Chapter 9
"Erik?" Marie says as barely more than a whisper as she gently shakes me, "Erik, please wake up."
Realizing that I am no longer dreaming, I sit up and immediately become alert. Glancing at the clock I see that it is two in the morning. "What is it, Marie?" I ask concerned by the obvious evidence that she has been crying. Had she called for me in her sleep and I did not hear her? She begins to shake with new tears and I quickly climb out of my coffin. Pulling her into my arms I gently caress her back in an attempt to calm her. "It is alright. I am here. I will not let anything hurt you." This seems to calm her some for she stops crying and looks up at me.
Once she is again able to speak without crying she says, "Erik, I dreamt of my parents again."
"Oh, Marie, forgive me for not hearing you call..." I begin but she quickly cuts me off by placing a finger to my lips.
"I did not call out to you, Erik," she begins. "I awoke from the nightmare and came to you instead of possibly waking Charles." With that she eases from my embrace and takes my hand in hers.
"Where are we going?" I ask as she leads me from the room.
"To my room," she says softly as she gives me a brief look as she leads me down the hall to her door.
"Why have you brought me here?" I ask her, unsure of what that look was supposed to mean.
"Your coffin is too small for me to share it with you like I had when I was a small child. I thought that my bed would work much better," she whispers as she looks up at me shyly before pulling me through the open doorway.
I am so stunned by her words that I can do nothing but follow her into the room and over to her bed. As she throws back the covers and moves to pull me down onto the bed I regain my senses and refuse to move from where I am standing. What is she doing bringing me to her room... to her bed?
"What is it, Erik?" she asks softly as she moves towards me in her white cotton nightgown.
Backing away from her advances I soon find myself pressed against the wall, trembling. "What are your intentions?" I ask in little more than a whisper.
"Erik, you do not need to be frightened of me," she says as she reaches a gentle hand to my cheek. "I mean you no harm. I merely wish to sleep in your arms where I know that I will feel safe."
Not allowing myself to believe that I had heard her correctly, I ask, "you wish for me to sleep in your bed with you?"
"Yes, Erik, that is what I just said," she says with a soft laugh, obviously finding my stunned behavior humorous.
"Are you sure?" I ask as she takes my hand in hers and pulls me towards the bed once again.
"Yes, Erik, I am quite sure," she says as she stops at the side of the bed. "Now lay down," she says with a smile as she gives me a gentle push so that I have no choice but to sit on the side of the bed.
"I do not know about this, Marie," I say, still finding this whole situation very uncomfortable and very unbelievable. She wishes for me to sleep in her bed while holding her in my arms? How can this be? "I have never slept in the same bed with someone," I admit uncomfortably.
"It is really quite simple, Erik. Now lay down and I will show you what to do," she says softly as she gives me another gentle push which forces me onto my back. Walking around to the other side of the bed she crawls in beside me and turns to face me. I have not moved a muscle. "Relax Erik," she says as she moves closer to my side. "Pretend we are sitting on the couch in the study and hold me."
"Are you sure that this is what you want?" I ask as I cautiously turn to face her and wrap my arms around her.
"Yes," she says as she snuggles closer to me so that our bodies are touching. This contact causes me to tense up even more than I already am. "Relax," she says in a soft whisper as she brushes a soft kiss to my lips before laying her head close to mine on the pillow.
"Please do not do that again, Marie," I whisper softly, afraid of what might happen if she were to kiss me again. I had restrained myself from acting upon my urges earlier but being in the position to be holding her in my arms while sharing her bed is sure to provoke more urges and I am afraid that I will not be able to fight them as I did before.
"Why not, Erik?" she asks quietly with an amused look on her face.
"If you continue to tease me with kisses while we are in such an intimate position I do not know if I will be able to restrain myself from going any further than just kissing your lips and caressing your back." I admit honestly.
"Well then, I suppose we had better go to sleep," she says as she places another soft kiss to my lips before snuggling closer to me. Closing her eyes she sighs contently as she drifts off to sleep.
"Sweet dreams, my love," I say quietly as I lay here with her asleep in my arms. I do not fall asleep quickly but instead I lay here basking in the warmth of her body as I pull her even closer to me. So this is what it feels like to sleep in the same bed as the one you love... warm and safe. I never thought I would know such a feeling of peace in my long tortured heart. This precious child sleeping so trustingly in my arms has given me the things that I never thought I would ever have... someone to hold, someone to kiss, someone to love who holds, kisses, and loves me in return. She is not a child but a woman whom has given me a reason to go on living. She truly is my heart, my soul, the very breath I breathe and my entire purpose for living. I know that if I were to lose her I would surely die for I could never go back to life as I had known it before she came into my life.
Complete exhaustion finally causes me to fall asleep with Marie in my arms and when I wake a few hours later I find that in our sleep we have moved into a rather provocative position. I seem to have rolled onto my back and while doing so I pulled her partially on top of me with her one knee resting between mine and her head resting over my heart. Closing my eyes once more I savor the feel of her body pressed against mine in such a way. I do not wish to wake her but I also do not want her to find us in this position when she does awake. Deciding that I must get her off of me without waking her I reluctantly open my eyes and am met with quite a surprise. It seems that while I was thinking this situation over she has also awoke for she is looking at me with a very content look on her face.
As her eyes meet mine she whispers softly, "good morning, Erik. Did you sleep well?" Before I can answer she raises her head and presses her lips to mine for a soft but passionate kiss.
As my body responds to this exquisite torture I realize that if I do not remove myself from this situation I am going to lose control. Moving my arms from around her back I place them on her sides and gently but firmly move her from atop me. As soon as I am free from the weight of her body I hurry to my feet. "Forgive me, Marie," I say hurriedly as I glance at her on the bed. She has such a surprised look on her face that I do not know if it is caused by the speed at which I set her aside before fleeing the bed or from the realization of what almost happened between us. "Perhaps it would be best if I go prepare breakfast for you."
"Erik," she says softly as I am about to leave the room. "It is only four-thirty and I am not even hungry."
Glancing at the clock I see that she is correct. "Then I shall return to my room," I say logically as I turn to leave once more.
"Please stay, Erik," she calls out to me as she scurries from the bed. "It felt so wonderful waking in your arms. Your presence kept the nightmares away and I slept peacefully for the first time since my parents died," she says as she places her arms around me and gazes up at me.
"My sweet Marie, if I stay here I am afraid of what I might do if you were to kiss me again while in such a compromising position. I do not want to rush things with you, Marie, nor do I wish to frighten you with the knowledge that an old, deformed man desires you as a normal man would. Yes, I admit that I do desire you but I dare not even dream that these feelings might be reciprocated," I say as I try to ease away from her to no avail.
"How can you be so sure that your feelings of love and desire are not reciprocated?" she questions as she eases away from me but quickly grabs hold of my arm to prevent me from fleeing the room.
"How could you possibly desire an old, deformed man?" I question, unable to believe what she is suggesting.
"Erik, you are not an old, deformed man... at least in my eyes you are not nor will you ever be," she says softly before placing a gentle hand to my scarred cheek and a soft kiss to my lips.
"My dear, I believe you are in desperate need of glasses," I say still unable to believe that she really feels this way for me.
"Come back to bed, Erik," she says softly as she tugs on my arm. "I never again wish to sleep without you beside me." Her words stun me so much that I allow myself to be led to her bed once more. How can she wish for me to lay in her bed with her after what I just admitted? How can she say that she never wants to sleep without me by her side? Does she realize what those words suggest?
I regain my senses as she gently pushes me down onto the bed as she had done only a few hours before. "Are you sure that this is what you truly want Marie? Do you realize that you have just claimed to never want to sleep alone again... that you want me, a monster, to share your bed with you every night?"
"Yes, Erik, I am quite aware of what I have just said and what I meant by saying it and as I have told you before, you are not a monster," she replies softly as she lays down beside me and rests her head on my chest. "I know that as long as I am in your arms I am truly safe."
How can she feel truly safe while being held in the arms of a monster who desires her as I have never desired anyone before? "How can you be so sure that you are safe while in my arms?" I question, no longer able to avoid it.
Marie raises her head from my chest and looks shyly into my eyes. "I know that I have nothing to fear while in your arms. I know that you would never hurt me. I also know that when you are ready to admit to yourself that I love you and desire you just as much as you love and desire me we will be together in every sense of the word. I will not rush you but do not think that I will not encourage you whenever or however I possibly can," she finishes with a sly almost wanton smile on her face. Without warning she repositions herself so that we are now laying as we had been when we awoke. I am truly shocked by her words and such boldness. My face must have shown it for she bursts out laughing at me. The look on my face must be a priceless one to warrant such laughter.
"What is it you find so humorous?" I ask sternly, trying to regain control of the situation. I cannot move her from atop me as I had a short time ago due to the fact that she has my arms pinned beneath her hands.
"Erik, you really must learn to relax," she says as her laughter fades.
"How do you expect me to relax while you have me pinned to the bed in such a compromising position?" I question her with contempt in my voice. I cannot help but feel cornered.
"I am sorry, Erik, but I know that this is the only way to keep you in my bed." With that she places a soft, lingering kiss to my lips. As her lips leave mine she places feather light kisses down my throat and on to my chest until her head is positioned over my heart. "Go back to sleep, Erik," she says softly before placing her ear over my heart and closing her eyes. With that she releases her hold on my arms and instead wraps her arms about my sides.
"As you wish," I whisper as I wrap my arms around her, no longer able to convince myself that holding her like this is wrong... after all, how can something that feels so right possibly be wrong? I am not holding her against her will... it is she who has pinned me down to this bed. Gazing down upon her peaceful face I realize that she is already asleep. Thoroughly exhausted by all these emotions I take Marie's advice and relax. She really wishes to sleep like this every night? If this is true then I must have been blessed with an angel sent from heaven for no woman on this earth would ever willingly allow me to touch her let alone kiss her perfect lips and hold her in my arms like this as she sleeps. How does she know that we will one day be together in every sense of the word? Is she trying to tell me that she wishes to lay with me? Can I allow myself to believe that she would willingly share her bed with me in such a way? The thought of such a thing seems absurd but then had I not thought the same thing about holding her in my arms and kissing her lips? I have been allow the pleasure of doing both those things so why do I feel that I will always be neglected the opportunity to make love to this woman who is sleeping so trustingly in my arms? She has placed herself in a very tempting position and I am quite sure that she realizes what her body is doing to mine. As I enjoy the feel of her body so close to mine I feel myself drifting off to sleep.
Hours later, Charles begins to cry and slowly draws me from my slumber. He does not cry for long though and it seems that after realizing we are both in the room with him he decides not to disturb us. I feel Marie shifting on top of me and still not awake enough to be fully aware of my actions I instinctively wrap my arms tighter around her and pull her closer against me once more as I savor the feel of her body pressed against mine. I then allow my hands to travel slowly down her back. Placing my hands on her hips I realize once again that our bodies fit together perfectly as though we were molded for each other. Marie shifts her body slightly and I find my body responding instantly to her movements. As a soft sigh escapes her lips I become acutely aware of what I have just done. I quickly release my hold on her and close my eyes tightly, expecting her to either slap me or flee from me. She does neither of these things but instead presses her lips to mine. Not yet ready for this dream to end I wrap my arms around her and hold her close once more as I return her kiss quite passionately.
Giving in to our need for air our lips part reluctantly and when she is able to speak she says softly, "I believe that I could very easily get used to waking up like this, Erik. I was very serious this morning when I told you that I never wish to sleep without you beside me... or under me for that matter," she finishes with a soft laugh as she moves her hips slightly and feels my body's reaction.
"Marie, if you do not cease moving around on me like that I am going to have no choice but to remove myself from your bed and never return to it again for your own protection for I cannot take much more of this sweet torture." I say huskily as I try unsuccessfully to stop her movements. It is taking every bit of self-restraint and willpower I have not to remove the thin barriers that prevent me from making love to her this very moment. Her teasing me is almost too much for me to bear.
Marie must have taken my warning to heart for she ceases her movements and carefully rolls off of me to lay by my side with her arm draped across my stomach. "I am sorry, Erik. I know that I told you I would not rush you but when I awoke in your arms and you pressed my body so close to yours and I felt what my body was capable of doing to you I could not help but try to encourage things to progress." As she finishes that sentence she gazes downward and I see her blush as she notices exactly what she is capable of doing to my body for my black silk pajama bottoms look more like a tent at the moment.
"Forgive me, Marie, I did not mean to embarrass you," I say as I quickly roll onto my side so that I am facing away from her as my own face takes on a rather bright shade of red.
"It is I who should apologize, Erik. I did not mean to cause you any discomfort." With that she places her arm around me once more and presses herself against my back as she lets out a soft sigh of contentment.
"After seeing the proof of how you affect me can you honestly say that you still wish for me to share your bed every night?" I ask quietly.
"Yes, Erik, I wish for you to share my bed with me forever," she says softly as she places a soft kiss to the back of my neck.
"You said before that you were trying to encourage things to progress... how so?" I question, still finding the events of the past two days quite unbelievable. She has been here for a mere five days yet I find it hard to remember how I had lived before she came into my life. Having regained control of my body I feel it is safe to face her once again therefore, I turn over onto my other side and place a hand to her waist as I wait for her explanation.
"Erik, I know that you are a very proper gentleman and that because of the way you have been treated all your life you are afraid to take the initiative in certain situations because you are frightened of being rejected. I already know that you do not believe that any woman on this earth could possibly love you or desire you but that is where you are wrong. I love you and I also desire you as I have never desired anyone before. When I said about trying to encourage things to progress I was indeed trying to convince you that there is one woman who shares your feelings of love and desire. I know that I am the woman you have secretly been hoping for all your life but you do not seem to realize that yet and I was trying to help you to come to that realization, Erik. I must seem like a wanton woman who belongs in a brothel instead of here in your home. I should not have been so foolish... I have never behaved in such a way before," she finishes as she looks away from me as though she is ashamed of how she has behaved.
"Marie, I do not think of you as those horrid things. I know that you are innocent and pure but I do not understand how you could possibly be attracted to me. Why?" I ask for I have never been accepted for who I am or what I look like and suddenly a beautiful, young woman has entered my life who claims to feel for me the way that I feel for her. How can this be?
"I have been attracted to you my whole life. It is as though an invisible force has been leading me to you. You are my destiny, Erik, of that I am sure," she says as she turns her bright blue eyes to gaze lovingly into mine. "Will you continue to share my bed, Erik?" As I am about to interrupt she presses a finger to my lips and continues, "It was a relief to sleep without any nightmares. And I promise that I will not repeat my actions of this morning unless you make the first move and are aware of what it is you are doing... although you seemed to have a pretty good idea earlier," she finishes with a sly smile.
"Marie, I am trying very hard to trust you but it is something that is going to take time," I say seriously as I look pleadingly into her eyes. I am hoping that she will understand why it is so difficult for me to open my heart to the pain that would surely result from her turning away from me in fear or disgust.
"Erik, I know that you have been hurt badly in the past and you fear that I will do the same. I will give you as much time as you need to realize I will never hurt you," she says softly.
"Thank you for being so understanding, Marie," I say softly as I cautiously pull her against me. "I will sleep in your bed as long as you wish for me to be here." As Charles begins to cry in earnest this time I pull away from her reluctantly and say, "I believe your brother thinks we have spent enough time in bed this morning. I will go prepare him a bottle," I say as I get out of bed and walk towards the door.
"We shall be awaiting your return," Marie says with a smile as she gets out of bed and walks over to the crib. I watch her movements as she leans over the crib and picks Charles up. Not wishing to be caught watching her as I had the previous day I quickly avert my eyes and make a hasty retreat from the room as she turns in my direction.
Once in the kitchen I warm the last of the milk and realize that I will have to journey up for some fresh supplies. With the two of them down here with me I can no longer stretch my supplies for a month at a time... I will now need to go above ground once a week.
While the milk is warming I decide to return to my own room for a while to bathe and get dressed. As I go about these simple tasks I allow my mind to wander back to the events of yesterday and this morning. A mere twenty-four hours ago I would not have dreamed it possible to be permitted to kiss her lips and to hold her in my arms while she slept. I find this all very hard to believe but I know that I did not merely dream of these things happening for the feelings resulting from such contact was much to real to have been provoked by a pleasant dream. Waking with her atop me this morning was quite a pleasurable surprise. She does not know how close I came to losing the battle I was fighting. If she would have continued her movements for a few moments longer I believe that I would have lost control and would have done what I always swore that I would not do... force myself upon a woman. Would I have been forcing her? I wonder as I recall how she had teased me. This thought leaves me rather shaken. I have known her for less than a week and the thought of her willingly allowing me to make love to her is just too much to fathom. Even if she has known me through her dreams most of her life why would she willingly lay with me? Not a single soul has ever found me worthy of their love and affection... why would a beautiful young woman like her be any different?
"Erik? Is the bottle ready yet?" Marie calls from down the hall. While lost in thought I seemed to have lost track of time.
"It will be ready in a few minutes, Marie," I call as I hurry out of the bathtub and proceed to dry off and get dressed as quickly as possible. Once this task is accomplished I hurry to the kitchen only to find Marie preparing the bottle.
"Where were you?" she asks as she turns to face me. Noticing my wet hair she says, "I am sorry, I did not mean to disturb your bath."
"There is no need to apologize, my dear. It is I who am sorry. I lost track of time and forgot all about the bottle," I say as I admire her standing before me in a lovely light blue dress.
"You do not need to apologize, Erik. I have been lost in my thoughts also and had forgotten about the bottle until Charles began to cry for it once more. I know that my actions these past couple of days have given you much to think about," she says as she closes the distance between us and presses her lips to mine in a sweet but all too short kiss.
"I have been doing a great deal of thinking, Marie. But, I have yet to sort these things out in my mind. I am afraid that it may take a long time for me to understand all that has happened these past few days," I admit honestly.
"You may take all the time you need. I will not rush you," Marie says softly as she caresses my cheek.
"Thank you for being so understanding, Marie," I say softly as I lower my lips to hers for a brief kiss. As I hear Charles crying from down the hall I add, "perhaps we should get that bottle to your brother. I believe we have kept him waiting long enough."
"I must agree with you, Erik. I think that he has wanted it since we first awoke this morning but he did not have the heart to interrupt us," she says with a soft laugh before leaving the kitchen.
"Remind me to thank him for such generosity," I say as I join in her laughter. She causes me to feel at ease when I am in her company... when our bodies are not pressed together in a compromising position, that is.
As we enter Marie's room Charles ceases his crying as he catches sight of the bottle. "Is this what you want, Charles?" Marie asks softly as she cradles him in her arms and offers him the bottle which he sucks at greedily.
"What would you like for breakfast?" I ask Marie as she sits down on the sofa with the baby. Glancing at the clock I see that it is almost nine-thirty already.
"Bacon and eggs would be wonderful," she replies with a smile.
"Then bacon and eggs you shall have," I say as I bow gracefully before returning to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
Before I begin the task of preparing breakfast I decide to take inventory of the supplies since I am sure it will be a while before Marie is ready to eat. I quickly move about the room and make a list of what we are low on. Once finished I add a few things that I am sure Marie will need for the baby and for herself. After breakfast I will ask her if there is anything else she would like me to pick up while I am out for I do not feel that it is safe for her and the baby to accompany me today. I really do not like the idea of going above ground while it is still daylight but the baby will need milk before dark so I have no choice.
"Is breakfast ready yet?" Marie asks as she enters the kitchen. I quickly pull out a chair for her to sit down.
"I thought I would wait until you were finished with Charles before preparing breakfast. I would not want it to get cold before you had the chance to eat it," I say logically as I begin to make her meal.
"Thank you, Erik," she says as I hand her a glass of orange juice. Picking the list up from the table she then asks, "am I to go shopping today?"
"No, my dear, I will be going after you eat. If there is anything else you would like me to get while I am out add it to the list and I will be glad to get it for you," I say as I place her bacon and eggs on a plate. As I turn to give her the plate I see that she has an odd, somewhat frightened look on her very pale face. "Is something wrong?" I ask as I place the plate in front of her and turn her to face me. "You look like you have just seen a ghost," I say very concerned by this sudden change in her appearance.
"Please allow me to go instead, Erik," she begs as a tear falls from her eye.
"Do you not wish to remain here with me?" I ask as the only logical explanation for this sudden request is that she wishes to flee from me.
"It is not that, Erik," she begins as another tear travels down her cheek. "I was not completely honest with you last night when I came to your room. I told you that I had the nightmare of my parents being murdered but that is not the dream that caused me to come to you. I am getting rather used to the one about my parents and although it is painful to relive it in my dreams it is no longer enough to cause me to become frightened by it. I had a nightmare after that one. It was not something from the past but something that I fear is going to happen soon. I did not tell you about it last night because I wanted to push it from my mind and forget about it in your arms. The dream last night showed you walking in the shadows cast by the sun shining behind buildings as you tried to blend in as much as possible. You were carrying several packages and you were alone. As you turned the corner into another alley someone jumped out at you from the shadows and caught you off guard landing a severe blow to the back of your head. You quickly lost consciousness and the man took out a large knife. He thrust it deep into your chest and laughed while doing so," she finishes on a sob as her tears spring forth no longer able to be held back.
"Oh, Marie," I say gently as I pull her into my arms and hold her close. This woman in my arms has just told me in great detail how I could very possibly die today. What am I to do? I refuse to allow her to accompany me and risk the death of her and her brother along with mine. Maybe the dream she has been having prior to this is a sign of what would happen if she did accompany me on this excursion. If I am to die today it will be alone. No, I will not die. I will not allow someone to take away my first chance at happiness.
"Please promise me you will not go today," she pleads when she is once again able to speak. "I do not want you to leave me, Erik. I love you and it would kill me if I were to lose you!"
"Marie, I must go. Your brother will need milk before nightfall and I will not take you with me to put you in danger. I will promise you that I will be extra cautious and constantly on my guard. I will not allow anyone to kill me... not now when I have just realized how wonderful life can be," I say passionately and I lower my lips to hers in an attempt to convince her that I mean what I say. After a few moments of shared bliss I reluctantly lift my lips from hers and quietly await her next words.
She looks up at me in resignation as she says, "promise me that you will not allow anyone to hurt you. I can not bear the thought of my life without you in it!"
"I swear to you Marie. I will not willingly allow anything bad to happen to me. I will even avoid shadows and dark alleys if that is what you wish," I say as I gaze lovingly into her eyes.
"I guess that will have to be good enough since I obviously cannot convince you not to go," she says as she clings tightly to me.
"Please eat your breakfast, Marie, I promise you that I will be fine," I say as I ease her back into her chair. I am truly moved by how much she seems to care about me. She loves me and does not wish to live without me. That is also how I feel about her. Could she truly be my soul mate? If I journey above ground today will I live to spend another night in her arms? Of course I will, I tell myself as I replay the words she spoke earlier of my untimely demise. I have just found what true happiness is as I slept in Marie's arms and I am not about to let some faceless man take that away from me before I have the chance to explore the depths of these feelings Marie and I share. I simply will not allow it.
Marie reluctantly picks up her fork and takes a bite of bacon. The act of eating seems to help take her mind off of our conversation as she slowly clears off her plate. Once she is finished she stands and begins the process of cleaning up. I allow her to proceed for it seems to keep her mind away from my inevitable journey. "When will you be leaving?" she asks as she puts the last pan away.
"I shall be leaving in a few minutes," I reply hesitantly. "I will need to go to my room for a few things before I leave. Is there anything you would like to add to the list before I go?"
"Yes, I can think of just one thing that is not on the list that I desperately wish for you to bring back to me," she says as she takes a shaky breath.
"What might that be, Marie?" I ask gently as I see she is close to tears once more.
"You, Erik, I want you to come back to me safe and secure. I do not care if you come back empty handed as long as you come back alive." With that said the tears begin to flow once more and I quickly pull her into my arms.
"I love you, Marie. I swear on that love that I will come back to you alive and well," I say softly in her ear. "I am not about to give up on the joy I have found with you." My words seem to calm her for she has stopped crying and her trembling has subsided. I gently ease her from my arms and pick up the list of things that I need to get. "I shall be back as soon as I can, Marie," I say softly as I prepare to leave the kitchen and return to my room for what I will need to begin my journey.
"I shall be awaiting your return," she whispers as I kiss her softly before I leave the kitchen.
Upon entering my room I select a mask which is painted a tan color so if it is viewed from a distance or in a shadowed area it appears as though I have a normal face. I put this mask on followed by my felt hat and my warm winter cloak. I then press a stone on the far wall which reveals an opening. From the opening I remove some money along with my knife and Punjab lasso. I quickly place these items on my person where neither will be easily detected yet are readily available for use. Satisfied that I have everything that I will need to make it back here safely I close the opening in the wall and leave my room.
I quickly make my way to the little boat and cross the lake. I dock the boat at the Rue Scribe entrance to save time and walking all those blasted steps. Pulling the hood over my head allows me to conceal my face from view and blend in well with all the other men on the streets. Thanks to this fact I do not need to keep to the shadows and less traveled alleys.
I move quickly from shop to shop making my selections and taking care to keep my mask in shadowed profile with the help of my hood. I keep to the main streets and avoid the shadows caused by the buildings. When turning a corner I use great care to avoid making too tight a turn but instead move towards the opposite side of the street where I can see every detail to avoid a surprise attack. So far nothing out of the ordinary has occurred and I find myself relaxing a bit as I begin my journey back to the Rue Scribe.
As I near the alley where I had first discovered my precious Marie the sound of a tiny kitten catches my attention. I catch sight of it entering the alley... it is a little Siamese kitten that is not much more than skin and bones. The little ball of fur reminds me of my Ayesha who died last year of a broken heart for since Christine had left me I had lost my will to live and my loving cat could no longer bear to watch me waste away in my tomb. Deciding that the poor creature can not possibly survive another night on the streets I enter the alley. That is when a sharp pain enters the back of my head and I slump to the ground thinking what a fool I am to have allowed a kitten to sway me from my safe return. In a last attempt I grab my knife and fight to stay conscious. The blackness wins.
"Erik?" Marie says as barely more than a whisper as she gently shakes me, "Erik, please wake up."
Realizing that I am no longer dreaming, I sit up and immediately become alert. Glancing at the clock I see that it is two in the morning. "What is it, Marie?" I ask concerned by the obvious evidence that she has been crying. Had she called for me in her sleep and I did not hear her? She begins to shake with new tears and I quickly climb out of my coffin. Pulling her into my arms I gently caress her back in an attempt to calm her. "It is alright. I am here. I will not let anything hurt you." This seems to calm her some for she stops crying and looks up at me.
Once she is again able to speak without crying she says, "Erik, I dreamt of my parents again."
"Oh, Marie, forgive me for not hearing you call..." I begin but she quickly cuts me off by placing a finger to my lips.
"I did not call out to you, Erik," she begins. "I awoke from the nightmare and came to you instead of possibly waking Charles." With that she eases from my embrace and takes my hand in hers.
"Where are we going?" I ask as she leads me from the room.
"To my room," she says softly as she gives me a brief look as she leads me down the hall to her door.
"Why have you brought me here?" I ask her, unsure of what that look was supposed to mean.
"Your coffin is too small for me to share it with you like I had when I was a small child. I thought that my bed would work much better," she whispers as she looks up at me shyly before pulling me through the open doorway.
I am so stunned by her words that I can do nothing but follow her into the room and over to her bed. As she throws back the covers and moves to pull me down onto the bed I regain my senses and refuse to move from where I am standing. What is she doing bringing me to her room... to her bed?
"What is it, Erik?" she asks softly as she moves towards me in her white cotton nightgown.
Backing away from her advances I soon find myself pressed against the wall, trembling. "What are your intentions?" I ask in little more than a whisper.
"Erik, you do not need to be frightened of me," she says as she reaches a gentle hand to my cheek. "I mean you no harm. I merely wish to sleep in your arms where I know that I will feel safe."
Not allowing myself to believe that I had heard her correctly, I ask, "you wish for me to sleep in your bed with you?"
"Yes, Erik, that is what I just said," she says with a soft laugh, obviously finding my stunned behavior humorous.
"Are you sure?" I ask as she takes my hand in hers and pulls me towards the bed once again.
"Yes, Erik, I am quite sure," she says as she stops at the side of the bed. "Now lay down," she says with a smile as she gives me a gentle push so that I have no choice but to sit on the side of the bed.
"I do not know about this, Marie," I say, still finding this whole situation very uncomfortable and very unbelievable. She wishes for me to sleep in her bed while holding her in my arms? How can this be? "I have never slept in the same bed with someone," I admit uncomfortably.
"It is really quite simple, Erik. Now lay down and I will show you what to do," she says softly as she gives me another gentle push which forces me onto my back. Walking around to the other side of the bed she crawls in beside me and turns to face me. I have not moved a muscle. "Relax Erik," she says as she moves closer to my side. "Pretend we are sitting on the couch in the study and hold me."
"Are you sure that this is what you want?" I ask as I cautiously turn to face her and wrap my arms around her.
"Yes," she says as she snuggles closer to me so that our bodies are touching. This contact causes me to tense up even more than I already am. "Relax," she says in a soft whisper as she brushes a soft kiss to my lips before laying her head close to mine on the pillow.
"Please do not do that again, Marie," I whisper softly, afraid of what might happen if she were to kiss me again. I had restrained myself from acting upon my urges earlier but being in the position to be holding her in my arms while sharing her bed is sure to provoke more urges and I am afraid that I will not be able to fight them as I did before.
"Why not, Erik?" she asks quietly with an amused look on her face.
"If you continue to tease me with kisses while we are in such an intimate position I do not know if I will be able to restrain myself from going any further than just kissing your lips and caressing your back." I admit honestly.
"Well then, I suppose we had better go to sleep," she says as she places another soft kiss to my lips before snuggling closer to me. Closing her eyes she sighs contently as she drifts off to sleep.
"Sweet dreams, my love," I say quietly as I lay here with her asleep in my arms. I do not fall asleep quickly but instead I lay here basking in the warmth of her body as I pull her even closer to me. So this is what it feels like to sleep in the same bed as the one you love... warm and safe. I never thought I would know such a feeling of peace in my long tortured heart. This precious child sleeping so trustingly in my arms has given me the things that I never thought I would ever have... someone to hold, someone to kiss, someone to love who holds, kisses, and loves me in return. She is not a child but a woman whom has given me a reason to go on living. She truly is my heart, my soul, the very breath I breathe and my entire purpose for living. I know that if I were to lose her I would surely die for I could never go back to life as I had known it before she came into my life.
Complete exhaustion finally causes me to fall asleep with Marie in my arms and when I wake a few hours later I find that in our sleep we have moved into a rather provocative position. I seem to have rolled onto my back and while doing so I pulled her partially on top of me with her one knee resting between mine and her head resting over my heart. Closing my eyes once more I savor the feel of her body pressed against mine in such a way. I do not wish to wake her but I also do not want her to find us in this position when she does awake. Deciding that I must get her off of me without waking her I reluctantly open my eyes and am met with quite a surprise. It seems that while I was thinking this situation over she has also awoke for she is looking at me with a very content look on her face.
As her eyes meet mine she whispers softly, "good morning, Erik. Did you sleep well?" Before I can answer she raises her head and presses her lips to mine for a soft but passionate kiss.
As my body responds to this exquisite torture I realize that if I do not remove myself from this situation I am going to lose control. Moving my arms from around her back I place them on her sides and gently but firmly move her from atop me. As soon as I am free from the weight of her body I hurry to my feet. "Forgive me, Marie," I say hurriedly as I glance at her on the bed. She has such a surprised look on her face that I do not know if it is caused by the speed at which I set her aside before fleeing the bed or from the realization of what almost happened between us. "Perhaps it would be best if I go prepare breakfast for you."
"Erik," she says softly as I am about to leave the room. "It is only four-thirty and I am not even hungry."
Glancing at the clock I see that she is correct. "Then I shall return to my room," I say logically as I turn to leave once more.
"Please stay, Erik," she calls out to me as she scurries from the bed. "It felt so wonderful waking in your arms. Your presence kept the nightmares away and I slept peacefully for the first time since my parents died," she says as she places her arms around me and gazes up at me.
"My sweet Marie, if I stay here I am afraid of what I might do if you were to kiss me again while in such a compromising position. I do not want to rush things with you, Marie, nor do I wish to frighten you with the knowledge that an old, deformed man desires you as a normal man would. Yes, I admit that I do desire you but I dare not even dream that these feelings might be reciprocated," I say as I try to ease away from her to no avail.
"How can you be so sure that your feelings of love and desire are not reciprocated?" she questions as she eases away from me but quickly grabs hold of my arm to prevent me from fleeing the room.
"How could you possibly desire an old, deformed man?" I question, unable to believe what she is suggesting.
"Erik, you are not an old, deformed man... at least in my eyes you are not nor will you ever be," she says softly before placing a gentle hand to my scarred cheek and a soft kiss to my lips.
"My dear, I believe you are in desperate need of glasses," I say still unable to believe that she really feels this way for me.
"Come back to bed, Erik," she says softly as she tugs on my arm. "I never again wish to sleep without you beside me." Her words stun me so much that I allow myself to be led to her bed once more. How can she wish for me to lay in her bed with her after what I just admitted? How can she say that she never wants to sleep without me by her side? Does she realize what those words suggest?
I regain my senses as she gently pushes me down onto the bed as she had done only a few hours before. "Are you sure that this is what you truly want Marie? Do you realize that you have just claimed to never want to sleep alone again... that you want me, a monster, to share your bed with you every night?"
"Yes, Erik, I am quite aware of what I have just said and what I meant by saying it and as I have told you before, you are not a monster," she replies softly as she lays down beside me and rests her head on my chest. "I know that as long as I am in your arms I am truly safe."
How can she feel truly safe while being held in the arms of a monster who desires her as I have never desired anyone before? "How can you be so sure that you are safe while in my arms?" I question, no longer able to avoid it.
Marie raises her head from my chest and looks shyly into my eyes. "I know that I have nothing to fear while in your arms. I know that you would never hurt me. I also know that when you are ready to admit to yourself that I love you and desire you just as much as you love and desire me we will be together in every sense of the word. I will not rush you but do not think that I will not encourage you whenever or however I possibly can," she finishes with a sly almost wanton smile on her face. Without warning she repositions herself so that we are now laying as we had been when we awoke. I am truly shocked by her words and such boldness. My face must have shown it for she bursts out laughing at me. The look on my face must be a priceless one to warrant such laughter.
"What is it you find so humorous?" I ask sternly, trying to regain control of the situation. I cannot move her from atop me as I had a short time ago due to the fact that she has my arms pinned beneath her hands.
"Erik, you really must learn to relax," she says as her laughter fades.
"How do you expect me to relax while you have me pinned to the bed in such a compromising position?" I question her with contempt in my voice. I cannot help but feel cornered.
"I am sorry, Erik, but I know that this is the only way to keep you in my bed." With that she places a soft, lingering kiss to my lips. As her lips leave mine she places feather light kisses down my throat and on to my chest until her head is positioned over my heart. "Go back to sleep, Erik," she says softly before placing her ear over my heart and closing her eyes. With that she releases her hold on my arms and instead wraps her arms about my sides.
"As you wish," I whisper as I wrap my arms around her, no longer able to convince myself that holding her like this is wrong... after all, how can something that feels so right possibly be wrong? I am not holding her against her will... it is she who has pinned me down to this bed. Gazing down upon her peaceful face I realize that she is already asleep. Thoroughly exhausted by all these emotions I take Marie's advice and relax. She really wishes to sleep like this every night? If this is true then I must have been blessed with an angel sent from heaven for no woman on this earth would ever willingly allow me to touch her let alone kiss her perfect lips and hold her in my arms like this as she sleeps. How does she know that we will one day be together in every sense of the word? Is she trying to tell me that she wishes to lay with me? Can I allow myself to believe that she would willingly share her bed with me in such a way? The thought of such a thing seems absurd but then had I not thought the same thing about holding her in my arms and kissing her lips? I have been allow the pleasure of doing both those things so why do I feel that I will always be neglected the opportunity to make love to this woman who is sleeping so trustingly in my arms? She has placed herself in a very tempting position and I am quite sure that she realizes what her body is doing to mine. As I enjoy the feel of her body so close to mine I feel myself drifting off to sleep.
Hours later, Charles begins to cry and slowly draws me from my slumber. He does not cry for long though and it seems that after realizing we are both in the room with him he decides not to disturb us. I feel Marie shifting on top of me and still not awake enough to be fully aware of my actions I instinctively wrap my arms tighter around her and pull her closer against me once more as I savor the feel of her body pressed against mine. I then allow my hands to travel slowly down her back. Placing my hands on her hips I realize once again that our bodies fit together perfectly as though we were molded for each other. Marie shifts her body slightly and I find my body responding instantly to her movements. As a soft sigh escapes her lips I become acutely aware of what I have just done. I quickly release my hold on her and close my eyes tightly, expecting her to either slap me or flee from me. She does neither of these things but instead presses her lips to mine. Not yet ready for this dream to end I wrap my arms around her and hold her close once more as I return her kiss quite passionately.
Giving in to our need for air our lips part reluctantly and when she is able to speak she says softly, "I believe that I could very easily get used to waking up like this, Erik. I was very serious this morning when I told you that I never wish to sleep without you beside me... or under me for that matter," she finishes with a soft laugh as she moves her hips slightly and feels my body's reaction.
"Marie, if you do not cease moving around on me like that I am going to have no choice but to remove myself from your bed and never return to it again for your own protection for I cannot take much more of this sweet torture." I say huskily as I try unsuccessfully to stop her movements. It is taking every bit of self-restraint and willpower I have not to remove the thin barriers that prevent me from making love to her this very moment. Her teasing me is almost too much for me to bear.
Marie must have taken my warning to heart for she ceases her movements and carefully rolls off of me to lay by my side with her arm draped across my stomach. "I am sorry, Erik. I know that I told you I would not rush you but when I awoke in your arms and you pressed my body so close to yours and I felt what my body was capable of doing to you I could not help but try to encourage things to progress." As she finishes that sentence she gazes downward and I see her blush as she notices exactly what she is capable of doing to my body for my black silk pajama bottoms look more like a tent at the moment.
"Forgive me, Marie, I did not mean to embarrass you," I say as I quickly roll onto my side so that I am facing away from her as my own face takes on a rather bright shade of red.
"It is I who should apologize, Erik. I did not mean to cause you any discomfort." With that she places her arm around me once more and presses herself against my back as she lets out a soft sigh of contentment.
"After seeing the proof of how you affect me can you honestly say that you still wish for me to share your bed every night?" I ask quietly.
"Yes, Erik, I wish for you to share my bed with me forever," she says softly as she places a soft kiss to the back of my neck.
"You said before that you were trying to encourage things to progress... how so?" I question, still finding the events of the past two days quite unbelievable. She has been here for a mere five days yet I find it hard to remember how I had lived before she came into my life. Having regained control of my body I feel it is safe to face her once again therefore, I turn over onto my other side and place a hand to her waist as I wait for her explanation.
"Erik, I know that you are a very proper gentleman and that because of the way you have been treated all your life you are afraid to take the initiative in certain situations because you are frightened of being rejected. I already know that you do not believe that any woman on this earth could possibly love you or desire you but that is where you are wrong. I love you and I also desire you as I have never desired anyone before. When I said about trying to encourage things to progress I was indeed trying to convince you that there is one woman who shares your feelings of love and desire. I know that I am the woman you have secretly been hoping for all your life but you do not seem to realize that yet and I was trying to help you to come to that realization, Erik. I must seem like a wanton woman who belongs in a brothel instead of here in your home. I should not have been so foolish... I have never behaved in such a way before," she finishes as she looks away from me as though she is ashamed of how she has behaved.
"Marie, I do not think of you as those horrid things. I know that you are innocent and pure but I do not understand how you could possibly be attracted to me. Why?" I ask for I have never been accepted for who I am or what I look like and suddenly a beautiful, young woman has entered my life who claims to feel for me the way that I feel for her. How can this be?
"I have been attracted to you my whole life. It is as though an invisible force has been leading me to you. You are my destiny, Erik, of that I am sure," she says as she turns her bright blue eyes to gaze lovingly into mine. "Will you continue to share my bed, Erik?" As I am about to interrupt she presses a finger to my lips and continues, "It was a relief to sleep without any nightmares. And I promise that I will not repeat my actions of this morning unless you make the first move and are aware of what it is you are doing... although you seemed to have a pretty good idea earlier," she finishes with a sly smile.
"Marie, I am trying very hard to trust you but it is something that is going to take time," I say seriously as I look pleadingly into her eyes. I am hoping that she will understand why it is so difficult for me to open my heart to the pain that would surely result from her turning away from me in fear or disgust.
"Erik, I know that you have been hurt badly in the past and you fear that I will do the same. I will give you as much time as you need to realize I will never hurt you," she says softly.
"Thank you for being so understanding, Marie," I say softly as I cautiously pull her against me. "I will sleep in your bed as long as you wish for me to be here." As Charles begins to cry in earnest this time I pull away from her reluctantly and say, "I believe your brother thinks we have spent enough time in bed this morning. I will go prepare him a bottle," I say as I get out of bed and walk towards the door.
"We shall be awaiting your return," Marie says with a smile as she gets out of bed and walks over to the crib. I watch her movements as she leans over the crib and picks Charles up. Not wishing to be caught watching her as I had the previous day I quickly avert my eyes and make a hasty retreat from the room as she turns in my direction.
Once in the kitchen I warm the last of the milk and realize that I will have to journey up for some fresh supplies. With the two of them down here with me I can no longer stretch my supplies for a month at a time... I will now need to go above ground once a week.
While the milk is warming I decide to return to my own room for a while to bathe and get dressed. As I go about these simple tasks I allow my mind to wander back to the events of yesterday and this morning. A mere twenty-four hours ago I would not have dreamed it possible to be permitted to kiss her lips and to hold her in my arms while she slept. I find this all very hard to believe but I know that I did not merely dream of these things happening for the feelings resulting from such contact was much to real to have been provoked by a pleasant dream. Waking with her atop me this morning was quite a pleasurable surprise. She does not know how close I came to losing the battle I was fighting. If she would have continued her movements for a few moments longer I believe that I would have lost control and would have done what I always swore that I would not do... force myself upon a woman. Would I have been forcing her? I wonder as I recall how she had teased me. This thought leaves me rather shaken. I have known her for less than a week and the thought of her willingly allowing me to make love to her is just too much to fathom. Even if she has known me through her dreams most of her life why would she willingly lay with me? Not a single soul has ever found me worthy of their love and affection... why would a beautiful young woman like her be any different?
"Erik? Is the bottle ready yet?" Marie calls from down the hall. While lost in thought I seemed to have lost track of time.
"It will be ready in a few minutes, Marie," I call as I hurry out of the bathtub and proceed to dry off and get dressed as quickly as possible. Once this task is accomplished I hurry to the kitchen only to find Marie preparing the bottle.
"Where were you?" she asks as she turns to face me. Noticing my wet hair she says, "I am sorry, I did not mean to disturb your bath."
"There is no need to apologize, my dear. It is I who am sorry. I lost track of time and forgot all about the bottle," I say as I admire her standing before me in a lovely light blue dress.
"You do not need to apologize, Erik. I have been lost in my thoughts also and had forgotten about the bottle until Charles began to cry for it once more. I know that my actions these past couple of days have given you much to think about," she says as she closes the distance between us and presses her lips to mine in a sweet but all too short kiss.
"I have been doing a great deal of thinking, Marie. But, I have yet to sort these things out in my mind. I am afraid that it may take a long time for me to understand all that has happened these past few days," I admit honestly.
"You may take all the time you need. I will not rush you," Marie says softly as she caresses my cheek.
"Thank you for being so understanding, Marie," I say softly as I lower my lips to hers for a brief kiss. As I hear Charles crying from down the hall I add, "perhaps we should get that bottle to your brother. I believe we have kept him waiting long enough."
"I must agree with you, Erik. I think that he has wanted it since we first awoke this morning but he did not have the heart to interrupt us," she says with a soft laugh before leaving the kitchen.
"Remind me to thank him for such generosity," I say as I join in her laughter. She causes me to feel at ease when I am in her company... when our bodies are not pressed together in a compromising position, that is.
As we enter Marie's room Charles ceases his crying as he catches sight of the bottle. "Is this what you want, Charles?" Marie asks softly as she cradles him in her arms and offers him the bottle which he sucks at greedily.
"What would you like for breakfast?" I ask Marie as she sits down on the sofa with the baby. Glancing at the clock I see that it is almost nine-thirty already.
"Bacon and eggs would be wonderful," she replies with a smile.
"Then bacon and eggs you shall have," I say as I bow gracefully before returning to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
Before I begin the task of preparing breakfast I decide to take inventory of the supplies since I am sure it will be a while before Marie is ready to eat. I quickly move about the room and make a list of what we are low on. Once finished I add a few things that I am sure Marie will need for the baby and for herself. After breakfast I will ask her if there is anything else she would like me to pick up while I am out for I do not feel that it is safe for her and the baby to accompany me today. I really do not like the idea of going above ground while it is still daylight but the baby will need milk before dark so I have no choice.
"Is breakfast ready yet?" Marie asks as she enters the kitchen. I quickly pull out a chair for her to sit down.
"I thought I would wait until you were finished with Charles before preparing breakfast. I would not want it to get cold before you had the chance to eat it," I say logically as I begin to make her meal.
"Thank you, Erik," she says as I hand her a glass of orange juice. Picking the list up from the table she then asks, "am I to go shopping today?"
"No, my dear, I will be going after you eat. If there is anything else you would like me to get while I am out add it to the list and I will be glad to get it for you," I say as I place her bacon and eggs on a plate. As I turn to give her the plate I see that she has an odd, somewhat frightened look on her very pale face. "Is something wrong?" I ask as I place the plate in front of her and turn her to face me. "You look like you have just seen a ghost," I say very concerned by this sudden change in her appearance.
"Please allow me to go instead, Erik," she begs as a tear falls from her eye.
"Do you not wish to remain here with me?" I ask as the only logical explanation for this sudden request is that she wishes to flee from me.
"It is not that, Erik," she begins as another tear travels down her cheek. "I was not completely honest with you last night when I came to your room. I told you that I had the nightmare of my parents being murdered but that is not the dream that caused me to come to you. I am getting rather used to the one about my parents and although it is painful to relive it in my dreams it is no longer enough to cause me to become frightened by it. I had a nightmare after that one. It was not something from the past but something that I fear is going to happen soon. I did not tell you about it last night because I wanted to push it from my mind and forget about it in your arms. The dream last night showed you walking in the shadows cast by the sun shining behind buildings as you tried to blend in as much as possible. You were carrying several packages and you were alone. As you turned the corner into another alley someone jumped out at you from the shadows and caught you off guard landing a severe blow to the back of your head. You quickly lost consciousness and the man took out a large knife. He thrust it deep into your chest and laughed while doing so," she finishes on a sob as her tears spring forth no longer able to be held back.
"Oh, Marie," I say gently as I pull her into my arms and hold her close. This woman in my arms has just told me in great detail how I could very possibly die today. What am I to do? I refuse to allow her to accompany me and risk the death of her and her brother along with mine. Maybe the dream she has been having prior to this is a sign of what would happen if she did accompany me on this excursion. If I am to die today it will be alone. No, I will not die. I will not allow someone to take away my first chance at happiness.
"Please promise me you will not go today," she pleads when she is once again able to speak. "I do not want you to leave me, Erik. I love you and it would kill me if I were to lose you!"
"Marie, I must go. Your brother will need milk before nightfall and I will not take you with me to put you in danger. I will promise you that I will be extra cautious and constantly on my guard. I will not allow anyone to kill me... not now when I have just realized how wonderful life can be," I say passionately and I lower my lips to hers in an attempt to convince her that I mean what I say. After a few moments of shared bliss I reluctantly lift my lips from hers and quietly await her next words.
She looks up at me in resignation as she says, "promise me that you will not allow anyone to hurt you. I can not bear the thought of my life without you in it!"
"I swear to you Marie. I will not willingly allow anything bad to happen to me. I will even avoid shadows and dark alleys if that is what you wish," I say as I gaze lovingly into her eyes.
"I guess that will have to be good enough since I obviously cannot convince you not to go," she says as she clings tightly to me.
"Please eat your breakfast, Marie, I promise you that I will be fine," I say as I ease her back into her chair. I am truly moved by how much she seems to care about me. She loves me and does not wish to live without me. That is also how I feel about her. Could she truly be my soul mate? If I journey above ground today will I live to spend another night in her arms? Of course I will, I tell myself as I replay the words she spoke earlier of my untimely demise. I have just found what true happiness is as I slept in Marie's arms and I am not about to let some faceless man take that away from me before I have the chance to explore the depths of these feelings Marie and I share. I simply will not allow it.
Marie reluctantly picks up her fork and takes a bite of bacon. The act of eating seems to help take her mind off of our conversation as she slowly clears off her plate. Once she is finished she stands and begins the process of cleaning up. I allow her to proceed for it seems to keep her mind away from my inevitable journey. "When will you be leaving?" she asks as she puts the last pan away.
"I shall be leaving in a few minutes," I reply hesitantly. "I will need to go to my room for a few things before I leave. Is there anything you would like to add to the list before I go?"
"Yes, I can think of just one thing that is not on the list that I desperately wish for you to bring back to me," she says as she takes a shaky breath.
"What might that be, Marie?" I ask gently as I see she is close to tears once more.
"You, Erik, I want you to come back to me safe and secure. I do not care if you come back empty handed as long as you come back alive." With that said the tears begin to flow once more and I quickly pull her into my arms.
"I love you, Marie. I swear on that love that I will come back to you alive and well," I say softly in her ear. "I am not about to give up on the joy I have found with you." My words seem to calm her for she has stopped crying and her trembling has subsided. I gently ease her from my arms and pick up the list of things that I need to get. "I shall be back as soon as I can, Marie," I say softly as I prepare to leave the kitchen and return to my room for what I will need to begin my journey.
"I shall be awaiting your return," she whispers as I kiss her softly before I leave the kitchen.
Upon entering my room I select a mask which is painted a tan color so if it is viewed from a distance or in a shadowed area it appears as though I have a normal face. I put this mask on followed by my felt hat and my warm winter cloak. I then press a stone on the far wall which reveals an opening. From the opening I remove some money along with my knife and Punjab lasso. I quickly place these items on my person where neither will be easily detected yet are readily available for use. Satisfied that I have everything that I will need to make it back here safely I close the opening in the wall and leave my room.
I quickly make my way to the little boat and cross the lake. I dock the boat at the Rue Scribe entrance to save time and walking all those blasted steps. Pulling the hood over my head allows me to conceal my face from view and blend in well with all the other men on the streets. Thanks to this fact I do not need to keep to the shadows and less traveled alleys.
I move quickly from shop to shop making my selections and taking care to keep my mask in shadowed profile with the help of my hood. I keep to the main streets and avoid the shadows caused by the buildings. When turning a corner I use great care to avoid making too tight a turn but instead move towards the opposite side of the street where I can see every detail to avoid a surprise attack. So far nothing out of the ordinary has occurred and I find myself relaxing a bit as I begin my journey back to the Rue Scribe.
As I near the alley where I had first discovered my precious Marie the sound of a tiny kitten catches my attention. I catch sight of it entering the alley... it is a little Siamese kitten that is not much more than skin and bones. The little ball of fur reminds me of my Ayesha who died last year of a broken heart for since Christine had left me I had lost my will to live and my loving cat could no longer bear to watch me waste away in my tomb. Deciding that the poor creature can not possibly survive another night on the streets I enter the alley. That is when a sharp pain enters the back of my head and I slump to the ground thinking what a fool I am to have allowed a kitten to sway me from my safe return. In a last attempt I grab my knife and fight to stay conscious. The blackness wins.
