Again, another quick update in the middle of the night, so if you missed chapter 9, you DEFINITELY must go read it. Because again, this one won't make any sense.
So, it's 5 AM and I just woke up. I'm going to share a very anti-climactic story with you guys (as usual). So, I didn't go to bed on Wednesday night--my first college all-nighter!--and then went to a final on Thursday morning at 8. I really had no reason for staying awake, other than it was already around 4 AM and I was like, "Eh, I'll just stay up. I'd be getting up in three hours anyway." So, I got home on Thursday at around 1:30 PM... Fell asleep around 3:00, and I just got up a little bit ago at 5 AM. Am I effed for the rest of break? Uh huh :) Oh well. My sleeping schedule is always completely screwed. Better that I'm up now than just going to bed, I guess. So, since I've nothing better to do, and I'm about to start writing anyway, I figured I'd bring another chapter! HURRAH!
Lani-David - Thank you so much!! I hope to keep up the fast updates too. I admit to being a person who writes stories and never finishes them hahaha, but I'd feel really bad about not finishing this one... Plus I know one or two people in person who would kill me if I neglected this story.
fanficfan4life - Thankfully, finals are over! But now I'm at home and my friends demand my time more than finals, haha. But I still plan to be pretty quick with my updates. Thanks for your review! :)
spamy - Haha, I'm afraid Draco lost his nerve there at the end! Chocolate chip cookies?! YAY! I look forward to them!
Angel-Wings6 - Thank you! For your sanity, I hope this update was soon enough!
shaa - Another cookie? Oh, I'm on a roll tonight! Thank you!!
lampshadesrgreat - LMAO. I love that I partake in rule-breaking without even knowing it. I used to go to my website from the school computer all the time. And I worked in the library, so I should have been enforcing the rules rather than breaking them. Oh well. Thanks for your review!
Trinity Vida-Malfoy - Thank you!! :)
M'Lady - Hahaha you crack me up :D I'll continue to be a bad author in the future, I'm sorry. But things will get better for Draco. At least a little while. And congrats on your math grade! I hope you're able to get an A! I only got an A once in 7th grade, and twice in tenth. Other than that... Pfft. Math just isn't my thing, haha.
Lelimo - Thank you so much!
blusorami - LOL Thank you! I forgot to mention that I've laced my story with crack, which could explain why you're addicted. ;)
chisox727 - Thank you!! I'm glad I helped you in the good story department, haha! Hurrah, a fan of angsty sap! There will be TONS of it!
addmoose2004 - Thank you!!! :)
Purveyor of Darkness:Tyrini - Okay, your review had me laughing at loud. And it's okay that you didn't review before, as long as you were reading :) And I WISH I had millions of people showering their adoration onto me! Although then my ego wouldn't be able to fit on this page. Anyway, I know, I'm a story-tease. I can't say when you'll see action... but... after reading this chapter, there may or may not be a hint at the bottom of the page. (I promise, you'll probably be disappointed though in the next chapter LMAO) And you've raised a good question, that I myself was wondering--even though I wrote it. Why was Draco wearing one shoe? Well, for one, he threw the other shoe at the door, when Harry was knocking (or yelling). But why he was wearing shoes in the first place, well... I don't know. That's up for speculation, I guess! And I really do want to write longer chapters. I'm completely rusty when it comes to fanfic. Would you believe there was a time when I had chapters at least twice as long as these? Haha. But I will try, that's all I can say :)
And now... THE STORY! cue musical flourish
Chapter 10
The simple truth is, I'm falling, falling down
And I don't want to drag you through the bottom
It had been several hours since the two discussed the previous night, and Draco had still not come out of his room. As far as Harry knew, things were okay between them again, but the fact that Draco seemed to continue avoiding him made Harry's brain wrack with worry. In an attempt to drive the paranoia from his mind, he made two cups of tea and cautiously carried them up the stairs to the second room on the right. He was surprised to see the door was slightly ajar. Perhaps he had just been overreacting after all.
"Hey," he called into the room. When Draco didn't answer, Harry nudged the door with his elbow, urging it open a bit more. From where he stood, he could not see any sign of Draco in the room.
"Dra–Malfoy?" Harry asked into the darkness of the room, correcting himself. He turned his eyes to the only light source that came from the balcony. It was here that Harry found who he was looking for.
Draco lay on the floor of the marble balcony, his eyes staring straight at the sky. The glass door was shut, which was obviously why he never heard Harry calling for him. Harry hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should just go back downstairs and worry about Draco in the morning. He wasn't even sure what he was hoping to accomplish by talking to him tonight anyway. Perhaps he just wanted to keep the lines of communication open. Finally, he walked the few steps to the screen door, and tapped it gently with his foot. Draco rolled his head to the side and stared at Harry. His lips twitched slightly–suppressing a smile. When he saw that Harry's hands were full, he lazily stood up and ambled to the door. He pulled it open and stepped aside, shutting it behind Harry when he stepped outside.
"Thanks," Harry said. He lifted one of the cups toward Draco. "I made some tea." Draco graciously took the cup and rested it on an end table beside them. Harry placed his beside Draco's, and was startled to see his hand shaking. He quickly shoved his hands in his pockets, hoping Draco hadn't noticed. Of course, he had.
"Don't be nervous," said Draco in a hushed voice, turning so that he and Harry faced each other. Harry kept his eye's low, his breath growing rigid.
"I'll try to help you find a job tomorrow," he said. Draco allowed a small grin to play on his features. He leaned closer to Harry–so close that they could feel each other's breath.
"That's not why you came up here," Draco whispered. Harry let out a small sigh. They were much too close.
"I was worried," he admitted. "I thought you were still angry . . . still hurt." He felt Draco's lips brush against his cheek. The merest touch made Harry shiver. It had been far too long since he'd actually felt true affection. He missed it more than he thought.
"I can't stay mad at you for long," Draco purred into Harry's ear. Harry's body tensed quickly at this and he took a step backward. He couldn't bring himself to look at the boy in front of him. But he wasn't a boy any longer . . .
"Sorry," Harry muttered. "I just, um . . . "
"It's okay," Draco interrupted, his voice returning to its normal volume. "Don't be sorry." He then promptly laid back down in the spot where Harry had found him just moments before. Harry cleared his throat and joined Draco on the ground.
"Stargazing?" Harry asked, noticing how his confidence had risen now that they weren't standing face-to-face.
"Yeah," Draco replied. "I still don't know how Firenze had found so many messages in the stars, though." Harry smirked softly at the reference to his former Divinations teacher.
"Centaurs are always a mystery," Harry commented. Draco turned his head slightly and looked at Harry.
"Just centaurs?" he asked. He didn't wait for an answer before turning his eyes back to the night sky. The stars were beginning to reveal themselves in a midst of a blue and violet atmosphere. Harry felt his cheeks burn at Draco's question, and he chose to ignore it as Draco did. The two remained silent for about ten minutes as more stars peeked from their hiding places. Harry finally broke the silence.
"Ever see Draco?" he asked. Draco raised his eyebrows.
"What?"
"Draco–the constellation. Ever see it?" Harry asked again
"Oh," Draco said, slightly embarrassed. "No. I've tried to find it before. Firenze pointed it out one day in class, but I'm no good at finding anything up there."
Harry shifted slightly so that he could retrieve his wand from his back pocket. As he did, he felt his leg brush against Draco's. Both of them froze for a moment. They turned to face each other, and Harry quickly cleared his throat and turned his head.
"Sorry," he mumbled. He thought he heard a frustrated groan from Draco, but chose not to acknowledge it. He pointed his wand at the sky.
"There," said Harry. Draco squinted upwards.
"I don't see anything," he said.
"No, look," Harry urged. "There's Polaris–that's the North Star." Once Harry said this, it appeared that what was already the brightest star in the sky was burning more lively than before. "Do you see it?"
"Yes," Draco answered softly. Harry then moved his wand a few inches to the right. He drew a curvy N shape into the air, and as he did, the stars of the Draco constellation glowed brighter. Harry then traced a small square at the end of the N.
"It's easy to find once you've spotted the North Star," Harry said. Draco was quiet except for the steady sound of his breathing. "Um," Harry added, trying to fill the silence, "But in like, ten thousand years, Polaris won't be the North Star anymore. I guess that doesn't really matter now, though."
Draco began to laugh, the sounds of his amusement echoed into the night. Harry grinned despite himself. Draco's laughter, when it wasn't accompanied by spite or malice, was absolutely amazing.
"I'll keep that in mind," Draco said once his chuckles had died down. "So, what can you tell me about it?"
"About what? The constellation?" Harry asked. Draco nodded. "Well, I don't remember a lot about it. I just know how to find it, and there's some mythology along with it. According to Greek mythology, Athena was being attacked by a dragon during a war with the Titans. To save herself, she grabbed the dragon and threw it into the sky, where its body became one with the heavens."
"Hmm," Draco murmured. "I guess you paid more attention to Divinations than I did." Harry snorted softly.
"Not really. I never had any idea what Firenze or Trelawney was saying. I found all of that out on my own." He turned his eyes from the Draco in the sky to the Draco laying beside him. "It makes me think of you when I see it," he said. Draco only smiled to himself. Even with the smile on his face, Harry couldn't help but notice the sadness in his eyes. That sadness had been there since their meeting at the Leaky Cauldron.
Harry sighed and felt that sadness in his own soul. He wanted so desperately to help Draco, to show him that there's still good in the world–something that he had spent a long time convincing himself.
"Draco," Harry started, his voice low, "When did you lose your spirit?" Draco cast his eyes downward.
"I don't recall having one," he answered. His reply wasn't snide in any way, but painfully honest.
"Even in Hogwarts, your eyes were full of life, even if it was at the expense of others. They're so empty now."
"They were empty then, too. You just weren't looking hard enough."
Harry moved his hand across the cold floor of the balcony. It reached a warm bit of flesh that it immediately recognized from earlier that day as Draco's hand. Harry entwined his fingers with Draco's. This time, it was Draco's body that tensed at the touch, but Harry did not let go.
"I want to help you," Harry whispered. "I want to fix everything that's hurting you." Harry wasn't sure what was making him reveal his intentions. It must have been the effect of the stars. Or how tragically lost and utterly gorgeous Draco looked in the moonlight.
"You can't," Draco replied, his voice as empty as his eyes. "That would be asking the impossible. I don't deserve your help."
"Why wouldn't you deserve my help?"
"Because, Harry," Draco said, disregarding the implied question of when he had made the transition from "Potter" to "Harry." "I'd be asking too much. I'd be asking for things that I shouldn't."
"You can ask me for anything," Harry insisted. "Tell me what you need." Draco let out a soft sigh.
"I need you to love me," he answered. Harry blinked and kept his eyes on Draco.
"I have to be professional," said Harry. Draco let out a small breath and squeezed Harry's hand.
"When have you been professional yet?" he asked. "You'll have to find a better excuse than that." Harry felt himself blush a bit, and realized that it really was a poor excuse.
"I'd only hurt you," Harry said. "I hurt everyone that gets close to me."
"I've nothing left to hurt, and nothing left to lose," Draco retorted. "If you don't love me back, that's all you have to say. Just be honest with yourself, and with me. Tell me if I'm fighting a losing battle. Tell me what you need."
"I don't know what I need," Harry replied. "And I don't know how I feel. Draco, why did you come to me? Of all the people you resisted in your life, why are you here with me?"
Draco shrugged gently. "You're the only one who's ever given a shit about me, I suppose. I spent so many years hating you for having all that I wanted but couldn't have. Then I came here, and I realized that I didn't hate you at all. I loved you for being all that I wanted, but I hated that I couldn't have you. Harry, I don't think either of us can handle any more heartache at this point. I just want to know if I should give up the fight for you."
"I devote my life to my job, and before that I devoted it to the war. I've lost so many people, so it's hard for me to get close to anyone. It's even harder for me to love. So, I don't honestly know where I stand right now. I know that when this is all said and done, I don't want you to forget about me. And I don't want to be alone, but I can't base a relationship off of loneliness. Can you understand that?" Harry asked. Draco nodded, and said that he understood, but Harry wasn't sure that he really did. He himself was unable to comprehend exactly what he had meant.
Harry let go of Draco's hand and then stood. "I'm going to bed," he said. Draco nodded and sat up straight.
"I'll probably just stay out here for a while longer," said Draco. Harry nodded and glanced at the neglected cups of tea, undoubtedly cold by this point. He waved his wand at them and they disappeared.
"I'll see you in the morning then."
"Right," said Draco. With that, Harry began to walk to his own room. It took everything he had to try and fight back the tears that were already flowing freely from his eyes.
I know, I know. Someone cries in every chapter. I think I used to do this in all my other fics, too. "What up, tragic author?" Anyway... all I'm gonna say about the next chapter is, you've been waiting for it!
...R/R? :D
