Lengthy Author's Note: Don't worry, this jizz stain of a fic will start the second you scroll past this meaningful note. I just feel obliged to respond to a review that looks like it needs some questions answered.
Cosmetor posted:
Hi, it's me again. Why'd you take off Universal Apocalypse? On to the review!
Well, this is a very good story in most areas; I'm glad you got rid of the toilet humor that abounded in your earlier fanfics. I tend to concentrate on the negative, though, so here I go.
1: "Shojo" is Japanese for
"girl", so it's not a good name for an elderly male martial
arts master.
2: There's a bit too much swearing for my tastes.
3:
A few out-of-place game references.
That's it for the flaws, I guess. I'd also like to say that your writing style is much better. Bye.
Let me start by saying that it's a nice change of pace to see a recognizable face still reviewing my stories. Now if only everyone else from my The Epic Battle days would check out this tale. While I have The Epic Battle fresh in thought, let me explain why Universal Apocalypse got the dilly smacker into the poop chute.
There's a little clause in FanFiction's story-hosting policy that destroys the scripted style of writing.
Entries not allowed:
Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries.
The problem is with scripted format is… oh wait, my apologies. There is nothing wrong with script format. I know that the staff of FanFiction can't fall asleep at night because someone didn't feel like carrying on conversations with quotation marks, but if William Shakespeare's renditions can get away with using script format, why can't anyone else's work do the same? Or maybe Universal Apocalypse just sucked so much that leaving it on this site would cause brain hemorrhage to those who read it, despite the 180+ reviews saying I had outdone myself in finishing out The Epic Battle.
Moving along. About the Shojo thought, although it means "girl" in Japanese, who knows what it could mean in Arcanian.
Too much swearing? I think I've appropriately labeled this fic PG-13, but that's just me. After all, that average of two curse words per chapter make me wanna consider an R-rating for this fic.
And the out-of-place game references are to help stir up a mental picture. Like when Robin told Katatz to "get those n00b sticks out of his face" in the fight against Osmosis, nobody would've known what these energy swords would've looked like because I have no idea how I could accurately describe the Halo 2 energy swords. Well, I suppose I could've said they're the combination of a lightsaber and a tuning fork. But everything I put in the story; I put there for a reason.
Now, on with the show.
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A pleasant aroma was emitting from a stovetop. And although a running stovetop can emit a scent, it is only a foul stench that can be emitted when it burns. Cooking breakfast platters within several frying pans were the source of the favorable stench. A flick of the pans tossed eggs, pancakes, bacon, and ham into the air, only for them to land neatly on plates in an organized pattern. With self-satisfaction in a meal well prepared, Cyborg celebrated to himself.
"Boo yah!" Cyborg exclaimed. "Yo, Titans! Time to dig in!"
Titan's Tower's kitchen was part of the main lobby. Cyborg's proclamation was within earshot of the other Titans. One by one, the Titans gathered around the dining booth.
"Eggs and pancakes this morning. Nice." Robin complimented.
"Personally I long for moldolf kivon, but the cakes of pan are also appealing." Starfire commented.
"You find everything appealing." Raven said as she opted for her herbal tea.
"Then that just means she'll eat my cooking." Cyborg said as he took a bite out of his ham. And with processed pig in his orifice, Cyborg asked "Hey, where's BB and Kaze?"
"So just how does one manage to fit all this world has to offer within that box?" The voice of Katatz was heard.
"It's TV." Beast Boy responded as they both took a seat. "People make shows from who knows where and they're sent to the television."
"So everything goes into the 'TV' from other places?" Katatz continued to inquire.
"It's a little more complicated than that." Robin interrupted. "People make programs and signals are sent through cable. You're just witnessing the program's sights and sounds."
"What he said." Beast Boy replied as he went to take a bite out of his pancakes. But noticing a piece of bacon sticking out from the pancake, he dropped his fork and said "Yo Cy, is this some sort of joke!"
"Nigga please," Cyborg responded. "It ain't no joke. You need meat in your diet."
"No way! Not eating meat, ever!" Beast Boy shot back.
As Cyborg and Beast Boy bickered, Robin's attention turned to Katatz, who was merely staring at his platter.
"You should try it. You might like it." Robin assured.
In a flash, Katatz picked up his plate and slid the entire meal into his mouth in one fell swoop. After inhaling the actual platter, Katatz made an effort to devour the plate and the utensils, but to no avail. Those weren't meant to be eaten. As the Titans picked up their jaws from the ground, Katatz belched, shattering some glass cups. All the Titans could do is stare in awe.
"That was quite delectable." Katatz said with content before noticing the mesmerized stare of the Titans. After a short period of silence, Katatz responded with a simple "What?"
After his silence, Beast Boy broke into laughter and complimented Katatz's belch with "Nice one!"
"It is customary of my people to belch in order to show appreciation for the meal eaten." Katatz replied. "Although I am baffled by these inedible devices that helped provide the food."
"The thing that held your food is a plate." Robin explained. "The metal things are utensils. You use those whenever you can't eat with your hands."
"Well, I hope I can get used to this and Earth's other customs." Katatz responded. "My ship was remodeled into a land vehicle, so I do not think I will be leaving this planet anytime soon."
"You're welcome to stay here." Cyborg offered.
"Yes! Stay with us! You can learn much from us! I have, and you can as well!" Starfire said with glee.
"You might even make a good Titan." Robin stated. "We had a team meeting while you were recovering in the Med Room. We're impressed by your abilities and your motives are good. So we figured we'd invite you into the team."
The mood in the room took a turn towards the serious. What was shits and giggles moments ago turned into the opportunity to bring a new member into the Teen Titans.
'A Titan?' Katatz thought. 'After what we put each other through yesterday, he extends the offer to have me join their ranks. Well, I suppose it would be a good learning experience to learn about Earth with familiar faces as guides. And the team could benefit from my presence.' "Very well… I will join your clan."
"Well that was a quick response." Robin responded. "Well, welcome to the team."
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Breakfast had passed as the day strolled into the afternoon. But who has the time to notice what part of the day it is when you're in a rigorous training session? Such was the case with Robin and Katatz, who took some time to get some combat practice on the rocky terrain outside of the tower.
Katatz shot three small blasts towards the Boy Wonder. Robin drew his bow staff and avoided the first while impaling the next two. After a twirl of his staff, Robin went on the charge. He executed a staff lunge, but Katatz phased out and appeared on the tip of the staff, bizarrely not weighing the staff down to the ground. Regardless, Robin went for a roundhouse kick, which resulted in Katatz somersaulting over his new team leader to avoid the strike. The follow-through of Robin's kick continued as Katatz landed behind him, and the Arcanian was forced to block the attack with a forearm. Thrusting the Boy Wonder's leg to the side, Katatz was open for attack, which he punched Robin in the stomach and forced him backwards. Robin slid on the rocky terrain and regained his position.
"Yeah… you're a catch, alright." Robin said.
"It is not becoming of a team leader to be outfought by a subordinate." Katatz commented. "I have also noticed that the other Titans have unique talents, but you merely possess commendable fighting prowess.
"That is my talent." Robin slyly responded. "I may not have superpowers, but I'm just as strong as most other people with them; if not stronger. Like you, I've also been trained in combat, and that's a decent enough substitute for real superpowers."
"Interesting compensation." Katatz replied. "Shall we continue our sparring?"
"Yeah. I wanna see what the both of us can really do." The Boy Wonder said as he and his new recruit charged towards each other and went for heavy punches.
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Two fighters collided, but one was able to gain the upper hand with a heavy uppercut. As the red fighter was thrown into the air, the blue fighter grabbed its leg and slammed it onto the ground. A "KO" notification filled the big-screen TV's monitor and Cyborg jumped off of the sofa and did a victory strut.
"Oh yeah! Go Cyborg! Go Cy!" Cyborg hollered. "Man, BB, that was jail rape, just like the last twenty games."
"No fair! You told me after a couple games of Manic Mayhem, we would play a real game, like Thrill Kill!" Beast Boy exclaimed.
"Hey, this is a real game. This is reality, and the reality that I can whoop your ass at any game hasn't quite sunk in yet." Cyborg taunted.
"Put in Thrill Kill and we'll see who gets ass kicked!" Beast Boy shot back.
"Fine, if you wanna have a sandy vagina all over it, fine. We'll play Thrill Kill." Cyborg said. "Kaze, this one can have more than two players. You in?"
"I do not know the first thing about these games of video." Katatz said as he sat back. "Besides, I do not wish to intrude upon the kicking of ass."
"Suit yourself. But you're gonna have to rock the sticks sooner or later." Cyborg said.
"And you're gonna have to learn some Earth lingo so we can put down Cy when he throws his one-android video game victory parties." Beast Boy insulted.
"Oh, it's on!" Cyborg retorted. "You can suck at video games all you want, but you ain't getting away with that one!"
'Entertaining.' Katatz contemplated. 'I wonder if the trip to this "mall of shopping" with Starfire will be as… interesting as this virtual feud.'
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'Fascinating…' Katatz thought as he took in his surroundings; the concrete jungle known as the Jump City Shopping Mall.
"The other Titans do not find enjoyment in accompanying me to the mall of shopping." Starfire told her alien teammate. "Perhaps you will find interest in this place while I take you to get new clothings."
"Yes. I do not like wearing Beast Boy's battle attire." Katatz responded. "While it was nice of him to let me use a spare uniform, it is too constricting."
"Fret not, friend. We are here." Starfire assured as they entered a clothing shop. "I too have clothings I need to purchase. You should be able to find what you need over there." Starfire pointed towards the men's department of the store. Her finger redirected towards the fitting rooms as she said, "And there is where you are able to try what you find."
Katatz drifted towards the Men's section and went on the scour for a new outfit; one that would duplicate his former Arcanian battle attire. But alas, it is not so easy when you're sifting through a sea of jeans and "How do you keep an idiot busy" shirts. But eventually he found garments to replace his ravaged clothes. And these garments were a nice fit; baggy khaki pants, a red shirt, and a white vest overtop.
"This is quite comfortable," Katatz said as he admired his new clothes in a mirror.
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'This is not comfortable.' Katatz thought to himself. 'How much longer will the demon keep me in suspense?' Then he was tossed a book.
"You need to be cultured." Raven spoke monotonously. "You'll need to know as much of Earth's customs as possible so you have some sort of idea why things are the way they are here."
"That is why the Titans have shown me their ways." Katatz added.
"True, but you should learn our ways through other eyes." Raven responded. "There are more perspectives of life than just ours. Everyone is a source of knowledge. Besides, I'm not losing you to Beast Boy…"
"Lose me to Beast Boy? I do not understand." Katatz inquired.
"Trust me on this one. Beast Boy is not what I'd call a role model." Raven replied.
Katatz sat bewildered. Beast Boy, along with the other Titans, was responsible for enlightening the Arcanian in order for him to blend in with Earth's society. Trying to disregard her statement, Katatz sighed and looked down at a book entitled "Exodus".
"So… will I be able to read this?" Katatz asked his half-demon teammate.
"You should." Raven answered. "I have literature from all over the universe, including Arcanian novels. And I'm guessing you've noticed that English and Arcanian are almost identical, verbally and textually."
"Ah…" Katatz said to himself.
"You'll find this book interesting. It's about a person who is born in one culture, then forced to become part of another." Raven said. "It's sort of like your ordeal, which is why I'm having you check this one out, first."
Before Katatz could begin reading the recommended tale, an alarm sounded.
"Is that normal!" Katatz shouted as he covered his ears.
"Yeah, and we have work to do." Raven said. "Come on!"
In a heartbeat, Raven got up and darted towards the briefing room, followed closely behind by Katatz. Upon their entrance, they met up with Robin and Starfire. Cyborg and Beast Boy followed shortly afterwards.
"What do we have?" Raven asked.
In response to the sorceress's question, Robin activated a monitor that lie behind him. An image appeared, revealing a manly figure in a black body suit and a black and gold mask.
"Slade…" Robin hatefully responded.
A/N: You know how everything that's awesome usually has a dash of suckiness somewhere within it? Well don't worry, the coolness comes back next chapter.
