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Chapter 2: Sirius
Sirius apparated back to his house. Stumbling across the room he let out a groan of relief. If James ever found out that he was having an affair with his wife… James would be heartbroken. Sirius felt a pang of guilt. I should really go check on Lily, he thought. In the end, Sirius decided to wait a few minutes before going back to the Potter's. He could just say it was for a visit, a check upon how things were. He changed and smoothed back his hair, calmly as if all was well. To buy more time, Sirius decided to take his motorbike over to their house instead of apparating.
Stepping outside, he drew back the cover over the bike, started it up, and swung himself on. He blasted into the air, feeling the ground leave beneath him. It was only about a ten minute ride, but when he arrived there, he thought he had taken a wrong turn. The house was in ashes, this couldn't be right.
"Lily… James…" There was something over on the ground. Sirius ran forward and picked it up. It glinted, a silver ring with diamonds around the diameter. Lily's ring. "This isn't right…"
Sirius felt twisted. Was this his fault? What had happened? He saw movement up ahead. "Lily?"
No. It was Hagrid, but Sirius was glad to see anyone. Hagrid stumped over to him. "'Ello Black, 'eard the news, did ye?"
"What… news?" Sirius choked out.
"You-know-who found them tonight. All gone, dead an' gone. Lily and James. But little 'Arry…" Sirius stumbled backward. This couldn't happen. Not now.
"And what of Harry, Hagrid?" Hagrid held out a bundle of cloth.
"'E's 'ere, good as anythin'. An' You-Know-Who is gone. For good. Not quite sure why, though..."
"Lily and James…"
"Gone." Sirius sat down, mind buzzing. This was too much. Just too much. But Harry was alive… "Hagrid let me take Harry. Please, he's my so- my godson. He's all I have now."
"Sorry Black, there's nothing' I can do. I got me orders direct from Dumbledore, I did." Sirius felt tears. He had never cried in his life, but now he was close.
"I'm sorry, Black. It will all be alrigh' in the end, you'll see."
"Take my bike, Hagrid. You'll get there faster, and I don't need it."
"You sure? Are you alrigh', Black?"
"Leave me. Take the damn bike."
"Alrigh', Sirius." Hagrid took the bike and stepped over it. His weight made it look as though it were about to break. "See you aroun', Black."
"Yes, alright." Sirius felt weak and shocked. This was too horrible. Not possible. He stood and watched Hagrid fly away with the last heartstring Sirius had. Suddenly, anger flared, wiping out disbelief. He let out a howl of pain and rage and collapsed back to the ground, crying like never before. All gone, and James never knew of Sirius' lies and deceit. Sirius felt weak and helpless. He closed his eyes to relax into memories. The first time he kissed Lily. The first time he lied to James… that was when James was going out with Lily… Sirius had never told James about him and Lily. They just kept going on their little outings in all the hidden places they could find…
In the middle of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lily was toying with Sirius' hair. He stretched his arms out and rested one across her shoulders. James eyes Sirius warily. "You know I'm going to ask her, don't win her before me, please?" Sirius nodded and casually let his arm fall off her shoulders. After class, James followed Lily down the corridor and took her arm.
"Lily… would you maybe… I mean, well, gosh… this is hard. Would you, maybe, go out with me, sometime, maybe…please?" Lily looked up. Sirius casually tilted his head to indicate her to say yes.
"Of course." She smiled, and James seemed to wilt with relief. "I'll see you tomorrow." James twitched his head slightly, then dodged around the corner and down the stairs. Sirius lifted himself from his haven in the corner and walked over to Lily.
"Today, History of Magic?" He said lightly.
"I thought you wouldn't ask." She giggled and ran back down the corridor to the dungeon for Potions. Sirius examined his fingers. He knew he was being rather horrid, doing this to James. But what James didn't know wouldn't hurt him. He couldn't let James find out. He strode to the stairs, went up them, and got ready for a poisoning hour of Divination.
After Divination was over, Sirius calmly went down the ladder and headed toward the grounds. Suddenly, someone cut in front of him. "Oh, Moony, not now." Sirius sighed.
"Padfoot, you can't skip class again."
"Can and am. Please."
"Do it again after this, and I'll report you. No more than one class, Padfoot." He walked away. Sirius shrugged off his words. Remus said that every time he caught him cutting class. Remus was also in a moody character this week. The full moon was Saturday. Sirius headed across the grounds to a hidden shady spot by the lake. He found Lily, waiting patiently for him. She stood.
"Hello, Sirius."
"Hello, Beautiful."
"Sirius, why did you encourage me to say yes to James? You know I don't like him, and now I can't see you without feeling guilty…"
"Don't worry, Baby Bird, its okay." He brought her close to him and ran his hand through her hair. "He won't find out." Like every meeting they kissed and moved back into the shelter of trees.
"Sirius, I can't stay as long today. I was wondering if you wanted to, well, get together on Saturday night? We have all the time in the world, then…."
Sirius felt hot. "But… that's the full moon…" he stammered.
"I know." She grinned wickedly. "That's the point, silly." Sirius began to sweat.
"Beautiful, I don't know…."
"Is there a problem? There's not another girl, is there, oh God, Sirius…"
"No, it's just… I…" He looked at her beautiful, pleading eyes." Alright, love, I'll meet you here at 6:00." He felt defeated, and turned away so she wouldn't see his eyes.
At 5:30 on Saturday, Sirius went up to James. "I'm… not going to be able to make it to the Whomping Willow tonight, I… I'm busy." James just stared at him for a second.
"What's so important that you have to miss the one night Moony needs you most?"
"I… well…" Sirius was becoming flustered. "I just need to have some time alone." James glared.
"Do what you like, Padfoot, but I thought you would have more respect for your friends." His voice was steadily rising. Attracted by the noise, a short boy hurried over to them.
"Hello Wormtail." James spat, still casting furious looks in Sirius' direction.
"What's going on?" Peter looked from Sirius to James inquisitively.
"Padfoot," James hissed darkly, "Is not coming with his dear friends tonight. He, apparently, has better things to do." Peter looked questioningly at Sirius.
"He's bluffing, right?"
"No, he is not bluffing, could you just leave me be? It's only one night."
"One night, one night that is very important! You know what? Fine. Just go wherever you need to be." James drew in a breath.
"Prongs, tell Moony, will you? I just don't want to deal with it…." Sirius said quietly.
"Damn right you don't." James said in mock casualty. "Sure, I'll tell him." Sirius headed away, past Remus, who raised his eyes questioningly up at Sirius, who shook his head and picked up the pace out of the common room.
The moment Sirius was out of the front doors, a wave of cool night air hit his face, and he relaxed. He hurried across the grounds to that same spot by the lake. He was here first this time, and he sat down to wait. Only a few minutes had passed when Sirius saw Lily's figure coming toward him across the grounds. He stood, and she came up to him. Sirius never usually noticed was she was wearing, but today it was hard not to. She had thrown off her robes and was wearing a loose blouse (that was already unbuttoned 3 or 4 buttons,) and a short skirt. Sirius eyed her, then took her back into the woods, then farther back, father than he had taken her before. They stopped and he took her face in his hands and brought it up to his face. She smiled and he readied himself for the shower of kisses. As they embraced, they moved further into the woods. Sirius kissed her lips, face, neck… at the moment he felt no regret upon missing tonight's full moon. Dark gathered around them, and they still moved deeper into the forest, not even worried about the stories they had heard. Sirius glanced up at the sky and saw the full moon between the trees.
"Sirius…" Lily whispered. He turned back to her. Then, amongst the silence, they heard a splitting howl. Lily gasped. "What was that?"
"Don't worry, Beautiful. I'll protect you from anything these woods throw at us. She smiled and let go of him to unbutton the last buttons on her blouse and to let it fall down on her shoulders. Sirius gazed at her face. This longing radiating from her made him want her more. He grabbed her and they kept kissing, Lily letting her blouse all the way off her arms down to the ground. Suddenly she screamed and Sirius turned to face, a few paces away, and eyes staring through the darkness. The eyes came closer, and Lily whimpered. Sirius blocked her against a tree to shield her. A werewolf stepped out of the shadows and lifted it's face to the moon. He howled and Lily shrieked and began to sob. "Moony!" Sirius recognized his friend. "Moony, it's me, please…" The werewolf lashed out at him, catching his arm. Sirius felt his shirt and skin rip. "Moony…"
A stag burst through the trees and lashed at the wolf, beating him, and pushing his back. Moony whimpered and bounded out of sight, the stag Prongs turned to face Sirius with questioning hurt eyes. Sirius looked back, aware that Lily was sheltering behind him still. The stag turned and cut through the dark after the world. Sirius turned to Lily, who was breathing heavily. She looked dazed and collapsed against him. "Alright Beautiful, that's enough for tonight." Sirius cradled her in his arms and kissed her before carrying her up to the castle, into the common room, and letting her stumble up the stairs.
The next day, James rounded on him, but not in the way Sirius expected. "Padfoot! You didn't tell me there was a girl involved! I can understand that. What all did you do?" Sirius just looked away. "I mean, you did get her shirt off, right?" Sirius pushed him away and went over to Remus, who was hiding in a corner. "Moony." Sirius started.
"Don't say anything." Remus said weakly. "I almost killed you, I… I can't believe it, oh Sirius…" Sirius looked at him.
"It was me, not you. I should've been there…"
"Just leave me, please." Sirius was taken aback, but left Remus. He went and sat on the stairs in front of Hogwarts. He felt someone come up behind him.
"Sirius?" It was Lily. She came down and put her arm around him. "Sirius, it's okay."
"No. I almost got you killed, and, oh, Lily." He stared into Lily's eyes. So green and forgiving…
Sirius lifted his head, crashing back to reality. For a moment, she still felt her arms around him, and he could almost see those eyes that weren't there. A gentle rain had begun to fall. Sirius gazed around at the mutilated house. He was crying freely now. 'Sirius, it's okay!' kept echoing in his mind; over and over… it wasn't okay. They were all gone. He fingered Lily's ring and slipped it on his finger, letting the cold of it sting. Rain fell harder and Sirius stood. He heard a crack and turned to face Remus. "Remus…. What?" Lupin tore his eyes from the house.
"Sirius, the ministry found out about you being secret keeper. They're looking for you…"
"But I'd never… you know that, I passed it to Wormtail. Remus, you know… right?" Remus looked sadly at him.
"I'm not sure anymore, Sirius." He apparated. Sirius stood, shocked for a second, then screamed to the sky.
"I'm innocent, why now? Hasn't it already been too much? I'm inn…" He cut off and a thought crossed his mind. He had gone behind James' back, cheated with Lily… caused an unknown heartbreak. Sirius knew this. "I'm guilty," he thought helplessly. "Guilty, guilty, oh god…" He let out one last heartbroken cry, before forming into Padfoot. A wretched dog, bear-like and huge. With nowhere to turn and nothing to leave behind, he raced to hide in the gathering shadows of night and despair.
A/N: Thanks for reviewing! More chapters yet to come; please review, it makes me write faster! I'm sorry it took so long to write this chapter… I have to wait for when I can go to my friend's house so I can type the chapters, since I don't have a comp… well, anyways, R&R!
