Chapter 8

I stop at the kitchen to put some milk on to warm before I go the short distance to Marie's room. Upon enter the room Charles sees me and stops crying. "What is all the fuss about?" I question softly as I walk to the crib. His reply is a squeal as he reaches up to me wishing to be held. I quickly scoop him up into my arms and return to the kitchen to check on his milk. Satisfied that the milk is not too hot I fix his bottle and return to Marie's room. Sitting on the sofa I offer Charles the bottle which he accepts greedily. As he drinks contently I allow my mind to try to sort through everything. How is it possible that Marie has dreamt of me her whole life? Why had she risked such a beating simply to meet me? How could she have loved me for years? How can you fall in love with a man in your dreams that you have never met in real life? I have only known her for four days yet I know that I love her more than life itself. Are the dreams she has been having lately a result of what happened in the past or are they a sign of what is to come? It must be from the past... those two men are quite dead and as I told her dead men cannot hurt you. She has said that she loves me and I have admitted the same to her... where are we to go from here? Can I allow myself to hope that she will one day agree to be my wife? Can I even dream of sharing her bed? She said that in her dreams we have held each other and we have kissed. Have we done anything else in these dreams of hers? Has she been the silent force that has kept me from ending my miserable life all these years? Before this afternoon I would have thought such a thing to be impossible but since she shared the tale of her insightful dreams with me I am beginning to believe that anything is possible... even for a beautiful young woman to love a hideous creature like myself. I have no idea what I am to do now. Do I allow myself to kiss her whenever I feel the urge to or do I continue to fight these urges? As I think about this I realize that I am past the point of being able to resist such urges and will kiss her whenever the idea strikes me. I know now that she will not be repulsed by such things... after all, she has been kissing me in her dreams for far longer than I have been dreaming of kissing her. It is no wonder that she has moved ahead so quickly, kissing me is something that she is quite used to. Will I be able to live up to her dreams? Pushing these thoughts from my mind I place a now sleeping Charles back in his crib and return to the study.

"Is Charles sleeping?" she asks as I enter the room. She quickly rises from the couch and crosses the room to stand in front of me.

"Yes he is," I say as I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. I do love the feel of her so close. Her cheek is resting lightly against my chest and I savor the heat I feel radiating through my dress shirt. As I gaze down at her I ask, "Are you hungry?"

"Now that you mention it, yes, I am rather hungry." she says as she eases out of my arms and takes my hand in hers. We walk like this down the hall to the kitchen.

"What would you like for lunch, my dear?" I ask as I pull a chair out for her.

"What ever you would like to prepare is fine with me," she says as she smiles at me.

"As you wish," I say as I decide upon a Persian dish that I believe she will enjoy. She watches me intently as I move about the kitchen with a familiarity that comes with years of repetition.

Within a half an hour lunch is served and I sit down across from Marie. We eat in companionable silence. Glancing across the table at her from time to time I catch her watching me but she is never quick to avert her eyes and smiles at me instead.

"That was wonderful, Erik," she says as she rises from the table and picks up her empty plate.

"Thank you," I say as I follow suit and begin the task of cleaning up. "I am glad that you enjoyed it."

"Shall we return to the study to read for a while?" she asks as I finish putting the dishes away.

"That sounds like the perfect way to spend the afternoon." I say as I take her hand in mine and we leave the room.

Upon entering the study I release her hand and retrieve the books we have been reading. Before I have the chance to settle down onto the couch she takes the books from me and sets them aside. Puzzled by this action I look at her oddly. Without saying a word she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my mouth down to hers. Needing no further encouragement, I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me as I deepen the kiss. This is when I first realize that our bodies fit together perfectly as though we were made for each other. Deciding to enjoy the exquisite feelings of the moment I push this thought aside to be contemplated later. I would like nothing more than to lie her down on the couch and make her mine completely. However, I fight this urge with every bit of willpower and self-restraint that I can muster. This is neither the time nor the place to act upon such an urge and I will not allow myself to act upon it... not just yet anyway. The need for air finally wins and I reluctantly end the kiss.

"I must say, Erik, you are definitely improving," she says as she looks up at me with the most provocative look on her face.

"As I said before, I am a quick learner." I say, no longer able to hold back the soft chuckle that escapes my lips. This woman in my arms has the power to make me feel more alive than I have ever felt in my entire life. Could it be as she says? Is she the woman that I have been secretly hoping for my whole life? Could her dreams have been preparing her for me as she thinks they have? Have her dreams shown her us together as man and wife? Dare I allow myself to believe that it is a possibility? I do love her with all my heart and soul and she claims that she loves me also. Unable to continue thinking of these thoughts, I surrender to the urge that the look on her face is creating in me and lower my lips to hers once more. I have learned well in the gypsy camp, I think to myself as I deepen the kiss even more than before. She surrenders her mouth to me completely as she returns the kiss without hesitation. As we kiss I feel her hands moving along my back and I find this stimulation very enjoyable. Taking her movements as an invitation, I allow my hands to roam gently over her back and I soon find myself pulling her body closer to mine. I once again notice how perfectly our bodies fit together. No longer able to continue this sweet torture I raise my mouth from hers and take a deep breath.

"Erik, you are trembling," Marie remarks as she regains her ability to speak. "I did not know that I affected you that much." She adds with a sly smile.

"You are my heart, Marie. I love you with every fiber of my being." I whisper softly, not quite sure why I admitted such a thing to her. I will not rush this, I remind myself as I reluctantly ease her away from me. If I continue to kiss her like this I will be sharing her bed before night falls. "Come, let us read," I say as I pick up the books from where she had set them a short time ago.

"Of course," she replies as she takes the book I offer her and settles down onto the couch. When I take my place next to her she snuggles to my side and I place my arm around her shoulders without even thinking. It is as though sitting like this has become a normal activity, as natural as the act of breathing. Savoring the feel of her so close we quickly become lost in our books.

Finishing the book I have been reading, I lay it aside and simply sit back and watch the flames in the fireplace while I enjoy the feel of this wonderful woman at my side. I do not know how I have managed all these years without such contact. If she were to disappear I do not think that I could ever go back to life as I have always known it. She truly is my heart... my soul reason for living. I cannot even fathom how it is that she has only been here for four days when already it seems like I have known her for a lifetime. This is what all those happy couples I have seen walking the streets arm in arm must feel for each other. Does she feel the same things that I am feeling at this moment? She makes me forget about my horrid face, about my not so innocent past, about all those who have scorned me... she makes me feel normal! She makes me feel loved!

"I would like nothing more than to remain like this forever," Marie sighs as she sets her book aside and turns towards me on the couch allowing her to snuggle even closer to my side and lays her head on my shoulder right over my heart. Can she hear my heart beat faster by this mere contact? Have we sat like this in her dreams? Have we kissed like we did earlier in her dreams? I wish she would had been a bit more detailed about these dreams she has had of me... I would like to know what is expected of me.

"I would like that very much, Marie," I say softly, not wishing to break the spell that seems to be wrapped around us. "Have we sat like this in your dreams?" I ask, unable to let that question go unanswered. It is something that I need to know.

She looks up at me with shyness showing on her lovely face. "Yes, Erik, I have sat like this with you many a night." As if reading my thoughts she goes on to say, "and yes, we have also shared many kisses in my dreams."

"Have I lived up to your expectations thus far?" I question timidly, no longer able to keep from asking that question.

"Yes," she says on a sigh as she snuggles even closer to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"I have?" I ask, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.

She looks up and giggles at me. "Yes, Erik, you have long surpassed those dreams and expectations. From the first moment you touched me you have made me feel things a thousand times more powerful than the feelings even my most intense dreams have provoked. You said earlier that I am your heart and that you love me with every fiber of your being... Erik, I feel the exact same way about you."

"You do?" I ask, truly surprised by this admission. "How?"

"Yes, Erik, I do. As for how... I cannot explain how exactly I have come to feel this way for you but I would assume that it happened the same way it did for you... it just happened." she says as she lays her head over my heart once more.

"Where do we go from here?" I question, unable to keep the nervousness from my voice. Everything is happening so fast. Only a few days ago I was alone down here tempted to end it all at the bottom of the lake and now I am holding the woman I love in my arms as she tells me that she loves me just as much. What were her most intense dreams? Has she given herself to me completely in these dreams? If the opportunity arises to test such things would I truly live up to her expectations? She says I have surpassed the feelings these intense dreams have provoked in her by simply touching her so I should have no problem living up to her expectations in such a matter. I am beginning to believe that one day she may willingly share her bed with me. I must stop thinking of such things! I am going to take my time with her, I am not rushing anything as wonderful as this... my chance at true, lasting love!

"I would assume that we would go forward," she says as she gives me a gentle squeeze and raises her lips to mine.

After the brief kiss I ask, "How do you mean?" I am confused by the vagueness in that remark.

"I was referring to the way two people in love as much as we are would build on the relationship." She looks at me with a sly grin before adding, "I have already been down this road with you in my dreams but we do not need to rush anything if that is what you are concerned about. This is very new to both of us and we can spend as much time as is needed exploring these new things before progressing to the next level in the relationship. We have covered a great deal of ground already in a very short time... realizing our love for each other, sitting close and holding hands while enjoying each others company, enjoying the feel of holding one another close, and finally, the joys of kissing." she concludes with a bright smile.

"All that in a mere four days," I quip as I return her smile. She has a beautiful smile and very tempting lips. With that last thought in mind I lower my mouth to hers once more until Charles begins to cry from down the hall.

"I'll go see to him this time Erik," Marie says with a smile as she reluctantly leaves my side.

"I shall be waiting for your return," I say as she exits the room. I settle back on the couch to reflect on all that has happened today. She loves me... I can see it quite plainly in her bright blue eyes, can feel it in our shared kisses. She accepts me for who I am and cares nothing about what I look like. She has dreamt of me practically her whole life. She allows me to hold her and to kiss her... will she allow me to do more? I am not going to rush this for I do not want to risk losing her and I know now that I could not possibly live without her in my life. The kisses we have shared are so sweet that I feel I will never get enough of kissing her. Who would have thought that the touching of lips and tongues could bring forth such intense feelings... if I were to die while kissing her I can honestly say that I would die a very happy man. Yes, a man, not a monster, for she makes me forget about my horrid face and the darkness of my past... she makes me feel normal. I know that if we eventually make love it will be perfect between us for our bodies fit together perfectly like two pieces in a puzzle. How is it that she has dreamt of my face and still chose to endure the beating she received from those two men just to meet me? Is the dream she has been having lately a premonition or simply the product of the events that happened the other night mixed with fears of losing me after having just met me after all these years? She must realize that I will not put myself in any position that would result in the loss of my life... not after just discovering the love I thought I would never know. She has seen so many things in her dreams that I will never fully understand. How could I hold her and comfort her as a small child who was frightened by the storm raging outside her window when that has never happened? She has been gone only a short time and I already miss her company. How will I survive if she ever leaves me?

"I promise you that I will never leave you Erik," Marie says very sincerely as she enters the room. How much of that did I say out loud and why is it that I seem to be speaking my thoughts aloud in the first place? I have never done this in the past!

"Forgive me Marie, I did not mean to sound as though I doubted that you would stay," I quickly state as I see a hurt look cross her face briefly. Standing up I add, "I had not even realized that I spoke the thought aloud."

"I know Erik," she says as she crosses the room and wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my chest.

"Are you getting hungry?" I ask as I gaze down into her lovely eyes.

"Yes, I am," she says with a sly smile before pulling my lips down to hers. Our kiss lasts for several minutes before we surrender to the need for air.

"I was referring to food, my dear," I say teasingly when I finally regain my ability to speak.

"Well, in that case, I suppose we should go to the kitchen," she says as she eases out of my arms and, taking my hand, leads me down the hall. After arriving at the kitchen she says, "may I please have your permission to prepare dinner tonight?"

"My dear, you do not need to ask my permission to do anything while you are down here." I say sternly. "I have told you before that my home is your home for as long as you wish to stay here."

"But when I made myself breakfast you became very upset with me. I asked your permission this time because I did not wish to anger you," she says as she looks up at me like a child who has just been scolded.

Placing a finger beneath her chin I gently caress her cheek with my thumb as I say, "my sweet Marie, I swear to you that I will never become upset with you for cooking a meal in our home." When she replaces her frown with a slight smile I realize what I just said. Why had I been so presumptuous to refer to my home as being ours? "Forgive me," I say quickly. "I did not mean to be so forward or to imply anything by calling this our home. I merely meant that as long as you are here you may think of it as your home also."

"Erik," she says as she places a finger to my lips and ceases my apology, "I rather like the idea of you referring to this place as our home. After all, I am planning on raising my brother down here with you. I already think of this place as our home." With that said she wraps her arms around my neck and places a soft kiss to my lips. "I love you Erik and I plan to be here for a very long time."

"Oh, Marie, you do not know how long I have wished to hear those words spoken to me. I had decided long ago that no one would ever feel that way about me." With that said I lower my lips to hers once more and savor the sweet taste of her lips. "I love you," I whisper softly as our lips part and I can see plainly in her eyes that she truly loves me.

"I am glad that that is settled. Now if you will excuse me I am going to prepare our dinner," she says with a pleased smile as she eases herself from my arms.

"But of course, my dear. I think that I will go check in on Charles while you prepare dinner. Call for me when it is finished." I say as I prepare to leave the kitchen.

"That will be fine," she says with a smile as she begins looking through my food supply.

Seeing that she is already absorbed in the task of cooking, I quietly leave the room and walk down the hall to Marie's room. As I near the room I hear Charles playing with the bells. He must have only taken a short nap after his last bottle. He pauses in his play and looks in my direction as I walk into the room. Seeing that it is I who has entered the room, he abandons the bells altogether and reaches out for me to pick him up.

"Good day to you, little one," I say softly as I close the distance between myself and the crib. He squeals with delight as I pick him up and hold him close. Deciding that I would rather hold him in the chair in my room instead of on the sofa I carry him down the hall. Before entering my room I recall how worried Marie had gotten earlier today when she could not find us and think it best to let her know where we will be. With this in mind I continue down the hall to the kitchen.

As I catch sight of Marie through the open doorway I notice that she is having no trouble at all finding her way around my kitchen. "Marie," I call softly as I stand in the doorway not wishing to startle her.

"Yes, Erik?" she asks without looking up from the potatoes she is peeling. Dinner smells wonderful already.

"I just wanted to let you know that I am taking Charles to my room for a while." I say as I watch how quickly she peels the potatoes. She is obviously very talented when it comes to cooking.

"That is fine, Erik. I will come fetch you when dinner is ready." she replies as she glances my way with a pleasant smile on her face.

"I would prefer if you would just call me," I say quickly, not wanting her to see that I sleep in a coffin.

"Don't be silly, Erik," she says as she clears away the potato skins, "I will not be frightened by the coffin you feel you need to sleep in. Although I do not know why you don't get yourself a normal bed, I am sure you would sleep much better."

I am taken aback by her knowledge of my sleeping arrangements. Is nothing down here unknown to her? "You know of the coffin?" I question, still surprised by her acceptance of it.

"Yes, Erik, I have even slept in it with you when I was a little girl," she says with a smile. "In my dreams that is," she adds as an afterthought.

"You have dreamt of sleeping in my coffin with me?" I ask in disbelief yet manage to restrain myself from asking her if that was the only time she had dreamt of sleeping with me.

"Yes," she says simply. Seeing that I want further information she goes on to say, "Sometimes when I was frightened you would come to me in my dreams and wrap your cloak around me, holding me close. You would hum to me until I grew sleepy then you would pick me up but when you would have carried me to my room I asked to stay with you in your room because I felt safe when I was with you."

"And I allowed this?" I ask curiously.

"Yes," she replies with a nod. "Actually, now that I think about it I believe you rather welcomed my trust and my company. Now, if you will please excuse me I must get back to fixing dinner before it is ruined," she says with a gentle laugh.

"As you wish, my dear," I say as I bow gracefully before turning so that my cloak swirls around me and I disappear from the open doorway. Walking the short distance to my room I open the door and step inside. This time, however, I do not bother closing it behind me.

Settling down in my chair I hold Charles in the crook of my arm. As I look down upon his chubby face the words Marie spoke earlier today come back to me. The two of us have a special bond, she can see it whenever we are in the same room. She thinks that Charles will be lucky to have me for a father. How can that be? I know nothing about being a father, I never even had a father! And what of these dreams she has had since she was a little girl? What does it all mean? Have her dreams really been preparing her for me? They must for I can think of no other reason for the dreams. She has slept in my coffin with me as a young child... has she slept with me in her bed as a grown woman? I catch myself smiling at this thought. She thinks we should move forward in our relationship as two people in love would do. I do not wish to rush things with her and she seems to understand that without me having to say a word. We have progressed rather swiftly in these wonderful four days that she has been down here. I have never felt anything as wonderful as the feelings our shared kisses provoke. This morning I had thought that she would never allow me a simple kiss but she has proved me wrong in that assumption. Dare I allow myself to believe that one day she will lay with me? After hearing of her dreams I am beginning to believe that anything is possible. She does not fear my face, she touches me willingly, she kisses my lips, she loves me for who I am!

"Dinner is ready, my love," Marie calls from the doorway before entering the room.

"I shall be right there, my dear," I reply as I look down at Charles and notice that he is now sleeping soundly. "First, I must put Charles to bed."

"Alright, but please try to hurry. I wouldn't want dinner to get cold," she says as she leaves the room, returning to the kitchen.

Leaving my room, I walk the short distance to Marie's room and gently place Charles in the crib. As soon as I am sure that he is still sleeping I quietly leave the room and hurry down the hall to the kitchen. "I hope I did not take too long," I say softly as I enter the room.

"No, you are right on time," she says with a smile as she indicates for me to sit down while she begins to serve our dinner of roast beef, boiled potatoes, and fresh baked biscuits.

"Everything looks wonderful," I say as I take my seat at the table and prepare to eat for the second time today. I have not eaten two meals in the same day since I was a little boy but I am going to eat everything she places in front of me for the simple fact that she has gone through all this trouble to make a meal for us to share.

"Thank you," she says with a humble smile and a small blush as though she is not used to such praise.

While she is serving herself I stand up and move to her side of the table. "Allow me," I say as I pull her chair out for her when she is ready to be seated.

"Thank you, Monsieur," she says as I push her chair in for her before returning to my own seat.

"You are quite welcome, Mademoiselle," I say with a nod of my head. After taking a bite of roast beef, I say softly, "this is really very good, Marie."

"Thank you," she says with a shy smile as a slight blush enters her face. I will have to praise her much more often.

We proceed to eat in companionable silence. From time to time I catch her looking at me from under her long eyelashes when she thinks that I will not notice.

After finishing the last bite of my biscuit I push my empty plate away from me slightly and lean back in my chair. I cannot remember the last time my stomach has felt so full. It is a strange feeling really. "That was a truly wonderful meal, Marie," I say sincerely as I gaze at her from across the table.

Blushing softly once again, she gets up from the table and begins to clear away the dishes. "Thank you, Erik," she says as she reaches to remove my plate from in front of me.

Stopping her hand before she can remove the plate, I say, "please allow me to clean this up. After all, you went through all this trouble to make dinner for me... cleaning up is the least I can do."

"Well, since you insist, you can dry the dishes," she says with a light laugh.

"I believe I can handle that," I say as I let out a soft laugh of my own before rising from my seat.

Together, we make short work of the dirty dishes. Once everything is put back where it belongs, Marie places her hand in mine and leads me from the room without a single word. She stops at the door to the study. "Will you play for me?" she asks as she looks up into my eyes.

"But of course I will, my dear," I say as I find myself lowering my lips to hers for a brief kiss. "Did you have anything special in mind?" I ask as I lead her into the study.

"I was wondering if you would play that song for me... the one you were singing to me when I first woke up," she says as she looks up at me hopefully.

"Certainly," I answer quickly. "Do you wish for me to sing as well as play?" I ask her indulgently.

"Yes, I would like that very much," she replies with a bright smile.

"Then you shall have your own private concert," I say as I return her smile before releasing her hand and taking my place at the organ.

"Thank you, Erik," she says as she sits beside me on the bench, being sure not to sit too close.

As the first notes flow forth I begin to sing,

"Can you ever love me

the way that I love you?

Will you ever need me

The way that I need you.

Will you ever see me

for who I really am?

Will you look beyond my face

and see that I am just a man.

I can be as ferocious as a lion

yet as gentle as a lamb,

But I would never hurt you.

Oh, if you'd just take my hand.

I know that you could love me

the way that I love you,

I know that you could need me

the same as I need you.

You who has seen me

for who I really am,

You have looked beyond my mask

and seen that I am just a man."

As the last notes fade away I realize that a tear has escaped my eye and is now slowly making its way down my deformed cheek. Marie notices this as well and gently wipes it away with her soft fingers. "That was beautiful, Erik," she says softly as she moves closer to my side and places a gentle kiss to my lips before resting her head on my shoulder.

"Thank you," I say softly as I wrap my arm around her and pull her even closer to my side. "The words to that piece were never finished until now. You have given me the inspiration to finish it." After sitting like this for a few moments I ask, "would you like to read for a while?"

Looking up at me she says softly, "actually, Erik, I was thinking that maybe we could just sit in front of the fire together and do nothing at all other than enjoy each others company."

"That sounds very enjoyable," I say with a smile as I get up from the bench and, taking her hand in mine, lead her to the couch. Before we sit down I take her in my arms and kiss her softly. I am getting rather used to this gesture and I find myself taking the initiative more often... I just need to restrain myself from taking our kisses any further. Pulling away before I go too far and lose control, I ease her out of my arms and sit us both down onto the couch.

"You really are a quick learner, Erik," she says with a soft laugh as she leans her head against my chest and snakes her arms around my waist. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her close and we remain like this for most of the evening.

Only when she begins to fall asleep do I realize how late it is. We have been sitting like this for several hours even though it has not seemed nearly that long. "Come, it is late and you need your rest," I say softly as I nudge her to get up.

Reluctantly, she stretches and uncurls herself from me. "I feel so safe when I am in your arms, Erik," she says softly as I gaze into her eyes as she stands before me. Holding out her hand to me I place my hand in hers and get up from the couch. We walk like this to her door.

"Good night, Marie," I say as I raise her hand to my lips.

"Good night, Erik," she says softly but refuses to release my hand, instead she places her free arm behind my neck and pulls my lips to hers for a brief kiss.

"Sleep well, my dear," I say as I back away reluctantly. I really do not wish to leave but I know that if I stay I may not be able to restrain myself. I turn away without another word and quickly make my way to my room. Before closing my door completely, I watch Marie enter her own room.

As I prepare for bed I realize just how tired I am. It has been a very eventful day filled with a great deal of different emotions. As I climb into my coffin I remember the conversation concerning it earlier. She is not bothered by it but she wonders why I do not just get a normal bed... she thinks that I would sleep much better. Maybe I will have to think about changing my sleeping arrangements. She has slept with me in this coffin in her dreams as a little girl. With the thought of her in my arms I drift off to sleep.