Hogwarts: Bite Me
Ron woke with a start.
"Hey Ronald McDonald!" Harry called from his own bed.
"Who the hell is Ronald McDonald?"
"A gay ass restaurant mascot from the United States, he's a clown. It's my personal belief that the man playing the big footed freak had to go to counselling and is terrified of burgers and fries" Harry said laughing.
"You're in a good mood today. What's happening?"
"The 4th year and up ball is coming up and I plan on asking Hermione"
"Really? Who should I take?"
"Padma?"
"No"
"Parvati?"
"I suppose, except she reminds me too much of her sister"
"Lavender?"
"Seamus."
"Not unless you're gay"
"Shut up"
"Luna?"
"Luna… no"
"Millicent Bulstrode?"
"Are you trying to KILL me?"
"Fine you pick"
"Hannah Abbot?
"Ernie's"
"Susan Bones?"
"Justin's"
Mandy Brocklehurst?"
"She's hot"
"I know"
"No"
"Thanks a lot ass hole, Brittany Moon?"
"You could try"
"Sally-Anne Perks?"
"Ya"
"No!"
"You suggested her"
"Lisa Turpin?"
"She wouldn't go for you"
"I'll go with Mandy or Lisa; in fact I'll go ask right now!"
Hermione watched eagerly for Harry. The ball was posted this morning and he was probably going to ask her.
"Hermione want to buy a skiving snack box?"
"No" She felt someone kiss her cheek. "Oh hi Harry!"
"Hey, Hermione will you…" but Ron cut him off.
"No" he said in a displeased tone. "They both said no!"
"Who did?" Hermione asked him.
"Mandy and Lisa" he said through his arms.
"To what? Going to the ball with you? Well I would too"
"Ron lifted his head and gave her a dirty look.
"I mean, they have brains, and no one in their right minds would go with Ron"
"Why not?" Harry asked her.
"Look at him! He isn't exactly eye candy, he doesn't dance! Balls are a big thing in a girls life!"
"Hermione!" Fred said suddenly. "I never knew you felt that way. Is Harry not giving you the satisfaction that you need? Cause for a low, low price of 20 sickles you can buy one of our male hookers"
"FRED, THAT'S DISCUSTIND!" Harry spat.
"You could buy Charlie"
"Sold!" Hermione said standing up.
"Harry this is getting ridiculous!" Hermione said as they headed towards the Astrology tower.
Harry put his finger to his lips and pulled open the tower door.
"Holy shit!" Harry cried slamming he door.
"What? Who was it?" Hermione asked him eagerly.
"Harry motioned for her to look for herself. She stepped past him and pulled the door back open. There in the middle of the floor were Crabbe and Goyle.
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