Author's note: This is my Valentine's Day story. As for the Christmas story, I know about the problem. I had just finished writing the final part. It was all finished. Everything was perfect. I hit the "save" button, and guess what? It didn't go through. So, rather than write every single thing again, I decided to just wait until this Christmas to finish it. (I'm sorry if I'm killing you all with the suspense!)Thanks for telling me, though. Also, thank you all for your kind reviews. -Sleepytiger541

-From the Desk of Calvin-

Dear Journal,

Today was Valentine's Day. Blech! I HATE Valentine's Day! It's bad enough Mrs. Wormbrain is making us write in these stupid notebooks, but girls and boys falling in love with each other is NOT my idea of a decent holiday! This morning, Hobbes dressed up (he was wearing that stupid tie and bragging about it) in case a girl happened to see him. Dad wasn't too happy, though, because Hobbes used up all his cologne.

Before Mom and Dad got up, Hobbes and I rigged a trap in the mailbox in case Susie got it in her stupid head to give me a valentine. It was SWEET! When you open the door, a hammer cracks open this rotten egg I saved in a jar. Susie was smart enough not to come by, but you should've seen the mail man run! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dad gave Mom a dozen roses and some chocolate this morning. I guess the tradition of giving chocolates on Valentine's Day isn't so bad, but Mom only let me have one piece! ONE! Can you believe her? When we move out and get our own apartment, Hobbes and I aren't going to visit them in the home.

As usual, I wanted to give Susie some dead flowers and a card (I drew her as an elephant being devoured by a tiger). I didn't get a chance to go to the florist's today, but I went through the garbage and found some old coffee grounds and an eggshell. Close enough.

The six-year-old busied himself by drawing some pictures of dinosaurs and space slugs until Mrs. Wormwood came to pick up the notebooks. As she picked up Calvin's, she happened to glance at the page. "My, Calvin, you did write alot."

"What? Oh, yeah."

"I'm very impressed. You don't usually enjoy assignments this much."

"Uh, nope," said Calvin, staring at Susie across the room, wondering when she'd open up her Valentine's Day box to find the coffee grounds, card, and eggshell. He hadn't even bothered to put them in a plastic baggie this year.

"Calvin, would you mind if I read this journal entry to the class?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." It was customary in Mrs. Wormwood's class to read the top journal writer's entries aloud, with their permission of course. Calvin had no idea he'd unknowingly agreed as he watched Susie shake the valentine mail box up and down.

After Mrs. Wormwood had collected the other notebooks, she walked over to her podium. "OK, class. Now we're going to read the entries of the people who wrote the most. And remember, the three top writers in this class will get the special prize of a Valentine's Day lunch with the special girl or boy of their choice. The first winner is...Calvin!"

Calvin snapped to attention. His scalp tightened. Mrs. Wormwood couldn't read his entry aloud! He had called her Wormbrain, and his trick with Susiewould be revealed! Raising his hand, he pleaded, "Mrs, um, Mrs.Wormwood?"

"Now, now, Calvin, don't worry. There's nothing wrong with taking an interest in assignments!"

"But...but.."

"It's OK, dear. No one's going to make fun of you, right class?"

"Right, Mrs. Wormwood," they chirped, but a few of the kids narrowed their eyes at Calvin and smiled a smug smile. Calvin gulped.

"'Dear Journal'", Mrs. Wormwood began...

After the torture was over, half the kids in class were gasping at Calvin's nerve and the other half were having convulsions of laughter at Calvin's friendship with Hobbes. Mrs. Wormwood had given him detention because of the Wormbrain crack, but still allowed him to keep the prize of the Valentine's Day lunch.

Calvin, meanwhile, was standing in his chair, yelling, "That's right, go ahead and laugh! He'll tear you limb from limb!"

Susie was, as you can guess, very angry about his Valentine's Day present and, unnoticed, because of all the commotion, had thrown the garbage at him, so coffee grounds were stuck in his hair, which made him look even more ridiculous.

"Quiet,everyone, quiet!" Mrs Wormwood said, trying to restore order. No one made even the slightest effort to shut up. Mrs. Wormwood put two fingers in her mouth and blew hard.

Pheeeeeeeetttt! The shrill whistle cut through the air like a knife. Everyone paused inmidsentance and turned in her direction.

"I said 'Quiet'", Mrs. Wormwood repeated, trying to keep a cool head, even though her only impulse was to pop a few stress relievers. "And when I say to quiet down, you had better, or else there will be no recess for an entire week. Is that understood?"

The children's heads bobbled up and down like those little plastic dogs people put in their cars. "Now," said Mrs. Wormwood, resuming her usual attitude, "Calvin was just about to pick who he wanted to have the Valentine lunch with. Well, who will it be, Calvin?" She asked, mantaining the calm in her voice, even though she felt like taking away the prize from her least-favorite student.

Calvin stared out at the classroom. He didn't want to pick anybody. He hated girls. Maybe he could get Hobbes down here...

"I bet he's going to pick Susie," whispered an annoying little girl who sat in the front row.

Calvin, overcome by shock, sputtered out, "SUSIE?" Hadn't he made it clear that he hated her? All his jokes and pranks against her, and people actually thought that he liked that chowderhead?

"Susie it is, then," Mrs. Wormwood said, surprised that he chose Susie.

Calvin felt like he wanted to throw up.

LUNCH:

Susie stared across the table at him with narrowed eyes. Then, in her angriest voice, she growled, "Pass the salt."

Calvin did, taken aback that such a girly girl could sound so mad. Quietly, he bit into his sandwich and chewed, stewing in his own misfortune. Susie. I just had to say it. Susie. This is the worst Valentine's Day ever.

"So," said Susie, "Why did you pick me? Do you like me?" At the mention of this, her eyes widened, and she seemed very less angry than she had sounded only seconds before.

"What? No!" Calvin yelled, nearly inhaling his food.

"Yeah, sure. Like all the tricks you played since I came here meant that you hated me! Ha!"

"Yes!" yelled Calvin, slamming his fist down on the table so fiercely that it made the silverware jump.

"Just as I thought. Denial. Well, you never were that smart, were you, Calvin?"

"How dare you offend me! I am a genius!"

"Look, Calvin, you don't need to act all mean and stuff to get my attention. Just say that you like me!"

"I don't! I don't, you stupid embisile! I despise you!"

"Come on. I know you do."

Why couldn't she understand? The last thing he wanted to do was even act courteously toward that scumbag! Out of frustration, Calvin got up and ran out the door to the playground, hoping for a retreat from all this.

Unfortunately for him, the playground was the last place he should have gone. Moe was playing foursquare outside the door with some of his friends. Correction: He was actually scaring the kids who were playing foursquare off so he could take the ball. At Calvin's arrival, he stopped torturing them, though. As a matter of fact, everyone on the playground turned to look at him. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the little loverboy!" Even Moe's victim's laughed.

"Hey! I am not! I hate Susie!"

"Yeah, sure you do, Twinky! Did you kiss her?"

"No, you stupid moron, because I HATE Susie!"

Apparently, Moe did not like being called a stupid moron, because he went over and picked Calvin up by his collar. That was the last thing he remembered, aside for all of the kids bursting into a rousing round of "Calvin and Su-sie, sittin' in a tree...". He woke up facedown in the sandbox.

Calvin knocked the dirt off of his clothes and looked around. The playground was as vacant as a ghost town. They were all inside, certainly, laughing at his expense. And Susie was probably spreading the news. He sat there in the sandbox for a minute longer, and then went inside. Just as he was going in, the bell rang, and he rushed to get his stuff, but it was too late. He missed the bus.

Forced to walk home, he strapped the bookbag onto his shoulders and heading down the sidewalk, dragging his feet. Rain started to fall.

He gripped the doorknob and opened the door, bracing himself for being pounced on. Nothing. Carefully, he looked in the doorway. "Hobbes?"

"Hello!" Hobbes was standing behind him, and he pounced on him from the opposite direction.

"What was that for?"

"The element of surprise. Come on, let's go!" Hobbes ran up the stairs.

"What is it?" Calvin asked, but followed Hobbes to his room anyway.

"Ta-da!" the tiger said. It was a huge box of chocolates, sitting on his bed. "It's from your Mom."

"Cool!" Calvin jumped on the bed and pulled the lid off, suprised to find they were all there. "You didn't eat any."

"No, I ate the one from your Dad," said Hobbes. He pulled out some candy hearts. "Here's your present from me."

"Wow, thanks! But I didn't get you anything."

"Oh. Could I have some of those chocolates, then?"

"Yeah, why not?" Calvin laughed. They sat on the bed eating the candy and reading a comic book. You know, maybe this Valentine's Day wasn't so bad after all, he thought.