(A/n: okaaay… so I'm going to fill some things in and get on with the freakin' plot. Sorry Kitty, its now going to be partially fictional, because I'm in the mood to write a good tripped out story.)
DISCLAMER: I do not own the Harry Potter characters or imaginary places. They are owned and created by J.K. Rowling, published by Scholastic Books Inc, Bloomsbury Books Inc, Raincoat Books Inc, Warner Brothers Inc, and others. No money is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. The song is from 'Hedwig and the Angry Inch'. The song is based off of a Greek myth. It's a great movie.
WARNINGS: femmeslash, war-time
I Believe in Her: Chapter 4
(Ginny POV)
I'm not sure what time it is. It's late. Or it's early. It depends on how one wants to look at it. I find myself out of bed, milling about her apartment. I put the kettle on, though she is out of lemon tea. I sip as I admire the simplicity of this place. Khaki painted walls. Two chairs, a coffee table, and a couch. A fridge, a toaster, a stove, and microwave, but no food. A bed, a dresser, and a nightstand, but nothing to keep in them. Everything is so simple. I suppose it has to be. It's easier to get over losing a house if it isn't really a home.
She's really cute when she's asleep. She sprawls on the bed and her body diagonal on the mattress. She snores only a little. If she lies on her side she drools. Her face is quiet and content. The only other time she looks so content is after she comes. A wave of euphoria washes over her and there is nothing to worry about. Nothing in the world could ever be wrong.
It used to be that way when we were younger. I saw that contentment in every smile. Her beautiful eyes would almost seem iridescent. And she would smile so big that she needed to close her eyes a little. I sometimes like to think that she never really changed, but I know she has. I can tell by the way she smiles now. It never reaches far enough.
When I sit on the bed she shifts. I lay down and she moves over for me, and then she curls into my body. She's still naked. I pull her close and kiss the back of her neck. She giggles.
"Hey, that tickles," she says dreamily as she rolls over.
"Sorry," I murmur and nuzzle my face onto her neck.
She laughs more. It's not forced. When I look into her eyes I see that they're bright. She's happy -- she's smiling -- she's -- she's mischievous! I jerk and laugh as she pokes my ribs. Helpless is one word to describe the way I am when tickled. I can't stop moving and I can't stop laughing.
"Stop, please!" I cry, but she is relentless. I try and twitch my way off the bed. I land on the floor with a thud. She laughs at how contorted I am; my weight on my shoulders and my bum in the air.
"Do you remember this?" she says, as I cautiously sit next to her.
"Remember what?" I really don't know.
"This," she waves her hand over the bed. "You know, fun? I am twenty-two years old and I feel like I've lost so much time. Time to just be."
I nod, "I know what you mean. I have given five years of my life for this war. And I've lost more than just that." I don't have to say it. She knows what I've lost, because she's lost them too. Not only have I lost family, I've been losing myself. Liquid memories of who I was are escaping through my cupped hands. When I look down I see that they are filling with my tears. New memories.
"Ginny," she whispers. "Please don't cry. I didn't mean to bring any of that up. I- I just want to talk about something; anything. We don't talk." She doesn't seem to notice that the sheets have slipped down. I touch her shoulder and she puts her hand over mine. "We can talk about anything you want." She squeezes my hand. I don't have anything to say. Nothing she'd care to hear. I want to talk about how things could be. I want to talk about the fact that Ron's dead. I want to ask her why she wants me. "Please," she gazes intently at me.
"Why now?" I finally say. "Why not before?"
"I don't know what you mean-"
"Of course you do," I pull my hand back. "Is it because Ron's dead? Is that why you want me?"
She looks hurt. "I was with Ron before because I couldn't be with you. I love you. It's always been you," her eyes gather tears and she pulls the sheet to cover herself. "I swear to you, Ginny, it's the truth. I could never lie to you."
"But you did."
"What did you want me to do? How do you respond to something like that? You know how people are- were. Now, now it doesn't matter what happens or what people think because the world is falling away." She lets out a strangled sob. "It doesn't matter."
"It did though. You hurt me because you were too afraid to try," I'm crying too. "I was afraid too, and fucking hell, I am still afraid."
We just sit there; time winding itself around us, the past floating by us, the future a black abyss of uncertainty is hurtling towards us. She's all I've got left, and I am pushing her away. Suddenly the memories turn to glass and shatter. I try and put it back together, but shards only dig into my skin. I don't want to lose any of it. I do though, all that's left are the shards embedded inside of me and a couple that I keep in a locket. Everything turns black and I fall. It's endless. The air rushes past me as I fall. Then I hit the bottom. I need to get back. I can hear my name being called, echoing in the distance. Please. I reach up for anything to grab onto, but I slip because my hands are bloody from the glass. Please, I need Hermione
(Hermione POV)
I don't know what happened. One minute we were talking, the next crying. Just as things were calming down she glazed over, whimpering. She wasn't responding to me, no matter how I persisted. Then it happened. Her body began to shudder and she fell onto the floor. I came to her side right away. She was hyperventilating, and curled up in the fetal position. I didn't know what to do. Blood started dripping from her nose.
"Ginny, please be okay," I begged. "Ginny, please. I love you."
After a minute or two her body stopped convulsing and she grabbed me. I began to sob with relief. We lay on the floor for ages. Her head was resting on my stomach, where a little bit of blood had gathered, dried. The rhythm of her breathing lulled me into a daze. I laid and thought about what had happened. Was she going mad? Was something else wrong?
"Hermione," she whispers finally. "What happened?"
"I don't know," I say. "You were there, but then you weren't. I'm glad you're okay."
"I'm really sorry," she says as she notices the dried blood on her face. She sits up "I didn't think that could ever happen when I'm with you."
I sit up too, "What did happen exactly?"
"Time caved in on itself," she says.
"What?"
"Never mind, forget I said anything." She looks down, "Maybe I should sleep." She gets up and crawls into bed. "Will you wake me before the sun comes up?"
"Yes, of course." I get up and turn the shower on.
The thing is, I was with Ron, but I broke it off with him. That was before he died. I feel somewhat guilty because maybe he just didn't have anything to live for anymore. I think he expected to build a life with me. My heart was there once, but then it was just gone. She was there. I had been in love with her for a while, but who wants to be ridiculed their whole life, just because they love something out if the ordinary? So, I was with him. I did love him, but wasn't in love… yeah I don't really know where I'm going with this. I just thought that it would make a little more sense.
After I dry off I walk into the bedroom to get dressed. She has been dressed for a while, probably since after I dozed off earlier. Now we both are clad in black. Her top four buttons on her shirt are unbuttoned, her black pants cling to her, and the blood on her face has dried so dark, it's almost black. Her bright red hair covers part of her face, contrasting the dark iron color. Her frame isn't as delicate as mine. She has upper body power, something I don't really possess, but would like to. I have adorned myself in a black button up and black pants as well, but they aren't as close to my skin. You'd think that's our uniform, because everyone wears black, when in truth it's because we're all in mourning.
This all has been really hard on her. I don't think she's been sleeping. She kind of just glazes over sometimes but then snaps back into reality. It's like she's dreaming or something, but she's awake. I've read that when you haven't slept enough dreams and reality meld into one. That may have happened to her tonight. Although, the nose-bleed is still a question. She's not eating. We've run out of supplies, and we can't accept food from anyone because it could be hexed or cursed. I don't know what to do to help her. I can't even help myself. I probably wouldn't eat if I had the choice. Paranoia runs the wizard world now.
I sit on the fire escape as I sip the tea she made earlier. It's cold now, but still has enough caffeine to push me until noon. I don't know if the sun is rising or not because this is a west facing escape, but the birds are starting to chirp a little. That's when I hear the noise inside too. I hear her call my name, so I dive through the window and run to the bedroom.
(Ginny POV)
I feel warmth next to me and I open my eyes to see its source.
"Tom?" I gasp. Only it isn't Tom, it's an older version of the sixteen year old boy I once knew.
"What's the matter? Didn't you miss me?" He hisses.
I stand on the bed for a moment, trying to wake up and assess the situation. There are two hooded figures flanking him. I know my wand resting next to my belt on the floor on the other side of the bed, so I jump back and duck. One of the Death Eaters hurls a curse at me, but they miss and hit the wall. I try disarming him but he blocks it.
"Why don't you just give up, my love?" he smiles thinly. "You can't win."
I throw a hex, but it's no good. "Hermione!"
(A/n: holey shit. I was going to make it a little more tripped out with the whole falling in the pit thing. We'll see what happens. Remember… review!)
