Aburatsubo wandered aimlessly around Takeo's bedroom, unable to keep his eyes from trailing over to the bed despite the fact he was trying to ignore it. Takeo had gone downstairs to get them something to drink and snack on, leaving Aburatsubo alone in the room.
Think about the poster on the wall.
He stared at it without seeing it. For about two seconds, before his eyes trailed back to the bed once again. It seemed huge, filling up the room, taunting him. Takeo had an American style bed, lifted off the ground with a thick, comfortable mattress.
He couldn't help himself. His curiosity was just too strong.
Aburatsubo made his way to the bed, swiftly lifting the edge of the mattress and peeking beneath.
He sighed when he saw it. A nudy magazine, with a cute brunette on the front with her chest bared. He didn't know what he'd been expecting to see, but he couldn't help his disappointment. Takeo had always liked breasts, no matter what his sexuality ended up being, and always hid his dirty magazines under his bed mattress. Aburatsubo knew it was stupid to think that they would be gone all of a sudden. No one changed that much that quickly.
Although...
The youth frowned, lifting the mattress a little more.
There was just the one. Takeo used to have about fifteen under here!
Something else caught his eye, and Aburatsubo furrowed his brows in curiosity. There were a couple of books. Just thin, regular looking books. Why would Takeo hide them?
'The Secrets of Homosexual Love' he read as he peered along the spine of one.
His heart skipping a beat, Aburatsubo quickly snatched the books, unable to believe it.
One was a regular dating book with dry content, like the kind they gave to you in health class, describing good places to go on dates and when it was 'appropriate' to start doing couple things like kissing.
The other two dealt specifically with gay relationships, one even going as far to describe the different things two guys could do in bed!
Aburatsubo couldn't seem to slow his pulse down, his mind whirling with many different thoughts at once.
Had Takeo actually bought them?
Had he read them?
Did he like any of it?
Did he want to do any of it?
Aburatsubo tried to calm himself down, telling himself firmly that he needed to be rational about this and stop letting his imagination get the better of him. Still, there was no way to doubt now that Takeo really was enjoying their new relationship, and it sent a thrill of joy through Aburatsubo. Takeo never would of bought these otherwise. They meant a lot. They were more than just books, more than just idle curiosity. It meant that Takeo had wanted to know more. That he truly did want to build on their romantic relationship, and had found a way to learn how.
Aburatsubo frowned as a new thought occurred to him, slipping the books back into their place.
The books also meant that Takeo didn't feel comfortable coming to him with those questions.
He'd avoided talking about romantic things with Takeo to help the other boy feel more comfortable. He'd thought that it would be easier on Takeo if things just happened, instead of trying to talk about it first. He'd thought things would be best that way.
But he didn't want a relationship where the other was too shy to ask him something, turning instead to books to get his answers. They should be comfortable enough with each other to discuss things such as when they wanted to take those new steps. Otherwise, they would never truly ready to take them.
He was still contemplating this when Takeo returned, a tray in his hands. "What's the matter?" the youth asked as he shut the door behind him, seeing Aburatsubo's expression.
Aburatsubo hesitated, waiting until Takeo had settled down beside him before he broached the subject. "I saw what was under your mattress," he began slowly, reluctant to admit that he'd peeked.
Takeo gave him a startled look, his entire face going red. "I'm sorry. It doesn't mean anything, really. I haven't even looked at it in months!" he stammered.
Aburatsubo blinked, then laughed a little. "I'm not talking about the magazine. Although, it would of been nice if it hadn't been there," he said with a teasing tone. Then he let himself turn serious once again, knowing he couldn't avoid the issue. "I mean the books."
Now Takeo turned even more red, unable to meet his eyes. "Ah, man, no one was supposed to know I actually bought those! I know it's dumb, when we're dating anyway, but it was embarrassing to admit I needed them."
Aburatsubo sighed and shook his head. "I'm not upset that you hid them. It's the fact that you had to buy them," he explained, his tone quiet. "If we're ever going to have a real relationship, you should feel comfortable being able to talk to me about it. Even this soon in our relationship, we should be able to discuss things like kissing and... well, sex. I feel bad, that you had to get a book, instead of being able to ask me."
Takeo still wouldn't meet his eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he said quietly.
Aburatsubo's eyes widened. "Oh, no, I don't mean that way!" he said quickly, reaching forward to grab Takeo's hand in his own. "I mean that I feel bad that didn't try to do something about it. I should of realized that you don't know much about this. I mean, never mind dating, but dating a guy on top of it. I should of been more considerate to you and said something, instead of leaving it all on your shoulders."
It was Takeo's turn to be surprised, finally looking up to meet Aburatsubo's eyes. "It's not your fault," he replied firmly. "If I wasn't so shy and hesitant with everything, then I'm sure things wouldn't be as difficult as they are."
Aburatsubo shook his head. "I don't want you to be pressured into anything. I want to take this relationship as slow or fast as you want. Don't think you have to force yourself for me. I've had a lot longer to get used to the idea."
"Well, it's not like I haven't thought about it," Takeo revealed. Then he looked shocked at his own words, dipping his head down so Aburatsubo couldn't see his expression. Still, he didn't try to make an excuse for his admission.
Aburatsubo tried to ignore the shiver that went down his spine, telling himself firmly that he had to keep a sane head. Perhaps Takeo's consideration hadn't been the only reason he'd avoided these conversations. It would be hard to keep control of his emotions and desires while they talked about kissing and touching. Still, he would. Because this relationship meant too much to him for him to make a stupid mistake like forcing himself on the other.
"What kinds of things do you think about?" he asked softly, still unable to keep himself from asking. When he saw Takeo's hesitation, Aburatsubo shook his head. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
Takeo finally looked back up at him. "But that's what this is all about, isn't it? Me being able to talk about it. I want to, you know. Don't think I don't. I want all of these insecurities to be gone, to be able to make you happy. I hate when I flinch, and I have to see the disappointment in your eyes."
Aburatsubo was startled. He hadn't realized the other could see it so easily. He took Takeo's chin in his hands. "Don't feel bad about it. It takes time to get used to intimate things like that, no matter who you are or the situation. You made me the luckiest person in the world when you said that you would try, and you've already grown comfortable with more than I could of ever hoped. Don't force yourself to do something you don't want."
Takeo was quiet for a few minutes, studying his face. "What if I want to?" he asked quietly.
Aburatsubo smiled. "Then you can. Don't doubt yourself, Takeo. Anything you want to do is fine with me, and I look forward to whatever you're ready for."
Takeo nodded slowly, his eyes trailing down to Aburatsubo's mouth. The brunette's breath caught for a moment when Takeo's lips parted and his tongue snuck out to moisten his bottom lip. He waited to see what Takeo would do, and it was definitely worth the wait.
Their lips met in a soft kiss, innocent and sweet. Aburatsubo let his eyes slip shut, his hand slipping back to rest against the nape of Takeo's neck. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, how many times their lips pressed against each other, but he enjoyed every minute of it. He gave a soft moan when he felt Takeo's hands slide up over his shoulders, his skin burning at the feel even through his shirt. It had never been like this before, their arms around each other as they kissed, their bodies slid up against each other.
All at once, Takeo's lips slipped open against his mouth, and Aburatsubo moaned again as the kiss suddenly deepened. He felt Takeo shudder against him as their tongues brushed against each other, and Aburatsubo pulled him even closer as he lost himself in the sensation. Time slipped away completely as pleasure hummed through him, making every nerve in his body tingle.
For all the times he'd thought about this, he'd never come close to how good it felt.
He couldn't believe...
Takeo was such a wonderful person.
They finally broke apart, Aburatsubo leaning his head against Takeo's shoulder as he tried to catch his breath, and his run-way pulse. He could feel the other trying to do the same.
"Wow," he heard Takeo breathe, and Aburatsubo laughed as he lifted himself back up. Takeo had a silly grin on his face, matching the one Aburatsubo knew was on his lips. "I didn't think it would feel that good. I mean... wow!"
Aburatsubo laughed again, giving Takeo a tight hug. He was over joyed, he couldn't seem to help himself. "See? It's worth it, isn't it, when you take the chance."
Takeo smiled at him. "I already knew it was worth it. I just needed to do it."
"Do you want to do it?" Aburatsubo teased, a mischievous look in his eyes as he placed the right emphasis on the right words.
Takeo gave him a tired look, but it was spoiled by the twitch of his lips. "One step at a time, you insatiable leech!" he replied, tugging on a lock of Aburatsubo's hair.
Aburatsubo bared his teeth like a vampire and threw himself over Takeo, nipping lightly at his friend's neck. He was a little surprised when Takeo's hands made only lame attempts at pushing him away, both of them laughing as they wrestled around on the floor. It hadn't been since they were kids that Takeo had felt comfortable enough for them to goof off like this, and Aburatsubo was loving every minute of it as he pretended to try to bite his boyfriend. Or that Aburatsubo had felt comfortable enough to let loose with his own inhibitions.
Even so, when they finally collapsed against the floor, trying to catch their breath, he brought his hand up to straighten his hair. Now that the moment had passed, he felt self-conscious once again.
He was caught off guard when he felt Takeo's hand grab his wrist, pulling his hand away from his hair.
"Don't," the youth told him, smiling as he brought his own hand up to run his fingers through a lock of Aburatsubo's hair. "It looks nice like that, all mussed up. I can't remember the last time I've seen your hair like that."
Aburatsubo flushed. "But it's messy," he protested.
Takeo shrugged, still playing with his hair. "So? It still looks good."
Aburatsubo couldn't help but be a little surprised. "You really think so?" he couldn't keep from asking.
Takeo's expression became serious as he studied Aburatsubo's face. Aburatsubo frowned slightly, wondering what his boyfriend was thinking. "You know, I never even thought until today that you might be a person with insecurities," Takeo said softly. "I'm ashamed to say it, that I was fooled like all of those other people. I'd thought I was better than that. But I never saw it, and I feel bad for that."
Aburatsubo slid his eyes away. "It's not like that," he denied.
"Please don't do that, Aburatsubo. You don't have to pretend with me, and I don't want you to. I never realized that I've never seen your room messy, or seen you before you'd prepared your appearance, not since we were children. I don't want you to think that you have to be something your not in front of me."
"But that's what everyone expects," Aburatsubo said, clenching his eyes shut. He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't realize how vulnerable it made him feel, not to have that fiscade to mask him. "I don't want you to think less of me."
He felt soft fingers on his forehead, pressing away the crease his eyebrows were making, and he slowly opened his eyes once again. "I could never think less of you," Takeo said firmly. "It doesn't matter to me if your hair or clothes or room is messy. It doesn't change anything about the person that you are. You do not have to be perfect, Aburatsubo. People have come to expect it because you don't show any of the other side of you. I'm sure that no one would care if you if you let yourself relax a bit. I know I don't mind seeing it. It... it makes this moment more personal somehow."
No one had ever said such a thing to him, and it made Aburatsubo want to cry. Even his mother, bless her debutante heart, expected to see him perfectly polished when he began the day. Okay, never mind want to, he was crying, and Aburatsubo buried his face against Takeo's chest as he felt the first tears slip down his cheeks.
"I love you, Takeo," he said quietly.
He felt Takeo's fingers in his hair again, a comforting sensation. Not nearly as comforting as the words Takeo then said next, though.
"I love you too."
