Disclaimer – I do not own Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time or any materials relating to the Novels.
Mat and crew gratefully leap from the rickety and smelly bus, landing on a cracked sidewalk in Ebou Dar. Mat tries to breathe in air to destroy the stale smell from the bus but he regrets it immediately. Raw sewage enters his nostrils and he covers his stomach nauseously, stumbling across the unleveled sidewalk of the dilapidated city.
"Burn my soul, Mat!" Nalesean gags angrily, "I should have stayed in bed!" Nalesean leans against the brick wall of a run down restaurant and Vanin simply spits. Mat smothers the want to puke and scowls at Nalesean,
"If I have to come, so the hell do you two. And what the hell is so fun about sleeping?"
"Uh, I dunno, maybe that fine babe of a…eh, what do you call the women that come from overseas?" Nalesean asks and Mat shrugs,
"Sea Folk?" Nalesean quickly nods his head and pushes away from the brick wall before the mutant sized cockroach can attack.
"That fine Sea Folk, Nestelle din Sakura South Star," Nalesean answers with a wide grin, "When she 'spits' you know what she's doing."
"Son, you wuldn't even be tappin' dat if it wazn't fo me!" Mat demands with a shaken fist and Nalesean laughs derisively,
"I can't help you didn't act on it, dumbass. What kind of self respecting man watches the Oxygen Channel to learn where the G-Spot is?"
"Hey! If I have to incorporate other peeps' experiences to become a betta lova, that's my business!" Mat demands as they turn a corner and he stops frozen.
He almost gags at seeing the three grotesque hookers on the corner. All butch with mustaches and beards, two still with an apple and one only has one breast implant. What they're wearing isn't even enough to comment on and that makes it worse.
"Hey, honey," One grunts with an outstretched hand at Mat, "Wanna good time?" It barks out guttural laughter and Mat reaches into his coat for his gat. He stops only because Vanin grabs his arm,
"The fuzz." Mat looks towards Vanin's pointed fingers at two cops sat in a dilapidated squad car. Through the taped windows, the two pigs are having fun with 'ladies of the evening' but Mat doubts that they are 'ladies'. He then turns towards the three beasts on the corner,
"Next time, bitches, I'll finish your operations." Mat growls and the beasts chuckle deeply as the three men walk away.
"Burn my soul, Mat, this place sucks ass. The people, the sites, the smells!" Nalesean complains as the three reach a small shopping district and Mat spins,
"I don't really give a damn, Nalesean! You two boyz aint got a choice, I own ya like Em owns D12."
Mat answers with a victorious bob of the head and continues down the sidewalk. Vanin and Nalesean follow grudgingly but compliantly. Mat looks down at the rumpled piece of paper in his hand and then up at the name on a small store's peeling sign, 'Ebou Dari Petticoats and Such.' The best looking building all around, the brick isn't too cracked and there are no hobos chillin outside the door.
"What would that whore want out of this place?" Mat asks suspiciously and Vanin spits in disagreement,
"Ms. Elayne is a very nice young lady, Mat, and I'm sure she is simply helping out the less privileged." Mat turns to slap Vanin but lowers his hand and pulls open the glass door, ringing the annoying bell above.
The store smells like any other fabric store, that fabric-y and foamy smell but anything's better than outside. Stands and tables are scattered about the small store holding bolts of various colors and prints of fabric along with other supplies, scissors and whatever the hell else you need for sewing. Mat looks around but doesn't see Elayne anywhere, although he does see two women wearing red uniforms cutting a couple yards of 'Powderpuff Girl' fabric for a…a little boy.
"Maybe he's just checking out his options before middle school." Nalesean says casually as he leans against the wall. Mat could care less about the fag of a little boy, he's too busy scowling at the two women who have had so much plastic surgery, their ages are undeterminable. Their faces aren't exactly smooth, it's more of the fact that their skin has been pulled back to their ears, leaving their eye-sockets exposed. And no nose is that thin.
"Wut's up wit dis shiat, tricks puttin' this collagen in they lips to make em fulla?!" Mat growls angrily and offended, "Ya know how much shiat us black peeps get about our 'bubblegum' lips!?" Mat whirls around towards Nalesean who looks at him through confusion.
"What?"
"Back me up hur, ya know wut I'm spittin' bout!" Mat demands with a combative finger point, but Nalesean simply shakes his head,
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Mat's mouth widens and he huffs defiantly,
"Aint you Tairens Black?"
"Not that I know of…" Nalesean answers with a shrug and Mat slams his fist against the wall.
"I know whenever ya'll talked bout in da books, it's 'dark Tairens' what da hell else it mean?!"
"Dark compared to what, Mat? Dark compared to the clouds could be the sun. It's not specified." Nalesean explains and Mat growls angrily,
"They always screw us ova in da books!"
"But what about those who are called 'black as pitch'?" Vanin asks and Mat's eyes glow in fury,
"What the hell is 'black as fckin' pitch'?! So what, Two Rivers peeps is 'pale as ghosts'?! Same thing in LOTR! Only black peeps wuz da damn Trollocs!"
"You mean Orcs." Vanin corrects and Mat whirls around and yanks out his gat, aiming it at the fat bastard. Vanin quickly holds up his hands in defense and Mat shakes his head with a frown and lowers it.
"At least we had Calrissian in Star Wars." He says in defeat and Nalesean stands up and places his arm over the shoulder of his buddy,
"I don't think they really care, Mat."
"You're damn right we don't care!!" A woman's annoying squeal of a voice sounds from behind and Mat spins around to fire but he doesn't. Killing Elayne would anger Rand to no end and then he would never have his money.
The slut squad stands in the entrance of 'Ebou Dari Petticoats and Such' all skanked out in short skirts that barely cover the pelvis and tops that expose all midriff to the breasts and then massive amounts of plastic cleavage above. From right to left is: Aviendha, 'Since I couldn't keep pretending I hate you, let's sleep out in the freezing-ass cold where there's no way you could ever get it up' then Nynaeve, 'The first foreign man I see I fall in love with because my life has no meaning' and then everyone's personal favorite, Elayne, 'Everyone else had a go and I feel left out, shove a bun in my oven so I can complain even more.' Birgitte's there but of course she got roped into it all, even if her low rise yellow jeans expose a considerable amount of buttock cleavage.
Vanin immediately charges to Elayne's feet and begins licking her heels and Mat and Nalesean grudgingly walk over. Mat waves indifferently,
"I'm here for a jo—" His words are destroyed as Elayne's hand connects with his face, sending him backwards.
"Uh, you address me as like, 'Ma'am', Bitch!" She demands with another slap and Nalesean retreats backwards. Mat recovers and scowls upwards,
"You wanna get fired by assaulting a customer?!" He threatens and Elayne and the rest of the crew (except Birgitte) all burst into maniacal laughter.
"Uh, like, we're all assistant managers, so, uh, we can only fire ourselves." Elayne answers in her superior cockiness and Mat scowls,
"How the hell are you already assistant managers? You barely started working!"
"Egwene says we are, so we are!" Nynaeve demands and begins stroking her braid in erotic bliss, "She's so beautiful and perfect. I just love her!" Her strokes increase intensity and Mat looks away from the violation of the poor queue of hair.
"Who the hell cares what Egwene says? She has no power!" Mat demands and Elayne growls and steps forwards, causing Vanin to scoot back away from the puddle of slobber,
"She's negotiating the most important record deal in history! She has like, lots of power!"
"Oh, I forget! White Tower Records, of course!" Mat growls in defiance, "The White Towers above all! Ova all us slum livin' po' folk, we need the White to tell us wut ta do! Cuz we so ignant! I jus—" Mat's words are ripped away by another ear deafening slap of skin on skin and Mat bounds backwards.
"Uh, whatever!" Elayne arrogantly plants her hands on her hips and throws her chin into the air, "I don't even know why I'm like, even talkin ta you! You are so below me! So, like, go get me a diet water!" Elayne points at the vending machine at the back of the store and Mat growls and turns.
"Come on, Vanin!" Mat snaps his fingers and Vanin barks and rushes to his side and Nalesean turns and follows.
"Burn my soul, Mat, I should've—"
"Shut it! Just shut yo mouf!" Mat demands and Nalesean scoffs and continues in silence.
Mat dodges one of the wanna-be barbie dolls and just barely halts as the door to the back office swings open. Mat slams into Nalesean, knocking him backwards as a woman of about thirty walks out, pretty if not beautiful with long raven hair and large brown eyes. Cleavage city as well.
"Ah, what a cutie." The woman says deviously with a seducing stare and Mat clears his throat uncomfortably,
"Hi, Misses—"
"Miss." She corrects quickly, moving closer and Mat scoots back but is trapped by a solid stand of fabric. Nalesean moves away casually and Vanin's eyes are still on Elayne. Mat wipes sweat from his forehead and continues,
"I'm uh, here for a job, Miss…need help?" He stammers and the woman nods her head,
"Call me Tylin. And yes…I have the perfect job for you." She leans her head closer in her uncomfortable examination, "Yes, you will be perfect." She moves away from Mat's face and he sighs through relief but the next he knows, his left butt cheek is on fire.
Mat jumps away from Tylin's groping hand and she laughs sinisterly and winks before retiring back to the office. Mat looks from Vanin and back to Nalesean through shock but no one speaks. Mat finally recovers his dignity and smoothes his jacket,
"She won't…she won't do it again."
"Riiiiiiight." Nalesean laughs and Mat grunts and turns towards the vending machine.
"Vanin, give me that roll of quarters out of your pocket so I can get this slut a drink." Mat looks over but Vanin's eyes are glued to Elayne, ordering innocent people around, "Vanin!!"
"Oh, sorry!" Vanin laughs nervously and turns towards Mat, "What now?"
"Roll, now!" Mat demands and Vanin looks down and then back towards Mat,
"What roll?" Mat's eyes widen in fury,
"MOTHER FU--
