Ch. 2
Tara patted Buffy comfortingly on the back. Her muffled sobs were heart-wrenching. She wanted to help her, but knew there was nothing she could do to remedy this situation. Buffy sniffed and wiped at the tears. "Somebody up there must truly hate me. A baby? Hell, I can't even take care of a 15 year old. How in the hell am I supposed to take care of a baby?" Buffy thought miserably. A baby. My baby. My baby with Spike. That thought brought on a fresh onslaught of tears as the ramifications and all around strangeness of Spike being a daddy popped in her head. Spike and I are having a baby. Buffy hopped off the bed and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. Are you trying to tell me something, little one? She whispered to her stomach.

Spike was coming up the stairs when he saw Buffy sprint into the bathroom. He stood in the doorway desperately wanting to hold to her. Buffy sensed him behind her, but didn't turn around. She'd have to tell him Tara's suspicions sooner or later, but she wanted to deny them just a little bit longer. Because saying it out loud, especially to Spike, would make this whole nightmare real. Spike closed his eyes and listened carefully to Buffy's body. Her breathing was slowing, as was her heart rate. She wasn't moving, but he knew she was just being careful. Thump! Thump! When she'd first come back, he used to sit outside her window while she slept, just listening to the sound of her heart beating. It had been such a sweet melody to him, he memorized it. Now, he could hear that sweet song again in his mind. His eyes opened suddenly. Nah, he didn't just hear what he thought he heard. He took an unnecessary breath and concentrated. There it was again. A faint little beat. Very fast, but steady. A slight smile crept up over his face. Buffy was pregnant. He wondered if she even knew. Probably not. She would have disinvited him before now if she thought he would find out the truth. They were having a baby. Strange, how he didn't even doubt that the kid was his. He knew Buffy in her own mixed up way loved him. She wouldn't cheat on him with some other bloke. No, that he was sure about. Wow, a baby. He was going to be a father. Looking at her with reverence, he realized she was sitting on the cold tiled floor. She shouldn't be down there. It was cold. A wave of protectiveness and possessiveness rushed over him, which explained why he rushed over and scooped her up off the floor.

"Spike, put me down! I can walk." Buffy shouted. Tara rushed to the door and saw Buffy halfheartedly struggling in Spike's arms. "Shut your trap, Slayer, and deal. You're sick. I'm taking care of you and that's final." He arched his eyebrows, and dared her to fight him on this. Buffy glared right back at him, her green eyes sparkling with flecks of gold. Buffy wanted so badly to say something snarky and insulting, but.. and he'd have to torture her before she admitted it, she kinda liked having him take care of her. Finally, giving up, realizing she wasn't going to win this battle with Spike, Buffy curtly nodded her head and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Just to make sure you don't drop me." She whispered softly. Spike suppressed a smile. Damn girl was stubborn.

Tara shook her head in amusement. They never stopped fighting. She wondered when they actually had time to conceive a child. Eww! Bad thought, Tara. Spike laid Buffy gently down on the bed, and tucked her in. "So, do you want anything to eat? We can make soup. Soup's good, right?" He asked shyly to Buffy, who was watching him closely. "Yeah, soup's good. Crackers, too." Buffy stared steadily at him, making him uncomfortable. "Are you alright, Spike?" Spike nodded, but avoided her penetrating gaze. Damn woman can't even accept a little bit of kindness from me.

"I'm going to the store to pick up some food. You blokes don't keep enough food here to feed a small dog." Bufffy winced. Money was tight, so she hadn't been to the store lately. Spike noticed the pained look on her face, and cursed his insensitivity. "So, is there anything special you might like?" Buffy grinned and he was lost. "Chocolate chip cookie dough."

"Ice cream or that cookie thing?" He asked. Watching them, Tara felt like a voyeur, intruding on this affectionate, playful moment between the two. Most of the time, they were snapping at each other, but then again, they usually had an audience too.

"Ice cream." Buffy couldn't stop smiling at him. "I think I can manage that, Pet." Spike turned to leave, but turned and kissed her softly, his hand caressing her cheek. Buffy placed her hand over his and sighed contently. They seemed oblivious to Tara's presence. Buffy was staring with her lips parted slightly, and Spike was leaning in for a kiss. Tara coughed delicately, which had the effect of a cold shower on both of them. "Right, the grocery store. I'll be back soon." With that, Spike sauntered out the door, down the stairs and out the front door.

Buffy was stunned. Not only had she allowed Spike to touch her again, and enjoyed it, her mind reminded her, but she'd let him do it in front of Tara. She should have knocked him into the next room. Why? He loves you. He only wants to help. Buffy shook her head. No, he wants more than I can give him. He's a monster. And you're carrying his child. Oh, shut up. Tara covered her mouth, stifling a giggle. If Buffy could only see how she looked. Her head was bobbing from side to side, her hands were waving in the arms. She was definitely having an argument with herself. Hmm.

"Buffy," Tara interrupted, "while Spike's gone, I'm going to run to the drugstore and pick up... Dawnie?"

Buffy looked at her strangely. "Huh, you're going to pick up, Dawn. When did she go to the store?" Buffy followed Tara's gaze to the aforementioned teenager standing at the foot of the bed.

Dawn's blue eyes twinkled with mischief. Oh, great, it's mini-Spike. "So," she drawled slowly, as only teenagers can, "what are you going to pick up at the drugstore, Tara?" She stomped her foot repeatedly. "Gosh, I'm not a child. I'm 15, not 5. I know what's wrong with you Buffy." Buffy, who was the Queen of Denial, and could do it with the best of them, just looked at her wide-eyed and innocent. "I didn't say anything in front of Spike, but I know." Buffy squirmed under her unflinching gaze. "You're pregnant with Spike's baby, aren't you?"

Dawn looked down at Buffy's hands, and gulped. Thank goodness, she's too sick to strangle me. Poor sheets. Well, she'd gone this far. According to Anya and Spike, the direct approach was the best. "Buffy, answer me. I'm right, aren't I?" Tara came to Buffy's rescue, and Dawn's, though she didn't recognize danger when she was facing it. "We don't know for sure, but yes, we think Buffy's pregnant."

Dawn stopped pacing and took a good, long look at her sister. Buffy, her larger-than-life sister, seemed so much smaller and younger at this moment. Dawn recognize this for what it was. Buffy was scared. She suddenly felt like the adult in the situation.

Dawn hugged Buffy tightly, her excitement nearly infectious. Nearly. "Buffy, it's going to be alright. You'll see. This is great news. You're having a baby. We can be a family. You, me, the baby, and....Spike." What? Spike. But...but. Buffy's eyes flew open and she pleaded silently with Tara for some help. Tara shrugged, and mouthed, she loves him. Yeah, Dawn loves Spike, but what about Xander and Willow? She felt a tiny twinge of happiness thinking about a baby, but that little voice of doubt kept calling to her. Buffy leaned back and looked at Dawn. She could barely contain her joy. Buffy hadn't seen her this happy in ... in forever. Buffy ran her hand lovingly down Dawn's cheek. She'd missed seeing Dawn's smile.

"Dawn, this baby makes things worse. Social services is already breathing down our necks now. They'll probably take you away once they learn about this pregnancy. Hell, they may even take this baby away." Buffy's brow furrowed and her hands protectively shielded her stomach. Tara noticed the telltale sign, and heaved a sigh. She's already protecting it. Buffy hated playing devil's advocate with Dawn, but someone had to. "We don't even know for certain that I'm pregnant." Dawn regarded her with a look so reminiscent of Spike's that Buffy swore she was mini-Spike for a moment. "Well, we don't." Buffy remarked petulantly. Dawn shook her head, and wondered who exactly was the adult here?

"Well, let's find out. Tara, go to the drugstore, get a home test." Dawn ordered. Tara saluted the little general, and hurried to do her bidding. "On second thought, get a couple since we're dealing with little Miss Denial, here." Dawn winked conspiratorially at Tara, who laughed. She'd been thinking the exact same thing.

"Hey, I'm still here. Thank you." Buffy huffed. "Tara, do you mind?" Tara shook her head, and patted Buffy on the arm. "I'll be right back." Dawn walked Tara to the door, giving Buffy a much needed break. She caressed her belly with wonder. I'm pregnant. There's a tiny life growing inside of me. Dawn stood silently in the doorway watching Buffy. Her eyes tearing up at the sight. Buffy looked up, and blushed. "Sorry to interrupt, Mommy, but it's time for you and me to talk. Sister to sister. No more secrets, Buffy." Buffy nodded. Yes, it was time she told Dawn about Spike. Buffy lifted the sheet and scooted over so Dawn could climb into bed with her.

"I don't know what to say Dawn. I messed up. I messed up badly." Dawn said nothing, knowing this was Buffy's story to tell. She slipped her hand around Buffy's and squeezed. "I haven't been happy since I got back. It was so hard coming back here after being there, in heaven. I was finally at peace with myself. I knew you were alive. I knew you'd be loved and taken cared of. Then, I came back and everything was so hard, and I shut down. Everybody wanted or needed something from me, except Spike. He didn't expect anything of me. He didn't need me for anything. He was just happy that I was alive, and he let me be whatever I needed to be. Angry, sad, whatever. He never pushed me to get back to normal." Dawn wiped at her eyes. She never thought about how Buffy must have felt in coming back here. She just wanted her, needed her to be her sister again. "I'm not blaming you, Dawnie, so please don't think I am. I just couldn't be around any of you. I didn't have to pretend with Spike. He just let me be." Buffy looked down at her hands, heartbroken to be admitting this to Dawn. Dawn lifted Buffy's chin till she was looking directly at her. "He's always been there for us. It's cool. I understand. There were times when you were gone when he was the only person I wanted to be around too. I didn't have to put up a brave front. I could be sad and hurt that you were gone. He got it because that's how he was feeling too." Buffy could see that she did understand.

" I feel safe, when I'm with Spike. But, I've treated him horribly. I've been so terrible to him." She quietly stated, feeling the tears as they dropped on her hand. "All he's done is save me from myself. Countless times. Too many times."

"Do you love him?" Dawn didn't think Buffy was going to answer her. She was staring a hole into Mr. Gordo's head.

Buffy sighed heavily. "I can't love him. It's Spike. He's a vampire." Dawn noticed the lack of vehemence in the statement and pounced. "You said can't, not don't, Buffy" Buffy blushed furiously. "I can't love him, Dawn. You know that." Dawn eyed her skeptically, but didn't push her any further. There'd be time for that later. There were more pressing issues to deal with.

"Do you not want a baby or Spike's baby?" Dawn waited with bated breath for Buffy to answer her. "It would be so easy to get rid of it, Dawn. It's a demon's spawn. Who knows what we've created?" Dawn felt her stomach lurch at the coldness in Buffy's voice. How could she even consider aborting it? "If I think like that, then no, I don't want this child." A small sob slipped from Dawn's compressed lips, but Buffy didn't hear it. "But I can't think of this baby like that. All I can think is what color will her eyes be? Will he have my nose or Spike's cheeks? You see, Dawn, it's a part of me, just like you."

"Oh, Buffy!" Dawn cried. "I was so worried. You'll see." She said and leaned back. "You and Spike are going to be great parents." Buffy rolled her eyes at that assessment. "Dawn, you have to promise me. If the test is positive, you can't tell Spike. Not yet, anyway." At Dawn's mutinous look, Buffy put her resolve face on. "I mean it, Dawn. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the possibility of being pregnant. I can't handle Spike right now, too." Dawn reluctantly agreed, but not before extracting a promise of her own from Buffy. "You've got to start treating him better. Whether you like it or not, whether you love him or not, he's a part of this family now. No more excluding him from the Scoobies or our lives. Okay?" Buffy shook her hand, and smirked at the glowing girl. She grudgingly admitted to herself that she had missed Spike, and each day had been harder than the next knowing she wasn't going to see him, touch him. She must be crazy. She would do better by him for the sake of their child. They may never get back together. There was just too much hurt and anger between them , mostly by me. She knew from experience that a child or children couldn't make a relationship work. Just look at her parents.

"You know, I never got that water. Do you mind, Dawnie?" Dawn knew Buffy needed to regroup. Buffy wasn't one to open up and she had just released the Hoover Dam of emotions. She'd give her time to settle herself. "Sure." Dawn skipped happily out of the room.

Spike hated the grocery store. People looked at him as if he was going to walk out with a pork loin under his duster, but for Buffy and Dawn he'd do anything. He smiled when he thought about baby Bit growing inside Buffy's tummy. His kid. Well, now, I've got you to take care of too. Spike pushed the cart through the produce section, trying to remember what exactly pregnant women ate. It wasn't like he'd had a lot of practice with this stuff. A baby. He still couldn't wrap his brain around the fact he and Buffy were going to have a child. The Scourge of England, William the Bloody was going to be some kid's Dad. The Powers that Be sure knew a great punch line when they heard it. A vampire and a Slayer having a kid. Never in all his 100+ years had he thought about having a child. He'd never wanted one, not even when he was alive. All he'd been concerned about was that stupid bitch, Cecily, and his awful poetry. Now, the impossible had happened and with the Slayer, no less.

Why hadn't he noticed the heartbeat before now? Buffy. She overwhelmed his senses when they were together. He wouldn't have noticed the Watcher standing in the room with a tutu on. Did she even know she was pregnant? He was sure the Good Witch would probably tell her soon enough. So, where did that leave them? They weren't together, and he was pretty sure they wouldn't be getting back together anytime soon. Especially, not now, that there was a baby involved, but he wouldn't let Buffy push him away. That was his kid. He slumped over the rails of the cart and proceeded to throw any green vegetable he could find in there. Green vegetables were good for you. At least, that's the gibberish, his mother always said. His mum. He hadn't thought about her in 50-60 years. After all this time, she was finally going to be a grandmother. He swiped at a stray tear and pushed on. What else had Dawn wanted? He pulled the crumbled list out of his pocket. Peanut butter, jam, chips, frozen pizzas, pasta. Did they eat anything in that house that couldn't be nuked in a microwave? Did they even know how to cook?

He mistakenly turned down the aisle for baby goods. He couldn't tear his eyes away from all the products lining the shelf. There were hundreds of bottles of baby food, pacifers, milk, diapers. He was stunned. A child needed all these things to survive. He and Buffy were going to have to talk and soon. Their child was going to need all this stuff, and there was no way Doublemeat Palace was paying for all of this. Oh, yeah, they were going to talk because there was no way in hell she was going to continue working in that hellhole. She'd have to accept his help, whether she wanted it or not. He stopped his mental tirade long enough to finger a tiny baby spoon. He could see his child so clearly he felt his long-dead heart tightened with joy. He had to get out of here and back to Buffy. He finished getting everything on the list and added a couple of things he knew Buffy wanted. He passed by the pharmacy and stopped. Pregnancy tests, of every kind and make, lined the shelves. He reached out to pick one up and quickly pulled his hand back, as if it were soaked in holy water. The pharmacist watched the nervous blond studying the different tests, and decided to take pity on him.

"Do you need some help, young man?" Spike turned guiltily towards the elderly man, and shook his head. "No." He said gruffly, too gruffly. "Sorry, it's just…. my girlfriend may be pregnant." He ran his hand through his bleached hair, and cursed the Powers again for reducing him to this. "Which one would be the best?"

The pharmacist picked out a couple of tests, and handed them to Spike. What the hell am I supposed to do now? He wondered. They all looked pretty simple. In less than 20 minutes, they could find out if Buffy was really pregnant, though there wasn't a doubt in his mind. Spike stared unseeing at the boxes. This was real. He and Buffy were going to be parents, and he didn't really know how he should act. Or really what role she'd let him have in their child's life. "Is that all you needed, son?"

"Yeah, thanks." Spike said distractedly. The pharmacist patted him lightly on the back, and left Spike to his thoughts. This is crazy. Absolutely crazy. He thought as he pushed the cart to the checkout counter. If Buffy couldn't handle her feelings for him, how was she going to react to a baby? He didn't realize he still held the pregnancy tests in his hands, when he heard a familiar, yet annoying voice behind him.

"Evil dead, whatcha doing so close to Buffy's neighborhood?" Spike rolled his eyes in annoyance, and took a deep breath to calm himself. He wouldn't let the whelp pull him into an argument. He had some place to be. Spike looked down at his hands, and saw the tests. He quickly threw them into the cart before turning back to Xander. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm doing a little grocery shopping for Dawn and Buffy."

Xander scoffed at the rather unbelievable excuse. "When are you going to get it, nothing you do will ever make Buffy want you? So why don't you give it up?" Xander clenched his fists together. Something about the way Spike was regarding him with that smug look, made Xander want to shove his fist down his throat.

Spike looked Xander up and down, and wondered again what made Anya fall for him in the first place. Well, there was no accounting for bad taste. "I know you're clinging to the few females that can stand to be around you at the moment, but Buffy and Dawn want me around, so basically go to hell." Spike sneered, then laughed at the shocked look on Xander's face. He stepped up to the counter and began to unload his cart.

Xander grabbed Spike's arm and spun him around. His face was all red and splotchy with the effort to keep from exploding in rage. Spike, too, had to fight to control the demon within him. "Stay away from Buffy and Dawn! They don't need you bothering them."

Spike had had enough of Xander. "You know," he drawled, "I think they like having someone around who's not going to leave them when the going gets tough. Maybe, you should take some lessons from me in not running away." The clerk looked warily at both men glaring at each other, and wondered if she was going to have to call for security. "Oh, look at the whelp, he's angry. I guess I should run and hide. You want a piece of me, Xander, come on, but I'm going to be with Dawn and Buffy, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."

"Uh, that'll be $55.61" The clerk said, interrupting the impending brawl. Spike handed her the money, took his change, and left. Xander was rooted to the floor. He wouldn't let Spike worm his way back into Buffy's life. He knew she had a soft spot for the vamp, even if she wouldn't admit it to him. Fighting Spike wasn't the way, he knew that, but he was determined to keep her from repeating her mistakes.