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To Be Young Again
Chapter 17: The End of the Beginning
"Lils, you coming?" Jane asked. Her, Arabella, Caitlin, Katherine and Amanda were going on their last Hogsmeade trip of the year together.
"Nah," Lily replied, still staring at her Transfiguration book. "Got to study."
"Aw, but Lily…" Arabella started, but Jane cute her off. "You know how Lily gets when she sets her mind to something," she whispered. "There's no stopping her."
Arabella nodded.
"Alright then, Lils," Jane called. "Bye!"
*
Argh, Lily though. Why does this have to be so hard?
She would never finish studying for Transfiguration in time for their final exam tomorrow. She had limited nighttime hours, even if she stayed up all night.
There was only one option. She had to talk to the master of Transfiguration.
"James," she whispered.
*
James was having a usual day- nothing out of the ordinary. Him, Sirius and Remus were hanging out at the Three Broomsticks, drinking butterbeer and talking before they headed to Zonko's. Peter tagged along, but because he didn't have the natural brightness the other three had, was studying for final exams the next day instead of 'hanging' with the rest of the Marauders.
James looked up and saw Lily approaching him. Oh no, he thought. Please don't let her come here. Oh please…
But Lily did approach James' table. James pretended he didn't see her and looked the other way, pretending to be engulfed in conversation but really hearing nothing except an empty buzzing in his ears, knowing Lily was going to speak to him.
"James?" Lily asked tentatively. "Uh, I-"
"Look, Evans, we're over," James said icily. "You know that, and I know that, so don't live in the past."
James knew he had said the wrong thing when Lily's cheeks colored angrily.
"I can't believe you, Potter!" she exploded. "Whenever a girl, including me, and I know very well we're over (and I'm glad) asks you for help, or even talks to you, you assume they want a date! I told you off last year, and I'm not afraid to do it again! You. Have. The. Most. Inflated. Head. I. Have. Ever. Seen!"
The entire bar went quiet.
"Hey," said James softly, disgusted with himself for reasons he could not fathom, "wanna take this outside?"
"Sure!"
"Now," he said once they were out of earshot (although Sirius and Remus were staring at them through the window) of the rest of the bar, "what was it you wanted help with?"
"What's with the sudden mood swing?"
"Nothing. Answer the question."
"I'm not a dog, Potter, so don't treat me like one. I'm not at your command like every other girl, so don't treat me like I'm under the influence of your charm, because I am so not."
"Lily, all I want to do is help!" James cried, irritated, throwing his hands up in the air.
Lily snorted.
"Ha! That's a laugh. Before I could even get a word out, you started assuming I wanted to get back together which, I might point out, is to your own benefit, not mine."
"Lily…" James started, but didn't know how to finish. "I really do want to help. I'm sorry I was being such an ego-maniac in there, and I always have been, but please, give me a chance."
"Hmm, now where have I heard that before?" asked Lily, in mock consideration.
"Lily, this time I'm serious!"
"I thought you were James. Or did you mix yourself up with your best friend like everyone else? Alright, I get it, that's old. Oh, and last time you weren't serious? Imagine…"
"Evans, please, I'll help you with whatever you need help on, as long as it's something I can do."
"No more of this name-switching. Either call me Lily or Evans."
"Lily," James stated firmly. "I mean, if that's alright with you…"
"Of course it's alright," Lily stated absent-mindedly.
James ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay, so what did you need help with? Anything I can do?"
"Transfiguration."
"What about Transfiguration?"
Lily burst into tears. "Everything!" she sobbed into James' arms. "The incantation, the wrist movement…" all James heard after that was "…final exams…Head Girl…help…" she stopped crying, sniffed, and looked at James with tear-stained cheeks and red eyes.
"Will you do that for me?" she asked.
"Anything," James found himself saying.
*
James led Lily to the Gryffindor common room. He led her up to the boys' dormitories and pushed open the door.
"After you," he said.
"Uh, James? Won't we get in trouble? I mean, I'm a Ravenclaw so I'm not supposed to be in here and I'm a girl so I'm definitely not supposed to be in here."
"Nah," said James. "Sirius and Remus will be out all night, and so will Peter. God knows what they're doing. I didn't want to go with them for once because I didn't want to have a late night before exams. It's not like Sirius and Remus care, and Peter just tags along. Heaven knows he's gonna fail."
"But-"
"Look, Lily, I can't get into the girls' dorms, you know that, and we can't study in the common room because anyone could come and then we'll be in deep crap with McGonagall. So this is our only option, unless you want to fail Transfiguration," James concluded, his eyes glinting mischievously.
"But James, I…I mean, you and I in the same dorm? Wouldn't it be kind of… awkward and…"
"Lily, I swear I will not take advantage of you or any of that stuff. I have too much pride."
"Promise?"
"A Potter's as good as his word," James said arrogantly.
Lily slapped him.
"Well, then I'll know yours will be scummy and untrue," Lily muttered.
"Hey!" James exclaimed.
Lily sat down on the floor. "So, what are you going to teach me?"
*
James Potter had fallen for Lily Evans. He couldn't think of anything else, although he acted like he didn't care and taught her well. But just looking at Lily distracted him, so he tried hard to keep most of his focus on the book, his wand, and her wand and hand movement.
"No, no, like this," James said, reaching over and holding her hand so the wand would move in the proper way.
Lily looked up at him, his innocent features focused, his brows knitted in the frustration of getting all this done by morning.
"Thanks," she whispered.
James looked at her. And then he did the only thing he could think of to do.
He kissed her.
Caught up in the heat of the moment, Lily kissed him back. After a second or two she regained her senses and pushed him away once again, much as she was reluctant to. She slapped him. Hard.
"I can't believe you!" Lily cried, furious. "A Potter's as good as his word…" she muttered, grabbing her book bag. She stuffed her Transfiguration book into it and rushed out the door and ran the Ravenclaw common room, her face red and tears running down it.
*
"Lily Marie Evans, get out of bed this instant!" Arabella cried.
Lily moaned.
"I know the method that always works," Amanda told Arabella. Lily bolted out of bed.
Jane smiled. "Let's go," she said softly. "Transfiguration."
*
Lily screamed silently at her paper. 150 questions? Lily thought. That's insane!
"You may begin," Professor Dumbledore said from the front of the classroom.
Lily glanced at James. He was concentrating on his test, not looking at everyone else in the classroom.
I cannot help it
Couldn't stop it if I tried
The same old heartbeat fills the
Emptiness I have inside
Come on, Lily urged herself. Think, Evans, think.
And I've heard you can't fight love,
So I won't complain
'Cause why would I stop the fire that
Keeps me going on?
Why did she keep thinking of James? She needed to concentrate on her exam. She had to score well. She glanced at James again.
'Cause when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone
And I'd rather be in love with you
He looks so adorable with his brows knitted like that and his eyes squinting, she thought. Wait, what am I thinking?!
Turn out the lights now
To see is to believe
I just want you near me
I just want you here with me
What incantation and wrist movement is used to transfigure a pillow into a quill? Oh, I did this last night with James…
And I'd give up everything only for you
It's the least that I could do
With his pillow…it smelled like him…like…masculine…AAAHHH! Lily Marie Evans, focus!
'Cause when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone
And I'd rather be in love with you
The light bulb clicked. Got it! She scribbled the answer on her paper. Next question…Oh man, this one's hard…she glanced at James again and started to feel relaxed and confident. I can do this, she thought. Just focus, Evans, focus…
And I feel you holding me
Why are we afraid to be in love?
To be loved
I can't explain it
I know it's tough to be loved
And I feel you holding me
Got that one too! Man, I'm gonna ace this test…
Oh, oh
And when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone
And I'd rather be in love
Yes, I'd rather be in love
Oh, I'd rather be in love with you
And I feel you holding me, oh
Lily scrawled the answer to the last question just as McGonagall said "Time's up."
*
"Only the Transfiguration practical left," Caitlin said.
"Thank goodness," said a very confused and exhausted Lily.
They ate their lunch in silence.
"I know what you're thinking," said a voice Lily recognized all too well.
"Sod off, Potter. Go snog one of your multiple girlfriends of something"
"You were thinking of me. You were wondering why you get shivers just thinking about me. You were wondering why you feel different around me than anyone else."
Lily snorted.
"You wish," she lied. "You're just so unhappy because your charm didn't work with me. Get this: it never will."
"Aw, Lily, why so harsh?" asked James.
"Please refrain from using my first name. I will not allow someone like you to disgrace it."
"Aw, but Lilykins, you agree to it last night, didn't you?" asked James, winking suggestively. He touched Lily's shoulder with his fingertips.
Lily punched him square in the face.
"And don't you dare touch me again, or you'll get something else," Lily said menacingly.
"Will id be pleasant?" James asked.
I don't know how he can keep his sense of humor when he's being humiliated like this, Lily thought.
"Don't count on it," she said fiercely. "I have nothing more to say to you, so you'd best leave me alone."
James left the Great Hall.
"Yo, Prongs, where ya goin'?" Sirius called, his mouth full of food.
"Hospital Wing," James called over his shoulder. "That Ebans sure backs a bowerful bunch."
Just to increase his humiliation, Lily muttered something. His hair turned hot pink.
The tension in the Great Hall rippled with laughter.
Then Lily realized something. Her hand hadn't been on her wand when the muttered the incantation.
She looked around nervously. Everyone was laughing at James' retreating back.
Oh good, Lily thought. No one saw.
But she overlooked one small detail. Sirius Black was staring intently at her, with one eyebrow raised in confusion.
Lily also didn't see Nikki Gryfan glaring at her, her face red with anger and hatred.
*
Why does that stupid Lily Evans get Jamesie to talk to 'her'? She's not nearly as pretty as me, Nikki thought. She not even 'remotely' pretty!
I want James, and I deserve him. He wanted Evans, and she doesn't deserve him. She doesn't even want him! I'll make her pay, and make James mine.
She's not even smarter than me! She's just teacher's pet. Everyone knows I'm really smarter than her. Teachers think we're about the same, and that Lily's the perfect little angel from heaven, and she's only about a number or two higher than me in numerical standings! It's not fair!
But how am I going to do it? It's not like I'm going to kill her, or torture her or anything. Ew…blood. Gross! Hmm… Oh, I know! I'll ask Alicia to ask Drew to do something about it. I know he has some power, whatever he's involved in. Even if it does give power, I don't want to be in it. She wrinkled her nose. It's 'too' evil for me!
*
James ran into the Transfiguration room just as Professor Dumbledore was finishing his short speech. His eye was turning purple, but his nose looked fine.
"What is you excuse this time, Mr. Potter?" Professor Dumbledore asked.
"Hospital Wing. Please continue, Professor," James said airily.
Professor Dumbledore muttered something about "kids these days" (although his eyes twinkled contradictory to his words) and continued his instruction.
*About 15 minutes later*
"Let's see it, Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore said.
Lily's palms were sweating profusely.
"Uh… what am I suppose to do again?"
"Transfigure the straw into a broomstick," Professor Dumbledore said. "A Muggle broomstick, if you please."
"Right," said Lily, gripping her wand tightly. "Um…" she closed her eyes and concentrated. When she opened them, she looked at James. He mouthed "Vertiginius." Lily glared daggers at him. If looks could kill, James Potter would have died a thousand deaths.
"Vertiginius," she said, and the straw quivered for a moment, then- *pop*- it became a broomstick. "Up," she commanded, and the broom remained motionless.
"Well done," Professor Dumbledore said. Lily thought he almost smiled. "You've passed."
Lily forced a smile.
*
"JAMES POTTER!"
"Ugh, what now, Lily?" James asked the redhead running towards him. They were on their way to the dormitories. Everyone was required to pack before dinner because the next morning they would be heading home for the summer holidays. "I thought you had 'no more to say to me,' remember?"
"How dare you!" Lily screeched. "I didn't need your help! I could have figured it out myself!"
"Huh?" James was confused at first. "Oh, the exam. Well, I didn't want you to fail, now did I?"
"Oh, shut up, you cheating… urgh!" Lily was infuriated. "I've just about had it with you!"
"'Just about'?" asked James. "Or thoroughly?"
"Oh…" Lily started, but Amanda held her fist back.
"Don't," she said. "He's not worth it."
Lily nodded. She walked back to the Ravenclaw dormitories with Amanda.
*Later, after the Feast*
"Lily!" Arabella called. "Lily, where are you?"
Lily looked where she was standing. "In here," she called back. Arabella, Jane, Amanda, Caitlin, and Katherine walked into the dorm.
"Where were you at dinner?" Caitlin asked.
"Here," Lily replied simply.
"But why weren't you at the Feast?" Jane asked.
Lily shrugged. "I didn't feel like it."
"But why-" Jane persisted, but Amanda cut her off.
"Okay everyone, lights are out in fifteen minutes! You'd better get back to Gryffindor Tower," she told Caitlin and Katherine. Katherine mumbled something about Amanda not being Head Girl, but Caitlin looked pleased.
"Oh, well," she said. "I am tired… I'll see you guys in the morning! Save me a spot on the train- I might be a little late."
"Why?" Arabella asked her, but Caitlin left.
"Toodles!" she called over her shoulder.
"What's wrong with her?" Arabella asked. Katherine shrugged and followed Caitlin.
"Okay, guys, bedtime!" Amanda called.
"But-" Arabella started.
"No 'buts'," Amanda countered. "We can interrogate Lil in the morning." She winked at Lily.
Grumbling, Jane and Arabella went to get into their pajamas and then bed. Amanda put on her plaid pajama pants and a tank top, and, after she made sure Jane and Arabella were asleep, tiptoed to Lily's bed.
"Lily," she whispered, "I know you're awake."
Lily rolled over. "What?"
Amanda sat on Lily's bed and drew the curtains around the bed. She whispered the silencing spell.
"Lily, get up!" she commanded.
"Fine." Lily sat cross-legged, identical to Amanda. "What?"
"What's this I hear about you and James dating?"
"What?!"
"He was telling everybody that you guys were going out," Amanda said with a puzzled expression on her face. "Is it true?"
"Of course not!" Lily cried indignantly. "I can't believe he had the guts to say that! I swear, I'm gonna make him pay!"
"Okay Lily, why weren't you at the feast? Because I know you weren't 'not feeling well'."
Lily grinned slightly. "I can't hide anything from you, Manders.
"Well… you know how James… well, likes me? Or at least he used to? Well, I hate him. You know that. The whole school knows that. But, um… after… well, I don't know when, actually- sometime this year- I think… Amanda, you have to promise not to tell anyone."
"I promise."
"Well, at some point, I think I might've fallen for him."
Amanda squealed. "Lily!
"But I assure you, it's over now. All of it. I hate him and his inflated head. You have to promise you won't tell anyone I ever liked him. 'Cause I don't."
"Oh Lily, this is so weird! But I promise I won't tell."
"Thanks, Manda."
Amanda picked a black beetle off the curtain and set it out the window before returning to her own bed and falling in a deep sleep with a smile on her face.
*
"Alicia," Nikki whispered.
"Vylette Snyder, please don't bother me. Wait 'til morning," Alicia mumbled sleepily.
"Alicia," Nikki hissed. "Alicia, it's me, Nikki."
Alicia sat bolt upright. "Nikki, how'd you get in here?"
Nikki smiled. "I have connections. But anyway, to business. I have a favor to ask of you."
"Yeah?"
"Okay, don't launch into anything, but I need help from Drew. I want you to ask him if he can do me a favor. Will you do that?"
"Yeah. What do you want him to do?"
"I need him to do something to Lily. I don't care what. But I know he has 'connections' and some sort of power and he can use that to help me. Can't he?"
"I'm sure he can. But why can't you ask him yourself?"
"Because there's more chance of him agreeing if you ask him," Nikki replied. "And I don't want James to see me talking to a Slytherin. It could defeat the whole purpose."
"Alright, I'll see what I can do."
"Thanks." Nikki tiptoed back to Gryffindor Tower and slept heavily.
*
"Sirius, wait up!" Caitlin called after him the next morning.
Sirius turned his icy stare to her. "Yes?"
"I just wanted to say… well, I wanted to apologize. For everything I said to you that one day. I didn't mean any of it and wanted to know if… if I could have a second chance. If we could have a second chance."
Someone slinked her arm into Sirius'.
"It's too late for second chances, isn't it, Sirius?" Vylette Snyder said. "He's mine now," she hissed to Caitlin.
Caitlin's blue and forgiving eyes welled up with tears.
"How could you?" she whispered, before running back to Gryffindor Tower, her face in her hands.
*
"Caitlin, what's wrong?" asked Lily at breakfast.
"Look," oh-so-observant Amanda pointed. Lily turned to the Gryffindor table and saw Vylette Snyder clinging to Sirius' arm.
"Oh, Caitlin…" Lily didn't know what to say. "He's a player. You know that. Everyone knows that. You knew he was going to break your heart sometime."
Caitlin sniffed.
"I know… I'll suck it up, I promise."
Katherine smiled. "That's my girl."
"Ahem," Professor Dippet cleared his throat. "I'd like to say a few parting words before you all leave.
"First of all, this has been a wonderful year with many new faces and new adventures. Not to mention new challenges.
"So I'd like to say… have a great summer, and don't forget your old headmaster while you're gone." He winked.
There was a round of appreciative laughter.
"Oh, and one more thing: try to stay out of trouble," he looked at the Marauders when he said this.
There was another round of laughter.
And everyone began eating as food filled the plates and drinks filled the goblets.
*
"Caitlin, over here!" Lily called. She was surrounded by Katherine, Amanda, Arabella and Jane, her nose in a book.
"Well, Evans," said a cold voice, "I thought us Gryffindors were too lowly for you."
"Not all Gryffindors, Potter," Lily replied without even looking up. "Just you."
"Evans, you'd better not say that to my boyfriend," said a sickly sweet female voice, "or you'll regret it."
Lily looked up. Someone was attached to James' arm. Nikki Gryfan.
She tried not to show the hurt she felt inside. "You know, Potter, you should get your Siamese twin detached. They can prove a bother. Muggle hospitals do that, you know. Oh, but I forgot: Muggles are too low for you, aren't they?" she smirked.
"Oh, you…" Nikki began fiercely, but James pulled her away.
"Come on," he said. "Let's get out of here."
After they had left, Arabella asked, "Oh, Lily, why do you do that to him?"
"Excuse me?" Lily asked. "So this is my fault? In case you haven't noticed, he's just as rude to me."
"Oh, Lily," Amanda sighed, "it's so obvious. You're the only one who doesn't see it."
"See what?" Lily asked. "Is there an inside joke going on around here that I don't know about?"
"Lily, everyone knows you're in love with him," Jane said.
"You just refuse to admit it," Katherine added.
"What? That's insane!" Lily protested. "I do not, and will never like him. I don't care what you say."
"Lily, we can see it in your eyes, in your temper, in the way you act…" Caitlin said. "Just give up the act."
"Hmph," Lily said, and buried her face in her book.
A/N: That was probably the longest chapter I've ever written, huh? Oh, and if there are any mistakes with chapter 9 (which there undoubtedly will be) let me know so I can fix it. Thanks! Please excuse all typos and whatnot; I didn't feel like re-reading and revising this chapter. My brain hurts too much.
Any guesses still to who the mysterious spy might be?
Coming up in the next chapter:
-Petunia introduces someone
-Lily calls Caitlin
-And a couple other things you'll just have to wait for to see. I don't want to spoil everything!
Don't forget to review!
~*OutofAzkaban*~
