Note: Darksiders, by nature, are immune to flames, so fire away!
"I had not considered any alternative activities after your request
for my presence tonight."
This was not the answer B'Elanna had hoped to hear. She did not really
know what she had hoped for, but she knew this wasn't it. The softness
in Seven's eyes seemed to have vanished and suddenly she did not know
if what she had seen had been only wishful thinking. She looked away,
but despite her sudden urge to be left alone she refused to let go of
Seven's hand.
"And what were your plans before I asked you?"
B'Elanna felt the cold eyes still looking at her, when she heard the
answer she should have been expecting all along.
"When I am not asked to participate in social activities with the crew
I am working on improving the efficiency of technology in my direct
environment, which consists of the astrometry laboratory and cargo bay
two. This evening would have been no different."
B'Elanna pulled her hand away from the ex-drone's, and for a moment
she thought she felt some hesitation from the drone to let go. She
retreated inwardly. On the outside, she put her hand in her lap and
tried to focus on the cold reality in front of her.
"So, you felt compelled to accept my invitation?"
"No, I did not. The captain has made clear that all requests outside
regular work shifts that are not due to emergencies are not orders and
thus can be denied without providing reasons."
"I-I still don't understand Seven, you could have said no, why didn't
you?"
B'Elanna felt very small. And defenseless. And vulnerable. She had
debated with herself for some time, whether it would be a good idea to
invite Seven, to make a big step into the unknown and bring the one
she once had considered her enemy into her personal space like that.
Her mind had tried to argue that it was a mistake, but something else,
much lower, much deeper, had nagged her to dare and try to get closer
to Seven, to try and find out what possibly fascinating personality
might be hidden behind the beautiful but stony exterior.
"Although I am not required to provide reasoning, my decisions are
based on logic reason and at that time there was no reason to deny
your request."
"I see." The young half-Klingon didn't know what to look at, what to
do. Suddenly everything felt awkward and, herself included, out of
place. Maybe even plain wrong.
"I use my time to expand my knowledge on many levels. My past as a
Borg drone has left me with extensive technological knowledge.
Spending time with further research of technologies would increase the
imbalance regarding other areas... of life. Your invitation was a
rare opportunity to gather more knowledge in some of those areas."
B'Elanna's shoulders sagged. She was defeated, by Seven, again. She
felt like a fool.
She articulated her defeat with a deep sigh.
"And why is this opportunity so rare, Seven? It seems like lately
you're often invited by crewmembers to spend your free time with them.
One should think you can gather a lot of social knowledge then."
"They are predictable."
B'Elanna startled and her head shot up and her eyes were once again
caught in blue steel.
"What?"
Seven tilted her head ever so slighty.
"They are predictable. When I have spent some time with them there is
nothing new to learn. Or the knowledge is of no relevance to me. I do
not know anything about B'Elanna Torres, except her skills as
Engineer. She seems an unpredictable, complex and contradicting
personality. To have the opportunity to learn more about her is rare."
It felt odd for B'Elanna that Seven would speak of her in the third
person while she was present. But maybe that was her way to keep the
distance she felt she needed. That thought made her sad, but she had
no idea what she could do about it. Despite everything she felt
special again, and there was a glimpse of hope that maybe nothing was
lost after all.
"And Seven, why is it important to know me? Why would you want to
predict me?" The thought the ex-Borg wanted to predict her made her a
bit uneasy, but she was confident that there was more to Seven's
motivation.
"Interactions with you are required on a regular basis and would be
less complicated if I had more knowledge about you. Furthermore, you
are the only one aboard Voyager whose technological skills can match
my own. While we are forced to cooperate during regular
shifts, your assistance would be beneficial for my other research
projects as well."
Initially, B'Elanna was about to get angry. Seven wanted to get to
know her better only to get her to work more, in her spare time no
less. Not only did she not care about her but she also wanted to take
advantage of her!
But then, stopping herself and taking a different approach, she saw
that in some way Seven had just told her she wanted to get to know her
better and spend more time with her. She wanted to share her hobby
with B'Elanna. Even if that looked like work, in some way it was
Seven's hobby.
A bit remorseful she answered with a low whisper.
"You could have just asked me for help, you know."
"Your past behavior gave no indication that such an approach would
have been successful."
B'Elanna knew Seven was right, but the feeling of constant scrutiny
just drove her mad and she sprang up.
"Goddamnit, Seven, do you always, always have to think and analyze so
much?"
Seven clearly had not expected the sudden change in B'Elanna's mood
and winced at the sudden outburst. But she stayed calm. She didn't
know any other way.
"It's all I have to rely on when I have to decide."
Immediately B'Elanna felt sorry, and the sudden changes in her mood
seemed to get to her. She didn't know anymore what to do, think or
feel. She just didn't trust herself anymore.
Rubbing her forehead she tried to decide on her next step.
Seven was looking at her expectantly, and just to torture herself a
bit more, B'Elanna convinced herself that there was also something
like fear in those blue eyes. Even if the ex-drone denied any
emotions.
"Seven, look, I'm sorry, this is so not going the way I had imagined."
She knew how dangerous it was to have expectations, to want something
badly enough to be dreaming it true, to imagine it and see it before
the inner eye before it actually happens, regardless that it might
never happen at all in reality.
"What did you imagine, B'Elanna?"
There it was. The question she had been dreading as soon as she had
admitted to have expectations. She cursed herself, for saying it out
loud, but now she had to answer, and Seven was looking at her with
innocent curiosity. How was she supposed to tell her she was
attracted to her if Seven did not even understand what it meant to
like or want? Things turned out to be far more complicated than she
had ever expected. She wanted to slap herself for being so
inconsiderate, for claiming to care about someone romantically she
hadn't even cared to get to know better as a friend.
"I-, Seven, I- I think we better end this evening. I think you should
go."
There was no emotion discernable on the ex-Borgs face, when she got
up.
"B'Elanna, was my question inappropriate?"
"Uh, no, Seven, no, not at all. This is not your fault. Please don't
think you did anything wrong. I just- cannot answer your question and
I think I need to be alone right now. I might end up hurting you if we
continue this." Upon the questioning look on Seven's face when she
referred to emotions that, according to Seven, did not exist, she
added, "Well, maybe I'm more afraid of making a fool of myself."
B'Elanna was convinced she could see puzzlement in Seven's face.
"As you wish B'Elanna. I will leave. However, I apologize if
my actions have caused this... turn of events. I will see you
tomorrow. Good night."
With that she turned to leave the quarters and B'Elanna barely managed
to answer, "Yeah, see you tomorrow, Seven," before the door closed
behind her guest.
She slumped on her sofa, taking a deep breath, then leant back and
slowly released the air from her lungs. Everything was so complicated.
Here she was now, at the end of what she had hoped to be a first date
with Seven. And all it had been was a meeting with an, admittedly,
interesting conversation, essentially resulting in the realization
that she had a crush on a beautiful, living, sensing, but not
sentient, being. She briefly wondered, what her
shrink at the academy would think, but decided she didn't really want
to know.
