After my…erm… disappearance off the face of the earth, I tried to write this chapter a little faster… But stupid writer's block insisted that I take at least two weeks to do it. Thank you for being patient with me!!
First, a moment of silence for my notebook, which has died for this fanfic.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. But if I'm lucky, I'll get them for Christmas.
"'Kay, Raven, open up! I know you're in there… If you don't open up, I'm coming in!"
Beast Boy stood back, frowning at the empath's bedroom door. Right after he heard that she could be back, he'd rushed up to her room; she had to be here, and he was determined to find her.
This scene seemed oddly familiar… Then it hit him. The last time this had happened had been the night Raven left. He couldn't have that happen again; he couldn't deal with it a second time. He needed her to be behind that door.
"Fine, I'm coming in!" he called one last time, hope dwindling and tension rising. "One… Two… Three!"
He slid the door open with a bang, looking around the dark room expectantly. At the sight before him, he drew back, blinking in surprise.
There was no one there.
"No…" he murmured in disbelief, stepping into the room. "She's not here…"
The room looked exactly as Raven had left it; dark, neat, everything in its place. Statues leered down at him, dark books aligned the shelves, and the meditation mirror beckoned to him, reminding him of his horrid adventure in her mind a year ago. Slowly, he walked about the room, examining everything, as if looking for something; gradually, his speed quickened, and he dashed wildly around the room like a panicked beast in a cage, pulling out drawers and tossing about things as he went. "No! She has to be here!"
He slowed down, his breathing rapid, and sunk down at the foot of her bed. How could she not be here? She had to be here!
Calmer now, his eyes traveled about the room; before the whirlwind of his presence, it had looked virtually undisturbed.
Had she been here at all?
He stared at the floor in disbelief, picking at the carpet idly. She wasn't there… She had to be there… But she wasn't…
He was chasing a ghost. She wasn't there, never had been. The others were wrong. She hadn't come back…
His last fragment of hope dissolved, part of him going with it. Raven's room suddenly seemed strange, uncomfortable… He needed to get out. He couldn't stand being in here anymore. He scrabbled to his feet, hurrying out of the haunted room.
One hand on the door, he looked back into the dark chamber; despite the mess, it looked the same as always, but completely different. He opened his mouth to say goodbye, but stopped, knowing that there was no one there to say goodbye to.
With a quiet click, the door slid closed, throwing the haunted room into complete darkness, and soft, slow footsteps could be heard fading down the hall.
Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg all looked up as Beast Boy entered the room.
"Any luck?"
"Yes, did you have any success in the searching of Raven's room for Raven?"
The changeling didn't say anything, but the others understood him as clearly as if he'd yelled it. They glanced at each other, disappointment evident in their faces.
"We - We were sure…"
"Why is she not there?"
"Yeah, we thought for sure she'd be-"
"Yeah, well, you thought wrong!" Beast Boy suddenly snapped angrily. "You were all wrong! She wasn't here, and never has been!" He slowed down a little, and no longer seemed angry, just weary. "I was positive she'd be there. I can't – I don't want… She can't leave again…" He leaned against the wall, head down, hand on his forehead. "Why wasn't she there?"
Cyborg carefully walked up to him, TV guide in hand. "Hey, man, it'll be okay. I know what'll cheer you up… An 'Attack of the Zombies' marathon!" He held up the TV guide with a grin. "One through eight is on tonight!"
Beast Boy managed a weak grin. "Sure, dude. Sounds cool."
Somehow, Beast Boy decided, the 'Attack of the Zombies' series seemed to have lost something. The zombies weren't as cool, the screams not as loud, the people not as scared, the scenes not as gory. It was almost as if Raven telling him how dumb it was made it that much cooler.
Cyborg seemed to be enjoying it as much as ever, though. The changeling glanced over at him; the half-human was leaned forward, eyes glued to the screen, mindlessly finishing up his second bowl of popcorn.
"Yo, BB… Would you mind making some more popcorn?"
"Sure thing, dude." The changeling stood slowly, prying the empty bowl from Cyborg's hand. He meandered over to the kitchen, glad of something to do; 'Attack of the Zombies' just wasn't as captivating as it once had been.
He glanced up at the clock as he sat on the counter, waiting for the popcorn to pop. It was 2:15 in the morning. Beast Boy yawned, as if on cue.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of what looked like the corner of a cape or cloak go down the hall. "Hey, Rob?" he called out, wondering why the Boy Wonder would be up at this time of night.
There was no answer. The changeling slid off the counter, stepping towards the hallway cautiously. "Hello? That you, Robin? …Who's there?"
The silence of the hallway was interrupted suddenly by the sound of footsteps. Beast Boy's eyes widened as something in his mind clicked, and he took off running.
He could see someone running up ahead, cloak billowing out behind them. He sped up; it was too dark to see exactly who it was, but he figured he had a good idea.
"Hey, you… Stop!"
The figure sped up; it looked as if they had their hands over their ears. In that moment, Beast Boy knew exactly who it was. It was no ghost; she was real, and still in the Tower.
"Raven!"
She slowed for a moment, as if caught off guard by the name, then sped up again, hands pressed tighter over her ears. The changeling, determined, reached forward with his good hand, grabbing hold of a corner of her cloak. She jerked to a stop, then turned, hood drawn, face hidden, and started pulling at her cloak, trying desperately to free herself from Beast Boy's grasp. He held on tighter, determined not to let her go again.
"Raven, please, stop!"
He could see that the empath didn't want to hurt him, but she certainly wasn't going to come easily. He clutched her cloak tighter with his one good hand, refusing to let her escape.
"Why won't you stay? Why do you have to leave, why do you always have to play the martyr? Why can't you let someone else do that for a change?"
The empath stopped struggling, staring at him in disbelief from under her hood. Then, for the first time in over a month, the changeling heard her voice -–her tired, angry voice, raspy with disuse, but her voice all the same.
"God, Beast Boy, you're dense. You get hurt, and you still don't understand! I'm not safe to be around anymore! I can't risk anyone else getting hurt!"
"Then why'd you come back?" Beast Boy asked softly, somewhat lessening his grip on her cloak; the empath, however, didn't do anything; she seemed at a loss for words.
"I… I had to…"
The changeling took advantage of the pause. "You wanted to come back! Face it, Rae, you don't want to leave, you want to be here, with us! And we want to help you! Please, won't you give us a chance?"
Raven pulled her cloak back from him, but made no move to leave. She stood there in silence, thinking, as if trying to find a good reason to leave again. Beast Boy used this opportunity to move closer to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"We're your friends, Raven. Please, trust us." His hand moved up to her face, gently pulling her hood down. Her deep violet eyes searched his face, and he smiled comfortingly at her; those eyes were so full of exhaustion, sadness, and burden.
"We can help you. Everything's going to be okay."
It was… different, being home again. Of course, as soon as Raven had agreed to stay, Beast Boy had gone around the Tower, waking everyone up by announcing her homecoming at the top of his lungs. Starfire, like the changeling, had been absolutely ecstatic at the news of her arrival, and had immediately prepared a celebratory batch of her homemade glorg. Of course, the empath had politely refused, claiming to have just eaten; though, in truth, she'd been starving at the time.
Now, she was alone; the other Titans had finally relented and given her her space, leaving her to her brooding thoughts. It was still early morning; just after 5:00. The sun hadn't yet risen, but its arrival was preceded by the faint lightening of the sky in the east, gradually turning pinkish-purple as time wore on.
And now, standing in front of the window, watching the sun show off his brilliant colours, she couldn't believe that she was back. She'd never thought that she would ever come home again, let alone after only a month. She frowned; only a month. It had felt like an eternity – a cold, wet, hungry, exhausting eternity that she never wanted to experience again.
But, although she felt unimaginably glad to be back, she couldn't help but wonder why the Titans had taken her back, without so much as a question as to what she'd been up to. She couldn't believe it; she disappeared just like that, and then suddenly showed up in their house a month later, and they took her in, acting as if nothing had changed.
'Well,' said a tiny voice in the back of her mind, 'Maybe nothing has changed. Maybe it's just you.' Raven shook her head, still in disbelief. She wasn't even supposed to be here. What had made her stay?
Beast Boy's voice echoed in her head. "We're your friends, Rae. Please trust us." She winced, even at the mere thought of it. She did trust them… With her life. But she wasn't so sure she could trust herself with theirs.
She sighed, looking up once more at the fresh sunrise. She hadn't had any dreams for a while, even since being in the Tower… Maybe it would all be okay. Maybe she was worrying about nothing. Deciding to test this theory, she headed off for her room, exhausted.
Raven woke with a gasp, her breathing shallow, her heart pounding heavily in her chest. They had started again…
She had been running again… The world ahead of her was dark, and behind her was light, but she kept running to the dark. A deep male voice had called out… What had it said? …"You can't run forever, Raven!" She had known it was true, but she kept running anyway… And then she'd woken up. The empath sighed wearily; she was back at the beginning, back to a blind, faceless fear.
A quick scan of the room told her that, at least, nothing had exploded. Thank heavens for small mercies. Raven slid out of her bed, pulling her cloak on as she went, and headed out of her room.
Down in the kitchen, she poured herself a cup of much-missed herbal tea, glancing up at the clock. It was nearly noon; the empath glanced around the large room, wondering vaguely where the rest of the team had gotten to.
Tea in hand and thoughts in mind, Raven sat down, gazing out the window at the clear blue water. The weather had finally cleared up; it seemed like ages since the sun had last shone.
"Hey, Rae, whatcha up to?" Beast Boy bounded into the room, dropping onto the couch next to her. Raven watched him in annoyance; the boy didn't seem to have touched the ground since she got home.
"Nothing. Where are the others?"
"Cy's working on the T-car… And Robin's taking Starfire out to lunch again." He grinned. "It's so obvious they like each other… We're just waiting for them to admit it and go out."
Raven couldn't help but agree. Even before she left, it was obvious.
"So… Where ya been?" Beast Boy asked out of the blue.
Raven looked at him with a frown and a raised eyebrow. She knew what he was asking, but wanted to avoid the whole topic. "Sleeping," she replied, hoping that the conversation would end there, before it got any further.
No such luck. "No… I mean, when you were gone. Where'd you go?" The changeling looked at her, curiosity etched in his face.
The empath stared at the floor. She knew the question would pop up eventually. "Around the city."
Beast Boy nodded, and opened his mouth to ask another question, but closed it again, studying her face. "What's wrong?"
Raven looked up at him sharply. "Nothing," she replied quickly, her voice icy.
Beast Boy raised an eyebrow. "Something's obviously wrong, Rae. No one runs away from home for a month for nothing."
Raven scowled. "My problems are none of your business."
Beast Boy stared at her incredulously. "You said you'd let us help you. How can I if I don't know what's wrong?"
Raven stood up, tea sloshing about wildly in her mug. "I said I'd stay. I didn't say I'd let anyone help me. Besides, there's nothing to help with." With that, she turned and left.
Raven sighed as she watched the windswept clouds rush across the dark star-studded background, occasionally passing across the white sliver moon, and listened to the howl of the wind as it gently shook the Tower. She'd been in her room since her 'conversation' with Beast Boy, meditating and cooling off. For the last hour or so, though, she'd merely stared out the window, unable to concentrate on anything.
A yawn pushed its way up her throat and burst through her lips. Her violet eyes moved slowly to her bed, as if it itself was a thing of evil. And at the moment, it was; it represented everything that she detested; the fear of her dreams, and the constant allure of a good night's sleep. Something, though, bent her will, and she found herself under the covers, cloak on a hanger, and candles blown out.
In bed, blankets pulled up, she stared at the ceiling, willing her nightmares to stay away. She didn't want to have to deal with the aftermath, especially after trying to convince Beast Boy that everything was okay. She hated to admit that something was wrong with her… If only the nightmares would leave…
Slowly, her eyelids dropped, and Raven drifted gently off to sleep.
Running, running, always running… And now it was raining, too… Screams, cries, surrounded her… Something was chasing her, it was catching up… That voice called to her again… "Wait, Raven!"… It sounded familiar… Slowly, she looked back over her shoulder at her pursuer…
With a startled gasp, Raven sat upright in bed, heart thudding heavily and cold sweat beads adorning her pale forehead. Her room looked like a war zone; vases and statues were smashed, books were scattered across the floor, and her sheets were draped across several shelves. Oddly enough, the mess didn't register in her mind; she went about the room mindlessly, gathering everything up. She knew who it was… She knew, finally, what was scaring her…
She stopped at the window, staring out at the turbulent waters. She finally knew. After over a month, she finally knew what was scaring her. But…
Why would she be afraid of Beast Boy?
