Epilogue
Co-written by AliasJaneDoe and coloradospace
"Brennan, I need you to wake up now..."
He moaned, letting Jesse's desperate voice fade back into the blur.
"You're pretty much our only hope here, Brennan, so rise and shine, okay?"
Something splattered on his forehead, and he reached up to swat it away. Another drop followed the first. He squinted up at the water bottle being held over his head. "Do that again and I'll set you on fire," he threatened.
"Wow, really not a morning person, are you?" Shalimar asked. She twisted the cap back onto the bottle. "You're lucky we need you dry."
"You're lucky I..." He sat up in the Helix chair and looked around. "Have no clue where I am." He squinted at Shalimar, cocking his head to the side. "You're the evil one, right?"
"Not quite," Jesse answered from the chair across from his. "She actually saved your life."
The last thing Brennan remembered was Emma clicking her heals together and chanting a chorus of "there's no place like home." She, the other Brennan, Shalimar, and Eckhart had all been hanging onto each other to avoid getting separated during the big group zap. "What happened?"
Shalimar poked his arm. "You died."
That got Brennan's full attention. "What? How?"
Jesse motioned to the window. It was a steady downpour outside. "Part of the roof of this world's Naxcon building collapsed in the initial explosion."
Brennan stared down at his still damp clothing. "I got electrocuted from the rain and you woke me up by dripping water on me!" He glared at Shalimar and then Jesse. "You said she wasn't evil."
Jesse shrugged.
"So where are we?"
Shalimar grinned. "Welcome to my world."
Brennan half expected a "and while you're guests in my dimension, you'll obey my rules" to follow.
"Thank you for bringing Adam home," she said instead.
"Umm, you're welcome," Brennan mumbled, glancing over his shoulder back at the other two seats. Both held an unconscious Adam. Shalimar's gaze rested on the one whose face was scarred, further clarifying things for Brennan. This was the world where Emma had died with Tyler. "And the other one is..."
Jesse raised his hand. "Mine." He then leaned his head back against his own seat, and with the way the light hit his face, Brennan could tell he'd been crying.
Having a Shalimar on this world meant his was dead. And his Adam would die soon also if Brennan couldn't get them home. He glanced outside at the rain once more. "What's our plan?"
"Umbrellas?" Shalimar suggested hopefully.
"Wouldn't work," Jesse said. "He couldn't hold an umbrella while giving off the charge. And Adam and I can't exactly hold them for him." With Adam unconscious, neither of them was able to stand. "He'd also be standing in water."
Brennan sighed. "So we wait it out."
The Helix remained parked on the Naxcon lot for the next 24 hours, grounded due to the weather. The rain had never let up for more than five-minute intervals. Neither Adam had wakened, and Jesse had begun to show symptoms as well.
This world's Jesse was back at Sanctuary, also stuck there due to washed out roads. They'd talked briefly before the storm had turned the com-channels to static.
The situation left Brennan with way too much time and nothing to do to occupy himself. Except think. He glanced back at Shalimar who was sitting on the floor beside her Adam's chair. She'd answered his questions whenever he asked something, but nothing she said helped him, so he eventually left her alone with Adam in silence.
He had no way to know who he was without his memory to confirm or reject details. He told himself he'd know if his Emma had died when Tyler did. That was something he couldn't have forgotten, wasn't it? But on the other hand, people did tend to repress the painful things. He couldn't positively rule this out as being home.
He wanted to claim a different world as his, however. One where the only thing missing was him. All the people he cared about were alive there, and that Emma even loved him. He sighed, dwelling for a moment on wishful thinking before Jesse's quiet moan drew his attention.
"How are you holding up?" Brennan asked him. He hadn't stopped shivering for over an hour.
He pulled his blanket tighter around himself. "Wonderful. Everybody I love is either dead or dying."
Brennan knew Jesse still thought they were both likely from the same world, so he wondered if he'd been left from the list as merely a slight or if Jesse had purposefully dropped him from being included as one of the people he loved. "I shouldn't have just left you like I did. It wasn't about you, Jess, but I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear it, but I am."
"No, it's fine, I get it."
Brennan stared at him. "Do you?"
"You didn't know where you belong, so you picked Emma over me," he summarized. "It's cool, I'd have done the same thing if I were you."
He wouldn't have, Brennan knew. It was Jesse who'd been by his side when he woke up after the explosion. Four months in a coma, and Jesse hadn't turned his back on him. But Brennan had run away at first promise of someplace better. "It's not cool or fine. You'd have stayed, without being asked, if only because you thought I needed you. I didn't, I left. I was blind and terrified, and... whatever my justifications for leaving, I still hurt you."
Jesse finally met his eyes. "What do you want from me, Brennan?"
"Forgiveness maybe."
"For what you did, or for the fact that if this rain ever stops, you're going to do the exact same thing again?"
Brennan shook his head. Was he asking for a second chance to hurt Jesse all over again? "I don't know what I'm going to do."
"We have to risk it," Brennan commented to Shalimar as she handed Jesse several pain pills and a bottle of water. The downpour had turned into a drizzle.
"It's still too wet," she countered.
"It could get worse instead of better." He glanced out the window again. "If we wait any longer, Adam's going to die, and Jesse is going to start having seizures and then he'll go into a coma also, and then he will die too."
She watched Jesse for a moment before speaking. "And if you shock yourself again?"
Brennan didn't want to think about that. "CPR," he said simply. It had worked the last time.
She didn't like it, but she nodded. "Okay."
They made a stumbling sprint for the Naxcon building during a gap in the rain. Brennan had Adam slung over his shoulder in a fireman's carry, and Shalimar had merely ducked under Jesse's arm and was basically dragging him. The each had a blanket flung over them for protection from the light drizzle.
By the time they got inside, Jesse had passed out. Shalimar slipped his arm out of his jacket sleeve and then did the same with Adam, tying the loose sleeves together in a knot in the hope that it would keep them together when they switched dimensions.
Brennan used various pieces of debris to hold up his blanket as a makeshift canopy. He used the other as a towel to mop up the water from the floor. He looked to Shalimar. "Now or never."
"What do I do?" she asked.
"Get out of here," Brennan replied. "And pray."
She gave a quick nod and then ran, clearing the perimeter.
Brennan took a deep breath and then wound up a surge between his hands. The ground suddenly pivoted, his canopy disappeared, and pieces of the ceiling began to fall and crash around him, filling the dry air with dust.
He searched frantically about for Jesse and Adam, but they had both vanished. Then he ran, tripped, and crawled his way free as the walls crumbled and the remains of the building came down behind him.
Once out of danger, he stared at the dirt and rubble, coughing a few times from inhaling the dust. Then he stood still, in shock. Wherever he was, this was the last stop.
He sat down on the ground, catching his breath. He couldn't help but wonder about Jesse and Adam. "I hope you made it home," he whispered. He owed Jesse that much. He lost track of how long he remained there before eventually getting up and turning away from Naxcon for the final time.
Somebody was standing by the perimeter fence, a car parked in the lot.
"Is it you?" Emma asked as he approached.
He nodded. "What are you doing here?"
"I suppose I wanted too see the place again before they turn it into an outlet mall." She stared at her feet while she talked, hesitant to meet his eyes. They both knew what she'd really been looking for. "Are you leaving again?"
He shook his head. "I can't."
"Were you going to?" She chanced glancing up at his face, needing to know if his staying was only due to Naxcon's collapse and had nothing to do with her.
He hadn't allowed himself to think about that yet. "I don't know if I belong here." She looked disappointed at his words. He cupped her face in his palm before she could stare at the ground again. "That hasn't changed how I feel about you."
She placed her hand over his and removed it from her cheek. She headed for the car. "Come on. We can talk more at Sanctuary."
He noticed that she didn't call it home. He guessed that was his fault. He was still an anomaly. Their feelings couldn't change that.
Brennan postponed thinking about his situation for as long as possible. He'd only waited long enough to learn that Adam was almost fully recovered and there had been no more unusual weather patterns since he'd left before excusing himself in order to go take a shower.
He pulled on a pair of sweats, not knowing what time it was but feeling worn out. He wanted to sleep for a week. He grabbed his dirty clothing from his bed - or rather some Brennan's bed - and paused when he felt the gun still in his coat pocket.
His jeans and t-shirt absently fell to the floor as he focused on the weapon his double had given him. He would guess that world's Shalimar and Eckhart had been armed as well. He hoped Jesse and Adam hadn't crossed paths with that gang again. He thought his double capable of following up on his idea of simply eliminating the problem.
Brennan wondered if he belonged with that Adam and Jesse, if he should have returned home with them or perhaps died beside them...
He didn't want to think about it. Placing the gun on his nightstand, he went to bed and attempted to fall asleep.
Brennan woke from his partial sleep to the feel of the world shaking. He sat up quickly. Earthquake. It wasn't enough to knock anything over, but he instinctively reached the catch the gun which was precariously balanced on the edge of the nightstand.
It was only a minute before the ground quit trembling. Brennan, however, couldn't stop shaking. He stared at the gun in his hand. The earthquake was his fault. He didn't belong here.
The metal was slick and heavy in his grip, and Brennan choked back a sob as he made sure the gun was loaded. The other Brennan was right, and there was only one solution left.
He pressed the gun to the side of his head and closed his eyes.
There was a quick knock at his door as Jesse pushed it open. "Hey, the quake broke a few things in the other room - thought I'd make sure you're okay in here."
Brennan didn't have time to put down the gun. He watched Jesse who had just frozen in his doorway. "Walk away, Jess," he pleaded softly.
Instead Jesse slipped into the room, closing the door behind him. "You think this was you?"
"What else could it have been but me?"
"An aftershock." Jesse took a step closer. "Just like it's taking us time to recover, it's the same with the planet, Bren."
He still couldn't put down the gun. "And you can tell me you're certain of that?" Jesse didn't answer. "I can't take that risk."
"So you're going to sacrifice yourself instead of waiting to find out?"
"What if the next earthquake kills a hundred people? A thousand?" Brennan couldn't make that call.
"The good of the many, ends justify the means, and all that?" Jesse glanced around the room. "What? No note?"
"You'd do the same in my place," Brennan replied.
Jesse had to admit he probably would, although he'd be terrified. "Are you certain this isn't your dimension? You and Emma both seemed so sure..."
"Because I love her that gives me the right to put her life in danger?" Brennan shook his head. "I won't do that. I can't."
"You haven't thought this through."
"I have."
"And that's why you're eating a bullet and splattering blood all over your room - that Emma is likely going to be cleaning up later - while we have an entire medical lab full of prescription medications that would be clean and painless?" Jesse asked.
"I wouldn't know what to take," Brennan confessed. "But I still need to do this."
Jesse slowly nodded. "Okay. If you can look me in the eye and tell me this isn't some rash decision, then okay."
Brennan didn't think suicide was ever completely rational, but he met Jesse's gaze.
Jesse paled and a tear slid down his face. He didn't need Brennan to actually say anything. He wiped at his cheek. "Okay..." he relented, his voice wavering. "If you're going to do this, I'll tell you which pills..."
Brennan placed the gun in his dresser drawer. It was cold comfort that Jesse either respected his decision or was just trying to be a good enough friend that he was making sure Brennan didn't screw this up. He'd made Jesse a part of him ending his life, something he regretted happening, but at least he wasn't going through this alone.
Emma tossed and turned, not being able to sleep. Brennan was home. Even though he refused to admit it, she knew in her heart it was her Brennan, that this world was his. How could she have feelings so strong for him if he weren't hers? He seemed so lost and… sad. How could she sleep when she just got him back, that he was just a couple of rooms away. She missed him so much while he was gone. It might have lasted less than two days, but it still felt like an eternity to her.
Kicking the covers one last time, she realized the only way for her to be able to get some shuteye was if she made sure firsthand Brennan was here, safe and sound.
She slowly made her way towards his room barefoot, the cold floor making her shiver… or was it the apprehension of seeing him again? They parted ways not an hour ago, get a grip, Em, she scolded herself. What could have happened in this hour? Surely nothing, so why did she feel this sudden surge to be near him, to check on him? As she neared his room, apprehension turned to fear. She tried to push the feeling away, but when seeing his bedroom was open and that the room was dark and empty, panic started to strike her. He wouldn't leave her without saying goodbye, right?
"Here, Brennan, take about ten pills of this and..." said Jesse while taking a bottle from the cupboard. He couldn't make himself end that sentence. He knew it was wrong to help his friend die, because whether this Brennan was from this world or not, he was still Bren, his teammate, his best friend, his big brother.
Brennan looked a long time at the bottle Jesse was handing him, not able to say a single word. He just kept staring at it, as if realizing what those little pills could do.
"Don't take more than ten, Bren," continued the molecular with a hoarse voice. "If you absorb the whole bottle, you'd be sick as a dog and we'd need to clean your stomach, but no overdose…"
Jesse closed his eyes, as if the impact of what he was doing just penetrated his consciousness. How could he help his friend die! The answer was simple. One look at Brennan and he knew nothing could stop him.
"Thanks, Jess," he answered, tightening his grip on the small object that held so much. He couldn't go back now, he had to be strong. For Jesse who already did so much, for the world, as dramatic as that sounded... and for Emma.
"I forgot to ask when was the last time you ate something," Jesse remarked next.
He kept doing that, Brennan realized, kept checking things. His exact weight to determine dosage, if he had any allergies, told him twice to only take ten pills... To either break the silence or to somehow postpone this, Brennan wasn't certain the reason. He studied Jesse for a moment. "You're more nervous than I am." His friend was shaking.
"I was raised Catholic, Bren." That was the only explanation he offered.
Once more, Brennan regretted getting Jesse involved in this. "This isn't exactly suicide, you know that. I don't want to kill myself, this is just something I have to do because of..."
Jesse nodded. "I know."
"I'd be doing this with or without you, Jesse," he stated firmly, needing Jesse to not put this on himself.
"I know," he repeated. They regarded each other in silence for a minute. "Do you want to do this here, or would you be more comfortable going back to your room?"
Maybe the questions made Jesse more comfortable, Brennan decided. It made the situation somehow controlled. It was a checklist of instructions during a helpless circumstance.
"Here is fine." Their eyes locked briefly and then Brennan turned around, wanting desperately to end things as quickly as possible. That's when he heard it. The small gasp coming from the door.
Emma had run around Sanctuary trying desperately to find the elemental. There weren't that many places to go inside the mountain. She'd told herself he couldn't have left. All thoughts were turning and twisting in her head. He wouldn't come back just to leave; life wouldn't be that cruel! Then she'd turned a corner, saw light in the lab and approached the room more slowly, fearing what she could find. She'd tried to calm her erratic breathing, but fear and anxiety wouldn't let her. As she'd neared the lab, she saw the door ajar and what evolved in front of her eyes left her speechless.
This was worse than not finding him. Because Brennan was there, with Jesse, holding what appeared to be a bottle of pills in his hand. Maybe he had trouble sleeping, she tried to rationalize, and Jesse helped him find the good meds. Because it wasn't how it looked... how it felt. It simply wasn't. But upon hearing their words, she couldn't help but let the gasp escape.
When their eyes locked, she could see his pain and another expression that wasn't there before... as if he was saying sorry. She then trained her gaze on the bottle nestled inside Brennan's fist, then back to his eyes again, silently asking what was going on. When Brennan wouldn't meet her gaze anymore, she let her eyes fall on Jesse who was holding himself on the cupboard, head down. She tilted her head to the side, as if trying to better understand what was unfolding in front her eyes, but with no success.
"Brennan?" she finally asked, her voice quivering. Her eyes pleaded for him to explain what he was doing, but his silence and Jesse's posture said it all.
"Why?" she continued, tears in her eyes.
Brennan still refused to look her in the eyes, shame enveloping him, and fear. She was never supposed to see him like that. He didn't feel brave, and this wasn't some noble act - it was a desperate last resort of somebody who'd merely failed to find another answer.
She wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to sleep so he could leave and save them in the process. How could he go through with his plan if she looked at him like that with her perfect blue eyes, so clear, like a cloudless sky in the summer... now wet with tears. He was a coward and he knew it, but how could he explain to her it was for the best?
"I said why, Brennan!" she repeated, this time angrily, which made him look up, Jesse deciding to phase into another room, giving the two lovers some time to talk. What he saw tore his heart into pieces. Angry tears were running down her cheeks.
"Tell me you just wanted some help to sleep, Bren," she pleaded again.
"Emma, you know it would be better if..." he closed his eyes, his grip tightening on the bottle, making his knuckles turn white. He took a deep breath then, but as he was going to continue his sentence, she interrupted him.
"I am sure you won't tell me it's better to kill yourself than to live! Even you wouldn't be that stupid!" she said, going from sad to angry in a matter of second.
"It's the only solution," he answered in an almost imperceptible tone. He had to be strong and do the right thing, at least once in his life. Too bad it would be the last one also. When that thought entered his mind, he started to chuckle a little until Emma shot him a deadly and confused glare, which immediately sobered him up.
"Sorry," he apologized like a kid being scolded by his mom.
"Sorry for what? For coming back just to leave again? For wanting to play the self-sacrificing hero because you think we're in danger? For making me fall in love with you? Tell me what you're sorry for!"
At this point, Brennan couldn't tear his eyes from his beloved Emma anymore if he wanted to. Silent tears escaped his eyelashes.
"I have to, Em," he repeated ever so lowly, just above a whisper. "If I don't do it, the world is at risk, YOU are in danger, and I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you." His voice, hoarse with emotion, did nothing to help him.
"No, Bren, you don't know. There has to be a way," she answered, her own voice also low, as if talking more loudly would make something happen.
"Emma, look at the earthquake! It's my fault, I am not from this world!" He turned away quickly, trying to make a distance between them, to be able to regain some semblance of control over his thoughts and emotions.
"Look at me, Bren," she said slowly, closing her eyes in hurt. When he wouldn't move, she started screaming, not caring who else could hear her, and not caring if something happened... because something needed to happen.
"I said look at me, damn it! Look at me right in the eyes and tell me you really believe it's the only solution!"
Brennan turned around, as if in slow motion, but once he saw Emma again, her shaking form due to the sobs he caused, he couldn't take it anymore. He was by her side in two steps and enveloped her in his arms, never wanting to let go.
"If you're doing this because you know you don't belong here," she cried, "then so am I. I'm certain we're supposed to be together. If you do this, then I have to also." She didn't know if she really meant it, if being in his arms felt more like home than this world. For the first time, it didn't feel safe.
None of them heard the sound of the bottle dropping. All Emma could think of was Brennan's arms secured around her, while her fists pounded into his chest now in anger and sorrow. She didn't want to be held if it couldn't stay this way.
"Why do you want to leave me? Don't leave me, Brennan, please, don't leave me." She continued trying to shove him away, desperate for him to not let her.
It was at this precise moment Brennan knew he couldn't go on with his plan. He rested his chin on top of Emma's head, letting her throw her fists at him, letting her cry, trying to absorb her tears and pain, all the while sending a silent prayer for everything to work out in the end.
A week later, they all stood outside of what used to be the Naxcon building - all six of them - watching the construction crew and pondering on the last few months. Being a mutant is one thing, but parallel worlds, different dimensions... that's science-fiction! Each person was thinking about how far they'd gone to succeed in this mission, how much that cost some of them, the thoughts inevitably drifting to their doubles.
Brennan held Emma tightly against him and she wouldn't have it any other way. Jesse and Shal stood side by side, looking at their two friends, seeing the invisible scars this adventure left behind. Every once in a while, Jesse would cast a furtive glance at Lexa as well.
There were no more earthquakes, no more suicide attempts, and no more doubles. They still had a long way to go before recovering completely, but they had all learnt one of the most important lessons in life: they all needed each other, and they needed to have faith in each other.
"Well, I don't see anybody randomly disappearing or construction guys going in wearing orange hats and coming out with yellow," Lexa commented. "So I'll be waiting in the car."
Or at least almost all of them had found the moral of the story.
"She's also bad with social situations," Jesse mentioned to Brennan, continuing their discussion of why he wasn't romantically interested in Lexa. "I'll go keep her company."
"I guess everything is in order now," said Adam as Jesse trotted off after the brunette.
They'd needed closure and going back to where it all began seemed as good a place as any.
"Yep," agreed Shalimar, looking at her two friends still in each other's arms.
The silence between comments was deafening, but needed nonetheless, for they were still in a way in the chaos that used to be the multi-dimensional days.
"And everyone who was at Naxcon that day is in his or her rightful place, even Mason Eckhart," continued Adam.
Upon hearing that, Shalimar's head shot up quickly.
"Wait, what about my dad!"
THE END
