Numb
the seas part when they hit the floor,
the voices carry on and out the door
and everything you touch turns into gold
Ellie sat on the couch nervously, a needle between her index finger and thumb as she curled her legs up and underneath her as she threaded popcorn on a string, letting it fall on her black pleated skirt. She looked up smiling as she noticed her father stringing lights up on the small evergreen tree in their living room. She wanted to laugh as she noticed the tree sway from side to side and her father wrapped up entangled in Christmas lights.
Sean and Tracker were coming over to celebrate the holidays in a short while and they were still trying to decorate the house with "cheer." Ellie finished stringing popcorn and popped a piece in her mouth as she got up off the couch and fixed her red hair back into a messy ponytail and helped her father with the lights before he electrocuted himself while her mother finished cooking in the kitchen.
"Thank you Ellie-bear, I didn't think I'd make it out of there alive," Greg said jokingly as he stepped away from the tree and gently began hanging small delicate decorations on the tree's branches as Ellie gathered her string of popcorn and hung it loosely on the tree. Greg smiled as he picked up a small picture frame decoration. It was small and was shaped like the face of a teddy bear and had a picture of four-year-old Ellie smiling face in the center.
"Look what we made in pwe-school" Ellie said happily as she reached into her small pink book bag and pulled out a small picture framed Christmas tree decoration. Greg smiled as he pulled Ellie into his lap. Inside the picture frame was the smiling face of his baby girl.
" You know what this means," he said bouncing Ellie on his knee.
" What?" she asked innocently.
" I'll have to call you Ellie-bear from now on"
Ellie giggled and slipped back onto the floor and skipped off to help her mother bake cookies before guests arrived for the holidays. Greg stood up and walked over to the Christmas tree and gently hung the tiny decoration on one of the many tree branches and stood back and admired.
"Looks perfect," he said to himself.
The doorbell rang. Greg found himself looking from the picture-framed decoration to his daughter as she rushed to answer the door, but not before fixing her hair in the mirror, and adjusting her skirt and smoothing out her cardigan. "She's growing up to fast," he said to himself.
Ellie returned to the living room with her hand entwined with the hand of a young man with his unruly hair hid under a black beanie. Sean managed to look respectable in a pair of fitted khakis and a clean black sweater. Tracker seemed to look good as well. He trimmed his hair and his face shaved, even threw on some of the clothes from the better half of his closet.
Greg walked over to the young men and stuck out his hand, "I'm Greg Nash, Ellie's father, nice to meet you."
Sean reached out his hand and shook Greg's hand, "Sean Cameron, Ellie's boyfriend." Ellie couldn't help but try and stifle a laugh.
"Tracker Cameron, Sean's brother" Tracker said shaking Greg's hand as well.
The night seemed to move along quickly, with Tracker seemingly getting along well in a conversation with Judy and Greg while Ellie and Sean found themselves getting comfortable on the window seat facing the street.
Ellie tugged off his beanie. "You're dad's nice" Sean managed to say as he quickly tried to smooth out his messy curls.
" Yea, he's my favorite" she answered. Sean laughed. Ellie realizing what she had said chuckled at her own comment.
Sean leaned his back against a small portion of the wall and pulled Ellie to sit in between his legs and gently wrapped his arms around her petite frame and together they watched snow fall outside. For the first time in a while Ellie felt - calm. The anxiety with her mother's drinking in excess was non-existent with her father at home. She barely drank herself to sleep when her dad was home. And her newfound relationship with Sean was - nice. Nice was a safe way to put it. He made her feel safe. He made her feel seen. And more importantly, he made her feel like it was okay to be herself.
Christmas carols were resounding through the room via the record player in the corner and Ellie found herself humming "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" as she leaned her head back against Sean's chest listening for the sound of snowflakes hitting the window. Sean gently played with the tendrils of her red hair, curling the ends around his finger gently as he listened to her humming along.
"Hey, you two" Greg interrupted, "Dinner's on the table."
Ellie blushed feverishly as her father's eyes locked onto her and Sean. She felt like her father was eyeing Sean like an enemy target. She gently grabbed Sean's hand and led him into the dining room and sat at the rounded table between Sean and her dad as they said grace and carved the roast.
Ellie blushed feverishly as her father's eyes locked onto her and Sean. She felt like her father was eyeing her like a target. She gently grabbed Sean's hand and led him into the dining room and sat at the rounded table between Sean and her dad as they said grace and carved the roast.
" And then she had the nerve of…"
Ellie's mother droned on with her countless guest entertaining tales. Ellie had heard them all. She looked over to Tracker and he seemed to politely be listening and nodding accordingly with the story. Ellie's eyes wandered and she noticed her father staring as she held Sean's hand. She burned a feverish red yet again. Ellie turned and nuzzled her face into Sean's hair, "Wanna go outside?" she whispered. She could feel him nod his answer and they stood up slowly. "Sean and I are going outside for a bit, it's just a bit hot in here."
"That's fine dear" Judy answered as she continued her story, "chocolate pudding, she got knocked back into a vat of chocolate pudding."
Tracker laughed.
Greg watched as his baby girl walked out the door with a boy. But she was smiling. He could barely remember the last Christmas he had seen her smiling. The last time they had actually spent the holidays together…
Winter in British Columbia. But a Christmas in Nova Scotia. It was the third time they had moved in the past two months and the entire Nash family was exhausted. Greg scooped Ellie out of the car with ease and carried her into the still unfurnished house. All their belongings were still boxed up. It was Christmas Eve, and they didn't even have a tree. Ellie stirred in her father's arms, only to fall instantly back asleep. It was two hours until midnight and they had no tree, no decorations, and at the moment, their gifts were still arriving from British Columbia. They were staying on base this time and luckily the army had provided the family with cots. Greg laid Ellie down on one of the small cots and joined his wife in the living room.
"I'm getting sick of unpacking and packing again in a matter of weeks, Greg," Judy complained.
"You're not the only one, but I don't have a choice," he answered.
Judy sighed and opened a box of Christmas decorations and casually hung them around the living room, "do you know how disappointed she'll be if she wakes up on Christmas without a tree?"
Greg looked up. Christmas was Ellie's favorite holiday. And Christmas without a tree was like a stake through the heart to a child of seven. He stood up and brushed off his civvies.
"Where are you going?" Judy asked.
"To get a damn tree" he answered.
It was about an hour later when Greg walked back through the door. The entire living room was decorated, minus the tree. Judy walked in from the kitchen where she was fixing up a meal. "Did you get a tree?" she asked.
Greg walked back out the door and came back in with a tall potted plant. It looked like a tropical plant. Judy covered her mouth and tried not to laugh. "Best I could do," he said putting the plant in the corner and lazily began to decorate it.
Ellie had woken up the next morning, smiling and laughing at her father's Christmas tree. But it made her happy. She didn't get her presents on Christmas that year, but she had her family together, and that made her smile. She really had always been an easy child, and truly her father's daughter. Smart as a whip with a heart bigger than she knew what to do with.
Greg could easily watch the couple through the window and smiled. Ellie was happy. And that made him happy.
" I got you something" Sean mumbled as Ellie closed the door and looked at him a little taken aback. She hadn't expected a gift. Sure she got Sean a present but she hadn't expected one from him. She just always liked to give gifts. It didn't really matter whether she got any or not. Sean dug into his pockets and pulled out a mixtape. " I don't have a CD burner or anything, so…"
"No…it's fine, really," She said blushing, "I'll listen to it later," and tucked it gently into the pocket of her cardigan for safekeeping.
Sean was looking around on Ellie's porch while he rocked back and forth on his heels. It sufficed to say he was nervous. Meeting Ellie's Dad was different than when he had met Emma's mom. He was nervous then too, but there had been a sense of familiarity. His hands dug deeper into his pockets as he looked around the porch, watching Ellie tiptoe the edge of the porch to catch the snow falling. As he watched Ellie smiling into the snowfall his eyes fell upon something small dangling from the roof of the porch, directly above Ellie, and smiled to himself.
"Ellie- I think you should look up," he said gently grabbing her hand and pulling her into his arms.
"At wh-" Ellie stopped talking as she noticed the mistletoe hanging directly above her and Sean, looking over at him she smiled as he smirked pulling her into an innocent kiss. She smiled into the kiss and began to blush. And when they pulled apart Emma was beaming. "Let's go back inside I have something for you too,"she smiled as she took his hand and led him back inside the house.
Ellie bent down under the tree and pulled out four wrapped gifts and handed one to her mother, father, Tracker, and then to finally one to Sean. She sat down on the couch between Sean and Tracker and felt all four sets of eyes on her. Her mother slowly pulled back the wrapping of the tiny box and opened it to find inside several hand written poems that Ellie had written and a silver locket with her mother and her picture inside. Immediately Judy started to cry and rushed over to hug her daughter. With the holiday season the way it started the way it was she couldn't help but get emotional. Next to open a gift was Greg who tore at the wrapping paper to find a small picture timeline of him and Ellie framed, and ready to back to Kabul with him. Next, all eyes were on Tracker.
"Ellie, you really didn't have to" he protested.
" Just open it" she answered nudging him with her elbow.
Tracker opened the gift to find a small keychain for his motorcycle and a new helmet that she had designed and airbrushed on the smooth black helmet. He was in awe, "Thanks Ellie, thanks a lot." He said running his hand smoothly over the glossy helmet. Ellie looked over at Sean.
Sean was scared to open his gift, worried that his gift would pale in comparison to hers. Sean opened the small package to find inside a CD case decorated artistically by Ellie herself. Ellie had burned him a CD. He smiled. "Great minds think alike," he said referring to the mixtape he'd given her.
With a kiss goodnight and a wave, good bye Tracker and Sean left. Ellie sat in front of the mirror on her dresser brushing out her red hair and staring at her clean, unmarked face. She was glowing. Fumbling with the handles on her dresser drawers she opened them and pulled out a pair of red plaid pajama pants and a black tank top and pulled them on. She grabbed the black mixtape off her dresser top and put it in her stereo and began to listen. Amongst the static, she heard a voice. "Um, is this thing working?" Ellie laughed, it was Sean's voice.
" Yea, Cameron it's working…" It was Craig.
"You ready man?" Sean asked. Ellie assumed Craig had nodded. She listened intently as she heard Craig begin strumming on his acoustic guitar. She knew the cords, she knew the song. Then she heard Sean try to sing. He wasn't bad, but he wasn't Jason Wade, "this time, what I want is you - there is no one else, who can take your place." Ellie could tell he was nervous as she listened to him sing, "this time, you burn me with your eyes - you see past all the lies, you take it all away." She smiled as she heard Craig join in for the chorus, "I've seen it all and it's never enough, it keeps leaving me needing you - Take Me Away..."(1)
Ellie hadn't noticed it right away but her eyes had begun to water, Sean had unknowingly sung her favorite song. Mind you it wasn't the best rendition she'd ever heard, but it came straight from his heart. Other songs began to play on the tape and they literally ranged from alternative to eighties punk rock, to rap, to soulful jazz tunes.
All songs that she thought had described their relationship, and it was Sean who put them together. Ellie buried herself deeper into her bed and wrapped herself tightly in her duvet and slowly drifted to sleep while listening to Sean's mixtape. She smiled as she slept.
Ellie sat in the audience as she watched JT look a fool hosting the cultural Holiday Pageant at the school, she'd only come to support Ashley, and she wouldn't admit to herself that she found it rather amusing, especially Marco playing his accordion. The lights dimmed a bit and Ellie straightened up in her seat as the spotlight fell on Craig and Ashley. Ellie noticed the Craig was holding Ashley's grandfather's guitar. That must have been huge for Ashley to share that with him, considering it was her grandfather who gave had always encouraged her love of music.
Craig began to strum and began the start of their song while Ashley sat with her arms crossed, her stance uncomfortable, her eyes red like she was going to cry. Ashley turned to Craig, who'd stop playing, and slapped him straight across the face. She stood up and quickly rushed off stage in a rash of embarrassment. Ellie jumped to her feet and beat the rush of Kendra's Chinese dragon train entering the auditorium. She found Ashley sitting in the hallway with a flood of tears streaming down her face, cradling her grandfather's guitar that she'd snatched out of Craig's hand in the hallway.
" What happened?" Ellie asked sliding down the wall next to the upset girl.
" What's wrong with me?" she said softly wiping the tears from her eyes. "Like am I that unlovable?"
" Ash what are you talking about?" Ellie spinning in front of her and taking her hands, "who said you were unlovable?"
" Then why did he cheat on me?" Ashley said looking up mascara running down her cheeks.
" He what?" Ellie she asked. "When? With who?"
" With Manny," Ashley answered snatching her hands away to wipe the mascara off her face, " I mean what did I do?"
Ellie sat on her knees in front of Ashley, "with Manny? Santos?" Ellie asked. Ellie was shocked - the grade nine was pretty but she had always reminded Ellie of Craig's half-sister, Angie. It was a shock for sure, "You didn't do anything Ashley - this is all on Craig."
"But I must've done something - is this because I didn't sleep with him?" she asked. Ashley took a deep breath and tried to shake the thoughts from her head, "I just want to die, Ellie - I can't handle this," she muttered.
"No you don't."
"Yes - I do," she emphasized. "I can't handle this after everything that's happened - after everything I did for him?"
"That's not on you," Ellie reminded her, "he's dead weight, Ashley."
Ashley tried to find humor in that statement, "dead meat is more like it," she said.
Ellie stood up and reached her hand down to help Ashley up, "he's not worth it."
"Not at all," Ashley said gently picking up her grandfather's guitar, "thank goodness I had the sense to take this back."
Ellie nodded.
"Thanks - " Ashley said, "for always being there."
Ellie hugged Ashley, "any time."
Ashley took another deep breath, "are we still on for a gift exchange later?" she asked.
Ellie nodded, "I'm free all night," she smiled, "I'll bring the chocolate."
Ellie wasn't the only one who arrived at Ashley's with a supply of chocolate and a small collection of gifts for their exchange. Terri MacGregor was lounging in the bean bag on the floor of Ashley's darkened room. It has been months since anyone had seen her at school - her modeling career had taken off unexpectedly with the launch of a new midsized clothing store in downtown Toronto that chose her as their lead on the advertising campaign. She'd shifted to a home school curriculum so she would still be on time with her friends to graduate.
"Ellie!" Terri smiled, as she rose to her feet and pulled her into a hug, "how have you been?"
"Not as great as you've been apparently," Ellie said, gently placing her bag on the floor of Ashley's room.
Terri smiled, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, "still not used to being in the spotlight, that's a spot usually reserved for Ashley or Paige."
"Did I hear my name?" Paige said, sauntering into the room with Hazel following right behind. " I hear we were in need of a girl's night after that Holiday show fiasco," she said unloading a travel container of chai tea lattes into everyone's hands.
Ashley had sat quietly on her bed during the entire exchange as everyone entered her room, "I don't deserve you guys," she mumbled as she had her knees pulled tight into her chest, her mascara bleeding around her eyes - reminding everyone that she'd been crying.
"The only one undeserving of women is Craig Manning -" Paige reminded her as she handed her a latte and sat on the edge of the bed.
"So what's the plan for this evening ladies?" Hazel asked," I have a bag full of really corny romcoms and microwave popcorn-"
"-and I have a lifetime supply of chocolate," Ellie chimed in.
"Anything you want to do Ashley -" Terri said, "we're here."
Ashley smiled lightly, and motioned for her friends to join her on the bed, "what movies do you have in that bag Hazel?" she asked.
Hazel smiled and dug into her bag - "only the best," she said, "I've got something for the hopeless romantic," and pulled out Serendipity, "the classics," she said fanning 10 Things I Hate About You, She's All That, and Drive Me Crazy... and to top it off, the newest R-rated girl gang laugh fest - The Sweetest Thing"
"how did you get an R-rated move?" Ashley laughed.
"I have a guy - at BlockBuster," Hazel said straightly, "some simple flirting can get you anything you want."
"I'm down for a laugh," Ellie said, snatching the DVD out of her hands and opening up Ashley's DVD player, "more so because Hazel had to work to get this one."
AN:
(1) Take Me Away - Lifehouse
