don't own super smash brothers. BWHAHAHAHAHAH…wait that's not good. BOOHOOHOOHOO


Ness

"Clear the Streets!" shouted a lieutenant to his sergeant. "We got a bomb with 30 pounds of C4 about to go off in two minutes!"

As the sergeant rushes off, a flash of light blinded the lieutenant. A thunderclap followed the light. When he could see clearly, he saw a chubby little boy in a red hat.

"Holy shit," exclaimed the lieutenant, "are you okay?"

"OK!" replied Ness.

"Wait a minute," said the lieutenant, "you're Ness, aren't you? Since you're a psychic, you must be a genius!"

Ness shook his head and said, "OK!"

"I think the impact might have disoriented you. You were shaking your head while confirming my statement. Don't worry, all that matters is that your brain works."

He drags Ness through the police safety barrier until he's right by the bomb.

"Good luck!" said the lieutenant, before dashing away.

Ness looked at the bomb. The display readout said 30 seconds remained. He tried to remember what Jeff said about bombs.

(FLASHBACK!)

"Now remember, Ness," lectured a patient Jeff, "if you ever get into a situation where you have to disable a time bomb, you cut this wire."

Jeff emphasizes by pointing at the wire. "You got it?"

Ness was busy figuring out a puzzle cube.

"OK!" he said, without even looking.

"Ness," said an irritated Jeff, "you're not even looking!"

Ness waved his right hand in disdain.

"OK!"

(END FLASHBACK!)

Unfortunately, the flashback took about 30 seconds.

The explosion sent Ness flying through the air. He crashed through a sewer grate and floated amongst the sewage and dead rats.

Riggs, who witnessed the entire spectacle from beginning to finish, poked his partner.

"Hey, Moe," he said in a high pitch voice, "that one went to da moon!"

Murtaugh rubbed his eyes and groaned.

"I'm getting too old for this shit."

Mario

It was the trial of the century. The crime lord of Springfield was caught in an air-locked case. The evidence from the traitors in his inner circle made it impossible to hope for an 'innocent' verdict.

One last witness remained. It was the last proverbial nail to be hammered into his coffin.

After being sworn in, the prosecutor began to question the witness.

"Sir, can you please give the jury your name?"

The man gave a victory sign. "It's-a me, Mario!"

The prosecutor coughed a little. "Yes, thank you. Now can you please point to the person, who allegedly ordered the gang slayings of the 'Dark Warriors,' who is responsible for the trafficking of controlled substances throughout the suburban, and who also threw a box of kittens into a dog pound?"

Mario thought for a minute. Literally.

The judge looked over at Mario.

"Sir," he said gravelly, "we need an answer soon."

Mario eyes lit up with the answer.

"It's-a me, Mario!"

The courtroom was buzzing with chatter. The judge, jury, prosecution and defense were stunned by the plumber's declaration.

The Judge looked at Mario with a twitching eye.

"Sir, you are in danger of obstructing justice. If you continue with this behavior, not only will I lock you up for contempt of court, but I will also sentence you to a year in jail. Now, answer the prosecutor's question."

Mario thought for a minute and repeated his catch phrase.

"It's-a me, Mario!" he said with more conviction.

The judge pounded his gavel.

"Bailiff," he roared, "escort Mr. Mario to a jail cell. Court will take a five-minute recess."

As the Bailiff escorted Mario, the crime lord eyed Mario evilly.

He turned to his associate, who sported mirror sunglasses, and whispered in his ear.

"Make sure you 'take care of him' after he has finished his time. I do not need some 'special case' trying to usurp me."

His associate nodded. They both headed out to the water cooler.