don't... sleep...'She was still running... It was a person, a person was chasing her... She tried to look back at them, but it was too dark... She was so afraid... People were screaming... She could hear them calling her name...
"Raven!"
"Please, someone, help us!"Something in Raven's mind registered, and she was thrown suddenly back into the real world, dreading what she would see. "Oh, no... Not again..."
The movie screen was ripped in half, the projector broken, several people tied together in the film. Two children were levitating near the ceiling, and Beast Boy... Where was Beast Boy? Raven looked about wildly, quickly spotting him on the ground a few feet down the aisle, protecting a little girl from a black, glowing trashcan that seemed to be repeatedly hurling itself at them.
Raven threw herself back into her seat, eyes shut tight. 'Concentrate, concentrate... Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos... Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...'
The trashcan dropped in mid-air, the film slowly unraveling itself from the poor teenagers and dumping itself in a heap on the floor. Shrieking, the two children dropped from the ceiling, only to stop a couple of feet off the ground and gently land as Raven caught them just in time.
Beast Boy stood shakily, the little girl he had been protecting now in tears. After a quick glance around the theatre to make sure that no one was badly injured, he looked over to where he'd last seen Raven.
"Hey, Rae... Raven!" he called after her, but his only reply was a flash of a dark blue cloak as she hurried out the emergency door.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos... Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos..."
'Déjà vu,' Raven thought darkly as she levitated above her bed, meditating. Here she was once more, hiding out in her room, ashamed of what had happened because of her dreams. Because of the curse that was her powers. Because of her. Except this time, she had a plan.
She opened one deep violet eye, glancing at her clock. It was one in the morning. She'd been hiding out in her room, adamantly refusing to come out, even was Beast Boy knocked and yelled at her door for an hour.
But she figured that it would be safe to come out now. She stood and strode silently over to her door, sliding it open a crack and looking up and down the hallway. Certain that no one was around, she slipped out of her room, closing the door behind her, and headed straight for the roof.
The sky was black and star-studded, reminding her of her haven. She stepped to the edge of the roof, prepared to fly off.
"You were actually going to leave us?" a familiar voice came from behind her. Raven sighed exasperatedly.
"Beast Boy..."
"I mean, I knew you were stressed, but I didn't think you'd actually leave." He came and stood beside her, watching her solemnly. She gazed back at him steadily.
"I'm having problems. You've seen me. I nearly hurt the people in the theatre... I hurt you." She pointed to his cast. "I've done more harm than good."
The changeling shook his head. "So, that's it, then? You're just gonna up and leave?"
Raven's answer came out as barely more than a whisper. "I have no other choice."
Beast Boy seemed angry at this. "Of course not. Heaven forbid you should actually ask one of us to help you! No, you've go to play the part of the martyr, and avoid all help! God, Raven, d'you know that I spent half an hour reassuring the manager that there wasn't an earthquake, and another hour apologizing to the parents of those poor kids! You could've at least hung around to help out with the mess you made!"
Though Raven's expression betrayed no emotion, her eyes seemed apologetic, weary... sad. Beast Boy must have caught this, for he began apologizing immediately.
"Listen, Rae, I'm sorry, I-"
"No." Raven cut him off sharply, her voice hollow. "You were right. I should have helped with my mess. But I'm going to fix it now." With that, she turned and disappeared into the night, Beast Boy's pleas echoing after her.
