Chapter nineteen up today. I'm not sure how much longer this fanfic will be at this point but the epic climax is near! Ok that was a bit much but you get the point right? And now to answer reviews. YuniX-2: oh Kagome realises all that ;). Agent-doo: I can't really answer any of those, as it would spoil the ending. Krazie-edge: you will have to wait and see. Thank you to everyone that reviewed. On with the story!

Kagome had a satisfied smirk on her face as she and Kagura walked back into the room Nraku was usually in, this time was no exception. "I take it you succeeded?" asked Naraku. In response Kagome tossed the bottle of shards to him. "I think you have proved yourself for the time being, go get some rest".

"Very well" said Kagome before turning and leaving again.

Kagura fell into step next to Kagome again when she reached the end of the hall. "So you just handed them over I take it?" asked Kagura.

"For the most part" said Kagome holding up one of the shards that had been in the bottle.

Kagura raised an eyebrow. "Why are you holding onto one of them?" she asked. Though Kagura had to admit she was glad Kagome hadn't handed over all of the shards.

Kagome thought about how to respond for a few seconds before finally settling on saying, "call it, an insurance policy".

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Inu-Yasha said nothing as the group buried the villagers. They had done this so often and it never got easier. In fact this time it was worse because Kagome had killed so many of them. Inu-Yasha shuddered as he remembered the expression on Kagome's face when she had killed that man. There had been no true emotion in her eyes. Just a twisted sense of pleasure as she killed him. And that man had had a relatively painless death. Some of the bodies had teeth marks on them.

The man who they had met on the road had returned a little earlier but had soon left again heading for another village and hoping he could find a place there.

His entire family was gone he had nothing left in the world. But that begged the question of which was worse. Loosing everyone you cared about because they had died, or loosing someone because they betrayed you and became a monster?

888

Kagome tucked the jewel shard she had kept into the sleeping mat that Kohaku had brought for her before laying down. It should be safe there she thought. She lay there for a while before falling asleep.

888

Kagome's dream

Kagome opened her eyes to find Kenda standing right in front of her. "What do you want now?" she snarled.

"What I always want," he said "merely to talk. It's all I really can do after all".

"Whatever" grumbled Kagome. She looked around her and noticed she was once again in the place that represented her essence. Most of it was twisted and corrupted now and the sky burned a poisonous red colour. But she also noticed the parts that were covered in barriers, barriers that, no matter how hard she tried, she could not see through.

"So you have noticed them" said Kenda, "good".

"What are they?" demanded Kagome.

"You don't recognise them?" said Kenda, "shame. You erected them after all".

"What do you mean?" asked Kagome.

"Within those barriers are the remnants of who you were" explained Kenda, "you have fled from them for fear that they will make you weak".

"So my old self is trapped in there?" said kagome, "good. It would seem my double was right. I was not her".

"What are you talking about?" said Kenda, "your 'double' as you called her never really existed. Except for me of course it has always only been you and no one else inhabiting your body".

"What are you talking about?" snapped Kagome rounding on Kenda.

"Until the incident with this" said Kenda waving his hand at the crystal pillar that represented the corrupted energy Kagome had absorbed, "you had no idea of your demon ancestory. Yet for all you might think it was there all along and was released by this. By me if you want to be more specific. But though I am the cause of the transformation I did not lead you to become what you are now".

"What are you babbling about" said Kagome, "I was there. I spoke to my other self. She exists, she is what I am now".

"True" said Kenda, "but you are missing the point. Though she is a part of you she never was a separate part. She was a part of you you kept locked up for your whole life, not acknowledging its existence. I now see that the corruption in the shard broke down the safeguards you had built subconsciously to suppress that side of yourself. And when they did break down you compensated by making yourself think there was another you in existence. Your double was no more then an attempt to separate a part of yourself that never was separate to begin with".

"So you're saying I couldn't accept her?" said Kagome, "well I have now. And now I am complete".

"No you are not," said Kenda, "you are simply ignoring a different part of yourself now. That is the mistake you have made. These barriers" Kanda indicated the barriers, "are the proof of that".

"There were no barriers before to contain what I am now" said Kagome, "why is there barriers to contain what I was before?"

"Bacause it was buried before" explained Kenda, "now you have become what was buried and what you were is barely contained".

"What" said Kagome chuckling to herself a bit, "so now I talk to my old self in my dreams instead of what I am now?"

Kenda shook his head and said "no. You spoke to what you are now because you refused to acknowledge its existence. That is not the case with what you were".

"So she does not exist anymore," said Kagome.

"Oh yes she does" said Kenda, "and she is closer then you think. Straining to break free. You became this because you refused to acknowledge its existence. And you may become her again if you underestimate her".

"You aren't making any sense" snapped Kagome clutching at her head. It had begun to throb.

"Of course not" said Kenda, "this whole situation is insane. You don't even know who you are anymore Kagome. But more then that you have no idea what you have and still are turning into".

"Shut up" screamed Kagome "I know exactly what I am. I am a demon now, it is what I am".

"Oh?" said Kenda, "and besides the enhanced abilities and new mind and personality do you have the powers of a demon yet?"

that stopped Kagome cold. True she was a demon now but what power did she really have.

"Oh don't worry. What I said about your transformation being far from over still applies. Most of it is over though, and now the hard part is about to begin".

"What do you mean?" asked Kagome. The ache that had begun in her head had begun to spread throughout her body now and it was slowly getting worse.

"In the end one of three things will happen" said Kenda, "the strain may become to much until the powers that grow inside you and the powers you already had will build up so much that it will litterally tear you apart. If of course you can handle it however because there is no turning back your demon side will totally eliminate everything you were before".

"I think I like that oucome the best" said Kagome.

"Oh?" said Kenda raising an eyebrow, "believe me it is worse then the first option. Should that happen your memories would leave you along with your sanity. You would permanently become like your friend Inu-Yasha when he looses the tessaiga. You will become a million time worse then you are now. You will kill and kill and kill until your soul is gone. And you will continue killing for a long time after even that happens until in your endless rage you destroy yourself".

"And the third option?" asked Kagome. The pain was almost unbearable now. It was like something was shreadding her from the inside out.

"you learn and adapt. Only then will you be able to make the true choice of who you really are".

"This is what I really am" snarled Kagome, her eyes flashing red.

"Possibly" said Kenda, "if that is what you choose to be".

"This is what I am meant to be" screamed Kagome as the dream started to fade.

"Nobody is meant to be anything" said Kenda, "you are like this now because you don't know what else to do. The truth is we are what we make ourselves, and nothing else. It is only when we cannot accept something that is a part of us that we become something we may or may not be".

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The real world

Kagome shot up out of a dead sleep. "He's wrong" she snarled to herself, "This is what I an now. If my transformation isn't complete it will be soon". A tremendous wave of pain swept over Kagome at that point and she fell to the floor screaming. Her claws dug into the floorboards, which began to smoke and dissolve, when her claws began to glow dully. When the pain finally subsided Kagome lay on the ground staring at her hands. Experimentally she tried to duplicate what she had just done and grinned wickedly when her claws glowed again. "This could come in handy," she said.

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Sesshoumaru looked down from where he was reading one of Kenda's journals to see tensaiga pulse. "What now?" he said closing the book and taking up the sword. "I see" he said, "this is what you have been waiting for?" The sword pulsed again and Sesshoumaru nodded. "So that is why the old man said you were merely a guide this time. It is ultimately her decision". Sesshoumaru went to find his companions. No matter how fascinating this Kenda was he had all he needed now.

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"Well were going to head off and search for Kagome on our own" said Kouga.

"Why?" asked Miroku, "your welcome to stay with us".

"I can cover more ground on my own" said Kouga, "besides I'm getting sick of dog breath over there".

"Go easy on him Kouga" said Ginta looking over at Inu-Yasha, "he's been through enough".

Kouga snorted but didn't disagree. Though he would never admit it he actually felt sorry for Inu-Yasha. God knows hearing about what Kagome had done tore him apart inside. Kouga had no idea how much worse it could be actually seeing it. "Either way were leaving," he said eventually.

Everyone but Inu-Yasha waved as Kouga and his companions left especially Shippo. He was starting to enjoy hanging out with Ginta and Hakkaku.

"Don't worry Inu-Yasha," said Sango when the group started moving again, "we'll find Kagome".

Inu-Yasha just stayed silent, but on the inside his mind kept running through his encounter with Kagome again and again. He had no doubt that he would see her again and that, when he did, it would be much worse then last time.

Author's notes

Well chapter twenty will be up by tomorrow. Not anything else to say except that I hope I keep getting reviews. Ciao!