Moving on

A/N as you probably all know by now I am the queen of short chapters, but I personally like short (manageable to both read and write) chapters, and hopefully quality rather than quantity, so it works better for me that way. Anyway, this'll probably be either very short or just short. LMAO, okay, here goes. Continuing on from the last chapter…

The streets are pretty dark by the time I leave, and I can barely make out the street signs let alone people coming towards me, I guess I am perhaps still a little drunk. I smile to myself wryly and shake my head. 'How did I end up here?' I ask.

But I am all alone.

I'm not looking where I'm going, not that it would help If I were, and suddenly this young woman comes colliding into me, I reach for her arms to steady her, look into her face and say 'Sorry'.

It's Kem.

'Hi John, I'm sorry' she is visibly shocked at me presense.

'How are you? What are you up to?'

'I'm going to meet a friend, we're going to a meeting together' that's about all I can manage.

'A meeting?' This is why were not together I think, I didn't tell her all the bad stuff about me, I didn't want to risk what we had so I pretended I was perfect.

'Don't worry, um, more to the point what are doing in these parts?' Now is SO not the time to be explaining things to this woman, so I decide to be friendly.

'Oh well, I came to be alone, to think, and well, I was thinking of paying you a visit'

'Why would you do that?' I give her a look of disbelief.

She recoils from my hands, which still seem to be holding her arms, on hindsight maybe that came out a little harshly.

'I wasn't sure if I was still over you or not, I have regrets John, I wanted to be sure we didn't throw something special away.' Oh god now I am mad.

'You threw it away Kem, not 'we' YOU did' my voice is a little raised, but I don't want to make a scene, she wouldn't like that. 'It's ok Kem, we're not together and I get that, you left me and I'm taking the appropriate steps to regain my life' Jeez, I sound like I'm quoting the AA meeting leader here.

'But John, I love you.'

Exasperated, I reply 'I loved you Kem, I proposed! I heard nothing from you until now and you tell me this! I've forced myself to believe that I'm better off by myself, I've realised our relationship couldn't last, but I did love you Kem, I gave you everything, I loved you and our son with all of my heart, and nothing will ever change that.'

Shes silent, her expression twisted with upset and shame, her tears are softly falling.

'I never meant to upset you Kem' I reach up to gently wipe her tears away, speaking softly.

'but I really need some time, away from all the pain of the past few months, to find out who I am right now, and who I want to be.'

She blinks away her tears, clears her throat and says 'and that person John, will he ever want me as part of his life?'

'Not romantically Kem no, but I do care for you and I do want us to remain friends, how could I forget what we went through.' I kiss her cheek as a parting goodbye, turn and walk away. Not looking back, I don't want to see her crying, I am not looking back…

xXx xXx

'mmmm no loinnng bakkk'

I turn around as I wrap my coat around me and fasten it, hearing this muffled voice coming from the couch, it's Carter, waking up.

'Good timing, I just clocked out'

He looks up at me, his face quite a mess actually his eyes are all swollen and red.

'You okay?'

He looks at me, dazed.

'Uh, yeah… crappy dream that's all.'

'Lets go then!' I say breezily, hoping to infuse him with my goodwill and maybe cheer him up.

We walk out together, me looking and feeling exhausted, him looking and feeling dishevelled and knackered also.

A/N – so I had a change of plan as I started to write, the next chapter will deal with the actual meeting, I just felt like a really hefty anti-CarKem dialogue to thoroughly confuse Carter.