Title : All that matters…
Author : Jaggie 107
Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount. I hope all parties will allow me to have fun for a little while, and replace them all when I'm done. Thank you.
Rating : T (In line with new ratings.)
Spoilers : None specific, but set in current series, and covering previous events.
Harm's POV – Due to great demand I'm trying a second chapter, a la Harm, so keep your fingers crossed!
To all who reviewed the first chapter, thank you. My apologies for the delay in writing this second chapter - I lost the plot a little and wasn't quite sure how to 'be' Harm! I hope this works for you all. I've ended where I have, not sure whether it should go further or end as it is. Either way, I look forward to hearing from you all, and if there are any more ideas out there, please send them to me!
Thanks in particular to Manda, froggy0319, jtbwriter, Lisa, JAGfanatic, Bite Beccy, Beach chickJASSNL, cbw, JAGJenni, starryeyes10, snugglebug and Princess-RainbowRose.
She's doing it again.
Pushing me away.
We were so close to something at Christmas, when I found her in the hospital. By the sheer virtue of a paramedic checking out her ID, and her constant repetition of my name, the clever man put two and two together and rang my cell phone number.
And now?
I knock at her door. I know that Sarah is there. I always know where she is.
I can hear her, checking to see, even though she knows it's me.
"Hello, Harm. Come on in."
I smile at her as I walk through into the room. Not my usual 'flyboy' smile, as I don't feel that confident. I'm unsure what to expect. But I'm here now, and that's all that matters.
"Have a seat."
I walk across to the couch and sit down as Sarah offers me a drink.
"Coffee, please. Thanks."
"No problem. Make yourself at ho…comfortable." Sarah stumbles over her words, and I try not to read too much into what she was about to say. While she is busy in the kitchen I take a look around her apartment. Nothing much has changed since the last time I was here. The night I came to ask her to help me with Mattie's guardianship. I remember the Christmas tree set up in the corner, the presents piling up beneath it, and I remember the look of hurt in Sarah's eyes as I walked out of the apartment. I was just so angry with her then, at that moment, and it took a while to calm down, feeling that she had rejected me once more.
And here I am, feeling that she has rejected me again.
It's then that I see the jotter on the coffee table. The two very distinct lists of names. Her side and mine. Mac and Harm. I know I shouldn't do this; it was obviously an exercise that should have remained private. I pick up the pad, and begin to read the names…
Alicia Montes, Inez Elgin, Jordan… I reel back in amazement at the names Sarah has written, and the realization of how all these women have some connection to her also. They've all known me in the time I've known Sarah; I correct myself, all but Meg. Meg Austin was my partner before I was teamed with Sarah, and to my knowledge, neither has met the other, but still she is on my list. Sarah may not have met Meg, but she knows about her. Maybe Kate Pike told her? I remember them having a conversation once, and when they returned from the washroom on another occasion Kate looked ashen, and Sarah looked fit to be tied! Was that why Kate didn't stick around? Because Sarah had warned her off? That thought brings a smile to my face, albeit a little one. Maybe my Marine had a thing for me, even back then, when she was with Bugme! Whoa! My Marine? But then, why not? That's why I'm here, isn't it? To find out if Sarah and I can be together after all?
I read some more names. While there are both male and female names on my side, there is a distinct lack of females on Sarah's side. Perhaps that is because of her mother's lack of presence in her life. I remember her telling me about her mother turning up when her father was dying. It wasn't an auspicious occasion, and I suppose the only good thing that came from it was that Mac was finally able to let her feelings of guilt at 'making her mother leave her behind' finally go. It can't have been easy, but Sarah is a strong person, and that strength is something I have always admired in her. It has driven us apart too, that strength, and sometimes I've wished that she wasn't so strong, that maybe without some of that strength, she would have come to rely on my strength a little more than she ever did.
Annie's name is there too. That's strange. Why would Sarah remember Annie? As I recall, without animosity this time, Sarah thought of Annie as 'neurotic', because she couldn't, or wouldn't, let go of her hatred of all things Navy. In Annie's mind, the Navy had taken her husband from her, and threatened to take her son, as all he wanted was to be like his father. When she and I became involved, Luke was pleased. More for the fact that I was Navy too, than for his mother's happiness. I crossed the line of trust though, and for that Annie removed herself and Josh from my life. I still think of them, although I have no idea where they are or what they're doing. I have the strongest feeling, though, that Josh Pendry will make it into the Naval Academy, with or without his mother's blessing.
I hear clinking in the kitchen; Sarah laying out the cups for our drinks. I put the list back on the table, and wait for her to come out of hiding. I don't have long to wait as she walks across to the couch with a tray in her hands. By accident or design, I don't know which, she manages to place the tray over the pad, hiding it from view. Handing me a cup of coffee she settles herself into a chair opposite and looks at me.
"So, what are you doing here?" Sarah asks me, point blank.
"I need to talk to you. I need to…ask you something," I begin, but she interrupts.
"We don't have a very good track record of talk…" she says, but I take the conversation back.
"We're not talking. I am," I state forcefully, and the cup shakes in my hand a little, so I set it down on the tray. Sarah looks at me with her eyes wide, and for a moment I'm lost in their dark depths. Shaking myself mentally I close my eyes and then open them again. "Mac…Sarah…do you want a future with me?"
"Wha…? I…you…" Sarah stutters, and I feel that small smile coming back, amused at her uncharacteristic flustering. It widens when she stops herself, and then smiles in return. "Yes." It's a straight-forward answer, and there's no hesitation.
"Because if you don't…" I continue, not realizing yet what Sarah has said.
"Harm, I said 'yes'," she repeats, and this time I close my mouth. Sarah stands up and comes around the coffee table to sit next to me on the couch. Close, but not touching. Not yet.
"I…was going to talk you into…" I begin, and Sarah breaks in, again.
"Into what?" she asks, conversationally.
"Into…" I repeat, and then grin widely as what she has said does register in my fuddled brain. "Yes?"
"Yes," confirms Sarah, and my next move replaces any words I might have spoken as I gently place my lips on hers. It's a while before we surface, only for the need to breathe!
As our lips are just a breath apart, I murmur gently. "I saw the list."
"And?" The short answer isn't what I expected, but it's welcome. I thought at the very least I'd be flat on my back, in agony!
"How come my Dad's name is there too?"
"Because without him, I wouldn't have you," is the reply, and that's all that matters, really.
The End (Maybe)
