Part six.- sobering up over broken dreams

Spoiler info - Set after episode two of season eleven, 'Damaged' which for the information of the spoiler free, HAS been shown in both the US and UK now. Basically I am putting a spin on it, and making the right decision for Carter.

Since I opened my heart out to Abby, we've talked some more, had a couple of breaks together here and there, I'm starting to get over Kem, well actually, it's not actually Kem I need to get over, but the idea of her. I thought we would be together, make a perfect family, but in reality nothing is ever perfect. This beautiful and delicate mental image I had crystallised of Kem and I, even that shattered into tiny shards of glass, painful pieces coming back to me now and then and cutting deeper. I had so many dreams of our life together, but that's all they were, dreams. The thing is that with dreams, you can create your own alternate versions of reality, seemingly better ones too, but in real life, conversations aren't scripted and perfect feelings aren't always how they should be. After we lost the baby, well I tried to keep up the façade, but Kem certainly wasn't having any of it, in both my dreams and reality I built our lives around the baby, and then he died, and it only highlighted every thing that was wrong with our relationship. Talk about doing it for the kids. I don't regret what happened; it felt right, but now I'm moving on, trying to better myself.

Life's not without its hitches though, I can tell you that, turning up to the hospital drunk, that wasn't such a great move.

Previously…

I walk away from the admit desk, well, actually walk is a bit of exaggeration there, more like swagger, god on hindsight I can't believe I came into the hospital drunk and said all that to that patient, how embarrassing.

Abby comes up to me, she has my phone, and wants to know if I want to go to a meeting with her. It's a sobering thought in itself, but It'd probably be a good idea, but not as good as another drink right now.

'You can't show up drunk Abby, you told me that once, remember.'

She ignores harshness of what I just said.

'You have SUCH a good memory Carter' she replies scathingly, with a rather unamused look upon her pretty face.

Having lost many of my inhibitions, I reach up with my forefinger and stroke her cheek, her skin is so soft and pure against mine, it makes me feel dirty in comparison. 'You are pretty, Abby, especially in this light.' Her eyes catch mine, which are dancing in their drunkenness, hers are fixed at me, only slightly softened by the compliment.

I look up and motion to the bright factory-type strip lights.

'This light!' she asks incredulously, looking upwards. 'You sure are drunk, Carter. And you look tired, how bout you go take a nap in the lounge and I'll come wake you when my shift is over.

I consent, and drag my sorry ass over to the lounge, before crashing on one of the sofas.

A/N well I hope that wasn't too boring for you, I just wanted to get Carters feelings straight. Now you know how Carter feels, but you will get to find out what happen at the AA meeting in the next chapter.

I wrote this ages ago and forgot thatI hadn'tuploaded it yet, sorry- butI'll upload chapter 7 too...I'm liking this story and I want to continue with it, but if you have any suggestions or ideas for me I would really appreciate it! Oh and excuse the crystal imagery at the start, I knew what I wanted to say but I'm not sure if it came out the right way.