Chapter One

The Canadian sunrise glinted off the lake and shone on Hermione's face in the early morning, waking her up. It took her a few moments before she remembered why the horrible feeling in her stomach was there but one look at the dense woods characteristic of this part of Northern Ontario everything came rushing back to her in a furious wave, jolting her awake.

The smell of bacon and pancakes wafted from the kitchen where her Grandmother's Muggle friend was making breakfast. Hermione was lucky really, to have somewhere to go. Bonnie had grown up with Hermione's grandmother and had moved to Canada when both her daughters migrated. The older woman was very understanding about the situation, though she only knew fragments of it, and had agreed to take the young woman in on a few conditions.

Heaving a sigh of reluctance Hermione slid out of the warm bed. Her body was immediately assaulted by the cold winter air that had somehow managed to find it's way into the small house. She passed by the full-length mirror on her way to the bathroom and frowned at her reflection. Her skin was pale except for around her eyes, where it was red and puffy from her tears. Her bushy brown hair was even more out of control and was frizzed out in every direction. She pulled her bathrobe more tightly around her waist and hurried down the hall to the bathroom where she completed her morning routine in the most Muggle way possible.

By the time Hermione made it to breakfast, Bonnie had the most horribly fattening meal set out and was starting on the preliminary cleaning up.

"Good morning, sunshine," Bonnie said, smiling cheerfully, running a dishrag across the grease spattered counter top and rinsing it in the sink. "Did you sleep well?"

Hermione nodded as she poked at her bacon. She hadn't had a real breakfast since she left Hogwarts almost seven years ago and she was certain it wouldn't sit well in her stomach. Seven years was a long time but the memories were as clear as they had ever been: Neville spilling something, Harry sneaking glances at Ginny, Ron stuffing his mouth past capacity. Oh Merlin, Ron!

"You don't like bacon, dear?"

Hermione's head snapped up. Bonnie had taken the seat opposite her and was watching her with a concerned expression.

"I know this is a tough time for you, but you must eat," she said with the kind of motherly concern that couldn't be faked. "You have to stay healthy."

Hermione didn't answer right away. Instead she glanced out the window to where a bright red male cardinal was sitting atop the bird feeder. The seeds were scattered about the ground beneath it, contrasting sharply with the January snow. She waited until the bird flew away before turning her gaze to the friendly honey coloured eyes of the woman who had taken her in. Words eluded her.

"I like bacon." She said at last. Bonnie continued to watch Hermione as she shifted uncomfortably under the gaze. Finally Hermione put a small piece in her mouth to appease the woman and chewed thoughtfully. It was saltier than she remembered but it was good and she found herself reaching for the next piece. As she was stuffing the third one greedily into her mouth she stopped short. For a moment she let her thoughts go and they had wandered back to her London flat and the expression she imagined Ron would have on his face if he could see her, inhaling bacon in much the same manner as he did.

A tear slid down her cheek as she let the fork clatter to her plate. She was no longer hungry and the aftertaste had turned foul in her mouth. Before she knew what was happening she was tearing down the hall to the bathroom, in a race against her upset stomach.

As she sat curled up beside the shiny white bowl in the sparkling clean bathroom she felt her world collapse around her more sharply than she had felt it before. Everything was so wrong. One moment of panic and she had fled just like a frightened child. She couldn't help but wonder if that was what Malfoy had done two years ago to Pansy Parkinson. The only difference was that no one in the magical community seemed to know where he was. She laughed wryly.

"One of life's great mysteries: 'where did Malfoy go?'"

"Now what is this Malfoy?" Hermione turned her head slowly to keep the world from spinning. Bonnie was standing at the door, a glass of water in one hand and a handkerchief in the other.

Hermione shook her head. "Not a what, a who," she said softly, accepting the water. "It's someone from back home I haven't seen for a long time."

Bonnie nodded, not asking why Malfoy's name would come up. She took the empty water glass from Hermione and handed her the handkerchief to wipe her mouth with. "Love, I know this is none of my business, but if there's anything you'd like to talk about, I'm a mother, and a woman to boot. You can tell me anything and I can guarantee I'll try to understand."

Hermione shook her head slowly. She doubted this woman had any idea of what Hermione could tell her. There was no way she could understand the entire situation, because even Hermione didn't. So there they were, witch and Muggle, staring at each other, neither talking. Finally Bonnie broke the silence.

"Now, I'm going to go shopping. If you'd like to come and look around you're more than welcome to, but if not, feel free to pop down anytime during the day. Just turn left out of the drive and you should hit town after ten minutes. Just be sure to lock up if you go out." With a sympathetic look, Bonnie left Hermione to her thoughts. A few moments later the front door open and shut. She was alone. A strange buzzing noise filled her ears and it took her a while to realize it was silence.


The cold air bit air bit into Hermione's cheeks and the wind threatened to lift her right off her feet. What had she been thinking? Well, actually, she was thinking that a walk might clear her head; that it would be refreshing to be outside. Now she realized she had been mistaken. She just couldn't stay in that house anymore. Everything she saw seemed to remind her of Ron and nothing helped: not cleaning, not reading, not brewing potions, not even work.

A chickadee landed on the road a little way in front of her. She stopped and watched it hop around on the packed snow before it was joined by another. A slow sick feeling traveled from her stomach into her heart, and then back down to settle stubbornly in her gut. Even the birds weren't afraid of companionship.

Stifling a sob, Hermione tore past the tiny birds startling them into a flurry of wings and feathers. She ran until her breath was coming in painful gasps and the ache in her untrained legs cancelled out the ache in her chest. She collapsed in the snow at the side of the road, mindless of the dampness seeping through her jeans, and covered her face with her hands. She willed the tears to come; willed the hot, salty diamonds of liquid to spill over her cold face but nothing came. Her eyes remained dry as sobs wracked her small frame. The wind whipped viciously over the young woman but couldn't compete with the agony of her heart.

Hermione didn't even notice when the sky turned from blue to pink, and then from pink to a velvety black freckled with millions of tiny stars. She didn't notice the wind give up its torments in favour of a gentler breeze. She didn't notice the stirring of night creatures. In the end it was the cold that stirred her. It was a cold she'd never felt before. Wet and deep, it stretched its sharp fingers through her and scratched at her bones.

She'd begun to shiver when a pair of headlights turned the bend and momentarily blinded her. The car crunched to a stop and a friendly, yet scruffy face peered out at her from the driver's side.

"Do you need a lift?" Asked the man, revealing a much deeper voice than she would have expected.

Hermione shook her head and when the man looked at her sceptically she pointed and added, "I'm just staying up the road with Bonnie MacFae."

The man smiled broadly. "I know ol' Bonnie. Nicest woman in the Kap." Hermione's confused expression must have been evident because he continued. "You know, Kapuskasing? Oh well, doesn't matter. I'm Neil. I live on the outskirts of town. I work at the mill. Are you sure you don't want a ride? No? Well then I'll see you around. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

Hermione was breathless just listening to him talk. It was a moment before she fully comprehended what he had said and another moment before she was able to find her tongue and formulate an intelligent response. When she did, she stretched out her hand to shake his and then quickly let go.

"I'm Hermione Granger. It's nice to meet you." She smiled at him in what she hoped was a friendly way although she felt no warmth for this stranger. She found him rather annoying and loud. "I'll be seeing you around then."

She turned to walk away without waiting for him to drive away. She could almost see his face in her mind, entertaining a puzzled expression. Well she had been sharp with him but she wasn't in the mood to fraternize with all the town's people. Besides, she was already in the habit of hurting people, why stop now?

She walked for at least a third of an hour. The cold gnawed at her fingers and tingled her ears. She wished she was wearing something warmer, but it hadn't been that cold when she'd gone out that morning. Finally she reached Bonnie's house – her house- and was surprised to find Bonnie sitting out on the front porch, a thick blanked covering her and a pipe in her mouth. The woman patted the seat beside her and Hermione sat down.

"I like to sit out here and watch the stars," Bonnie told her taking a deep puff on her pipe, sending the sweet smoke into the night in little rings. "I used to always sit outside with my Mamma when I was a little girl. It's nice to have a tradition. Brings some familiarity."

She turned to look at Hermione. Hermione shied away from the knowing look in her eyes. She wanted to go inside and just drop into her bed. Despite the fact she hadn't eaten since breakfast, she wasn't hungry and would prefer to simply sleep. The old woman seemed to have other ideas. She finally turned away and tilted her face upwards to look at the nearly new moon.

"When I was a little girl my older brother went off to war. I used to wait for the first star every night so I could make a wish. Even in the summer when the sun set way past my bed time."

Hermione knew from speaking to her own grandmother that Bonnie's brother never came back. He was never found either. It must be painful for her, to not even know what happened.

The woman beside her sighed. Her voice broke with sadness. "I still wish, every night. I come out and wish on the first star in the night sky, hoping that one day my wish will come true."

"It must be hard for you."

"Nah," Bonnie said, a hint of a smile toying with her wrinkled face. "It was, but I know he's out there somewhere."

Hermione frowned. "How can you be sure?"

"I just feel it. If he was dead, there'd be this hole in my heart."

"Then why do you still wish on the stars?"

Bonnie laughed. It was a hearty, rich laugh full of life. "I don't wish that he'll come back. I wish that he's happy. Oh, don't look surprised dear. Telling your wish doesn't mean it won't come true. You just have to believe."

Hermione fell silent. A few clouds moved to obscure the tiny dots of light in the sky and a wind picked up, ruffling the blanket now covering them both. She couldn't help but turn the words of wisdom over in her head. Maybe Bonnie was on to something. Maybe she was just a hopeful old woman afraid of the truth. Hermione couldn't decide.