A/N: MUUUUCH Thanks to ALL who have read and to ALL to who have reviewed. This is first Fic I posted here and I had a hell of a time doing it. Sniff
Anyways, if you're like me then you were feeling sorry for Mat at this point of the book and this is where I twisted the story so he can go out on top. I apologize to all the Mat/Tuon lovers out there, but I don't dig baldy…as you could probably tell.
Disclaimer - I do not own Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time or any materials relating to the Novels.
Mat watches as the two Barbie-doll plastic employees are berated for leaving their botox syringes lying around on the floor and he easily decides he aint about to stay. The three new scary look'n managers turn their vicious glares to him and he smiles and waves,
"Peace out, ya'll. When the time comes, I hope Callandor fries ya wit lightning like it did your countrymen…except Selucia." With that, he quickly spins and runs out of the store followed by Nalesean.
"Ah my throat!" Nalesean's lament sounds out from behind and Mat spins around apprehensively and frowns at seeing Nalesean's hands cupped around his throat.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh nothin'," Nalesean removes his hands and clears his throat, "I forgot to wear my comforter last night is all. Brrr."
Mat sighs and turns back around, only to see a massive bus hurtling towards him out of control. He shuts his eyes and holds his hands over his face as the tires squeal to a skiddddding stop. He slowly opens his eyes and exhales loudly at seeing the bus's nose two inches away from him.
"Ah, my ride is here." Birgitte says from behind and begins towards the red and black bus and Mat spins towards her, and his eyes widen at looking at the words on the sides.
"SAL-DEAN-FARM-GIRLS-TRAINING-SCHOOL. Ohhhh, baby!" Mat jumps into the air and clicks his heels together. He rushes to the folding door, following Birgitte within and Nalesean follows behind.
"Welcome, Mat." Loial says from the massive driver's seat with a massive grin that splits his face in half, "I decided to screw the book about Ta'veren. Illicit Escapades are funner!" The grin isn't from starting a new book, Erith seems to be located below him…working the peddles.
Mat turns to survey the main section of the bus, the seats and floor are all made of hundreds of bales of yellow hay, but not one person looks uncomfortable. Beautiful hawk nosed women entertaining men from all over, a tinker with a sword, a Shienaran General, couple of White Cloaks, and even Perrin and Gawyn.
"Hiya, Mat." A familiar voice calls out from a nearby seat and Mat turns around and smiles at the quite promiscuous Else Grinwell. Mat licks his lips and plops down beside her, wrapping his arm around her,
"Why are you here? You aren't Saldean." Mat asks and Else smiles seductively, leaning to Mat's ear and whispers,
"I'm horny and I'm a farm girl…isn't it better that I don't have the schnoz?" Once again, Mat has to agree but speaking of the massive schnoz…
"Eh, what happened to Fail, Perrin?" Mat asks as he maneuvers his hand towards an 'inappropriate place' up Else's leg.
"Who? Ahhh, her," Perrin snickers and leans back on his hay bale, "Yea, that conniving biatch wanted to act weird so I left her with the weirdest there is. Those damn Aiel. That f'ckin Rolan with an ass cheek fetish."
"Those Shaido Dogs!" Gaul pops out from underneath the scattered hay in the aisle, numerous shades of lipstick decorating his cheeks and neck. A second later, Berelain pops out with hay scattered through her disheveled hair but she's still by far the hottest on the bus…beside Birgitte.
"Gaul, you weren't finished showing me how a Stone Dog Beats the Buckler!" Berelain moans and a large smirk spreads across Gaul's face.
"Wait, wait," Mat begins and Gaul looks over impatiently, "I thought you were with uh, Bain…or Chiad…whichever one you were crush'n on." Gaul bursts into laughter and flexes his massive biceps,
"Once you've lain with Berelain, you must Remain!" He tackles the First of Mayene back down through the hay and they both disappear.
"I can sort of vouch for that…" Perrin whispers and Nalesean snickers,
"Wouldn't happen to be any Sea Folk down there would there…"
"Ah yea, all sorts. We have Galad to thank for most of em." Gawyn answers, pointing towards his brother who's covered in women. One of Galad's hands is able to maneuver out of the huddle and he holds his thumb up. Nalesean whistles and hops down through, crashing through the hay and Mat looks towards Gawyn.
"Whatever happened to Egwene? I thought she was your 'one and only'." Gawyn clears his throat looking more than a little embarrassed,
"Elaida wanted her so I uh…set her up to get captured."
"That was you!" Sheriam pops out from underneath the hay with a wide smile and Gawyn nods his head, "Nice work!" Sheriam high fives Gawyn before being pulled back under by an unseen force.
"Damn, how many peeps can fit down there!" Mat asks incredulously and Perrin smirks,
"Elyas is down there somewhere…a little inappropriate but he's with Dapple."
"A wolf!" Mat grabs his stomach and Perrin sighs and shrugs his shoulders,
"It was either that or Rina."
"Hmmmm, tapp'n da azz uv an Aes Sedai or a Wolf? Dat is a tuff call!" Mat laughs, but his laughter is cut short as the bus jerks into a screeeeeeeching halt. Mat is flung from his seat with Else on top and Birgitte beneath and he looks up as the door folds open. A powerful air precedes the new comers as loud boots stomp up the steps.
Logain's grizzled face appears and he looks around viciously and Jahar Narishma follows him up, wielding Callandor on his back,
"All ya'll biatches best Kneel and Submit to Logain Albar, the only one True Asha'man or you shall be…" Narishma clears his throat and looks around. Logain waves him off and smirks,
"Ah, don't worry bout it dawg, they already Kneel'n."
