Author note: First of all THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS, I just had to get that out, accept for the one just attacking the flamer, if you're going to review please talk about what you think of my story. But never the less, I have 60 reviews, I'm really excited, and thanx to people like Cynthia who say really touching things in their reviews! You all can e-mail/IM me I wouldn't mind. Anyway I think this chapter will deal with a lot of emotion, my favorite thing to write about, so read on!
Prologue to chapter 11- Cyborg's perspective before finding BB and Raven.
"Where am I? Where am I going…" I stopped still in my tracks with a feeling of
hopelessness. I had no idea where Titan's Tower was, suddenly the city felt so big, but so
small. So empty for someone like me. The clouds above twisted in charcoal mists of
melancholy, and I, half cold wired machinery, half broken human heart, stared up into the awry sky. Never had I felt this way, never had I felt so betrayed, so useless, and I could not think of anytime before that self hatred had pierced my heart with a poisonous sting such as this. There was no going back, this was the end, the point of no return.
I felt a dark spiral envelope my soul, swallowing me whole, I was being choked by the darkness, my own darkness. My knees gave in to the pain and collapsed to the unmerciful, sharp edged pavement. Was this all I had come to be? Was this all I would ever be. I felt no restraints holding me back, no will to hold on any longer. My heart drifted into the shadows of my mind where I could not feel, and all I could do in this world was look at my memories. I could only remember the love I had felt, the pain I had felt, but it didn't hurt now.
All I knew is that all I wanted was Raven, and that the only one who took her away from me was Beast Boy. In this emotionless world I used my head, my logic, not my feelings, and what my head wanted me to do was. What I HAD to do was…kill him. I had to kill Beastboy. That was the only way I could survive. I had to, whether any one could understand or not, THAT is what I HAD to, that's what he had made me do, yes, it was Beastboy's fault, Raven had to understand that. If she couldn't understand me, than who?
What Cyborg didn't know was, there was a greater power that brought these thoughts to mind.
---------------------------------current time---------------------------------------------
"CYBORG NO!" Beast Boy yelped though he could barely breathe. Cyborg held Beast Boy by the neck, his body struggling to survive hovering several feet above the ground. "If not for me what about the team? Weir a team Cyborg we need to save the city, you don't kill people on your own team…" Cyborg stared emotionlessly at the changeling, he couldn't care less about the team.
"People in teams don't betray one another, people in teams don't risk one another's lives like you did to Raven! The "Team" will be a whole lot safer once you're gone!" Cyborg tightened his grip.
"You know Raven doesn't think that, Cyborg, you're just like Terra, you're so selfish…" Beast Boy gasped out in a whisper. Cyborg's eyes creased with anger, just hearing the name Raven come from Beast Boy's mouth, it was enough to make him want to…
Beastboy was thrust onto the cold cement, his body now soaking with the liquid ice that was still pouring form the dark sooty sky. Before Beastboy could catch his breath Cyborg plunged his foot into BeastBoy's stomach causing him to shout out in pain. This brought a wicked smile to Cyborg's face, but he wasn't happy, in fact, somewhere deep inside him something broke.
Angry with this sudden feeling of regret Cyborg tried to make himself forget it by driving his fist into BeastBoy's face. There was now the bitter, salty taste of blood in BeastBoy's mouth. The feeling of nausea faded as Beast Boy drifted away into unconsciousness. Horrified Cyborg stood over his friend. Had he really done that? Had he hurt him that much?
Cyborg walked backward shaking his head. No he hadn't done it. No, he did do it…yes he did it, but he HAD to. He had to do that. Still, why did sorrow still linger in him, didn't he just solve all of his problems? A voice in his head scolded him, told him that he hadn't accomplished anything, because Beast Boy wasn't dead, he was still alive. But the confusion of his soul and mind were too much.
"I'll just…leave him here." He whispered. "I'll leave him here to die, and if he doesn't die Terra will find him, and that's as close to dieing as he needs, because she'll never let him see Raven again…" Cyborg smiled faintly, still not happy. Suddenly in close distance Cyborg heard a soft painful groaning. Turning his head he saw Raven, awake but barely awake, and her eyes were still closed. Quickly Cyborg rushed to her cradling her in his arms, he had to take her away, away from this place, before she saw what had become of her lover. But that was over, Cyborg would be her lover from now on, or at least he convinced himself of that.
Holding her in his arms he began his journey to nowhere, elsewhere, anywhere but there. He noticed that her body was numb and ice-cold, hopefully she'd be alright, but the rain still came down in heavy sheets, threatening to take her away from him. They had to find shelter, someplace warm.
"W-w-whh" Raven's lips trembled bringing her face once more to the attention of Cyborg. He stopped in his tracks to look into her frozen, confused eyes.
"What is it Raven?" Cyborg listened intently touching her cheek hoping that his hands had the slightest bit of warmth left. She looked up at him, her eyes looked old and sad, like she'd been through so much more then she should have. Her lips opened to speak once again.
"Wh-where is…he?" Raven asked, finding it hard to move her lips.
"Where's who?" Cyborg asked, terrified that he knew the answer.
"Where's Beast Boy?" She spoke in a tone of sorrow, listening to the raindrops glide through the thick solid air and patter in rhythm and harmony onto the streets and trees. Cyborg closed his eyes in sheer terror and self loathing. He knew this would happen, he knew he would be the one she'd want to see when she woke up, he struggled to stay strong and not to drop her, she was so fragile now, in his arms. She would understand soon, that she didn't need Beast Boy, that Cyborg loved her more, he had to make her understand.
"Do you know…where he is?" she repeated, sensing that something was wrong. Cyborg opened his eyes once again to gaze into hers, trying his best to look sincere.
"He's…dead Raven…" He whispered and held her tightly. She stared at him hard for a few seconds, her expression baffled and confused, unable to accept the concept of Beastboy being dead, it simply couldn't be, he couldn't be…but no matter how much she told herself this she just couldn't understand what she believed. Cyborg looked to her in pity and she broke into tears. She couldn't save him…she couldn't save him… she was as small as a teardrop in the rain.
"I couldn't save him…" she spoke quietly to herself, unable to hold the pain within. Cyborg felt terrible, how could she ever understand that it was supposed to be this way all along.
"But you tried, we all did…I know my buddy Beast Boy, he would want you to be happy. He always liked it when you smiled…" Cyborg said, though it hurt him more than it helped her. "He spent so much time, just trying to make you smile…" Cyborg whispered as he just realized that himself. But she still cried, the pain wouldn't go away, and she didn't have the will to even try and make it. Cyborg took a few more steps and looked beyond, he noticed that they were close to the shore of the island, the Island where home was. Then he noticed in shock that it was being destroyed by Slade's Robots, and he remembered that they had left Robin and Starfire there alone to fight.
"Oh MY GAWD!" Cyborg yelled. "Raven, Raven we have to save them!" She turned her head in the direction of the tower and her mouth fell open. Was this her fault? Every one she loved would die. Was that the way it would be? Was that the curse of being half demon? Cyborg ran to the shore but halted, how would they get across the water?
"I can do it…" Raven spoke. " I'm still a bit weak, but we have to save our friends." She looked to Cyborg and he put her down.
"But Raven-" Too late, she slowly began to levitate and then conjured up enough power to lift Cyborg above the ground. "Raven…" He whispered, astonished at the strength she found within herself, and this made him feel even worse, Raven could find her way through the darkness, she didn't give into it. Because Raven was strong, stronger than he could ever be.
She flew wobbly over the water managing to keep hold of Cyborg. Thousands of raindrops sunk into the water spreading into endless rings. Just as they reached land Cyborg slipped out of her hands landing in a soft patch of sand. He caught her as she fell weekly from the sky.
"Raven…thank you.." He said but she cringed as she lifted herself up and began walking to the tower.
"Come on, we have to save them! This is all my fault for leaving the tower!" She spoke painfully and this surprised Cyborg, he hadn't realized that she felt guilty for all this.
"Raven!" Cyborg said catching up to her. "It's not your fault!" He tried to convince her though he knew it would be useless.
"You're wrong…If I hadn't left to find Beastboy, he'd still be alive…and we'd have been here long ago to fight the robots, gawd I'm so STUPID!" She pulled her hair in frustration, trying to control the tears and keep them in her eyes. But when they found Starfire and Robin on the ground atop piles of shattered glass and rubble, the tears wouldn't stay.
"Raven? Cyborg? Is that you my friends?" Raven heard Starfire's near silent raspy voice. Yes they were still alive, but they were holding onto life by a string, Raven looked to Starfire's cut and beaten face. Raven wondered where the robots had suddenly gone, she ran over to Starfire and hugged her, crying more heavily, it was all her fault.
"No friend Raven…no don't cry…it's alright, because you see," Raven looked into Starfire's sad eyes, yet somehow, through Starfire's tears she had a heartbreaking smile. "Robin, loves me…" Starfire looked to Robin who was hurt even worse than she was, he had only one eye open, the other was badly bruised and swollen. "and I…love Robin…" Raven stared at Starfire in aw of her naive optimism, maybe Raven was strong, or maybe she only seemed that way because she had to control her emotions, but Starfire, she never gave up on hope. Cyborg just stared at the 3 of them, feeling like and outsider in his own home.
"Starfire…" Raven's eyes were full of tears and her voice was shaky and hard to understand. "Beastboy…he's dead…" Raven screamed. Starfire gasped and she found it hard to breathe, Robin's eye widened as a piece of debris crumbled in his hand.
"No...Raven, tell me this is the humor you call sarcasm, tell me that is not true…" Starfire's smile was gone.
"No Starfire…it is true, and I loved him, like you love Robin…" Raven spoke lightly closing her eyes trying to convince herself that this was a dream, and she would wake up, any second, yes any second she would wake up…
Cyborg collapsed onto his knees, he knew it wasn't true, he knew Beast Boy wasn't dead. But could he tell them that now? Still, Raven was so sad, she'd never be the same, she'd never smile again. The sudden movement of a dark object caught his eye, but not before a laser hit Raven's left shoulder. A shrill scream was heard echoing through the shell of a home, but in complete anger she lifted herself above the ground to gaze at the thousands of robots now in front of her.
"NO SLADE! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HURT ANY ONE ANYMORE! NOT AS LONG AS I BREATHE!" Her body was lifted into the air surrounded by a dark threatening light. There was an explosion of emotion, all her pain, her regret, her sorrow, her hatred her fear, it was all wrapped in one ball of darkness, and it all exploded.
All the robots exploded from the inside out, the earth rumbled, it shook, pieces of building fell randomly to dust. It all happened so quickly, every single one was destroyed, however her friends were safe, because she loved them, and her hatred couldn't destroy those she loved. But within an instant she felt the effect, drained of all power but the power to breathe. She collapsed to the crumbled ground gasping for air. Everything hurt, it felt like her heart was bleeding. Cyborg rushed to Raven taking her into his arms.
"Raven… are you alright?" He whispered to her. "You're amazing…" Her body felt so cold in his arms When had it gotten this cold? Every one looked up to the sky, the rain had turned to snow.
"Raven, did Raven make it snow?" Starfire asked with curiosity in her voice.
"Starfire." Robin stood up on his feet and helped Starfire get up. They gazed upon one another in love. She jumped gently into his arms and he held her tightly, they both looked up into the sky. Cyborg still kneeled on the ground clutching Raven to his chest, giving her all the warmth he could. He wondered if Beast Boy would survive the snow, or if he would soon really be dead. Raven weakly gazed up into the sky reaching her hand out to touch the perfect little ice angels.
Her eyes shimmered in memory of Beast Boy, the past winters they had, he threw snow balls at her and ran laughing but not before she got him back. She remembered her first winter at Titan's Tower, she had somehow found herself out in the dark beneath the stars watching the snow fall down. Beast Boy had found her there, that's when they discovered that both of them liked to lye beneath the stars at night when they couldn't sleep.
Somehow they found themselves making snow angels, flapping their arms and legs in the snow to make wings. Back then Raven had a bit more trouble controlling her powers, so she curiously peered into his thoughts, and to her surprise she heard him say in his mind,
"Raven, she's so beautiful…an angel" That was the first time since she arrived that Raven had smiled. She even giggled, just a bit. Beast Boy smiled.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"nothing, nothing at all." She said and then forced her smile to fade away, she didn't trust him yet.
"Hey look." Beast Boy announced. "We have wings." She had to hide her face beneath her hair for this time she smiled, and it felt nice too, it felt nice to smile, it made her warmer.
'Even with wings I don't want to fly away' she thought to herself and looking at him she knew she never would fly away from this wonderland he brought her to every time he smiled, even if she wanted to. Of course she tried to destroy that memory, Raven didn't want to feel, she didn't even realize back then that she loved him, she didn't know
the difference between friendship and love yet. It wasn't until now that she remembered.
This
is my december
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me
pretending
This is all I need
'My beautiful broken angel…'she thought. 'Even though you are broken, and I am still left to fly, I will never fly away from this land you gave me, never.' The words echoed in her head and she wondered if they were loud enough for every one else to feel.
What I am about to post is a song by Linkin Park, you don't have to read it but I suggest you do, I think it's amazing how well this song can go with the story, and no I didn't shape this chapter around the song, I just decided it relates to the story, so please read.
My December-Linkin Park
This
is my december
This is my time of the year
This is my
december
This is all so clear
This is my december
This is my
snow covered home
This is my december
This is me alone
And
i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I
missed
And i
Take back all the things I said
To make you
feel like that
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there
was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said to
you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give
it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my
december
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me
pretending
This is all I need
And i
Just wish that I didnt
feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all
the things I said
To make you feel like that
And i
Just wish
that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take
back all the things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just
to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to
come home to
Author Note: Hello again, for those of you who watch degrassi, if any, they can't kill Jimmy! Sorry if you have no idea what I'm talking about, I hope you liked this chapter. I just had to put that song in, I love it so much, and soon I might put up some of my poetry, that is if you want to read it. I'm sorry it took so long, I can't believe I had a huge test EVERY day this weak, a ton of hw, plus I celebrate Chanuka. I just love writing this story, I can't wait to write more, so please review! Go on now it'll only take a minute and it will make all the difference to me!
Happy Holidays, Forever More, RavenNevermore18
