Precious Things by SLynn
Spoilers: Up to 'Nesting Dolls'
Rating: R for violence and disturbing content.
Disclaimer: Not mine – well, some are mine, just not the ones you recognize.
And I'm so sad
Like
a good book
I can't put this day back
A sorta fairytale
With
you
A sorta fairytale
With you
'Sorta Fairytale' by Tori Amos
Chapter 31: Sorta Fairytale
Nick was worried.
He understood Greg's reaction at the scene. There was nothing wrong with that. It was almost expected considering the circumstances. What he didn't understand was his almost stoic manner the entire ride back to the lab and the remainder of the evening.
It was honestly frightening.
And Grissom was acting strange too.
Despite that he and Warrick commented to him both separately and together on Greg's behavior he refused to say anything to him about it. Grissom just said he needed some time and space and that eventually he'd come around.
Nick didn't think so.
But still, Greg wasn't talking.
Shift ended and Greg didn't even say goodbye to anyone. As far as Nick knew he just grabbed his things and left.
And it was exactly what he'd done; Greg just wasn't sure where he was going to once he got in his car.
He seriously considered just marching back inside, quitting and then driving back to California without a backwards glance. Seriously considered it for about ten minutes as he sat in his car outside before deciding that was just asking for more trouble. First off he'd have to stay with his parents and there was no way he'd survive that. Second, it just wasn't the right thing to do.
Granted right now he didn't want to do the right thing. He hated to be thinking the way he was but he wanted to do that if only to make Sara wonder. Just let her wonder what the hell happened and never tell her why. Never look back.
But Greg wasn't mean and he wasn't cruel so he couldn't do that.
Instead he took the longest route possible to his house. Took it twice actually to ensure he was calm. He felt calm but knew that it wasn't real. That the moment he saw her he might just erupt.
Still he had to go home sometime and it was better to do it now before she started calling around asking where he was.
Greg pulled into the driveway and stayed in the car for another fifteen minutes. He knew the neighbors must think he was crazy but that didn't matter right now. Nothing mattered right now.
Finally he saw the blinds at the kitchen window flutter and he knew Sara was watching. He had no choice now.
Greg made his way into the house and Sara met him at the door. She was smiling until she got a look at him. Her expression immediately darkened.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
He couldn't even look at her.
"Greg," she said again moving closer, reaching out to touch him only to be shocked when he quickly moved away and turned his back on her. "What happened?"
Sara, worried now, really more worried then she had been in a long time, didn't know what to do. She suspected a lot of things, all of them work related, but she couldn't be certain until he told her. She trusted that he would, eventually he always did.
And she was right about that.
But when Greg turned around she'd expected to see sadness in his eyes, maybe worry, definitely not anger. And he was angry, it was clear. His eyes looked darker then their normal chocolate brown. They were almost black. And another thing was clear to her immediately, why he was angry. Well maybe not why, but at whom.
Greg was obviously angry with her.
"I had a pretty bad night," Greg finally spoke and she'd have sworn it wasn't his voice. It was tight and controlled and just above a whisper. So angry. "I lost it at a scene. Grissom said I should talk to you about it since you had personal experience in that area…"
"Greg," Sara tried to cut him off, knowing where this was going and not liking it at all.
"Said that you'd be able to help given your history," Greg continued on as if she hadn't even said a word, his voice getting tighter as he did. Clearly he was just barely keeping it under control. "And of course I didn't know what he was talking about because we've never talked about your history."
"Greg please," Sara tried once more shutting her eyes tight now trying to will this into just being a very bad dream. "Let me explain."
"I'd love to hear it."
"What did he tell you?" she asked and he immediately shook his head.
"Why don't you just guess," he said flatly. It wasn't a question, it was a challenge.
"I told him about my parents last year during a case. It was the same one Catherine and I had gotten into it about. My mother…" Sara started and then stopped quickly overcome.
She turned away and walked back aimlessly towards the kitchen before returning and sitting down on the couch. Greg had to fight down the urge to just comfort her and it wasn't easy.
"My parents fought," she began again. "A lot. I grew up with it so I didn't know. I really didn't. I thought it was normal, what everyone did. One night it just got to be too much for my mother I guess."
Greg nodded and could figure the rest for himself.
"I wanted to tell you."
"But you never did," Greg returned remembering once more that he was angry.
"No," she admitted looking down.
"And you did tell him."
Sara looked up at him and now his eyes weren't just angry, they were hurt.
"Greg," she said standing quickly and once more moving towards him, "It really isn't like that. It's not that…"
"What am I supposed to think its like?" he asked in a near whisper as he again stepped out of her reach. "You don't trust me."
"That's not true," she said growing angry herself, knowing she had no right but not able to stop herself. "You know that's not true."
"There's no other explanation," he said shaking his head.
"Please believe me…"
"How am I supposed to believe you?" he returned and for the first time he'd raised his voice. "Damn it Sara, I asked you. I asked you point blank about your family and you lied. You could have told me the truth, the whole truth. I deserved that. I deserve to know something about you that I don't have to learn from someone else."
"I know," she said quietly.
Greg was a bit taken back by her admission.
"I know," she repeated, "all I can say is I'm sorry and ask you to forgive me."
Greg turned away from her again and struggled silently with himself.
It would be so easy to just say yes. Part of him wanted too, really wanted too, but his pride wouldn't let him. Sara would do this again, he knew that. He just knew it and Greg couldn't live like that. Wouldn't live like that. He had to be able to trust her and right now he couldn't. A relationship couldn't survive without trust.
"I can't," he whispered his back still turned to her.
"What?"
"I can't," he echoed more firmly this time to her face. "Sara you don't trust me and I can't trust you."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I don't think this is going to work."
Sara stood completely still. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe. This couldn't be happening. Not like this.
"You don't mean that," she said firmly wanting it to be true.
"I do, Sara. I do."
"No," she said shaking her head and once more moving about the room.
"What else should I think?" he asked, "Sara, you've given me no choice. I can't live like this. We can't build a life together like this."
Sara stopped pacing, pulled herself together as best she could and did her best not to cry. Swore she wasn't going to cry in front of him like this. Not now.
"Okay," she said shortly, looking down with a brisk nod. "Okay."
Greg swallowed the words 'I'm sorry' before they reached his lips, remembering the reasons he was angry in the first place. Remembering how they'd come to this.
"I guess then I should give this back, right?" Sara said fumbling to get the ring off her finger which wasn't easy. She hadn't taken it off more then twice since she'd first put it on.
"No," Greg said shaking his head and pushing it back into her hand, "keep it. I bought it for you, I'm not going to take it back."
Sara was going to argue but didn't see the point. Honestly, she didn't want to part with it. It seemed to be all she'd have left of him soon.
"I'm going to get some things," Greg said pointing towards the back room.
"Where are you going?" she asked still not meeting his eye.
"I don't know," he answered honestly before making his way back to the room.
He was only gone five minutes but it felt like longer. Sara felt like she was stuck in a bad dream. None of it seemed real. None of it seemed right.
"I'll call you tonight," Greg said when he came back into the living room carrying a bigger bag then she'd expected. "We can talk then about what we're going to do next."
Sara nodded still in a daze. His words were barely registering to her now.
Greg didn't say anything else, just left. She watched him get into his car from the same window she'd watched him pull up from. Watched and realized now that she was crying. Really crying.
She didn't even bother to move to the living room or even to the kitchen table. Just sat down right there on the floor next to the sink and cried still not believing that this was it.
Greg ended up at the first decent looking hotel he'd run across near the strip. He reserved a room for a week and paid extra to check in early. He didn't really care right now, money wasn't important. He just wanted to be left alone.
Tonight everyone would know. If not right away, at least by the end of shift. They'd all know and damn it if it didn't feel like a failure. Like his failure.
He'd never felt good enough for her and here was the proof. She didn't trust him. She wouldn't tell him her secrets even if he confessed all of his. She couldn't love him the way he loved her.
Greg just lay down on top of the comforter and stared at the ceiling unable to sleep and not wanting to think about it anymore.
He wanted to wake up and have it be a dream. A horrible dream. All of it.
But that was wishful thinking and happy endings were only sold in fairytales.
And this was no fairytale.
