Disclaimer: Most of these characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. The other ones. . .

Ok, one more time. As was going to happen in my other story, and still might if I can stop being lazy long enough to write it out, Cologne has given Ranma water from the Spring of Drowned Man in order to "kill his girl half" and save Shampoo's honor. This doesn't cure him. Instead, now he turns into a girl with hot water and a boy with cold. He;s cool with that, because that means as long as he doesn't spill tea on himself he's fine.

Chapter 4

"You know, your dad was a lot faster than this," Ryouga abserved, dodging Makoto's punches. The young man growled, and Ryouga whistled in amazement. "Does Akane-san know you're in this condition?"

"And WHAT condition is that?" Makoto snarled. He was getting really, really tired of this. All Hibiki-san was doiong was dodging him. Ever since that first hit. . . which STILL hurt. . .Ryouga had just been playing with him!

"A pretty rotten one," Ryouga observed, his tone entirely casual. He wasn't even trying, just dancing around Makoto in circles. "I wonder if Ranma's deteriorated this far?" he continued, mostly to himself.

"That's enough, ok?" Makoto shouted. He could feel his temper rising, and he welcomed the warm rush of anger. With a wordless scream, he aimed a barrage of punches at Ryouga's chest.

And they connected.

Ryouga fell back, gasping for breath, and Makoto closed the space between them. He kicked Ryouga's stomach, once, twice, and then shot an uppercut at his jaw. Rocking back from that punch, Ryouga finally threw one of his own. He hit Makoto square in the nose. Makoto rocked back, then started for Ryouga again.

The fight had begun in earnest.

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"Is anyone here?" Koemi shouted, opening the front door of the Saotome house. She took a few tentative steps inside. "Koemi? Makoto? Mochio?"

"They haven't come home yet," someone said off to her right. She turned to look, and had to cover her mouth to hold back a squeal of surprise. The man standing there was just so... big! He was almost twice her size! And it wasn't fat either, which was the scary part. . . He was wearing a gi, and looked like he was exhausted. She wondered for a moment what could exhaust a giant. Genocide, maybe?

"Who're you?" she asked, her voice level. She lowered her hand and did her best to look unshaken.

"I'm Goro, the new disciple in this madhouse," he replied, sourly. Koemi blinked at him.

"Madhouse?" she asked, unsure of what to do. Should she come in, act like the owned the house, should she just leave. . .

"Oh, yeah. All the kids fight each other over everything, there's a bloody panda in there that everybody calls Grandpa, and the owners of this joint alternate fighting and. . . well. It's even better when Mr. Saotome's master shows up," Goro said with a malicious grin. Koemi stared at him, deciding the conversation wasn't worth pursuing.

"So the kids aren't home yet?" she drawled. Goro shrugged. "Can I come in anyway?" A thought struck her, and she smiled. "Maybe you could show me your dojo? I haven't seen it."

"Ah.... No," Goro laughed nervously. Koemi narrowed her eyes.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Oh, you can come in and all, but you don't want to go into the dojo right now. Saotome and Akane-san are in there and. . ." he trailed off. Koemi blinked at him.

"Do they not like it when others interrupt their training?" she asked, frowning in confusion.

"Ahh, yeah. That's why," Goro said quickly. He gestured off to his left. "You can go wait in the tea room. If you want, I'll get you some kind of snack," he offered. Koemi nodded and followed him into the tea room.

"How. . . quaint," she murmered, falling gracefully to her knees. The tea room was all but barren, just a table and a television, really. It was downright spartan. The rice paper doors on the other side of the tea room were open, as were the doors beyond that. She could see a koi pond, some rocks and. . . a wall. That wasn't the whole yard, surely?

"Who are you?" Goro asked, his tone light and curious.

"Kuno Koemi," she replied, as simply as possible. He jerked back in surprise.

"Not the Koemi the twins have been chasing after?" he asked, his tone somewhat surprised. "You don't look at all like they described you," he continued, and almost cursed at his lack of tact. Fortunately, he never had to explain what he'd meant, because one of the twins leapt over the wall at almost exactly that moment. Hibiki-san followed closely.

"I know your secret, old man!" the twin shouted, leaping above Ryouga and kicking him down into the koi pond. Koemi stood to go and mediate between the two, but Goro was already there.

"Get DOWN!" the giant roared, knocking the twin out of the air. "You shouldn't knock old people into pools! What if he gets a cold?" Goro shouted, releasing the bruised twin from his grasp.

"Look!" Koemi gasped, her eyes fixed on the pool. A little black pig was struggling to climb up the rocks. She hopped over the table and ran to help him. As she scooped the squealing animal off the stones, she noticed Ryouga had vanished from the koi pond. She looked down at the little pig, who was glaring up at her with a human intelligence.

"You can't be that old man, can you?" she asked, somewhat astonished. The little black pig nodded and jumped out of her arms.

"He's cursed. Ucchan told me all about it," Makoto grinned, watching the little black pig scuttle towards the wall. "Fell in some lake in China, now he turns into a pig whenever he gets wet."

"Wow. Bet Yori had a rough time of it on the road, then. Hey, you don't suppose she turns into a pig, do you?" Goro asked, nanchalant. He watched Ryouga scuttle in circles around a bush as if he often saw people transform.

"Huh. I dunno. Oh! Koemi!" Makoto cried, as if he hadn't noticed she was there. She raised her eyebrows at him, putting a hand on her hip.

"You always come to meetings with classmates so dishevled?" she asked. She would have to investigate this cursed lake or whatever it was. . . later. For now, she had some interrogating to do. She smiled at whichever twin it was, presumably Makoto, with a proprietary gleam in her eye. He was hers to torment.

"I, ah, well. . . no. No, not really," he said, looking down at himself. "Tell you what, I'll go change. You and Goro can find a way to fix Hibiki-san." He jogged into the building.

"I really don't think anything will fix that man," Koemi gestured toward the pig, who had begun wandering off towards the koi pond. . . again. Surely, even as a pig he had to have some idea of where he was going?

"Who's out here?" someone called, a deep voice ringing clear as a challenge. Koemi turned to see a man, shirtless, standing by the open door of a building off to the side. She supposed this must be Saotome-san, and that meant the little building he was in must be. . .

"You call that a dojo?" she whispered. The shirtless man was frowning at her.

"Were you the one fighting out here?" he asked. Goro, with a long- enduring sigh, picked up the wandering Ryouga and held him out for Saotome- san to see. At the sight of the pig, Ranma's frown softened.

"Stupid," he muttered, and walked out towards his huge disciple. "Was P-brain over here the one fighting?" Goro nodded. "Well, I suppose you have some questions, then."

"Yeah, like what took you so long to come out here?" Goro droned. There was a flash of movement, and suddenly Ranma was standing on top of a fallen Goro, holding Ryouga by the scruff of the neck.

"When you are married, my disciple, I'll tell you what took so long," he grinned, hopping on Goro once before stepping off. "Now, about this pig. . ."

"How do we change him back into the old man?" Koemi interrupted. Saotome-san blinked at her, and she noticed, with disgust, that he had the same open, honest eyes the twins had.

"Wow, you catch on quick. Took Akane years to figure that one out," he said. "Who're you?"

"Koemi. Kuno Koemi," she smiled, bowing slightly. "And it really wasn't hard to figure out, Makoto said someone named Ucchan had explained the whole thing to him."

"I wonder what else Ucchan explained," Ranma said to himself. He looked at Koemi more sharply. "Tell me, you wouldn't happen to have inherited Kodachi's love of herbs, have you?"

"I have inherited nothing from that vile woman!" Koemi spat. How dare this man associate her with her evil, twisted aunt! She looked at him, an older replica of the twins, and considered doing him serious bodily harm.

"Ok, ok! Sorry I asked. Glad you formed the same opinion of her that I did," the old man smiled, and began walking towards the house. "If you want to stay for dinner, you'll have to tell one of the twins. They do most of the cooking."

"Wh..." she began, but didn't finish it. She stared helplessly after the freak. Eventually a heavy hand clamped down on her shoulder.

"He's the normal one," Goro assured her. Maybe she did want to leave. . .

"Tadaima! We're home!" a familiar voice rang out, and Koemi felt her heart leap into her throat. Ayame was home! No, Koemi most certainly didn't want to leave. She couldn't. She started towards the house, ignoring the giant's hand on her shoulder. She went back through the tea room, and beamed as she saw Ayame standing in the entryway. She was bent, removing her shoes, and her long dark blue hair had flecks of. . . batter? What had her Ayame been doing?

"Hiya. Where's Yori? Don't tell me she's with one of the twins," Ayame's father said, still holding the struggling black pig by the scruff of the neck. Ayame smiled and shook her head.

"Nah, she's with Aunt Kasumi. As it turns out, the girl is a cooking prodigy but she doesn't know much about real kitchens. Aunt Kasumi says Yori can come after school and learn how to use the oven and stuff," Ayame's face brightened even more, her eyes adopting a malicious gleam. "We did have a bit of a run-in with Mocchio, though. Yori hammered him," she said. The tiny pig squealed in triumph.

"Did you teach her your bakkusai tenketsu?" Ranma Saotome asked the happy little pig in his hand. The pig shook its head.

"Dad, pigs can't teach people techniques," Ayame scolding, picking up the tiny thing. She smiled at it. "He's so cute!"

"Yeah, wait a minute and I'll show you just how cute he is," Ranma promised, taking the pig back. He strode into the kitchen, and Ayame followed him. Koemi followed Ayame. All she wanted was for Ayame to acknoweldge her presence. . . Once in the kitchen, Ranma put a kettle of water on the stove. He then turned to his daughter, a faint frown on his face.

"This is going to be kind of a shock. Let me explain," he cleared his throat, "In China, there is an ancient training ground called Jusenkyo springs. There are a lot of lakes up there, each one cursed so that a human falling in will take the shape of a certain animal, depending on the spring. They turn into a Jusenkyo is all flooded now, and far too dangerous for training, but when I was a little younger than you my father and I went there to train. Ryouga, who had a grudge against me, followed. He fell into one of the springs while we were in China, and now he turns into a little black pig."

"No way," Ayame's eyes widened as she stared at P-chan. Her father nodded solemnly.

"Oh yes. A lot of the people your mother and I knew as teenagers had fallen into the Jusenkyo springs. My father and I also. . ." he trailed off. Ayame nodded.

"He turns into a panda! And here I';ve never seen him as a human!" she gasped, sort of shocked. Ranma sighed.

"Yeah, he sort of gave up on being accountable for himself, so he doesn't like being a human anymore," he said sadly.

"What do you turn into, Mr. Saotome?" Koemi asked quietly. Ayame looked at her in surprise, as if she hadn't noticed her presence. Which, Koemi reflected, she probably hadn't. Ranma opened his mouth to answer, but he never got the chance.

"WHERE is my daughter!?" a voice thundered down the hallway. Koemi turned paper white from her toes to her scalp. Her father. . . . Sasuke must have told him!

"Hey, Kuno, long time no see!" Ranma said amiably as Tatewaki Kuno stormed into his kitchen, armed with the bokkan Ranma remembered so well. Kuno had not changed a bit, he looked the same, spoke the same, dressed the same. It was almost reasurring, to know that Kuno would never change.

"You foul demon! Why have you taken my daughter into your house?" Kuno shouted. Ranma blinked. He wasn't implying. . .

"Father. . ." Koemi moaned, in an embarrassed agony.

"Quiet, child, I completely understand. He is a foul tempter, a man who makes slaves of women!" Kuno announced. With that, he lunged at Ranma, who stepped aside. Instead, he hit the kettle, which had just begun to steam, and it exploded inder the pressure of his strike. IN the old days, when Ranma was used to dodging water, he would have missed it. Easily. As it was, he was out of practice, and the hot water splashed over his shoulder . . . which was abruptly a lot smaller than it had been. He glared up at Kuno as the older man stared at him in shock, a slow smile crossing his features.

"My beloved pigtailed girl! How I have longed to see you all these years!" he said, his voice rapturous. His gaze was actually directed at her face, which was somewhat remarkable considering her lack of a shirt. Ranko reflected that the obvious effects of gravity on her body were quite unfair, since she hadn't been a girl enough since her youth to have exposed her chest to much gravity . . . but she had MUCH bigger problems...

"Oh, HELL," Ranko cursed, running past Kuno, who followed her.

"They told me you were DEAD!" Kuno shouted after the fleeing redhead. Ayame and Koemi stared after their father's in shock. At long last, Koemi turned to Ayame, somewhat confused.

"Your dad said they changed back into their original forms with hot water. Does that mean your dad is really a girl?" Koemi asked. Ayame looked at her with wide eyes.

"No way," she whispered. Ayame's mother, Akane, chose that moment to walk into the kitchen.

"What happened here?" she asked, surveying the broken kettle.

"Mom, is Dad really a girl?" Ayame blurted out. Akane looked at her in shock.

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"Well, Hibiki-san turns into a pig with cold water and Dad just turned into a girl with hot water and . . ."

"Where is the little pig?" Koemi asked, looking around the kitchen. Akane closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down.

"Oh, hell," she muttered.