It was the day everyone was set to leave the place many called home, for not everybody had a home. Or that's what Remus Lupin had always felt for it was true for him. His house was not his home, his father and brother not his family. Everything and everybody he loved was at Hogwarts, and nothing could change that. A loud sigh escaped his lips at the exact moment as his friends. His dark brown eyes looked up from his almost interesting frayed robes at his hazel eyed friend. The two were both equally bothered fifteen year olds, but no one really knew the extent of Remus' problems. He wouldn't let them know, he couldn't place all of his burdens on his friends, they already dealt with his werewolfism every month when they didn't need to, and besides he didn't need help. He could hear voices, but not words, they seemed to just jumble into one large blur as they reached his ears. He kept a straight face, not letting it on how bothered he was that it was once again time to leave home. Home is where the heart is, and his heart was most definitely locked inside of Hogwarts.
The train moved swiftly, unnoticed by most of its occupants, who were all consumed by games, thoughts, friends and other such things. But everybody wasn't too caught up in the last carriage to know that something was wrong. "Remus... Remus!" A concerned voice grew louder with each time it called the name. The boy was sitting directly next to the boy being called. Startled, Remus turned to face the shorter blond haired blue-eyed boy. "Yes Peter." His voice was tired, and strained. He did not want to talk at this moment , in fear of letting his emotions go. Having a tight reign over his emotions, just letting any through would shatter his whole personality.
"Anything wrong?" Peter Pettigrew was his name, and was not at all as homely and childish as he seemed. Remus respected the fact that Peter had started to stick up for himself lately, but he hated him at the moment. "More than you will ever know." Rising quickly to his feet, he exited the room like area before a response could be uttered.
The pictures of his memories flooded his mind as he absentmindedly fumbled through the corridor. He tried not to think of that one day, his lies had come true. Damn everything to hell, his life was becoming more and more unbearable. And just to think, if it was this bad at age fifteen, what about ten years from now? Pushing his sadness and feelings of loneliness aside, he barely had time to look up when he walked straight into something, or more like somebody. With a tangle of limbs, there were grunts and mumbles. Finally Remus got up and looked down at whom he had walked into, Lily Evans.
"Would you watch where you're going next time?" The little red head was dwarfed as she was picked up by Remus. He stood a good foot taller than her already, but she paid no attention to the difference. "I wouldn't bother even trying to get Potter and I to apologize Remus. It is not going to happen." The petite red head said fiercely. But her words fell onto deaf ears. He wasn't listening to her petty protests. "Just leave me alone. I wasn't looking for anybody, I'd much rather be alone." His voice was sharp and cold as he pushed past her. It was true, he was really alone anyway.
The girl was left stunned behind him. She had made a decision, Remus had never acted like that. Of all the things for him to do… She had been observing him for years, and had gotten semi-close to him. But he was always sweet and never had an ounce of nastiness in his body. Shaking her head, causing a few more pieces of fiery red curls to fall out of the loose ponytail, she walked to the end of the train, to the very last compartment and knocked.
He continued wandering the length of the train, not really caring where he went. He didn't want to go back to his house. His memories, his tortuous memories. His family, he could not deny that he was related to them, but they never had related. He was the outcast, in everything he had ever done. The soft spoken, the one they had dumped all their problems on. It was always his fault… His fault… Nothing was ever Romulus' fault. Always his. He pushed the bitter tears back as he slid into an unoccupied compartment. He stammered out a complex locking charm and let the tears fall as he too fell.
Green eyes flashed angrily at the three pairs of dubious eyes, and their owners. "What do you mean you have no idea what's wrong with Remus? You three are supposed to be his best friends! There's something wrong with him, and I intend to find out." She stood there, expecting the three boys to say something. But there was just stunned silence. She shook her head angrily as walked away, leaving the door open. "Remus has been acting more withdrawn lately hasn't he…" The voice of Peter floated behind Lily Evans as she stalked away.
He could not face them again, no he had almost slipped up and given himself away in front of them. They knew nothing of his past, just the way he wanted it. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't relive the pain… the despair of just thinking of their reactions wracked his body with pain. His stomach clenching, head throbbing. Pity, no he didn't need pity, he despised it. They would only pity him and say how sorry and unfair it was. Of course it was unfair, life was a losing battle for him. He wasn't worth what he had, nothing was ever good enough, so why have anything good at all? A stabbing started in his heart as he thought of good. Good was well too much more than he could ever expect. He didn't know what the good life was, and he doubted he ever would.
He stayed alone, the way he preferred it, until th train came to a stop. He hadn't moved from his spot on the floor, leaning against the door. He heard their protests when they found his compartment, but he refused to let them in. Refused to let anybody in his life, his horrible pathetic life. They would be better off not knowing. It was a good ten minutes before he stood up to go collect his things, dragging his feet slowly, as if walking down death row. In his mind, anything would be better then going to his place of residence. The crowd was almost gone before he stepped out into the muggle platform, effortlessly dragging his belongs behind him. An almost exact replica of him stood not ten yards away, freezing immediately, he wondered if it was too late to go back.
"What the hell took you so long, you waste of air? I've been wasting my time standing here waiting for your sorry ass, and I don't even get a thank you for picking you up. Hurry your ass up, or I'm leaving without you." Typical, Remus thought as he started walking slowly behind his older brother Romulus. He had always hated him from what he remembered. Being the 'superior' Romulus was always bossing him around, being two-faced, and Remus didn't do a thing about it. He had learned to deal with it. Deal with the stress, and abuse that was dealt to him by his brother.
"Aww has poor little Remmie been crying his little eyes out?" Romulus voiced sarcastically as he gestured to the slightly reddened eyes. "Pathetic. I don't know why dad even bothers letting you stay at home, you aren't worth anything besides a house-elf. Who by the way, would be cheaper than some snot nosed asshole of a brother." Typical slandering as they tense walk to the automobile grew tenser as they approached it, the dull brown color flatly glared by the sun.
"Stupid little freak! Hurry the hell up, I need to get to Ghama's house in two hours. Put you stupid shit in the trunk and get your sorry ass in the car." Romulus' voice was full of contempt and displeasure as he slammed the door of the right side into place. Teeth sank deeply into the lower lip, the pain was not unfamiliar, teeth marks already etched anew. Carelessly strewn, the faded outside of the luggage sank into th deep compartment, closed with a swift thud. Moving cautiously to the passenger side door, his hand twitched in relief as the handle freely pulled open. Sliding into the tattered matching brown seat, he was welcomed by a hand, across his cheek. A large red welt spread across the tender apple of his cheek. An angry snort followed the smack from his brother, "Not even a thanks for picking you up."
"Maybe I didn't want to go home." The harshness of the words stung his tongue like acid. Not such an intensity of words had been revealed from him in quite some time. Another swift rush of air, and the hand was laid on top of his cheek for a second time, overlapping with the first, making the hand print grow angrier, brighter. "Ungrateful bastard. Keep your mouth shut, do you understand me? I don't want to hear your voice until we get home."
Romulus' voice reverberated against the sleek pane of glass, and was magnified in Remus' ears. The angry tone going unsurpassed as his previous. Not an utter of sound from his throat, no he wouldn't serve his brothers wishes. Once again, the hand, brought down upon the impossibly red mark. "Answer me when I talk to you." The deep resentment for Romulus was reflected in the mark. The bright, unsurpassable color. The unmistakable red was blatantly there, yet ignored.
"You aren't my father. I don't have to answer you." Shrugging away, expecting the worse, he pressed his forehead against the cool pane, relieving the small beads of sweat from his brow. Waiting for another blow, that never came. Just another agitated snort as they finally started to make their journey. It was long, tiring, painful, and silent. The tensions heavier than Mercury. The angriness of the red slowly started to fade into a deep purple bruise, which in itself did not hurt as much as the fact that his brother hated him. The blind panic of pain washed through him as he remembered what loomed ahead, what his inner self saw. This. This year would be the one. The one where the werewolf's only true fear, removal from the pack, his house becoming even less of a home.
The train moved swiftly, unnoticed by most of its occupants, who were all consumed by games, thoughts, friends and other such things. But everybody wasn't too caught up in the last carriage to know that something was wrong. "Remus... Remus!" A concerned voice grew louder with each time it called the name. The boy was sitting directly next to the boy being called. Startled, Remus turned to face the shorter blond haired blue-eyed boy. "Yes Peter." His voice was tired, and strained. He did not want to talk at this moment , in fear of letting his emotions go. Having a tight reign over his emotions, just letting any through would shatter his whole personality.
"Anything wrong?" Peter Pettigrew was his name, and was not at all as homely and childish as he seemed. Remus respected the fact that Peter had started to stick up for himself lately, but he hated him at the moment. "More than you will ever know." Rising quickly to his feet, he exited the room like area before a response could be uttered.
The pictures of his memories flooded his mind as he absentmindedly fumbled through the corridor. He tried not to think of that one day, his lies had come true. Damn everything to hell, his life was becoming more and more unbearable. And just to think, if it was this bad at age fifteen, what about ten years from now? Pushing his sadness and feelings of loneliness aside, he barely had time to look up when he walked straight into something, or more like somebody. With a tangle of limbs, there were grunts and mumbles. Finally Remus got up and looked down at whom he had walked into, Lily Evans.
"Would you watch where you're going next time?" The little red head was dwarfed as she was picked up by Remus. He stood a good foot taller than her already, but she paid no attention to the difference. "I wouldn't bother even trying to get Potter and I to apologize Remus. It is not going to happen." The petite red head said fiercely. But her words fell onto deaf ears. He wasn't listening to her petty protests. "Just leave me alone. I wasn't looking for anybody, I'd much rather be alone." His voice was sharp and cold as he pushed past her. It was true, he was really alone anyway.
The girl was left stunned behind him. She had made a decision, Remus had never acted like that. Of all the things for him to do… She had been observing him for years, and had gotten semi-close to him. But he was always sweet and never had an ounce of nastiness in his body. Shaking her head, causing a few more pieces of fiery red curls to fall out of the loose ponytail, she walked to the end of the train, to the very last compartment and knocked.
He continued wandering the length of the train, not really caring where he went. He didn't want to go back to his house. His memories, his tortuous memories. His family, he could not deny that he was related to them, but they never had related. He was the outcast, in everything he had ever done. The soft spoken, the one they had dumped all their problems on. It was always his fault… His fault… Nothing was ever Romulus' fault. Always his. He pushed the bitter tears back as he slid into an unoccupied compartment. He stammered out a complex locking charm and let the tears fall as he too fell.
Green eyes flashed angrily at the three pairs of dubious eyes, and their owners. "What do you mean you have no idea what's wrong with Remus? You three are supposed to be his best friends! There's something wrong with him, and I intend to find out." She stood there, expecting the three boys to say something. But there was just stunned silence. She shook her head angrily as walked away, leaving the door open. "Remus has been acting more withdrawn lately hasn't he…" The voice of Peter floated behind Lily Evans as she stalked away.
He could not face them again, no he had almost slipped up and given himself away in front of them. They knew nothing of his past, just the way he wanted it. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't relive the pain… the despair of just thinking of their reactions wracked his body with pain. His stomach clenching, head throbbing. Pity, no he didn't need pity, he despised it. They would only pity him and say how sorry and unfair it was. Of course it was unfair, life was a losing battle for him. He wasn't worth what he had, nothing was ever good enough, so why have anything good at all? A stabbing started in his heart as he thought of good. Good was well too much more than he could ever expect. He didn't know what the good life was, and he doubted he ever would.
He stayed alone, the way he preferred it, until th train came to a stop. He hadn't moved from his spot on the floor, leaning against the door. He heard their protests when they found his compartment, but he refused to let them in. Refused to let anybody in his life, his horrible pathetic life. They would be better off not knowing. It was a good ten minutes before he stood up to go collect his things, dragging his feet slowly, as if walking down death row. In his mind, anything would be better then going to his place of residence. The crowd was almost gone before he stepped out into the muggle platform, effortlessly dragging his belongs behind him. An almost exact replica of him stood not ten yards away, freezing immediately, he wondered if it was too late to go back.
"What the hell took you so long, you waste of air? I've been wasting my time standing here waiting for your sorry ass, and I don't even get a thank you for picking you up. Hurry your ass up, or I'm leaving without you." Typical, Remus thought as he started walking slowly behind his older brother Romulus. He had always hated him from what he remembered. Being the 'superior' Romulus was always bossing him around, being two-faced, and Remus didn't do a thing about it. He had learned to deal with it. Deal with the stress, and abuse that was dealt to him by his brother.
"Aww has poor little Remmie been crying his little eyes out?" Romulus voiced sarcastically as he gestured to the slightly reddened eyes. "Pathetic. I don't know why dad even bothers letting you stay at home, you aren't worth anything besides a house-elf. Who by the way, would be cheaper than some snot nosed asshole of a brother." Typical slandering as they tense walk to the automobile grew tenser as they approached it, the dull brown color flatly glared by the sun.
"Stupid little freak! Hurry the hell up, I need to get to Ghama's house in two hours. Put you stupid shit in the trunk and get your sorry ass in the car." Romulus' voice was full of contempt and displeasure as he slammed the door of the right side into place. Teeth sank deeply into the lower lip, the pain was not unfamiliar, teeth marks already etched anew. Carelessly strewn, the faded outside of the luggage sank into th deep compartment, closed with a swift thud. Moving cautiously to the passenger side door, his hand twitched in relief as the handle freely pulled open. Sliding into the tattered matching brown seat, he was welcomed by a hand, across his cheek. A large red welt spread across the tender apple of his cheek. An angry snort followed the smack from his brother, "Not even a thanks for picking you up."
"Maybe I didn't want to go home." The harshness of the words stung his tongue like acid. Not such an intensity of words had been revealed from him in quite some time. Another swift rush of air, and the hand was laid on top of his cheek for a second time, overlapping with the first, making the hand print grow angrier, brighter. "Ungrateful bastard. Keep your mouth shut, do you understand me? I don't want to hear your voice until we get home."
Romulus' voice reverberated against the sleek pane of glass, and was magnified in Remus' ears. The angry tone going unsurpassed as his previous. Not an utter of sound from his throat, no he wouldn't serve his brothers wishes. Once again, the hand, brought down upon the impossibly red mark. "Answer me when I talk to you." The deep resentment for Romulus was reflected in the mark. The bright, unsurpassable color. The unmistakable red was blatantly there, yet ignored.
"You aren't my father. I don't have to answer you." Shrugging away, expecting the worse, he pressed his forehead against the cool pane, relieving the small beads of sweat from his brow. Waiting for another blow, that never came. Just another agitated snort as they finally started to make their journey. It was long, tiring, painful, and silent. The tensions heavier than Mercury. The angriness of the red slowly started to fade into a deep purple bruise, which in itself did not hurt as much as the fact that his brother hated him. The blind panic of pain washed through him as he remembered what loomed ahead, what his inner self saw. This. This year would be the one. The one where the werewolf's only true fear, removal from the pack, his house becoming even less of a home.
