It was nearly ten as Serena and Ami walked to the China Box, their favorite restaurant. Just before they reached the front doors, Cora looked at her.
"Don't look at me that way." Serena said, staring straight ahead.
"Like what? I didn't say anything." Ami replied.
"You were giving me your 'I told you so' face, I could feel it." Serena said, lighting up a cigarette. Ami pulled it out of her mouth, took a long drag, and then gave it back to her.
"So? You're going to do what you want to do, just like walking out in just your rain coat. I'm hungry." Ami said, blowing the smoke in Serena's face. Serena sniffled and brushed her disheveled hair out of her face.
"I'm not…I just think I need to take a walk…" she said. Ami shrugged.
"Suit yourself. Be careful and call me tomorrow." She said, walking into the restaurant.
Serena rubbed her eyes and began walking. 'Where are you now…dream man? Why can't you be here when I want you?' she thought, seeing his rugged face, his blue eyes in her mind. She felt her heart skip. Feeling again as if he were right behind her, she let her tears fall freely, sobbing as she made her way back to her apartment. She stopped at the news stand a block away and began reading the paper from that day, looking for something to watch on TV. But her tears wouldn't stop flowing, so all she could do was stare at blurry words. She slammed the paper down in frustration.
"Things will get better, love…" a man said, as he handed the vender his money. His British accent took her off guard. As she turned quickly, the only thing she caught was his dark brown hair as he walked in the opposite direction.
'Dream man…was that him?' Serena asked herself. She shook her head and walked across to her apartment, completely oblivious that the British man watched her from the corner light post.
'Where have you been for so long? Why weren't you there to protect me?' Serena asked angrily. The dark figure pulled her into a tight embrace, pressing his lips to her forehead.
'Because you can take care of yourself. You didn't need him, and you showed him that.' The figure replied. Serena pushed away and covered her face with her hands.
'But I do need him...I do...' Serena cried. 'I love him so much; I just can't see why he would do this to me. I know he loves me too...he wants to marry me.' She said, with a sad smile, staring out at the ring on her finger. The figure brushed his fingers against her tear-stained cheek.
'You sound as if you're trying to convince yourself. He wants to control you...that's not love.' He said. Serena turned away, trying to hide her pain. 'I love you, Serena...why can't you see that?' he asked, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Serena closed her eyes, breathing in his scent.
'There is only one man I could ever love...what I feel for you is something I can't explain.' She said quietly. He sighed, kissing the back of her neck.
'I can live with that...' he whispered. Serena turned and looked up at him.
'I'm so sorry...' She said. He smiled down at her; his blue eyes shimmered with adoration.
'You have nothing to be sorry for, Serena. It's clear to me now that I am in a one-sided love...but I can live with that.' He said, kissing her gently. She rested her head against his chest.
"I feel so warm when you're with me..." she said aloud.
"I'm so glad you feel that way...but I don't float that boat." Serena opened her eyes, staring at Ami who stood in her doorway with a coffee in each hand. She sat up quickly and looked at the clock. 'Eleven-thirty three.' "I wasn't talking to you." She replied, pulling on yesterday's pants. She sat back down. Jack laid his head in her lap.
"I gathered that. Look, I come bearing gifts of gold and goo." Ami said, sitting next to her. "Triple caramel and chocolate latte." She handed Serena a cup. "Will you come out and play today? You've been cooped up in here for a week and a half now. The Charity Ball is Saturday night and I think it's safe to say you haven't gotten a dress yet, am I right or am I right, Serena?" she asked, nudging her with her elbow. Serena gulped down the warm drink.
"Oh you're right. I think I'm going to go looking today. Get it all out of the way." She replied, scratching Jack ears. Ami patted her back.
"Good to hear it. Be sure to drop by and show me the goods when you get back." She said, standing up. Serena sighed and finished off her coffee. She nudged jack with her leg so she could get up, but he wouldn't budge.
"Jack..." She said. He just stared up at her with his brown eyes, wagging his tail. "Jack...off! Now!" She yelled. Jack scattered out of the room. Ami gave her a sideways glance.
"You really need to get out. Go now..." she said, pointing at the door. Serena stood and walked into her bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Serena leaned against the shower wall, letting the hot water soak her.
"I love you Serena, why can't you see that?" She closed her eyes as his voice echoed in her head. "Youhave to be real...I remember your voice..." she whispered to herself. She rubbed her face and began shampooing her hair. "Have I really been in the apartment for so long?" she thought. She dreaded going everywhere she needed to go to get her dress. She felt comfortable in the company of sleep. As she was rinsing her hair, she felt her heart skip, as if he were in the room with her. She covered her body and slid to the shower floor, letting the water run around her.
"Who are you? Why can't I find you?" She asked, closing her eyes.
She wrapped the towel around her and pulled her hair back. There was a knock on the door.
"Come on in, it's open." Serena called. There was another knock. She walked into the. "Ami, you know you don't need to knock, come on in." She said again, pouring herself a glass of orange juice. She heard the door open as she opened the balcony doors.
"Ami, do you really think we need-"
"Serena..."
She spun around, as Darien closed the door behind him.
