Remus opened his eyes early that morning in spite of himself, in spite of the sleeping potion they had given him just a few hours before. They always forget to make it tronger for us lucky lycanthropes, he thought to himself. He laughed raucously. The on-duty night shift healer glared.
After all, he was supposed to be asleep.
Glance over. His roommate was placid again, under a calming spell and restraints. Remus winced, but only a little. He had given up wincing, at least for the time. It hurt his lips too much.
And his cheeks.
When he tried to recall, in Group, what had landed him here, he never could quite remember. Was it the time Harry found him, meandering through the streets, trembling and psychotic. Or was it the half-assed suicide attempt, or when he climbed into bed and couldn't get out again? Remus had forgotten, by now, even which had come first, and which last, and when. But he knew it had started with the wincing.
So he had learned to stop. After all, it hurt his lips.
And his cheeks.
Sleep would not come again, but Remus shut his eyes all the same. His hand clenched a wad of cool sheets to his right, and he turned his head into the thin pillow.
Still awake, he dreamt in florescent colors:
Headquarters. Sirius and Severus are fighting again. One could almost forget about the real war, watching them fight each other like this.
Enter Remus.
"why the hell should I care "
"You should care, Snivellus" Sirius reached out "because I am holding you by the scruff of your rat-bastard neck. Now who's the coward, Snivelly? Now who?"
"You are." Severus' voice was choked but still icy and level. "You are, because while I go out and risk my " Severus was about to say something, but thought the better of it. "risk you don't even /i know i what to spy on the Dark Lord, and while your little friends are putting their necks on the line to save your godson, you just stay by the fire in your comfortable little ancestral home. You disgust me, Black. Get out of my sight."
"Fine. I will." He was, Remus noticed with a pang, still the same Sirius as he had known in his school days. Still the same boldness, still the same glint in his eyes, still the same tragic flaws. Still all the same things he had fallen in love with so many years before.
Sirius made a move to leave. Remus began to speak, but he choked on the words. All he could do was wince.
Remus felt his present self trying to wince; he supposed (in that painful sort of self-analysis weeks at a mental hospital will breed) that he was doing this out of some kind of perverse sympathy for his dream self. He flung his eyes wide open to stop himself.
The first thing he saw was Severus face, for a moment not sneering, but merely bored. Then
"At last, the werewolf awakes." (Sneering again.)
To disoriented at first to ask why his best mates' arch-nemesis was visiting him in the mental hospital, Remus muttered, "What do you mean, at last? I've been awake for hours."
"Hours? You bloody bastard. I've been waiting for the last half-hour so as not to wake you up, on orders of this woman here. After all, who am I to disregard the instructions of one of the most well-regarded Psychic Healers of our time?"
A weak laugh escaped Remus. He supposed he ought to be thankful to the Sister Marje's Hospital for the Psychically Ill in Wales for taking him in, a werewolf, for virtually nothing, but their staff was not among the most well-regarded. He let himself laugh a little more in spite of himself and in spite of Severus, wondering at the feeling.
He had forgotten how it felt to laugh.
Then, remembering "What are you here, for anyway?"
"Sending you good wishes." Severus sneered.
A silence, then "That wasn't funny, Snape."
"Well, I'm sorry for failing to amuse you."
"You still haven't told me why you're here."
"Dumbledore wants to offer you a job. Team teaching Defense with me next year."
"That wasn't funny either."
"It wasn't meant to be."
"You're really asking me to do that?"
Severus exhaled, exasperated. "What else does it sound like I'm asking you, Lupin?"
"Well." A part of Remus was inclined to say no, but then again, he thought, What the hell do I have to lose. A lyric from a muggle song his mother had once sung came to mind: "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." One hell of a freedom I've got here, he thought bitterly.
"Well?" Severus' voice, like acid, reminding him of where he was.
"Well, why not."
"Yes or no?"
"Yes." Remus said, with as much firmness as he could muster. "And Severus?" he looked over his shoulder at the man, not sure what he was about to say. "Thank you for coming. I never knew you cared."
Severus swept out of the stiff chair and stiffly replied: "I never did."
And without realizing it, for the first time in so many weeks, Remus winced.
