A/N – yeah, okay, its two months later in the real world because i have beenv. busy and therefore awful at keeping update here i apologise profusely, as a Jane Austin novle would say, this is continuing from where chapter 4 stopped, you might want to re-read that and recap… Just imagine the first few episodes of season ten have happened ok, and if you're currently spoiler free, don't worry I haven't spilled!

Part five - Why don't you let me in no more?

I look up from what must be my ten-thousandth chart to find Carter simply staring at me, well in my direction, but he definitely isn't in the present in his head. He looks like he's somewhere else; somewhere better than this. He's so out of it he doesn't even see me looking back at him;

'Hey' I call, but he's still in his little daze. Wow, I think he really must be some place good, I'm envious, but not that envious, I need his help.

'Hey! Carter.' I call a little louder this time, he snaps out of it.

'Huh, W-what? Oh Abby, hey'

He looks as if I just woke him up when he was having the dream of his life.

'Sorry, did I interrupt you?'

'No, not really, I was just reminiscing.'

'Oh yeah, what about?' I'm interested.

'Oh nothing special, did you need something?'

'Yeah, could you co-sign these charts for me?'

'Absolutely, I have a break now, do you want to get some coffee after?

'I'm not sure if that's such a great idea' I say, after some hesitation.

He looks at the charts, and after checking through them, he signs each one, putting them back down, he looks up at me with a look of concern on his face.

'Well, I do, I really want to talk with you. I thinks its important'

'Ok then,' if he puts it that way.

We go into the lounge without saying a word to each other, both putting our lab coats away and grabbing our jackets.

He opens the door for me.

'John Carter ever the gentleman, it seems old habits die hard with you'

'Abby Lockhart, sarcastic as always' he returns.

'Maybe people never change' I say.

'huh' he mutters.

'You said that once before, remember? When we were together'

'Yeah, I do,' It was that night when he bought out a restaurant in town.

We go through the hospital, walking past admit, and out the doors.

'Do you still believe that's true?' he asks, I'm confused.

'What's true?'

'That people never change'

'No, no I don't. Well not completely anyway' Things really did change after that night, I think, it took a couple of weeks, but they really did. Everything I had built up in my life seemed to slowly come crashing down, where had I made the mistake?

'How'd you mean?'

'Well, in the last ten months, I have changed, for a start. I'm a doctor now, Susan has, she's with Chuck, and about to have a baby, Luka's practically with Sam, and she has Alex you know, that's a big deal for him. You have changed too, don't you think?'

'What happened with the pregnant girl earlier anyway?' Carter changed the subject, it annoyed me, but I thought I'd better try to keep our conversation running smoothly.

'Oh, I got her to make an appointment with Dr Seganti upstairs, and told her to make sure she was sure about her decision'

'Did you tell her to speak to her boyfriend? He has to know!'

'Look Carter, I did what I did ok, it's her decision and I respect it.'

'You don't think she should tell him, do you?' he accused.

'Look, it's not my decision, besides I have to respect her privacy, I shouldn't have even discussed it with you'

'You needed a second opinion, there's no harm in that, I just feel that if someone I was in love with was pregnant, I would want to know about it, whether or not they wanted to keep it.

We walked down the street, it was fairly warm actually, I didn't really need my coat.

'Do you want to know what I was thinking about, earlier?'

'When?'

'Just now when you were doing your charts, and I was kinda in a daze…'

'oh yeah, what?'

'I was thinking about was I was like nine years ago, when I was an intern…'

'Nine years ago!' I exclaimed, I couldn't believe that he was professionally where I am now, so long ago, it was hard to believe.

We stepped into Ikes and ordered, when the beverages came we sat down.

'Go on, carry on saying what you were going to say about nine years ago'

'Well, I had just finished med-school and I was a surgical sub-intern'

'Wait a minute, surgery?' I didn't get it. We used to talk about everything, but he had never said anything about that before, we hadn't talked much about the past.

'Yeah, I wanted to be a surgeon, it didn't work out though, basically I had a problem with not getting to interact with patients, Benton always used to complain that I cared too much, I guess that's why I switched to the ER'

'Oh, okay'

'But what I was really thinking about was the person I used to be, I used to be so happy, and caring, and fun-loving. I used to enjoy speaking to people at work so much, I guess it was an outlet for me.'

'You still are caring, one of the most caring men I know' I couldn't believe he had never confided in me about this before.

'But I don't feel like I am the same person, like as if I have become completely detached from the person I once was.'

'What changed? How long have you felt this way?'

'Every time something bad happens, it seems I can't recover completely, a part of me dies, and now, so many bad things have happened I don't know who I am any more…' he trailed off, I took a sip of my coffee, taking in his words it was watery, but nice and warm.

'Look Abby, about the other night, well last week it was now, I'm sorry. What happened was so silly, a complete misunderstanding'

'I understand, I felt awkward I suppose, we haven't really talked for so long, I wasn't sure what to say to you, or how to feel'

'I understand, I feel that way too, I did miss you, ya know, your friendship, you were my best friend and I'd hate to think that things have changed so much that we can never recover that, the other night, I suppose I just needed someone to talk to'

'I agree, we'll just have to make amends, and make sure that doesn't happen!'

'Sure,'

'And speaking as a friend, a worried friend, I think maybe you need to spend a little more time looking after yourself.'

'I know, people keep saying this, but it's so hard to think about myself when all I can think about is…'

'Well maybe you need someone to help look after you'

'Maybe…'

He thought about it, and looked up at her face, she was so supportive, he didn't deserve her, he thought.

'You mean you, don't you'

He asked coyly raising his eyebrows with a cheeky smirk. Ah she thought, there's the Carter we all know and love, even if he is troubled at the moment, there are traces of him still left, and we can cling on to those.

'Uh-huh' she returned the cheeky grin.

'Abby Lockhart, Long-suffering friend, coffee break sharer and interfering minx' he proclaimed.

'Hey! Don't forget the 'M.D'!' she retorted.

'Before I left Chicago a year ago, I thought I had lost myself, so I went out there, but in the end, the biggest loss was you Abby, not just as my girlfriend, but as my friend, because that's what you were, even when we were together, you were my best friend, and I miss that, I missed having someone to talk to like we used to talk'

Woah, that was a revelation.

'But you had Luka'

'True, but even so, we're not that close, and he didn't understand me the way you do, nobody could'

'John, I don't feel as if I do anymore, you know I'm not so good at living up to people expectations.' I said with a hint of despair in my voice.

'Well, that's my fault, I stopped letting you.' He resolved.

We share a smile, our fingers hugging our coffee cups, but the biggest warmth I can feel is in my heart, because he's back, my best friend is back.