Guess what? I'm NOT going to include some crazy story right here. But I WILL tell you that I'm hard at work on Chapter 13 (I've been slacking, forgive me), and I'm positive that MANY of you will like it (although now of course, everyone will hate it because I've said this), and it's longer than my other chapters! Or at least, I think it will be when it's all finished. HURRAH! Perhaps I just can't write properly in a college dorm environment. I need my screaming dogs and classic rock music. Anyway, enough of that, TO THE REVIEWS!

Fantasy101 - I know, things just aren't going their way :( But they will :D Thanks for your review!!

Angel-Wings6 - Aww, thank you!! I hope you like this chapter as much as the last!

Iset - They'll figure things out, don't worry :) Thanks!!

Lindsey - LMAO. As a specimen, yes, I'm intIIIIIMMMIIIDAATING! :D Bwahaha, you know what's up ;)

le Hatch - You are #1! WOO MONTH BREAK! Well, a little less for me. I think it's a month for you. Let's just not go back and live in a world of slash for the rest of eternity! YAY!

Lelimo - Hahaha, don't worry. I may be the author but I DO aim to please. You'll find what you're looking for soon :)

Immortal Tears of - LOL Thank you!!

lampshadesrgreat - Threatening me with a marshmallow stick may NOT be the best idea... especially if there's a marshmallow on the stick. Because, then, I'll just take the stick and run, throwing my story up into the wind and cackling like a maniac. Okay, so I won't. But it sounds funny enough :D As I said to Lelimo, you'll find what you're looking for soon!

Trinity Vida-Malfoy - Aw, another romantic like me! Yay! I know, even though I'm the author, I sometimes just want to smack them and be like "HEY! It's so OBVIOUS!" They write themselves, that's all I can say haha. Thanks for your review!

YamakitoMatsukari - Hey, better late than never! I love Shy Draco too, I think because we don't see him that often. Thanks so much!!

Path Walker - LMAO. "AWW!" "Ahh..." I hope I haven't disappointed you. And if I have... Well... Blame it on Draco and Harry. They control me, after all.

HedwigPig - A new reader! Hurrah! Thank you!!!

fanficfan4life - Thanks!! :)

Queen of the Cake-eaters - Haha! Thank you! I'm proud that I'm causing insomnia between slash-fans everywhere! (Since I've been a victim of it so many times myself!)

Purveyor of Darkness:Tyrini - You strike me as someone who will be a bit disappointed with this chapter as well, even though I claim it's one you've all been waiting for. But that's okay, I can definitely see your point. I'm a female, by the way, haha. You demand mush, and a flowery declaration of love? Okay, then maybe you WILL like this chapter. Argh. You're making me give too much away! CURSES! shakes fist Well, nevertheless, thank you for your review and I'm glad that you're finding my chapters so bittersweet, LMAO :)

I dedicate this chapter to Lindsey, because she's new to the world of Harry!Draco slash and she's been looking forward to it.

I also dedicate it to everyone who's been patiently, or impatiently, waiting for some action. Enjoy!


Chapter 11

Then you bring me home
And we go to sleep, but this time not alone

After leaving Draco's bedroom, Harry wasn't even entirely in his own before he turned on his heel and headed back in the direction from which he came. Much like his prior visit, Harry wasn't sure what he was hoping to achieve. He felt, all of a sudden, like he needed to explain. He couldn't sort out his own feelings, so the least he could do was tell Draco everything. After all, he had been honest with Harry up to this point. When he thought about it, Draco had been honest with Harry almost their whole lives. Well, except for that time during first year when Draco claimed he would meet Harry in the trophy room, but really had tipped off Filch to get him in trouble. But that wasn't important.

Harry entered Draco's room to find him still out on the balcony. With one quick pull, Harry slid the door open and Draco sat up quickly.

"Harry," he said breathlessly. Harry knew that if he thought too much about what he was going to say, he would simply turn around and leave. So, instead, he shut his mind off and spoke anyway.

"I used to live in a cupboard for ten years," Harry stated. Draco blinked with bewilderment and stood, taking a few steps toward Harry. Harry closed his eyes forcefully and opened his mind, allowing the painful memories, and also the most beautiful ones, to surface. He continued, "I lived with my Muggle relatives–the Dursleys–and they hated me so my bedroom was the cupboard under the stairs. I used to get beat up by my cousin and his friends, so all throughout grade school, I had no friends."

"Grade school?" Draco inquired. Harry kept his eyes closed and shook his head quickly.

"It's Muggle school for children. Anyway, they didn't want me to go to Hogwarts. I didn't even know I was a wizard, or anything about my parents or the wizarding world. Hagrid came and took me to Hogwarts, against the wishes of the Dursleys. Ron was my first friend, and has remained my best friend to this day, even though we rarely see each other anymore. Then you came along, in all your smug, childish glory, and ask me to be your friend like we were making a business deal. From that first day, I cherished Ron as my best friend and I wasn't about to let you take that from me. Ron was the first person to approach me with any sort of kindness, and when you grow up being beat by your cousin and his gang for years, you learn to see the beauty in even the smallest acts of friendship."

Harry opened his eyes and saw Draco staring at him blankly. Harry shoved his hands in his pockets, the thick silence beginning to make him feel antsy and rather ridiculous for storming in the way he did.

"Um, so that's . . . that's why I rejected you," Harry said softly.

"Is that all?" Draco asked, his features unreadable.

"No," Harry replied abruptly. "N–no, it's not. Um, I went to Hogwarts . . . " Harry then blinked stupidly, realizing he had completely lost his train of thought. "Can we go inside?" he asked. Draco only let out a deep breath and nodded once. The two stepped into the bedroom, Draco pulling the door shut behind him. The darkness of the room made the situation somewhat easier for Harry. At least he couldn't see Draco's gaze as if he was staring at someone who had gone mad.

"Continue," Draco said.

"Right. Um, so Ron and I became friends with Hermione. At first, we couldn't stand her, but then we began to see aspects of her that were amazing. Aside from being smart, she has tremendous intuition, and is a great listener. Without her and Ron, I wouldn't be here today. They were the two who kept me going, who forced me to never give up. Then, Sirius came into my life, and he gave me a new reason to live. At first, it was simply because I wanted to kill him, but then I found out the truth about Pete- . . . About him." Harry cleared his throat at the thought of Peter Pettigrew, and then quickly continued.

"Professor Lupin began teaching, and I discovered that he was another link to my parents. Between him and Sirius, it was almost like having a real family. The Weasleys were always welcoming to me, but Remus and Sirius–I could call them my own." Harry lowered his voice, bracing himself for what he was about to say, " . . . Sirius was killed, and then within two years, so was Remus."

"I'm sorry," Draco said in a hushed voice. Harry shrugged slightly, refusing to let his remorse control his purpose for this soul-bearing explanation. What had originally been planned as his chance to be honest turned into a long awaited rant. Things had built up inside of Harry for years, and he was finally going to tell someone–to make someone care who otherwise wouldn't.

"Each time someone I loved died, I felt like I died with them. It isn't easy to be eleven years old and finds out that the most powerful wizard in the world wants to kill you. But Voldemort was smart, you know? He couldn't just kill me with a single spell. He realized very early in the game that that wasn't an option. Instead, he chose a more painful method. He killed our classmates, he killed our professors, he killed my godfather, and he killed my parents. Fuck, Draco, he even killed yours."

Draco didn't say anything to this, but acknowledged it with a light sniff. Harry continued.

"Anything that could have possibly meant something to me, he took it away. I've been soulless for more than ten years, Draco. It started with Cedric's death, and it's just built on since. Do you know what it's like to be fourteen and witness a murder? To know that it was your fault for letting pride get in the way? I didn't have a childhood like everyone else. My one chance was taken away when I was eleven-years-old. I didn't have the innocence of wondering if the cute girl from class would ever go out with me, or if I'd be smart enough to pass all my NEWTs. I mean, I didn't even know if I'd survive to take my NEWTs. I..." Harry laughed derisively at himself, "I just might have the most fucked up brain in the world. Everything I fear, every insecurity I have, is because of this war–is because of being eleven years old and having to fight Voldemort–is because of being twelve years old and having to fight Voldemort–is because of being fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen years old and having to fight Voldemort. It's because of being fifteen and using an Unforgivable Curse on Bellatrix Lestrange for killing Sirius. It's because of using the killing curse on two people, both of which were responsible for my parents' and Remus's death."

Harry sighed and felt his legs weaken beneath him. The weight of everything he had said felt like a bag of bricks being lowered onto his shoulders, but at the same time, felt like he was flying, free of all restraints. He sat down on the edge of Draco's bed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"So, Draco Malfoy . . . if I'm having trouble saying 'I love you', it's because almost everyone I've ever loved has been taken away from me." Harry hesitated before saying, in a much softer tone, "Even Ron and Hermione have found each other, and have left me."

Harry heard Draco's footsteps on the floor, and saw his feet through his peripheral vision. Harry glanced up at the blonde before him. Draco sat beside Harry, and took his hand in his own.

"You asked me for honesty," Harry said, turning his eyes to those of Draco. "You asked me to be honest with you and myself, so now I am. All I ever wanted in my life was to be normal, and Voldemort took that away, too. In a way, you can say that he still won. He didn't destroy the wizarding world, but he destroyed me."

Draco still kept silent, affectionately rubbing Harry's palm with his thumb.

"The only thing that has kept me alive is love," Harry said softly. "My mother died trying to save me, and I was therefore protected by her love. I was protected by the love of those who fought and died for me." He let a small smile play on his lips. "And now, when my mind is fighting a losing battle with itself . . . I'm being protected by your love."

Draco stilled his movements just as Harry pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Draco felt hot tears against his cheeks, tears that were not his own, but that had been coming from this hero beside him. Harry leaned back, separating their lips.

"I love you," Harry said, his voice low and his breath ragged. "You're what I need, and if I let you go, I'll spend the rest of my life regretting it. I can't handle any more regrets."

"Then don't let me go," Draco whispered, brushing his lips against Harry's jaw line. Harry cupped Draco's face, turning their gazes to each other.

"I love you," he repeated. "With you, I feel real–I feel complete. Even when we're arguing, I know that I'm still alive." He kissed Draco fleetingly before whispering in his ear, "I want to feel alive."

At these words, Draco captured Harry's lips once more, moaning softly against his mouth. Shivers went up Harry's spine as he grabbed Draco's hands, entwining their fingers. Harry let go only momentarily to remove his shirt, and then removed Draco's. He began kissing Draco again, hungrily, as if any moment that passed between kisses was torture. Harry swung his legs up onto the bed before pulling Draco down on top of him, so close that it seemed every inch of their bodies was touching. This was not desire, but need. After the years of insanity, Harry needed to feel something real.

He rolled Draco onto his back so that Harry was straddling him. He kissed him once more before he unbuttoned the fly of Draco's pants. Draco gently grabbed Harry's arm to stop him.

"Harry," said Draco, "Are you sure?" Harry leaned down, planting a small kiss on Draco's lips.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"Yes," Draco replied. Harry smirked, imitating the blonde before him perfectly.

"Then prove it," he whispered.

And for the first time in over a decade, Harry was alive. They made love for hours, never growing tired of each other's touch, of each other's breath. With every kiss and every thrust, every stroke of the finger and caress of the hand, Harry noticed the beauty in Draco's movements. The way he moaned his first name, rather than spitefully spatting his surname, was beautiful. The way he ran his fingers in Harry's hair, or buried his head in Harry's neck as he came, was beautiful. Even the way he drifted off to sleep, wrapped in Harry's arms, was beautiful.

For the first time, Harry understood love and compassion. He understood why he found such perfection in someone as flawed as himself, in someone with a dark and formidable past. It was clear now how he found himself attracted to Draco in the first place, someone whom he had hated for years. Draco was moving grace, secure only by an alluring mask. Without his mask, he was just as frightened as Harry, and just as insecure. He had just as many regrets, and would spend the rest of his life wrestling himself over them, just like Harry.

All through the night, every movement they made was a desperate plea for the feeling to never end. All they knew was that moment, and they were almost afraid of what the next day would bring. If they were together, in all their unbridled passion and wanton bodies, then they were fearless. It no longer mattered what they had done, or what they hadn't done in the past–all that mattered was each other.

As he lay in bed, watching Draco sleep as sunlight began to peek into the room, Harry gently stroked the blonde hair of his lover. It was soft and silky, just like his skin, just like every word he said that night, just like his touch, his scent, his breath.

Harry wondered why he never noticed any of this before.

Alas, he didn't think much more on the subject. He allowed the warmth of the nearing sun, the warmth of Draco's embrace, and the warmth of being in love to lull him to sleep.


Okay. As much as I know some of you are going to be like, "AWW!"... There will be some of you who are going to be like "Wait, WTF?! That's IT?! That didn't provide a mental image as much as just an insight into the emotional side of this." Well, yeah. I actually left the details out for a reason. They will be there at SOME POINT, but not in this chapter. See, this is my favorite chapter thus far. This is the only chapter I've written where I actually REALLY LOVE it. Details were left out simply because I didn't think it flowed as well as dishing out the emotional bits. I thought it was more important to show the transition of Harry going from "Draco, bleh" to "Draco, ooh", because we've seen Draco's transition all along. But now that the transition has been comfortably made, details can be included later.

The next chapter? Another fight. Harry does something STUPID.

And I want to thank ALL of you for helping me reach over 100 reviews! Thank you all SO much! :D :D :D However, I will still ask you to R/R anyway ;) I'm greedy, what can I say?