A few things to clarify. First, Jiggly Puff was not eaten. I am not a monster! I am a HUMAN BEING! (yes that was a movie reference, I think) Second, Lamer was a name I made up. The name was synonymous with every half-brain villain that I saw on Saturday morning, several of years ago. From power rangers to captain planet, I couldn't believe how stupid they were. They either made fatal errors in their plan, or they totally underestimated the so-called heroes, allowing them to foil their plans again, again, and again. I am ashamed that I once watched these shows. (attempts to carry out Seppuku)

I do not own smash brothers or the The Hulk. (Sees hulk) AHHHH!


Dr. Mario

Mario was having some trouble adjusting to real-life medicine. Apparently when you tell a patient to take mushrooms, they believed they are sanctioned to take doses of hallucinogens. He nearly lost his license for that.

This next patient was apparently somewhat afraid of doctors. Dr. Mario thought that was nonsense. Doctors were healers not serial killers.

"He-hello, Dr. Mario" sputters the man. "I have a throat infection and I-"

Dr. Mario held up a hand. It made him confounded how people could think they could diagnose their own symptoms so easily.

He was obviously infected with viruses. So he grabbed a bottle of pills, popped the cap, and starts throwing yellow pills at him.

"Hey, Ow, can you please- ow- stop doing that?"

Dr. Mario frowned. These viruses were not disappearing. Maybe if he threw red ones.

"Ow, listen buddy! You don't want me to get mad! Nothing good happens when I get mad!"

Oh, so the man was feeling angry. Dr. Mario starts chucking blue pills at him. Hopefully that would calm him down.

The man tries to keep calm. But the incompetent doctor was an endless source of frustration. He could feel the transformation taking place. His clothing rips, his tendons snap, the muscles began bulging. He was turning green.

"HULK SMASH PUNY MORON!"

Well drat the luck; Dr. Mario didn't have any green pills. That would've taken out the green virus that had clearly infected him.

The hulk grabbed Dr. Mario and leapt high into the air, breaking through the clinics roof. When they were descending he threw Dr. Mario onto the concrete road and spread out his arms and legs. He carefully aimed himself to land directly on Dr. Mario

SMASH!

Hulk got up and brushed away the pancake thin Dr. Mario from his abdomen. The people on the side gave him a ten for the dive. One person gave him a 6.

"HULK SMASH PUNY MORON!"

And so he did.

Young Link

The elementary teacher called out the names on the roll. So far, half of her class were skipping school. So what, she thought, they probably turn out to be losers.

She tossed the clipboard with the roll sheet onto the table and began the class.

"Today's lesson," she began in a nasally voice, "will be a review of the arithmetic that we learned yesterday. Who can tell me what 5+5 equals?"

She scanned the classroom. It was slim pickings. Most parents left their children here because they couldn't stand them 24 hours per day. Therefore, they did not nurture or encourage their education.

I've become glorified babysitter, she gloomily concluded.

Well, there was one bright spot. Her one student, link, was a brilliant boy. And he quickly solved problem that puzzled others.

So she called him out.

"Link! Can you please answer my question?"

Link sat silently in his chair.

"Link, did you hear me?"

He nodded.

"Than please answer my question."

Still he said nothing.

She stomps over to Link's desk, folded her arms and gave him a stare-down.

"Link! I asked you a question." She said, sternly. "Please answer."

Link smiled nervously.

His teacher brought up her hands to cover her gasp.

"You've been cheating! All this time, I thought you'd be the only one of this miserable gathering of idiots to actually make something of himself."

"Hey!" exclaimed one of the offended students.

"Oh, shut up!" she snaps. "Not one of you can put on their shoes correctly!"

The kids start to mope in shame. The professor resumes glaring at Link.

"You, young man, have earned yourself a detention for three weeks." She walks away to her desk to resume her fruitless attempt to teach this hopeless generation of kids.

Link is feeling a little depressed. He withdraws a Lon Lon milk bottle from his backpack, takes a swig, and sighs.