Numb
You got lost for a while
You've been trying to find a smile
You got stood up then you fell down
And when you needed, there was no one around
Butch Walker / One Day at a Time
Sean had been on a high since Ellie had slipped him the thank you note before homeroom. He walked into the cafeteria and saw her sitting in her usual seat, staring at her lunch tray poking it with her fork cautiously before pushing the tray away from her. "Not hungry?" he asked as he slid into the seat across from her and passed her CD he'd borrowed back across the table.
"Not really," she muttered, "thanks." She grabbed the CD in its case and gently dropped it into her bag, "what'd you think."
"Not my kind of music, but I kinda liked it," he confessed.
Ellie smiled, "did you want something?" she asked. Knowing he didn't have lunch this period.
"Actually, payback- I have a paper due for Kwan next week and -"
"I don't write papers, Sean."
"I wasn't asking you to," he clarified, "I just need help figuring out how to write it."
Ellie smiled, "alright."
Sean smiled as he nodded, "cool, so since you graciously explained Flowers for Algernon to me, I figured you could help me write a play."
"A play?" Ellie questioned.
"Kwan wants us to rewrite an act from some Shakespeare play but set for a modern era..."
"That doesn't sound too hard," she responded.
Sean rolled his eyes. " And Geometry is so easy for you Miss Nash"
Ellie frowned, "Hey!"
Sean smirked, "tomorrow, 8 PM, my place?"
"works for me," she said as Marco plopped down next to her.
"Hey Els," Marco said and glanced over at Sean, "Hey Sean," he smiled.
"del Rossi," Sean said softly and then stood up, "don't forget," he said as he pulled his book bag over his shoulder and watched him walk out of the cafeteria.
" Won't forget what?" Marco asked grinning.
" Helping him study" Ellie responded.
" Like a study date?"
" No...I'm just helping with a thing for Kwan."
" Sorry I asked..." Marco grumbled.
"Look, we're just friends Marco -" Ellie said as she watched Sean run into Jay and Towerz in the hall. "He's not interested in me like that."
Marco took Ellie by the shoulders and shook her, "earth to Ellie - Sean Cameron does not do study dates."
"It's not a date," she clarified again as she grabbed him back to get him to stop shaking her, "it's homework.
"Do you think it was an accident?" Paige asked Ashley as they stood in the bathroom, Paige fluffing her hair in the mirror.
"What was an accident?" Ashley asked.
"Ellie, the cut on her hand, do you think it was an accident?" Paige asked again.
Ashley shrugged, "I don't know why we shouldn't, wouldn't she be hiding it if she was cutting?"
"I think I should go talk to Ms. Sauve-"
"I think you should talk to Ellie," Ashley tried to convince Paige against it, "besides I'm sure Ms. Sauve would notice a bandage on her hand at their next session."
"Maybe you should talk to Ellie then," Paige argued, "I'm sure Miss Sauve has a better understanding of this situation than you," as she rolled her eyes as Ashley just walked out on her. Paige fixed her lip-gloss, smoothed her hair, and made her way to lunch, fashionably late. She slid into her seat next to Spinner at the table with Hazel and Jimmy and watched from afar as Ashley joined Marco and Ellie at their table.
Craig stumbled into the picture and wrapped his arms around Ashley as she tried to get a bite of her apple.
"I saw you with Sean today," Ashley mentioned as she finally got a bite of her apple.
Marco looked over at Ellie as if to say I told you.
Craig's attention perked up at the mention of Sean's name and tone she used. It made him feel like Sean's name left a bad taste in her mouth. "Why do you say his name like that Ash?" Craig asked.
Ashley turned to Craig and began to ramble on about how Sean's been hanging out with the wrong crowd lately and he's becoming such a bad kid. All Ellie could do is watch Craig and Ashley banter back and forth about what Sean was like. All she knew was that Sean seemed to understand her, and trusted her word, unlike the people she thought were her friends. She knew deep down Ashley didn't believe her about the cut being an accident. She no longer even acknowledged Ashley's question since the topic of Sean seemed to start an argument between the couple. She glanced over at Marco who just shrugged, she mouthed I'm gonna go and picked up her tray, dumping it in the garbage and leaving the cafeteria.
Ellie found the only quiet place in the school. It also happened to be the most empty at the time. The Library. Ellie sat down on the floor towards the back, glancing at book titles recognizing a few and a few others piquing her curiosity. Ellie pulled back her long sleeves and looked down at her cuts and noticing that they were scabbed over and began to pick at them. Digging deeper with her nails she brought new blood to the surface of her pale skin. It was a release for the moment. She knew in a few moments, her arm would be inflamed in pain, but it didn't matter, the pain reminded her she was alive for a moment; it wiped away every ounce of stress, everything worth crying over. She leaned her head back against the bookshelves and just felt a wash of relief span over her body, and felt a shadow hovering over her.
"Hi Sean" Ellie muttered without even needing to look up.
"Hi Ellie," Sean said squatting down in front of the redhead. He pulled his bandana off his head and wrapped it gently around her wrist, "you okay?"
"Not really," she said looking down at her arm, and the small specks of blood under her fingernails.
"Wanna get out of here?" he asked.
Ellie nodded. If she stayed any longer, she was going to suffocate. She felt like Paige and Ashley were just smothering and choking her with their constant questions. She took Sean's hand as he pulled her up off the ground. They left the library. They left the school. No one even noticed they left out the front doors.
Sean unlocked his front door and led Ellie inside. It was a bit messier since the last time she was there. She dropped her bag on the floor by the door and followed Sean into the kitchen where she remembered Tracker cleaning up her arm. She sat down at the table and the same scene reacted itself only this time instead of Tracker it was Sean's gently touch tracing her cuts with a cotton ball and fixing up her arm.
Author's Note: updated 06-30-2020
