Well, dear readers…………..I am BACK! AGAIN! Please enjoy this offering from the brain of Not Your Average. Lent is over and, as promised, here is a chapter for your perusing (and hopefully reviewing, hint hint), pleasure. I have just let my muse out of its cage and it's gotten very fat and lazy from a period of such inactivity, so please bear with me if this chapter is a little slow. Hopefully it will get better. Anyway. Just read it, ok? And tell me what you think. Help me improve!
Disclaimer: Once upon a time someone wrote some books about the Discworld and copyrighted them, the bastard. And it wasn't me. Get the picture?
Basically, in case you can't remember what happened, Sybil (who is no longer married to Vimes), is pregnant. I'll shut up now.
Chapter Two- The Geranium Inauguration .
'Pre…preg….pregnant?' said Vimes, his words as detached as his brain. His inner policeman, realising that the rest of him was temporarily out of action, kicked in.
'What? How? Why?' Another thought occurred to him. 'Who!' Sybil blushed expansively.
'The same way as other people. Because I have always wanted one. And for heaven's sake don't look so worried, it's not yours.' Her comment floored him. Of course it wasn't his. When was the last time they had…? His brain shied away from the thought. Well. He should have expected something like this. After all, he was seeing other men, why shouldn't Sybil? There's some irony for you, said a small voice that only surfaced halfway down a bottle, or late at night. The rest of his brain sat on it, but it continued muttering vindictively; What did you expect? Her to sit around waiting for your visits, looking at your picture, crying into her veil? Hah! You stupid, jumped up copper. You were never good enough for her anyway.
'Are you all right, Sam?' Sybil's voice was anxious, caring, and he cursed himself.
'Of course I am. Congratulations, Sybil. I know its what you have always wanted.'
'Thank you, Sam.' The unspoken sentence hung in the air between them. And it's something that you never wanted. Vimes stared into his teacup, waiting for her to tell him who the father of her child was.
A young man with a shock of dark hair over his eyes appeared in the garden from some concealed entrance, whistling cheerfully and ambling along with his thumbs hooked into the pockets of his expensive looking waistcoat. He spotted Sybil and Vimes and strode over to them, depositing a kiss on Sybil's cheek and looking curiously at Vimes.
'Max!' Sybil beamed, metamorphosing instantly from awkward to welcoming, 'did you have a good walk?' But the young man kept his eyes on Vimes, who in turn was gazing at him with a horrified, glazed look on his face. Sybil could practically see his mind jumping from standing start to a conclusion.
'Sam, this is Maximilian, my nephew. Judith's child, you know.' If anything, this seemed to make the situation worse. Vimes' eyes bulged out and he seemed incapable of normal speech.
'Whee?' he managed, while Sybil rolled her eyes and gestured to a hitherto unnoticed, older gentleman who was walking towards his part in the perverted family tableau.
'And you know Lord Downey.' The head of the Guild of Assassins smiled charmingly and laid a hand on Sybil's shoulder.
'Commander' he said, 'how nice to see you. Has Sybil told you our happy news?'
It was horrible. Horrible. Vimes' brain scuttled around like a spider, looking for a way out of the situation.
'But Sybil,' he burst out suddenly, 'he's an Assassin!' Lord Downey's grin widened. Bastard. Bastard, thought Vimes, for once all parts of his brain in agreement.
'Why, yes I am' said Downey, seemingly exhibiting a Vetinari-like ability to read minds, and purposefully accentuating the aristocratic tone of his voice, 'How clever of you to notice. But then again, I believe your…boyfriend is also an artist of the noble craft. I trained with him myself, in fact. Very good at stealth work. Do give him my regards, won't you? And of course, you are both invited to the wedding.'
-oOo-
In the streets of Quirm a heavy, dusky scent infused the twilight. A profusion of geraniums, blood-red, poured their scent into the well-paved street outside a white-stuccoed mansion. This was a house very different to the crumbling Ramkin estate. The white walls were immaculate; no speck of dirt marred the perfectly smooth pink marble walkway. The door was painted a shining black, the doorknocker was polished, the mat swept. The house oozed money and status. And blood.
Under the door a sticky rivulet trickled. It built up behind the lip of the doorstep and bubbled over, darkly staining the pale mat in the fading light. The door opened and a figure stepped out, the face indiscernible from a black hood. It carried a dagger which it used to carefully scratch something on the door, splintering the paintwork, and then thrust it into the earth surrounding the flowers in the window box. A few petals fell as the figure walked away, the sharp tang of blood mingling with the floral scent in the air.
-oOo-
Drumknott slipped silently into the Oblong office and deposited a file on his lordship's desk. Lord Vetinari was gazing out of the window again, the sun full on his pale face, his eyes dazzled as he thought of who knew what. Drumknott itched to go to him, to lay a hand on his arm, his cheek, to draw his eyes onto his face and away from the beacon of Pseudopolis yard, a site half a city away and towards which Vetinari gazed if not daily then at least enough to be worried about.
Drumknott worried a lot. About city budgets, about what would happen if lord Vetinari died, about falling in love, about disappointing his formidable mother, who had taken to asking him pointedly when he would be bringing his girlfriend home to meet her. But mostly he worried about Vetinari gazing out of that window towards Vimes. Who wasn't even there, for goodness' sake. He watched his own hand, unbidden, knock a heavy paperweight off the desk. It crashed to the floor and chipped the smooth stone.
'Really, Drumknott, there are other ways to get my attention.' Vetinari turned round with an arch of his eyebrow that would have turned Fred Colon to jelly. 'Oh, dear. And that was a gift from the Selachii's. A good job it was so hideous, throw it away. Where shall we dine tonight?'
'I thought Rosetti's, Havelo-' Lord Vetinari raised a finger-'your Lordship.'
'Yes, I do like their breadsticks. I shall meet you there at eight.' He looked around again, at Drumknott standing there, clutching the paperweight. 'Do not let me detain you.'
Turns you on and off, that's what Vimes had said about Vetinari. And he was right. A press of a button and Drumknott was on, an assistant, efficient and impersonal. Off, he had to go home to his bare apartment for three hours until Vetinari beckoned again, back into action, this time as a lover. A routine so predictable that it was boring, and Drumknott lived in fear of becoming that. They blended well, the two of them. Too well. Their working rapport had flowed seamlessly into a relationship, so that no one noticed the difference and, apart from some things (Drumknott blushed), well, he would hardly have noticed either. He would have given a great deal to know the thoughts behind those ice cold eyes. Did Vetinari care for him at all? Or was he just a replacement, second best to someone Vetinari could never have. He would have been comforted to know that the patrician did care, a great deal, a fact that had not been lost onsomeone who even now journeyed towards the great sprawling city-state of Ankh-Morpork.
-oOo-
To previous reviewers-
Enelya my dear, rejoice, for I have both reviewed and posted in one day. And if you actually pick up your messages you will find an Easter message from me too! Review now or I shall bar my door to you.
Nicki- hopefully you will still be jumping having read this. Although maybe not….its quite dark, really, this chappie. Hmm. Depressed myself. More funniness in the next one, I promise. I'm glad you're happy but how come you never reviewed Vainglorious?
Sunny-Historian- well, I have carried on……..
H-Rose- hello, new reviewer! I remembered the night watch thing after my post, dammit. But come on, one incident of naked Vimes in like, 5 books? Not enough!
Lavondyss- yes, I felt it needed something too. Like a big fat explanation of what happened between Vimes and Sybil. And it is coming…
Erin- thank you for your lovely long review. And as you can see, I am starting to explain why dear old Vimesy and Sybil broke up. Hehe…sorry, I was just giggling at how I imagine his face to look when he finds out that Sybil is marrying Downey. Anyway, don't worry, I am hauling Vetinari in to have a little talk about his emotions. He kinda got away from me there at the end of Vainglorious, with the kissing and the crying and the 'Always!' but he is hopefully more in character here. I like Ahmed too. Oh, his sexy charm (in my head, he's about 6 foot and not at all scarred, or bearded. But that's just my head.)
Love to you all…..NYA.
