I never knew
Right beside me there was an angel
I never knew
You'd give my heart the wings to fly
Because of you
Everything in my life is changing
Turning it to
The kind of heaven that I never Knew

- I never knew by Gloria Gaynor

James' heart leaped. Wondrous thoughts flew inside his head. Could it be true??? Could she feel this way??? James smiled at the thought and read the last sentence again, sniffling.

I think she likes you too…

He laid his head back down on his pillow and thought about it. He, James Potter, liked Lily

Evans. No! A jolt went through his stomach. It can't be. He couldn't. He can't like her. Not

if he'll have to leave… Not if he's going to die.

"JAMES!" yelled a female voice.

His head snapped towards the voice. He was getting dizzy. He wiped at his nose and

noticed that there was blood. Blood??? Oh no…

Lily dropped her tray on the floor and rushed to him. The two dinner platters filled with

food scattered the ground.

"What happened??? James what did you do??? Is it because…? Oh My God…"

James could not hear anything right. He looked at Lily's fumbling hands trying to tear the

stained covers off of him. Everything was turning. There were other figures with Lily though

he could not see clearly, suffering from the loss of too much blood…

"Stay with me Potter," said one of the figures. James did not quite catch what was going

around next for he passed out.

~*~Way Later~*~

James opened his eyes to a very bright white light. Krista? Are you there?

"No James, this is doctor Ryans."

The light disappeared leaving space for the faces of four people.

James blinked several times before his vision could come into focus.

"Where's Lily?" James groaned.

Brian Ryans snickered. James looked at the smiling faces of the three ladies accompanying

Brian.

"You've had a rough time James, maybe you should calm down. And preferably rest a few

more days… Lily is not here James, or else I wouldn't of… talked about your condition…"

James frowned…

"I wished to not be able to see you again Doctor… I guess I wasn't lucky this time…"

Doctor Brian spoke about what James should do and explained to him about the three

women that would stay permanently in the school to check on his condition.

"Sarah, Olivia and Kathy, are to be introduced as three new students on an exchange

program and be sorted in the Gryffindor house. So that they will be always close to you in

case of any possible… 'Accidents'… They have been trained by me and I trust them." James

sighed. "I know James but we can't take any more chances, the next one might be the

last…"

James bit his lip and turned his head, his hair falling in front of his face to hide his eyes.

Why????? It's just not fair! I want to live… I want to… He faced Brian with tears

threatening to fall.

"If I'm going to die, then I don't want to stay, stuck in this bed, FOREVER!!!" He yelled.

Brian smiled. "You have a strong will James, but your body is weak, so please stay in bed

for at least another day, I don't think that you would be able to get out right away… You

need to rest and eat. And with Miss Lily's cooking, I don't think you will mind eating."

Lily… he thought. He dazed off for a while only to be brought back to earth by Brian.

"You know, you're a very lucky young man to have a girl like her."

James looked at him funny. Am I that obvious?

"Yes, you are. The first thing you asked when you came to was where Lily was, and the

only thing that she kept asking was if you were going to be ok… and…" he continued

whispering, "I think that she is still sitting beside the entrance door… you might want to

wake her up…"

James blushed then wondered.

"How long exactly have I been unconscious?" Brian, not really answering James' question,

withdrew himself from his patient's side.

"Lily has been asleep there for 6 hours… I think that she also might be hungry…"

James had enough energy to walk around so he got up from his bed and went outside the

infirmary.

Just like Brian said, Lily was sitting against the wall, her knees brought up close to her

body and her head slightly kneeled towards the right. James got on his knees in front of

her and stared at her for a second.

Has she really been here all the while? If only I could kiss her… She looks so peaceful

now…

James' face got closer to Lily's, not really conscious of what he was doing. When he was

merely and inch away, her eyes fluttered open just to stare directly into his closed eyes.

James was not moving; he just stayed there, inhaling her scent. No… this would be wrong,

especially because of me…

Just as he was going to withdraw himself he felt lips being pressed on his own.

The kiss lasted about 4 seconds. Many things were going to Lily's mind. Her thoughts flew

so fast that she had trouble registering what she was actually thinking.

James could not think at all. During those four seconds, all he had time to do was feel her

soft lips on his own.

James opened his eyes as he realised quickly enough that Lily Evans was kissing him. His

breathe got stuck in his throat and he stumbled backwards falling on the floor. A faint

tinge of red appeared on his cheeks.

James supported himself on his elbows and stared open mouthed at Lily who was still

leaning on the wall. His heart was thumping wildly.

James got on his knees again and looked at Lily

'Why? I can't resist you… I'll lose… I have to go… before it's to late… I-'

James' thoughts were interrupted once more as Lily kissed him another time. This time,

James couldn't react. A jolt went through his whole body and his stomach lurched happily.

James kissed Lily back, gathering her in his arms.

His mind was screaming at him. 'NO! This is wrong!!! You have to leave!!! NOW!!!

James gathered all his strength and pulled away.

"Sorry…" Lily muttered.

'Why does it hurt so much???'

"Doctor Ryans wants to talk to you lily…" said James quietly, not looking at her in the eyes.

Lily got up. She stared at him, her hand clutching at the medallion around her neck.

If James would've looked at her at that moment, he would've realised that she knew. He

would've figured out how much it pained her to see him this way and how much she

actually did care for him.

Things could've gone differently. Everything could've changed. But James was avoiding her

gaze at that particular moment when she was clutching the small heart medallion that lay

around her neck.

Lily sighed and walked through the hospital wing doors. They closed with a quiet click after

her. James looked up. Everything was so wrong. And all of those years that he had spent

bickering and fighting with Lily Evans made him feel guilty.

'Why should I feel guilty?' He sighed. 'Why did Brian want to speak to Lily anyways…'

James sank to the floor beside the doors, where Lily had been. The wall held her warmth in

captivity and James leaned more towards it.

'Why did she kiss me…' he thought all of a sudden. James let his head touch the wall and

stared at the one in front of him, his hand absently touching his lips.

Lily entered the Hospital wings and noticed that Dr Ryans was waiting for her in her office.

Sarah was also in there but she was quite occupied filing some papers.

"James told me that you wanted to see me?"

Dr. Ryans smiled sadly and sat down in one of the chairs, pulling out the other one for Lily.

"Yes Miss Lily. I know that you are already informed about James' condition. Dumbledore

told me." Dr Ryans looked at Lily in the eye. She gasped.

"But I never told-"

"I have no idea how you found out about it. I am pretty sure that no one actually told you

and I don't know since when you have known about it but I think that James should be

aware of this fact…"

Lily's heart pounded. She wrapped her arms around herself, more out of needing comfort

than of the chilly air. She was too deep in thought to answer Dr Ryans.

"Then, if you don't want James to know, I should warn you about certain points. He will be

visiting the hospital wing more than usual very soon. It's sad to say but we don't have

much hope for him right now… We are still doing research but nothing has yet been found.

Sarah and Olivia will be training you in case James has an attack or panics. I want you to

be near him all the time."

He looked at Lily but she still held her gaze on the floor.

"Also, James' heart is in a very weak condition at the moment. Any big shock or movement

or outburst could make him have an attack. And… he… uhm… tends to get a tad jealous

over certain things or… people… that he cherishes…"

With that last sentence Lily's head snapped up and she looked at Dr Ryans with confusion

and… hope?

"What do you mean Dr Ryans?"

"Please, Miss Lily, call me Brian, no need for formalities since we will now be working

together…" Brian sighed and blew a stray strand of hair out of his face

"It seems as if my patient has developed certain feelings for you. I know that it's none of

my business and usually I would have kept these confessions for myself but if he sees you

with another person he might overreact…"

"I understand…"

"That is why I think that you must tell James."

Lily stood up from her chair and walked out towards the doors. Stopping beside Brian, she

muttered softly.

"Tell me when you want me to start working, I will be ready…"

"Rest well Miss Lily, My assistants and I will take over the hospital wing for the remaining

of the weekend."

Lily nodded and went to open the doors leading to the small hallway that connected to

hospital wing to the main hallway.

James was sitting beside the door. His arms at his sides, his head bent slightly to the left.

He was sleeping.

She sat beside him on the floor and snuggled closer to him.

"James…" she whispered.

"James, we should go back up to the common room. Dr Ryans said that you were in good

enough condition to sleep in your own room. James?"

He was sleeping to profoundly and Lily did not feel like waking him up. He seemed so

peaceful. She unfolded the sheet that she had taken from the hospital wing and brought it

over her and James. Letting her head fall onto his shoulder, she closed her eyes and drifted

slowly to sleep.

Lily opened her eyes slowly. It took her a few minutes to remember that she wasn't in her

dorm bed. James had put his arm over her shoulder while they were sleeping. Lily groaned

at the pain in her back and looked at her muggle watch.

"Only 4:30… Merlin, Note to self, never fall asleep in the corridor again…"

Lily removed James' arms slowly and then got up. She brushed away her hair from her face

with her fingers. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she shook him slightly.

"James… I think we better head to the tower now…It's pretty late…"

James frowned and turned his head, mumbling in his sleep.

"Yeah, sure… whatever…"

He leaned towards where Lily had been moments earlier but since she wasn't there he fell

sideways. James groaned.

!Are you okay…?" Lily asked, arching her eyebrow.

"oo er chupoz to ee esiie ee…" he answered, face stuffed in the sheet that had fallen on

the floor when Lily got up. Realising that she had probably understood nothing of what he

had said, he sat down cross-legged, his glasses askew on his nose and his bed-hair

sticking out in different angles. He grinned at Lily, blinking a few times so that his vision,

blurred by sleep, would get back to normal.

"You were supposed to be beside me"

Lily looked at him and couldn't help but suppress a smile. 'He's so cute' she thought.

James' eyes widened and he lifted his eyebrows, grin still plastered on his face.

"Why, I am glad that you think so!" He told her. Lily stared at him.

"Did I just…?"

"Think out loud…? I guess so…"

For a while they didn't move. Lily then held out her hand to James, he took it, getting up

from the floor. He picked up the sheet and, still holding her hand, practically dragged her

towards the Gryffindor tower. Lily didn't dare say a word or try to pry her hand from his.

'He didn't let go of my hand! Merlin… Maybe he-' Lily stopped thinking for James had

ceased to walk. He squeezed her hand gently.

"Maybe I what?"

A blush crept over her cheeks. 'I don't want to tell him now! Think about something else

Lily…uhm…anything…'

"Fried chicken wings?" She looked at James. 'That was the exact same thing that James

had said when he had been thinking out loud… but that means… Does he…' Her gaze met

James' and she could see in his eyes that the feelings she bore for him were returned,

though they held something more… sadness… lots of it.

"Yeah…" She answered sadly, touching his cheek with her hand. It was hard to explain but

at the moment, no words were needed. Lily knew that James had, somehow, found out

that she was aware of his illness.

He looked at the red head in front of him. 'It's too late James, you can't back up now. She

already knows everything and yet, she did not run away…' He looked at her hand which he

was still holding. 'She didn't leave…' He pulled her hand softly, bringing her towards him.

Before Lily realised what was happening she was engulfed in a tight embrace. Her eyes

widened a bit but softened instantly. She put her arms around his waist. James held her

tightly, burying his face in her hair. His eyes were lightly rimmed with tears and he closed

them shut. He could feel his heart beat fast in rhythm with Lily's.

"Why me Lily…" His voice trembled. Lily simply let him hug her. She had never seen James

in this state before. It had only been a few weeks that they had been closer even if it had

been years since she first started to love him.

"Why now? Everything… Everything I've ever had… even wanted… I'll lose it all…"

His voice was forced, his jaw clenched. The tears blinding his eyes threatened to fall at any

moment. He restrained himself as much as he could to stop them.

It was no use.

The emotions filling him at the moment were too strong. James started to cry, drops falling

on his glasses, dampening Lily's shoulder. Inside, James was begging time to stop.

"I… I just found you Lily, I don't want to have to let go again…"

They stayed like that for a while. James taking in all the comfort that Lily provided him.

That hug was one of the first steps that he made into her life. And when he took that step,

the door closed behind his back, making him forever a part of her life, of their life. James

backed away slowly, his arms sliding away from Lily and ending at his sides. He bent his

head down, hiding his eyes from her with his hair. Instinctively, Lily brushed a strand of

hair away.

"I'm sorry Lily, I… never… cried in front of someone before…"

"You don't have to be ashamed of that James! I don't mind…"

They walked the remaining way to the common room and entered it silently. It was empty,

normal, as it was 5:15 in the morning. Before they parted to go to their respectful

dormitories, they stood in the middle of the common room, still.

'This is kind of awkward' thought Lily.

"We better go to sleep" said James quietly. He bent over and gave her a quick kiss on the

lips, muttered goodnight and eclipsed himself. Lily smiled and went to her dorm.

~

Sirius woke up suddenly for he had the sun is in his eyes. He blinked a few times before

realising that he had drooled all over his arm. He looked over at Remus' bed, his curtains

were closed, as usual, so were Peter's. James's though, were open, and he lay in his bed,

over the covers, sleeping.

'So he came back last night'

He looked at the clock beside his bed. '8:30'

"Oooh, who turned the bloody sun on this early on a Saturday…" He groaned, stuffing his

head into his pillow. Finally deciding to take profit of the calm weekend.

Yeah right.

He couldn't go back to sleep again because of his precious friend Mr. Sun so he opened

Remus' curtains wide and jumped on his bed.

"Wake up Mooooonyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" Remus shut his eyes tightly and with a

sharp movement of his legs, kicked his friend out of his bed. Sirius fell on the floor,

bumping his elbow on the ground.

"Wow Moony! You're strong!"

Remus snickered and turned his face towards his friend.

"Why did you wake me up Padfoot?"

"James-"

"Is he alright?" Remus' eyes were filled with concern for his best-friend though his voice

was as calm as usual. Sirius grinned.

"Nah, he's ok. He's sleeping in his bed, but James has an owl waiting for him, should we

open it?"

"Padfoot, last time you opened James' mail, remind me what happened…"

"I got burned?"

"After that…"

"Uhm… It was a surprise Howler?"

"*sigh* No, Sirius, after that one…"

"Oh! It!… was… James trying to fool me into opening his mail to see if I really DID read it

or not…"

"And?"

"Well… I did!"

Remus smacked himself on the forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius… When will you ever learn…"

"Remus, Remus, Remus, When will you ever learn that I NEVER learn…"

Remus sighed, trying to sound desperate but failing miserably to hide his grin.

"I still think that you shouldn't open that letter Sirius…"

Sirius pouted and crossed his arms. A few moments later, Sirius' puppy eyes having no

effect on his fellow marauder, Remus turned his head towards their dorm door. Someone

had knocked on it. He got out of bed, throwing Sirius one of his extra shirts so that he

would put it on (Sirius only sleeps with the bottoms of the pj's) and ignoring his pouting

friend once more, moved to open the door. Lili was standing on the other side. Remus was

a bit surprised to see her there.

"I… uh… is James awake?" She held in her hand a letter similar to James'. Sirius got up

from the floor and put on the shirt that Remus had tossed him. Remus nodded no to Lily

and went to the bathroom to shower.

"Hello dearest flower of the morning…" Sirius said in his seductive voice.

Lily glared at him. Sirius simply ignored her glare and continued to speak.

"James is sleeping right now…"

Lily looked past Sirius to see James snoring on his bed. Something didn't feel right… James

didn't snore

"Uhm… Sirius?" 'Please James don't get jealous!!! I don't want you to go back to the

hospital wing with another problem!'

"But you know, there's this hogsmeade weekend coming up. I was wondering if you wanted

to go with me… We could get-" But Sirius could not continue for he received a rather large

transfiguration book by the head.

"Lay off her, Black…" James growled from his bed.

'He's jealous…' thought Lily. She looked at him and then at the owl still waiting with it's

letter.

"Come on James, I won't touch you precious Lily-kins!" Said Sirius reaching out to stroke

her hair. Lily stopped his hand by grabbing his wrist and pushing it down.

"Don't… Sirius…" He looked at her astonishingly as she passed him and went to sit beside

James on his bed. A small blush crept upon James' face.

"It's ok James" she muttered softly so only him could hear her words. "He was only joking…

to see if you were up…" James nodded, feeling stupid.

'I can't believe I reacted that way!'

"Uhm… Sorry about the book Padfoot.. I acted on reflex…" Sirius rubbed his head and

narrowed his eyes.

"Well, I don't know if I should forgive you…" He answered grinning. James smiled and then

turned towards Lily.

"Uhm… Why exactly are you here… I mean.. did Dr. Brian say something… about…" Sirius

glanced at Peter, who was still asleep, then at Remus, surprised.

'He told him?' mouthed Sirius to his pal. Remus simply shrugged.

"The letter… it IS from him… he only says that we should go see him this afternoon."

James looked at the owl. He took the letter and gave the owl a couple of treats, patting it

on the head.

Lily touched James' hair. 'I like passing my fingers through it… I don't know why…' He

turned to whisper in her ear.

"Can… Can I kiss you?"

Lily was startled. Why was he asking? James seemed so shy these days compared to his

normal self, who was usually shameless… She whispered back.

"No." 'Someone has to take the lead'

James sat there bewildered. Lily suddenly leaned in and kissed him, lips teasing his own

then tongue probing his slowly making James close his eyes as he let out a very low moan.

She touched his cheek softly, backing up and looking at him. He still had his eyes closed,

his mouth half open.

"See you at breakfast…"

She got up and left the room swiftly. James stayed there dumbly, eyes closed, breathing

hard. He let himself fall backwards onto his bed.

Sirius looked at his friend. 'Woah… what was *that*?'

//You should tease him about it!//

Sirius looked around.

'Ok… Now I think that I am having hallucinations…'

//Hihi!//

The voice turned around Sirius' head. His eyes widened. He looked around frantically trying

to see if there was a girl in the dorm. Finally, he decided to ignore it…

"James… are you and Lily, going out… by any chance?"

"… Uhuh…"

//Did you know that that was James' first French kiss?// The female voice said diabolically.

"Yeah… Right!" He snickered then realised that he had answered the voice. 'I think I just

took the express train to the loony bin…'

"What's so hard to believe in me and Lily going out?" asked James, thinking Sirius had

spoken to him.

"Oh, euh… I wasn't speaking to you.. James…" Sirius said absent-mindedly.

'Who the hell are you?' he thought.

//Glad you asked! I'm kind of you… well… weird conscience… but usually it's a one way

conversation, you shouldn't be able to actually HEAR me… and talk back to me…//

Sirius wondered if that 'person' was really real.

"James… was that really your first… ehhh… French kiss?" James' eyes widened. He could

feel a blush creep over his entire face. 'How the hell did he find THAT out???' He kept his

mouth shut, not answering.

"Merlin! You were right!" said Sirius.

//I'm always right! But I would suggest that you speak to me in your head… unless you

want people to think that you're crazy…//

"Sooo…" said Sirius.

"What?" answered James.

"How was it?"

"Padfooooooooooot!" James groaned, hiding himself behind his curtains.

Sirius laughed. Remus came out of the bathroom scrubbing his head with a towel. Another

towel wrapped around his waist. Seeing Sirius laughing, James hiding and Peter sleeping

(as usual) Remus tossed his towel (the one for his hair) in the laundry basket and ruffled

his hair up with his fingers.

"What did I miss?"

//Oooh!!! It's the werewolf guy!!!//

"Yeah… it's the werewolf guy."

Remus looked at his friend strangely.

//He's soo sexy! Don't you think so? Especially with that towel around hi waist, I just

wanna-//

Sirius blushed

"What do you mean 'don't I think so'??? I'm a *bloke* for Merlin's sake!!!"

//I want to meet him *sighs*//

'Dumb ass' "You can't! You're invisible!"

//I'm no dumb ass!!!… Fine… Fine then… be that way…//

"Hey? Hey! Don't go I'm not finished talking to you. I-" Sirius' mouth closed instantly when

he saw that both of his fellow marauder's were giving him the 'I-think-we've-lost-him-to-

the-loony-bin-forever' look.

"That's about the only thing you missed Moony, Sirius talking to himself…" James muttered.

"I was not! What about you? Lily waltzes in our dorm, swallows your tongue out for 2

minutes an a half then leaves! Got an explanation for that?"

James groaned and threw a pillow at Sirius' head.