Carrie knew better than to ask more questions on the walk from the brig to the Life Station, especially since she wasn't sure that she actually wanted to hear the answers to them. She obediently followed her father through the halls, and up to the ship's sickbay. Her mother and Zak were already inside when they arrived, talking with one of the doctors.
"In there," Lee told his daughter, pointing to one of the curtained off areas. "He wanted to see you."
There were a dozen things swirling around in Carrie's head, but, "H-how bad?" was the only one that made it out of her mouth. She saw her father set his jaw – the fact that he was trying not to cry was scaring her.
"Go," was all he was finally able to choke out. And she did, turning around and carefully pulling back the curtain that surrounded her grandfather's bed. She was acutely aware of the sound of her heart pounding in her ears, and the sight of him was more than she was ready for. He had multiple IVs and an oxygen line snaked from behind his ears to under his nose in order to help him breathe. His skin was pale, and he looked exhausted. The man on the bed wasn't the one she knew.
"Ah, there you are," Adama said, his voice low and raspy, when he saw her. He reached a hand towards his granddaughter, and Carrie took it. "So you think you're a pilot now, hmm?"
"Did you see it?"
"Of course I did. You gave me an order, didn't you?" She nodded, willing her eyes not to spill. "I didn't realize it wasn't Evan until you 'waved'."
"He took it off the deck…The past few days have given me some time to think. I guess my landing proved why actually going through flight training is a good idea."
"Indeed it is...However, your father told me that I could give you these on his behalf." Reaching for the little table beside his bed, he picked up a bit of metal and handed it to her. Carrie just stared at what she was holding – Raptor wings. "Congratulations, Lieutenant. Just don't expect to get promoted from Junior Grade anytime soon."
"I won't…Dad's really going to let me fly?"
Adama nodded. "I guess you got your own wish in the process of giving me mine."
The lump in her throat was making it increasingly difficult to talk. "I'll take you with me on my first real flight, okay?" she said, voice barely more than a whisper. "You wouldn't want to miss that, would you, Grandpa?"
"You can take me with you anytime that you want," he told her, putting a hand over her heart. "I'll be right in there." She wrapped her fingers around his.
"What are we supposed to do without you?"
"Live your life. I'll still be with you."
"It won't be the same."
"Nothing ever stays the same; it's not supposed to. So I want to hear all kinds of stories when I see you again, understood?"
"Yes, Sir." A tiny smile appeared on her face. "I can fly now. I'll go away to Foreverland."
Adama smiled back, eyes closed. "Good. I'll be waiting for you."
"We are charged with the solemn duty of returning the body of one of our own to the universe, from which the Lords of Kobol brought him to us."
Carrie stood rigidly at attention as the priest led the service, her mother on her left and her father on her right. Zak was on Lee's right, and sneaking a glance at her brother told her how much he'd grown up in the past few days. His playful smile and mischievous personality had vanished. Carrie could only hope it wasn't permanent; that was the last thing her grandfather would have wanted.
The feeling of Kara taking her hand almost made her jump. Carrie's fingers squeezed her mother's partially in response, and partially to make sure that the appendage was still working. She'd never felt so numb in her life.
"Admiral William Adama had a long, good life in service of his people," the priest continued. "We honor him for that, and we lift his body up to you, Lords, so that you make take from him his burdens and give him life eternal. We also ask that you give us courage and hope so that we can make our way through the days ahead, and keep faith that we will be reunited in the better world to come. So say we all."
"So say we all."
No one had imagined how many people would come to Galactica for the service. Hangar Bay B was full to capacity, and more people had spilled out into the halls, listening to the overhead like those that were stuck on-duty. After taking a deep breath, Lee stepped forward, turning to face them all and take the sight of them in. Many of 'Galactica's children' had returned to the ship from other places in the fleet, including Hope Tyrol, who stood with her parents and brothers. So many people whose lives had been changed – saved – by one man. There'd been a time when all Lee wanted was to get away from his father's legacy. Now he just hoped that he could live up to it.
"Dismissed," he finally announced to the crowd. Some people began making their way towards the exits, while others tried to push forward in order to offer the Adamas their condolences.
"Have you eaten?" Zak quietly asked his sister as they stepped away from their parents.
"I'm not hungry."
"Why don't you come down to the mess with me, Carrie?" He started to put a hand on her shoulder, but she very quickly pulled back.
" Zak, I-I…I really don't want to do this right now. I can't."
"Where are you going?" he asked as she turned away.
"To be alone." And he let her go.
"Zak?" Hope, Evan, Boxey, and a bunch of his other friends that had grown up on Galactica were approaching him. "None of us are on shift," Livia Keikeya told him. "You want to go sit and talk for a while?"
"Yeah…Yeah, that sounds good."
Kara had watched both of her children leave. She knew they would work things out; they had each other and their friends. She was more concerned about her husband.
"You've got that look in your eye," she whispered to him.
"What look?"
"The one that says it's time to leave before that wall you've put up cracks. I know you, Lee; come on." They exchanged a few more words with other officers and officials, and then made their way out the door. Kara turned to go back to their quarters, but realized that her husband wasn't following her. "What are you doing?"
"I've got a lot of work – "
"For frak's sake, Lee, it's doesn't need to get done today!" He didn't answer. She pulled him around the corner to a less trafficked section of hallway; the last thing the crew needed was to see its top two officers having a fight in the middle of the corridor. "It's his ship, Lee," she started again, voice quieter. "No one is going to let it fall apart in a day – especially not this day." There was still nothing but silence. "You don't have to be the strong one with me." He sighed.
"I'm fine, Kara."
"You're either lying, or you're made of stone. Lee, we're all hurting, okay? Every person in the fleet. Until you let go, all you're doing is forcing yourself to be alone…Please, just grieve with the rest of us. Grieve with me." His face remained a mask, and Kara was about to turn away and let him go be a stubborn workaholic in his office. She was surprised when he suddenly pulled her into his arms, body shaking with quiet sobs. Kara held onto him to ride out the flood she'd provoked, and sent a silent prayer to the Gods that they would be given strength.
Carrie hated the dress uniform that had been found at the last minute for her; the jacket was at least two sizes too big, and she would have headed back to her bunk to get out of the thing, but didn't feel it would be respectful to do so yet. She instead started wandering aimlessly around Galactica's halls, her fingers occasionally running over the Raptor wings that were pinned to the sash or the Lieutenant's insignia on her collar. It was still beyond her comprehension why her father had made her a Lieutenant. That fact that it was Junior Grade didn't matter; she was sixteen, for frak's sake. And hadn't even finished training – hell, she hadn't actually started formal training. The tasks that were before her seemed overwhelming and all she really wanted was to curl up with her grandfather with a good book and shut out the world. But that wasn't an option, not anymore.
Almost unconsciously, her feet carried her down towards Adama's quarters, and she had to stop herself from knocking on the hatch before opening it. The room looked exactly the same as the last time she'd been there; Lee hadn't been able to bring himself to cleaning it out yet. Carrie was envious of the faces in the photographs on his desk; they were frozen in time forever, just like she now wanted to be. Dreams of growing up were forgotten – she'd give anything to go back a month in time.
As she looked around, she noticed that 'Foreverland' was sitting on the bed along with a little box. She reached for the box first, and opened it to find two sets of dog tags.
The first was older and worn, but 'William Adama' could clearly be made out. Carrie carefully fingered them for a moment before moving on. The other set was new, engraved with the name 'Caroline Payton Adama.' She hadn't been a fan of her middle name when she was younger; it had sounded like a boy's name, and Carrie had definitely been a little princess as a child. Her name would have been William if she'd been a boy, and her parents had wanted to give her something from her grandfather, just like Zak had. Kara had finally found Payton – it had the same meaning – and Carrie had learned to like it with time. She put her tags around her neck and tucked them inside the collar of her uniform jacket before picking up the book that was beside her and opening it. Her tears finally spilled when she saw the note on the inside cover:
CAROLINE –
ONLY IN THE DARKNESS DO THE STARS APPEAR. BE SAFE ON YOUR JOURNEY TO THEM. GET AS OLD AS YOU LIKE BUT TRY NOT TO GROW UP IF AT ALL POSSIBLE. GATHER STRENGTH FROM THOSE AROUND YOU AND DON'T EVER BE AFRAID TO DREAM. LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, AND YOU'LL NEVER TRULY LOSE THOSE THAT YOU LOVE.
Carrie turned to the last page that she remembered reading, curled up on the bed, and started trying to finish the book. She didn't feel quite so alone anymore.
As much as the Adama family would have liked the world to stop, it didn't. The next morning, Lee and Kara were back in the CIC, Zak was back in a Viper, and Carrie was starting Raptor flight training. Even though it was all she'd wanted for months, it took some effort to concentrate during the morning briefing – her mind was in a million places at once.
"You four have got the Vipers that are out on deck," the instructor told the four pilot-hopefuls that were in the front row of the ready room. "Burst and Carrot Top, you've got Raptor 368. Lucky and…Adama, has anybody given you a call sign?"
Carrie shook her head. "No, Sir."
"Well, you've got one now; a little suggestion I received. From now on, you're Starfox, understood?"
"Yes, Sir."
"All right. In that case, Lucky and Starfox, you've got Raptor 206. Everybody better be out on the course in fifteen minutes or I'm coming to find you, and trust me when I say that you don't want me to have to come after you. Dismissed." They all got up and headed out onto the deck. Carrie ran into her new ECO on the way.
"Lucky, huh?" she asked. "Do I want to know where that came from?"
"Do I want to know who came up with yours?" he countered.
"It's a family thing…" she finally said.
"Okay, I can handle that. You ready to go?"
"Lemme do a pre-flight first."
He frowned. "The deckhands already did it."
"If I fly it, I check it. My mom engrained that in my head early."
"All right, fine." He helped her finish the check, and they both got the Raptor set to go.
As it was moved on the lift up to the flight deck, Carrie pulled something out of a pocket in her flight suit and put it on the co-pilot's chair, since Lucky was in the back at the sensor station. It was her copy of 'Foreverland', with Adama's dog tags being used as a bookmark to designate a page with one of Carrie's favorite quotes:
TO LIVE WOULD BE AN AWFULLY BIG ADVENTURE.
Fin.
Thanks to everyone who's been reading since the very first chapter. Hope you enjoyed.
