Fallen: The Song Fics

Yes, I'm going to have an insane rambling of guilt before every updated chapter. Okay? I'M SO SORRY I LEFT YOU DEAREST SONG-FIC! In case any of you haven't noticed, I like song fics. Oodles of bunches. This is like my seventh song-fic. SO BE HAPPY FOR ME, YAH? And, uh, by the way… Vday2, I swear I had the next chapter, but it was one I'd already posted. Through the Compact Disc is on a computer w/o internet or floppy discs, stupid idiotic me, as is Explanations. So all I've got for now is this.

Okay, so, if you haven't heard THIS song, then shame on you! This one is "My Immortal", numbers 4 and 12 on the CD. (Number 12 is the version with guitars, drums, and the annoying beeping sound that makes you think your cell phone is ringing the first thrity times you hear it.) And if anyone has any ideas for ANY Evanescence song - not just from Fallen - that could maybe work away from Helga, I'd appreciate it. So far I've got "Solitude" on the list, thanks Bling W/O the Shine.

Disclaimer: "My Immortal" and any other songs on Fallen are the sole property of Evanescence and Wind-Up Entertainment, Inc. Hey, Arnold belongs to Craig Bartlett, Nickelodeon, and Viacom, and any other people I've forgotten.

"My Immortal"

"Badly" wasn't a strong enough word to express her want, her need. Dreadfully, severely, and critical were much better definitions. But could she? No. No, she couldn't, she didn't want to, and now she was going to lose her chance forever. Maybe not forever, who was she to guess on fate, but she knew it would be just too long.

"You're MOVING?" Sid had exclaimed earlier that day.

Arnold shrugged sadly. "In about one or two weeks. My parents were found by a group of archaeologists and were brought back to America. They're living in southern California, and I'm going to live with them. Trust me, I asked them so badly for them to move into the boarding house, but they had already bought the house and everything before I knew. I'm going to live with them, it's what I've wanted all my life!"

Helga had skipped school for the rest of the day. She hid out in the playground, and if anyone came outside she hid behind the dumpsters. Thinking without Mr. Simmons's dramatic lectures during lessons was much easier.

She fingered the golden locket she always kept hidden under her shirt, looking at it, but almost looking through it. She was seeing him well enough in her head. She had to tell him, she just had to now that he was going away forever. He'd promised to visit during vacations and write everyone. She was pretty sure she wasn't going to be included in that, and even if he would, would she reply?

It was all so stupid. Why couldn't she just come out and say that she loved him, huh? It wasn't like it would shock her too much if he didn't like her back. The real surprise would be if he actually did! Of course, she was scared to death of spilling her guts out. It made sense in her head if he wouldn't return the feelings, but her heart wanted it so badly that any rejection would rip it out. It was all so very stupid, and she was sick to her bones of being scared. Her classmates always, at one point or another, told their crushes they liked them. But did she? No. She kicked the fence, the other wall that hid her besides the dumpster, in frustration.

Arnold was moving away. Probably far away, but it didn't matter where. He was going to be gone for a long time, if not forever. If you looked at it, though, he didn't exactly have a choice. The family he'd never known, that he'd thought had gone forever, or this dumb place. He had to leave, and Helga knew that even if she did make a confession, that wouldn't change a thing. "The best thing for the both of us," Helga whispered, "would be for him to get it over with and leave." She banged her head against the dumpster and sighed. No matter how much she didn't like it, it was true.

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

When he left, she knew everyone would still talk about him constantly, and she would never really stop thinking about her love. It would be like he'd never left, save his body. Everyone would still talk to him via letters, phone calls, email, and everyone would still ask him for advice, and everyone would still think twice about what the saint Arnold would do. None of that was important to her, though. That's what everyone else would do. Gerald would find a new best friend, eventually. Helga, on the other hand, would never find a new love. In her mind, he'd never really leave. And in time, she knew it would drive her mad, but it was all she could have now that he was going.

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

She wiped the moisture that had started to gather in her eyes away and stood up, tucking away her locket. In a few minutes the final bell would ring and she could be seen without getting into too much trouble. As if she cared. Five minutes later the bell rang and she ran up to the door and entered the school. She passed through the lockers quickly, spotting Arnold and Gerald at their partnering lockers. She caught a bit of the conversation.

"… stay at the boarding house?"

"Yeah, but just for a little bit, then we're all moving to California."

"Man, Arnold, I'm gonna miss you."

"I bet some people won't, though."

She hurried past them, having to yell, "Move aside, out of my way," to a number of people. As if that was out of the ordinary for her. She couldn't take it anymore. She hadn't shed a tear since she found out about it, even though she'd wanted to ever since. She cut her way through the halls and made it to the girl's restroom at the end of the hall. People rarely used it to her knowledge.

It was horrible, the way she was feeling. He was as good as gone to her, and she wanted him back. Even if she never told him how she felt, she needed him to stay in Hillwood. She probably never would tell him, anyway. How could she after how she'd fractured their relationship so much? If he moved, it would eat her up inside. The image of time healing itself made her sick. The longer he was gone wouldn't help at all. She wouldn't be able to stand life without him. It was a reoccurring nightmare. Days without his face, without his corny looking hair, without his goody-two-shoe advice…

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

She slumped against a wall and stared into empty space for a while. All of the things she'd been mulling over for the past few days rose in her mind, about to explode. So many questions she asked herself. How would he remember her? What could she do to change the lost opportunities? Would he remember the constant mockery, or would reminiscences of their better moments live on? Oh, they were there. Helga knew fully well. Uncharacteristically she could come out and sooth Arnold in some of his worst experiences. And somehow she knew that if it weren't for her, Arnold would probably have been beaten to a pulp a number of times…. Hey, she only ever threatened! Somehow, in the solitude of the room and with these light comforting thoughts, she cracked a smile. Maybe, if she were nice enough, he would at least remember her better.

That still didn't change the fact that he would still remember the bad times. But what could she do? She'd been okay, and that was what she would focus on. Okay.

And through all of the good things she'd occasionally done for him, he still wasn't affected as much as her. She was in love with him, and he was… not.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

"Go long!" shouted Gerald, aiming the football for the distant Sid and Eugene.

Eugene flailed his arms out in the most un-athletic manner and cried, "I've got it! Throw it here! I've got it!" Gerald shot his arm forward and the football soared toward the pair. Eugene jumped to get it, but Sid easily reached ahead and caught it in his arms. Eugene frowned for a second, kicked the dirt, but was then as excited as ever.

From the stands of the Hillwood Middle football field, a group of seventh graders sat watching the stragglers of the game mess around with their friends. Among them were Helga, Phoebe, Sheena, and Nadine, along with some newer friends. Helga, Phoebe, and a girl named Morgan were off to the side, playing a card game and every now and then watching what was left of the team.

"Mustard," said Helga, grinning evilly.

Morgan blinked, confused. "What does that mean?"

"It means she played a different card than she said," Phoebe said, glaring at Helga. "I knew I should've called B.S."

Helga chuckled. "Tough luck, pal. Your turn." Helga watched over her hand as Morgan played what were supposedly two nines. Too bad she knew three nines had already been played. She was about to call it when she heard a cry from the field. She looked up and all of the boys had gathered around in the circle. Gerald seemed excited about something. She shrugged and went on with the game.

"B.S." she said. Morgan's face fell and she pulled the large stack of cards to her.

Phoebe was still looking out at the field with the familiar curious expression. Helga snapped in her face, saying, "Phoebe, your turn. Tens." She continued staring though, and cocked her head to the side. "I wonder what that's about," Phoebe mused.

"Don't know, don't care, just play."

Phoebe turned back to her hand and placed a card on the bleacher. The game continued. Finally, she said, "Helga, you know what today is, don't you?"

"Yeah. Tuesday the ninth. Why?"

Phoebe shook her head. "No, not that. What happened three years ago?"

Helga searched her mind but came up empty. "I don't know," she replied. She turned around and cried out, "Hey Mark! Come here!"

A boy looked up from his group and ran over to Helga. He sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "What's up?" he said.

"Helga!" Phoebe said. Helga looked up, almost surprised at her sharp tone of voice. "You really don't remember what happened three years ago?" Helga shook her head. "Wow." Phoebe stared, stricken at the spot. "How could you possibly forget such an occasion? Last year it was all you would talk about."

Helga rolled her eyes. "Look, Phoebe, could you just tell me what today is?"

Phoebe smiled. "It's the anniversary of Arnold's move."

"Who?" asked Mark, still holding Helga. Helga didn't hear, though. Unconsciously her mouth dropped. Phoebe was right, how could she forget? After all of these years… well, technically, three years wasn't a lot, but for her dragged on ages. The thought of Arnold used to bring a kind of bittersweet joy in her heart. Now, it was a sour idea. She still longed for Arnold, even in the arms of Mark. But it was all she could stand to not scream how much she missed him, how much she rued the day he left, for it caused her so much grief. To be stuck in the hollow places he used to be, and carry the memories without any relief.

She sunk back into Mark's arm and simply said, "Oh. Well that's interesting."

You used to captivate me by your resonating mind

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

That night she lay awake in the darkness of her room. A couple of minutes after the awful revelation, Gerald had run up the stands to announce the thing she had waited three years to happen. The voices still rang in her head. Gerald pounding up the bleachers, waving his arms around. Panting, he said, "Guess what! Arnold is coming back!" Half of the people on the bleachers didn't know who he was, but the others all squealed. When? Oh, he told us when. "Two weeks! He's coming to stay! They found a house here."

Now she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was his face. Every blink and a fresh memory unearthed itself. Helga groaned in frustration and kicked the covers off of her. She slept in her clothes. So, to get rid of her frustration quietly without awaking anyone, was to rip her clothes off angrily.

She fell to the floor half nude and started to shake with repressed sobs. How could he do this to her? It was driving her up a wall! What was she going to do when he came back? What would she say? What would she do about Mark? She pulled her hair and fought down the urge to scream as loud as she possibly could.

It took a few minutes for her to calm down and put her shirt and jeans back on. It was cold. She stood up, feeling full of energy yet so mentally exhausted.

This was almost worse than when he'd left.

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

One day left until he was back home.

How could this have such a completely opposite feeling on her mind than it would have three years ago? At first she wanted with all her heart to come back. Now she wished she'd just forgotten about him entirely. She was so frustrated she had to break up with Mark, who was still confused as to why.

Then, finally, the day came.

They would be arriving on a train, and Helga had decided to join the welcome wagon. Some people had huge banners up with WELCOME BACK ARNOLD written on them. She looked around and almost laughed. Arnold was even more popular than anyone had realized before.

Ten minutes until he would be here.

Helga was starting to get cold feet. She looked at her watch twice every thirty seconds now. She shouldn't be here. She didn't know what it would do to her. But if he was going to be staying forever now, shouldn't she get this over with?

Yeah, but maybe tomorrow.

She ran to the restrooms and locked herself in a stall, breathing heavily. She hit the wall angrily. "What the hell is wrong with me?" she asked herself.

It had taken her this long to get over him… and now he was back. How stupid.

She waited on the floor of the bathroom for twenty minutes until she was certain that Arnold had arrived and had already left. She opened the door of her stall slowly and walked outside. No one was there. She sighed and knelt over the fountain to get a drink to calm her frazzled nerves.

"Helga? Is that really you?"

Helga started to choke on the water. She rose coughing, hitting her chest. No way, no way, no way, not here, especially not alone, not now. She twisted around and saw Arnold… who looked very hot now.

"Are you okay?" he asked. She nodded robotically. He smiled. "Wow, I can't believe it's you. You look so different."

Helga fought down the urge to blush and sock him at the same time.

"Are you going to get pizza with us?"

"I thought you would be gone by now… I got here kind of late," said Helga.

Arnold rolled his eyes. "Well, our train was a little late. Anyway, I have to go back and help my parents with luggage." He smiled at her one last time and left.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

He didn't even know how much she'd been put through because of him. She watched him walk back to wherever his parents were. She had a curiosity to meet them, but she was sure she would when they got to the pizza place.

"No hard feelings, apparently," she whispered, sticking her hands in her pockets and walking away from the station.

Obviously, no matter where he was, if she never told him, she'd still feel alone. And she probably would never be over him, really. The kid drove her insane.

But you still have

All of me

TADA! More updates to come, guys. YAY IVE GOTTEN AN UPDATE STARTED WOOT!

BrianaLFBH