Sweet Dreams
#7 Restraint - Stranger
Ok. I stink at angst. I stink at writingRen's POV.But why am I writing it? ;-; Because this is the saddest thing I wrote... I think. Ah well. Warning for severe angst.
I stood there, alone, watching. I could have reached her, but I did not. I could have taken her, but I did not.
I knew what she thought of me; more then enough times, I've seen the way she looks at me. Sneaking glances at me, sending me wordless messages.
But I can't do anything. She is pure, while I am tainted. I don't deserve her, and she doesn't deserve me. She deserves someone better, someone who isn't tainted with blood of the people I've killed. I've seen a lot of people looking at her, and every time I see them looking at her, I have to resist the urge to beat them up and tell them that she will never be theirs.
I want her to be happy. I want her to forget me... but I am too selfish. I was caught up in an endless maze called love, and now I know that I can never forget her.
"Why, Ren? Why does it have to end like this?"
I remember her tear filled eyes, silently pleading to me. But I couldn't look back at her. Because I was afraid that if I did, I might lose myself again...
I tell myself that this is for the better. That this way, we both won't be hurt anymore... but is it true? I only feel pain and loneliness everyday, and I would be lying if I say that Pirika is happy. She is like a shadow of her former cheerful self, and I know that I am the cause of it.
We don't have a future together.
We both come from different worlds, different sides. We are too different to be together. I know for a fact that only pain would be brought over us.
Take my father, for instance. Once he finds out that I have turned into a weak emotional person because of her, he would waste no time to delete her from my life- by killing her.
I tried to ignore her, tried to imagine that she wasn't there at all... But I couldn't. My mind, all day, was filled with her and only her. I was addicted, I was obsessed. She was like a drug; I needed her so much, but I knew the outcome would always be bad.
I remember the night I kissed her. I don't know why I did that. It would only make it more difficult to resist her, knowing what exactly I was missing out on.
But I did, and I can't take it back now.
I pushed her away, trying to come to my senses, trying to forget the glorious feeling of finally having her... Her hurt eyes haunt me everyday, reminding me. Reminding me of what I could never have.
Five years later, and now it's too late. I still stand alone, watching. I smile, as if I feel happy for them. But inside I feel empty and hollow. I would have given anything to not be here...
She smiles to me, but it's distant and twinged with hurt. I force a smile and greet her politely and distantely, and I realize that we are strangers now. We can't go back.
And now she is taken, completely happy... but I can still see the dark shadow. The one I created. The dark bond we created that night. Her smile seems fake to me as she poses for the pictures.
What have I done to her? All my carefulness, my restraint... in the end the hurt still remained.
But she moved on. She accepted it, and took the next step in forgetting me. And I remain alone, preferring to drown myself in dark memories, beating myself up.
I see the flash of silver on her finger, reflecting the light. She raises her head, and for a second our eyes meet, pain flashing in her eyes while I will myself to remain emotionless.
And I realize that I can never stop loving her.
Waaaah! I can't believe they didn't get together in the end. ;-;Pirika can't marry anyone other then Ren! ;-; This is just so sad... Ishould write a sequel to this and end it more happily. ;-;
Next up -Wish
