Chapter 11

"Wake up sleepy head," Marie says softly as she gently shakes me. "Lunch is served and it will get cold if you do not get up soon."

Sleep does not yet want to release me from its grasp for I am finding it rather difficult to force my eyes to open. I quickly give up the struggle and allow sleep to hold me in its darkness. I feel the bed sag slightly and am soon greeted with the feel of a warm body pressed against mine. "Must I wake up? I would much rather stay like this than eat," I murmur as I wrap my arms around her and pull her body closer to mine. I slowly run my hand down her back until it rests just above her hips. As I recall what such an action had provoked this morning I hastily move my hand back up her back and slowly open my eyes.

"I would love to remain in your arms like this but if we do not eat soon the lemon peppered fish will get cold," she says softly as she brushes her lips over mine. I am tempted to take that kiss much further but decide against it as I recall what had almost transpired this morning.

"You are quite right, we would not want cold fish for lunch," I say as I reluctantly ease her from my arms. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Long enough for me to make lunch and feed and change Charles and see to the kitten," she says. "You did not even hear Charles when he was crying for his bottle."

"I guess I must have really needed that rest," I say with a small laugh.

"Erik?" Marie says softly as she gets out of bed and turns to look down at me with a shy look on her face.

"Yes, Marie?" I question gently as I wonder why she is looking at me in such a bashful way. She hesitates for an unbearable amount of time and I am beginning to think that she has changed her mind about asking me what ever it is she was about to ask. Sitting up on the bed I take her hands in mine. "What is it Marie?" I ask softly. "Is something troubling you? You do know that you can speak to me about anything at all... I will always listen."

"There is something that I need to discuss with you, Erik. But first I wish to apologize for my behavior this morning. It was quite forward of me and I nearly scared you half to death. I must admit the look on your face when you fully realized that you were not dreaming was rather humorous though," she says with a laugh before continuing. "I have never behaved in such a manner before with any man nor have I ever wished to but with you it is different. I have dreamt of doing such things with you for a long time and seem to forget that this is all very new to you," she finishes as her face turns a very bright red and she adverts her eyes.

"You have dreamt of doing what things with me?" I question as barely more than a whisper. I am finding it hard to believe that she could be speaking of what she seems to be.

Looking at me shyly once more as her face becomes an even brighter shade of red she says quite softly, "I have often dreamt of making love with you Erik. And since my dreams are always correct in their portrayals I know that we will someday fulfill those dreams. I know that you do not wish to rush things with me Erik and I respect you very much for that. I have waited a very long time to finally meet you and I can wait just as long for our relationship to get to that point although I hope it does not take quite that long." She says that last sentence with a soft laugh before continuing on. "I know that I must be making things very difficult for you. After all, you have never been in such a situation before. I just wanted to let you know that when you are ready to take that next step you can do so without fear of rejection or repulsion from me. I will accept you willingly with open arms." With that she leans forward and pressing her lips to mine she kisses me softly.

As our lips part I whisper shakily, "I believe I need to sit down."

"Erik, you are sitting down," Marie says with a soft smile but it is quickly replaced with a look of concern. "Erik, you look paler than usual. Are you all right?"

I am quite shocked by what she has just confessed to me. She wishes to lay with me. She has even dreamt of doing so. She truly was trying to seduce me this morning. Why? How could she possibly accept me willingly? She has been here for a mere five days yet if I would not have managed to control myself this morning I would not have been forcing her. This woman standing before me truly loves me for me... she loves me unconditionally.

"Erik, are you all right?" she asks again. Her words slowly stir me from my stunned thoughts.

"I am fine, Marie. Your words simply shocked me. You truly believe that we will someday be together in such a way?" I question as I regain my senses. I do, however, refrain from asking one other question... am I any good?

"Yes, Erik, I am quite sure that we will. You just have to decide when the time is right. I will not try to rush you again as I did this morning. Come, the fish will be getting cold if we do not eat it soon," she says as she pulls me to my feet and leads me down the hall to the kitchen.

"Allow me, Marie," I say softly as I pull a chair out for her and motion for her to sit down.

"Thank you, Erik," she says with a smile as she sits down and I take my seat across from her.

"You are quite welcome, my dear," I say as I pick up my fork and take a bite of the lemon peppered fish. "This is delicious," I compliment as I take another bite.

"Thank you, Erik. But it is a rather simple dish," she says as she blushes slightly at the compliment.

"You are too modest about your cooking, Marie," I say softly before I resume eating. This woman sitting across from me is simply amazing. Her acceptance of these dreams that I cannot even begin to fathom is unbelievable and her honesty about my role in these dreams simply shocks me. Only a few minutes ago she stood before me and told me that she is quite certain that we will one day lay together and the thought of doing such a thing did not bother her the least. She will not be repulsed or frightened by me. She will not try to force me into doing anything I am not yet ready to do and of this I am quite relieved. I would prefer to get to know her better before taking our relationship to that level.

"Are you sure you are feeling well Erik? You seem quite preoccupied by your food," she says and I quickly realize that I have been idly pushing bits of my fish around on my plate.

"I am fine, Marie. I was just thinking of all the things that have happened today," I say vaguely hoping she will leave it go at that.

"Were you thinking of any particular event that happened today?" she questions gently as she gazes across the table at me with a concerned look on her face. Could she possibly be worried about me?

"No, not really. It is just that so much has happened today that there is a great deal to think about. First you try to seduce me, next you save my life, and then you tell me rather forthright that you and I will one day make love. My head is throbbing painfully and it seems the more I think of all of this the more my head hurts," I admit quite reluctantly.

"Would you like to talk with me about these things that are troubling you?" she asks softly.

"I do not think it would be a very good idea right now. I fear that I may say something that I will only regret when the pain in my head clears," I say hesitantly. I can just imagine Marie's face marred with fear or apprehension if I were to admit my true feelings to her. I do not wish to open my heart to the pain her rejection would undoubtedly cause.

"What could you possibly say to me that would cause you to regret your words when your head is no longer hindered by pain?" Marie asks and I can see she is worried.

"I am afraid that in my current state of vulnerability I may reveal things to you that I am not yet ready to face myself and in doing so you may reject me. I do not wish to open myself to the pain your rejection would cause," I say softly as I hope that she will accept this answer for it is the truth. My reasoning is met with silence as she ponders my words before giving her response.

"Finish your lunch and then we will go to the study for a while. Maybe you will change your mind about discussing these things with me for I can assure you that nothing you can say will ever cause me to reject you," she says gently as she removes her empty plate from the table and waits for me to finish with mine.

A short time later we walk hand in hand into the study. "Can we please just sit together on the couch and forget about everything else?" I ask hopefully as I lead her to the couch and sit down.

Sitting down beside me, Marie says softly, "I would like that very much but I also would like to know why you feel that I will reject you if you tell me of your feelings. However, I can respect that you are not yet ready to admit these things to yourself but I hope that you will soon find it in your heart to accept these things you feel for me and also the feelings I hold in my heart for you." With that said she leans her head against my chest and wraps her arms around me. I immediately wrap my arms around her and pull her even closer to my side.

"Thank you for being so understanding, Marie," I whisper in her ear before closing my eyes and pushing all thoughts from my mind simply savor the feel of holding her in my arms like this.

We remain like this until Charles begins to cry from down the hall. "Stay here and relax, I will go see to him," Marie says as she moves to get up.

"No, I will go see to the child. I think that holding him is just what I need right now," I say softly as I get up from the couch and gaze down at Marie pleadingly.

"If you think that will help then by all means go right ahead. Take as much time as you need with Charles. I will be waiting for your return, my dear Erik," she says encouragingly.

"Thank you, Marie," I say gratefully as I hurry out the door and down the hall to Marie's room. As I enter the room Charles stops crying and reaches out for me to pick him up. I walk to the crib and quickly oblige. As I lean over the crib and take him into my arms he squeals with delight and smiles brightly up at me. "Are you hungry little one?" I ask softly as I hold him close. He smiles up at me in response. I carry him to the kitchen and warm some milk for his bottle. When I am satisfied that it is not too hot I fix his bottle and return to Marie's room. Sitting on the sofa I offer him the bottle which he accepts eagerly.

As I sit here holding Charles I cannot help but think of how wonderful it is to hold this tiny baby who accepts me for me. He is going to grow up down here with me playing the role of his father. He will never look at me in fear. He will love me unconditionally just as his sister does. His sister wishes to lay with me... does that also mean that she wishes to bear my children? How can I allow myself to even think that I may one day have a child of my own? Surely she does not wish to carry a monster's child in her womb. What if she does and it is born looking like myself? Would she look upon that baby with repulsion and hatred as my own mother had me? I could never subject a child to repeat the kind of life that I have known all these years. But what if the baby was normal? There is always the chance that whatever caused me to look like this would not be passed on to my child. But even if she did bear my child and it was born looking like me and she resented that child it still would not have the kind of life that I have always known... I would love that child regardless of what it looks like. Deep down I believe that Marie would also love our child in the same way for she loves me regardless of my deformed face. Why am I sitting here thinking of children? I probably cannot even produce a child, I reason ruefully to myself, after all, most freaks are incapable of reproduction. Why is it that the majority of my thoughts seem to be centered on my making love with Marie and the things that may result from such a wondrous joining? I do not wish to rush this relationship which is blossoming between the two of us. I am so frightened that if I make the wrong move I will lose her even though she repeatedly assures me that she will never leave me no matter what I admit to her. Why must life be so confusing? I love her with every fiber of my being and after everything she went through today to save my life in that alley I know that she loves me just as much. I have not even checked her dressings yet today. After last night and this morning combined with the confession she made to me earlier how am I ever going to manage to change her dressings and remain professional while doing so? I must not redress them today. They will be fine even if they are not bandaged. I should not have even dressed them yesterday.

Charles has finished his bottle and is now looking up at me contently. Feeling the need to talk to someone about all of this I decide that he would be the perfect listener. He is too young to understand all of this and he cannot speak of these things with anyone. "Oh, Charles, I wish that you could give me all the answers my weary brain is searching for. I know that she loves me... there is no questioning that fact after what she has put herself through just to meet me and to save my life. But am I worthy of that love? She thinks that I am but no one else has ever thought so. She is so different from all those I have met before. I have welcomed death for a very long time yet since the two of you have come into my life I wish only to live to watch you grow and to hold Marie in my arms forever. I do love her, you know. I cannot imagine my life without the two of you in it and I find it hard to remember after only a mere five days how I had survived all these years alone in this world. I have no idea what is expected of me. I have never been in such a position. I am so afraid that I will say or do something wrong and she will leave me down here all alone once more and I know that if she were to do that I would never be able to go back to the way I have lived all these years. I want nothing more than to hold her in my arms and caress her soft skin... to make her mine completely. She claims to be ready for such a thing but am I ready? Would I even know how to go about it?"

"Erik?" Marie calls from somewhere nearby.

"Yes, Marie?" I reply quickly as I wonder if she has heard what was said. Charles is giggling happily.

"What have the two of you been doing for so long?" she asks innocently as she enters the room and walks over to the sofa where she stops directly in front of me.

"I fed Charles his bottle but other than that we have just been sitting here like this while I have been doing some thinking," I say honestly as I suddenly feel like a small child who has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Perhaps I should leave you to your thoughts. But first a word of advice... try not to think so loudly. I believe my brother is a bit too young to be pondering whether you are any good in bed or not. I am the one you should be asking... not him," with that she presses her lips to mine in a very passionate kiss. I am completely stunned by her words but nature prevails and I find myself eagerly returning her kiss.

The need for air finally wins after what seems like an eternity yet was not nearly long enough. After our lips part I regain my ability to speak. "And you think your brother is old enough to witness such a kiss?" I question teasingly.

"Here, let me put Charles in the crib so that your hands are free to wander," Marie says softly while avoiding my question and removing Charles from my arms.

"And where is it you think my hands should wander?" I ask just as softly.

"Anywhere they feel the need to journey," she replies slyly as she places Charles in the crib and returns to the sofa. She takes my hands in hers and tugging firmly she leaves me no choice but to rise. She then proceeds to release my hands and wrap her arms around me as she presses her body tightly against mine.

"I thought you said that you would not try to seduce me again?" I say softly as I feel my body tense from this contact.

"I am not trying to seduce you," she replies with a slight laugh. "I am simply trying to help you answer your questions."

"Marie, please do not do this. I am not ready for this," I plead with her.

"I am sorry, Erik. You are right... I am trying to rush you again. It is just that I hold all the answers you have been seeking, Erik. All you need to do is ask," she says more seriously.

"How can I ask such things of you? How can you even know the answers?" I question skeptically wishing that I could run from the room.

"I know the answers for they have all been shown to me in my dreams. As for you asking me these things that have been troubling you so, I would hope that you feel that you can talk to me about anything, Erik," she says softly as she eases from my arms. "I realize that you are not yet comfortable with all these new feelings my presence has caused and that you do not yet know how to deal with them. Forgive me, Erik. I should not have tried to rush you again."

"It is alright, Marie. I truly do not know what to do. I would like nothing more than to make love with you but I feel that it is too soon. I wish to get to know you better before committing such an act. I still find it quite hard to believe that you wish to do such a thing with me. You truly are like no one I have ever known before," I say softly as a tear threatens to escape.

"Would you like to return to the study for awhile?" she asks gently. "I promise that I will not try to rush you again. I know what the future holds for us and it is definitely worth the wait. You may take as much time as you need to sort out all these unfamiliar feelings. Just remember that I am here for you when you decide you need someone to talk to who will talk back and offer you the answers that you have yet to figure out on your own. I will always be here for you, Erik. I will never leave you," she finishes softly as she takes my hand in hers and leads me from the room.

"Thank you, Marie, for being so understanding," I say gratefully as we walk hand in hand to the study.

"Shall we sit on the couch and just enjoy each other's company for awhile?" Marie asks as she leads me to the couch.

"That sounds like a splendid idea," I say softly as we sit down together and I pull her into my arms.

Marie quickly wraps her arms around me and rests her cheek against my chest, releasing a soft sigh. "I am glad that the day is almost over," Marie comments softly and I cannot help but think of what it will be like to hold her in my arms in her bed once more. I must not think of such things. I will not allow myself to think of these things right now. Instead, I will simply sit here and enjoy the feel of her in my arms and think of nothing else.

We remain like this for almost two hours before either one of us speaks again. "I have not checked your dressings yet today," I comment idly as I gently caress her back but take care not to allow my hand to travel too low.

"Perhaps you should gather the items you need while I go prepare to have them checked," she says as she immediately removes herself from my arms and makes her way to the door.

"If you wish," I say as I stand and follow her out the door. "I believe that your wounds no longer need to be dressed," I add for I do not wish to put myself in the awkward position of having her lying naked on the bed with nothing separating my fingers from her bare flesh.

"How can you be so sure when you have yet to even look at them today?" she questions slyly.

"My dressing them yesterday was a precautionary measure to insure that those wounds which were not quite healed completely would not be bumped open accidentally. Considering the speed at which the rest of your wounds have healed these last few wounds should be healed completely today," I reason as I desperately hope that she believes me.

"I see," she says softly before entering her room and closing the door behind her. Thankful that she has not questioned me further I gather the few supplies I will need to check her wounds one last time. Why had I redressed them yesterday? How am I going to make it through this without losing control? I must remain professional. I must not linger over her bare flesh.

Ten minutes later I am standing before her door trying to muster the nerve to knock. Finally gathering my courage I take a deep breath before I knock softly and await her reply.

"Come in, Erik," she calls softly and I reluctantly open the door. She is lying on her stomach on the bed covered only with the quilt.

"I will make this as quick as possible so we can have dinner before it gets too late," I say as I place the tray on the dresser. My hands are trembling but I manage to hide this fact as I slowly pull the quilt down to reveal her dressings being careful not to touch her bare skin.

"Take your time, Erik. I am not very hungry," she says as she turns her head to the side and looks up at me as best she can from that position. "How do they look?"

"You should still eat," I state firmly as I begin to carefully remove the dressings. Her wounds have healed nicely and I can no longer see a reason to keep them covered. I do not wish to be in this position again. It is far too tempting to caress her skin and allow my eyes to venture where they should not... after all there is a rather lovely view from her side. Quickly pushing this thought from my mind I answer her question. "They have healed nicely. I will not need to redress them," I inform her as I remove the last dressing. "You are a very quick healer, my dear. There, all done," I say as I quickly replace the quilt taking care not to caress her back as I have done in the past.

"Thank you, Erik," Marie says softly as she rolls over onto her back.

"You are quite welcome, my dear. I shall leave you to get dressed. Will you join me in the kitchen when you have finished?" I say hurriedly as I remove the tray from the dresser and make my way to the door.

"Of course, Erik. I shall join you soon," she says softly and I hear her begin to stir from the bed.

"I shall see you then," I say as I quickly leave the room taking care not to look behind me for I am sure she has gotten out of bed. I take my time putting my supplies away before going to the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner, Erik?" Marie asks as I enter the room.

"Anything you would like, Marie," I reply easily for I am much more at ease around her when she is fully clothed.

"May I prepare dinner tonight?" she asks softly as she crosses the room to stand before me.

"Of course you may, my dear," I answer indulgently. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, I can manage. You should relax a bit. You have had a very trying day," she says softly.

"If you wish," I reply. "I shall be in the study. Call me when dinner is ready," I say as I turn to leave the room.

"That sounds like a grand idea, Erik," she agrees before turning her attention to preparing dinner.

"I shall see you soon then," I say as I leave the room and walk the short distance to the study. Upon entering the study I select a book from the ones I purchased today and sit in a chair by the fire. I quickly become absorbed in the story.