Intrspections of Mist

why i am misty in my eyes
is it tiredness
or anything else/
i am suddenly getting tired beyond the conceivable reasons
why why why
i am tense?
or sad?
or happy?
or what
can u decipher it for me?
i cant
i am so sad that u r suffering
i am so sad that v r fighting frequently
i am so happy that v make up every time
i am confused
i am extremely disoriented and confused
about what i am thinking
what i wish
what i want
what will happen
when will it happen
will it be sad
will it be happy
or will it go on like this...
forever...
janu na is convenient word
don't know is another convenient
hazarding any guess is most difficult
not guessing is not possible
why we are in this
specially, why r u suffering
why i m making u suffer
i am idiot
i am lovable
i am something , which should be avoided like plague?
or should be attracted ;
what is this bullshit i m writing
i myself don't know
thoughts are coming in torrents
some gets translated to words
some get lost
am i suffering- no sleep, body pain all the time, headache, stomach
upset, drowsiness always etc etc etc?
or it is a gentle reminder to me
to feel your suffering
or fell the way i make u suffer
people come and go
life goes on
i may be dead tomorrow
life will go on
u will go on
easy escape for me
stop crying and all set- for a new tomorrow
but i will not be dead - than what
it is not that convenient
dying is just a good word used for giving strength/weakness
so i will not be dead
and life will go on
what will happen than
same pain,heartache, headache
same ulcers,epilepsy
same money shortage
same idiotness
going out somedays
and feeling so good
than Saturdays/Sundays come
again starting to feel bad
feeling the void
or a make believe void
than a ugly fight
than a make up
than a few kisses
and again await next weekend/holiday
same issues again again again
life will still go on
cant call is threatening to explode on other side also
than i say
why dependencies on calls/meetings
why remain solar cell
become storage cell
u will say bullshit
convenience named conveniently as destiny
longings names conveniently as god's own word
weakness to live alone
weakness to be sad
is getting into nerves
all bullshit
after all what one and believe - one can achieve
or it is also one of the biggest bullshits created by man
destiny still rules
making us a slave
making us do things we want ( ha aha ha hahahaha)
nothing can make us do anything
it is what we want -
and what we want?
depends
on our circumstances and thought process - & not on any animal called destiny
so what
live as it comes
or live? or die?
ha ha ha
relax and enjoy
what ever is in hand
whatever is there today
lets not try to mould tomorrows at the cost of today
as that in any case is dependent on a animal called future
or destiny?
i am confused now
what i am wishing
what i am writing?
or what i want?
or what is in my destiny, your destiny, our combined destiny, my wish,
your wish and your destiny.
lets' mix all the birds named in above line- mix some gin, coat it in
the 'khanjar'-
and than don't allow it do any "nafarmani"
is it the answer?
i am sure- read it again, have another sip of the above concoction-
than say i love you:
remember"you" may be "you"; "me" or any other animal
so don't remember anything
just live
eat
drink
make merry
look forward to tomorrow for what your "palanhar" has planned for you
love u ( and no "janu na")