Title : Wipe Out
Fandom : Sailor Moon (anime) Dark Kingdom
Pairing : Kunzite / Zoisite
Rating : a bit of violence and hints of sex
Copyright : Zoisite, Kunzite, Sailor Moon and the rest are the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei Animation, if I recall.
Author's notes : and back to Kunzite.
When it all comes down to it, I think the whole point of writing this story for me was to write a "beginning" story where both would actually be somehow in love with each other, instead of using the manipulating Kunzite / love hungry Zoisite scheme that I tend to write.
Chapter 4 : Regrets
What have I done wrong again?
I was quite happy with the way the day turned out, as Shiro didn't seem too upset about the loss of his world as he remembered it, after all.
Then suddenly, after I gave him all that he would need, he became more distant than I've known him since... Since the first day I talked to him, when he was so distrustful of me.
When he thought I had singled him out because I wanted what all the other ones wanted of him.
Damn.
Maybe I should have split the mansion and given him his own quarters, but I couldn't bring myself to renounce to have him breathing in the same room. Not when it's the closer I can have him.
Am I going too fast with him? It's hard to keep in mind that he's no longer Zoisite and that he doesn't remember anything of what we shared - whatever it was.
Every now and then, I catch myself just in time from petting him or kissing him. He's so much like the one I do remember... Same voice, same spellbinding face. And a lot of the same behavior, too.
The main difference, apart from his memories, is his self-esteem. He obviously lacks a great deal of it, and he never had much anyway, even after being empowered by Queen Metallia.
Of course I wasn't going to encourage him to free himself from his obedience for me... I couldn't trust him enough. And given his fierceness and natural talent, I knew he might one day rival me in power.
But now that there's no longer anyone to fight for, and no Shitennou to lead, it's more of an annoyance.
I want him to want me. Of his own device. Not because he admires my power and wants to be in my good grace because he can't damn trust his own abilities to live alone, without someone to protect him from lust and hatred.
He's not in the old Kamakura anymore. If he has money, no one will bother him for being a half-bred, and no one will force their lust on him. The old wakashu way is dead.
sigh
I have really messed him up, haven't I?
I didn't cause his lack of confidence. He already had it when we met. It's no wonder he didn't trust anyone, after what he'd lived.
But I never did anything to change it once he enrolled in my service. It was simply more manageable that way. It prevented him from creating any bond or develop any empathy that would get in the way of his missions.
And it tied him to me as the only person he could turn to. Keeping him dependant on me, while he finally had the power to crush all his enemies.
I wonder... Did anyone figure out that I kept pretending that he needed more training, only to keep him as my student, when he was already more skilled than Jadeite?
I think Nephrite may have guessed it. Though if he didn't, that would explain how dramatically he underestimated him.
To me it was obvious, but I knew that Queen Beryl didn't pay enough attention to us to bother comparing our powers. And since our spells are so different, it's difficult to estimate.
But I trained Nephrite and he later trained Jadeite. I can tell. There are spells that Zoisite mastered that were trickier than whatever Jadeite did.
His fire control was superb. Sure he had an affinity with it from the start - maybe because he understands the volatile nature of it, that matches his temper -, but fire is by definition dangerous and easy to lose control of. Zoisite never did.
I must say he never asked to be released of his student status, either. I don't think he considered himself inferior to Jadeite. As far as I can tell, he actually didn't consider himself inferior to anyone but me anyway... And he was only just wary of Beryl and Metallia.
But he didn't discuss his rank. Never tried to prove himself against Jadeite. Only against Nephrite. Maybe he was aware that Jadeite was no longer a match for him.
I still don't know how much of his aggressiveness towards Nephrite was due to personal ambition, the eagerness to become the second more powerful Tennou in his place, and how much came from Nephrite being the main threat to myself after Tanzanite's death.
It's always been... rather amusing how protective of me Zoisite could turn, sometimes.
I miss him.
He's here lying in the dark within reach, but only physically.
How long will it take before anything gets built between us again?
-- to be continued --
