Chapter 23
FacesHarry stood, immobile, looking at the flames, the stone wall cold against his hand as he supported himself against it, the fire-tongs still in his other hand. The face in the fire was gone and wouldn't come back, yet Harry remained standing there, staring. Who had it been? The short glimpse hadn't been enough for Harry to be able to tell. He closed his eyes wearily and bent his head, letting the fire-tongs slip out of his hand onto the floor with a loud 'clonk'.
He stood there for what seemed like hours, unable to move. He racked his brains – who had it been? But however much he tried to recall the features of that face, they still eluded him, even more after a while than in the beginning. Then, standing there, he remembered another strange scene, that dream he had had – more than once – where his hands and legs had been tied, where he'd been unable to move, and where there had been an eerie, shrill laughter – a madman's laughter...
Harry shuddered and straightened up, looking around the room once more as if to check that the mysterious person from the fire wasn't there, then left for the Great Hall.
Harry sat down in his usual seat. Neither Luna nor Tonks were there yet, so Harry helped himself to some lasagne, chips and salad and began to eat. He wasn't very hungry; he couldn't keep his thoughts from the face in the fire – and if he did, for a moment, he began thinking, instead, of his dream. He hadn't had that dream for a several days now... Was it possible, perhaps, that this had been a dream too? But no – Harry shook his head to himself – this hadn't been a dream; he most definitely hadn't been asleep, and the face – the face had been real. Hadn't it?
After a minute or so, Tonks arrived and sat down between Harry and Hagrid's seat, which was empty at the moment. She looked left and right down the table.
'What, Pansy not here?' she said contemptuously.
'She's been called away,' said Harry, smiling slightly, glad that Tonks was here and could divert his gloomy thoughts. 'On important business.'
'Well, good riddance!' Tonks poured pumpkin juice into her goblet with so much force that she nearly knocked it over. 'I hope she never comes back. We can do without her stupid ranting about Death Eaters …'
'You don't believe her, then?' Harry asked, amused at the vehemence in Tonks's voice.
'Don't tell me you do!' Tonks exclaimed, and went on without waiting for an answer. 'This is Pansy Parkinson we're talking about. Probably one of the most stupid people who ever lived. She was just trying to annoy me and impress you. You know she's got a thing for you, Harry.'
'I suppose you're right,' said Harry, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
'Of course I am.' Tonks took a large serving of chips, ignoring the lasagne. 'Will you pass me the vinegar, Harry?' She sprinkled the chips freely with the vinegar, then salted them liberally as well. 'So, how did it go with John and Lily? Have you talked to them?'
Harry sighed. 'Yes. I guess it went … rather well. Better than I expected, actually.'
Tonks cocked an eyebrow as if to say that that was more than he deserved, and Harry silently agreed. 'Well, you must be able to imagine what they're going through,' she said pointedly, but then went on in a more levelled tone, 'There's no need to tell you, I know.' She kept on gazing at him intensely. 'John's a quiet boy,' she said, 'it's always hard to tell what he's thinking. Or feeling. You should look him up again soon; he might not let on that he's hurt, but he may well be.'
Harry nodded. 'I know, and I – I'm not quite sure how to handle him. He is so like' he hesitated – 'his mother. And although we were married; although we lived together for so many years, I can't say that I ever really got to know her.'
'Oh, do you really think so? I think he's very much like you were when you were at school.'
'Well, perhaps it's easier for you to see. And you didn't know Cordelia of course.' He went on to tell Tonks all about the mother of his children, how she'd left them and later died. He then fell silent, looking ponderingly at the rest of his lasagne.
'By the way, Tonks, you know what Skiving Snackboxes are, don't you?' Harry said suddenly, as if to try and shake off the gloomy, melancholy feeling that had descended on them during their conversation.
'Of course I do.' said Tonks, smiling. 'I make it a point to procure a catalogue of Fred and George's entire range of products every year. I have to use a fair amount of cunning to do it of course – Fred and George do their best to make sure that no Hogwarts teachers find out about their new products. But I always do. Not that it matters, really. No student has ever dared to use them in my class.'
Harry smiled. 'You know, you remind me so much of Professor McGonagall.'
Tonks stared at him. 'I do?'
'Yes … I mean, no offence, Tonks. I always thought that McGonagall was a great teacher –'
'Oh, I'm not offended, Harry,' Tonks interrupted him. 'It's just that … well, if someone had told you fifteen years ago that I would remind you of Professor McGonagall you'd have laughed in their face, wouldn't you?'
'We've all changed a lot since then. Everything has changed a lot since then …'
'Yes, I know. But still …' Tonks stared at her plate of chips, apparently deep in thought.
Harry cast about for something else to say, to avoid the feeling from a few moments ago. 'Anyway, Pansy will be back tomorrow morning, I'm afraid.'
Tonks looked up again and smiled at him. 'Too bad.'
Harry gave her a smile in return, but it felt rather forced. 'I thought I'd just have another word with her about what she said earlier,' he said hurriedly. 'I know you think it's all rubbish, but I'd like to be sure there's nothing more to it. So, is there anything you think I should ask her?'
'Feel free to talk to her if you must, Harry, but I don't want to have anything more to do with the matter. So far as I'm concerned, those Death Eaters deserve every second of torment they're getting in Azkaban – every single one of them,' she said vehemently. 'Now – I really must go. I have a delivery of pincushions to attend to.' Tonks rose hurriedly, reminiscent of her old self as she almost knocked over the chair on which she'd just sat.
Harry looked up and realised that Luna had just sat down in the seat next to his. He wondered briefly why Tonks had been in such a hurry to leave all of a sudden, but his thoughts were soon occupied with more important matters, for as Luna nodded at him, he remembered that that was where Lily had said she'd go after they'd talked.
'Lily – Lily's just been to see you Luna, hasn't she?' he said to her straight away, apprehensively. What had Lily said to Luna?
Luna looked at him pensively and nodded. 'Don't worry too much about her, Harry,' she said earnestly. 'You've got so much on your mind,' she continued, laying down her fork. 'Lily is taking all of this well, and if left to her own devices, she will go on that way. No worries, Harry.' she smiled. 'After all, this isn't really so very traumatic.'
Harry couldn't help but smile back at Luna. 'Thanks –' he said, 'thanks. I do worry a lot, I know; it's just that I've done so much wrong, so many horrible things –' he halted, looking at Luna. 'They've gone through so much this autumn only, and now I've caused them even more trouble...'
'They know you're only human, Harry,' said Luna, 'they'll understand, both of them. They're sensible children.'
'Have – have you seen that in the Orb?'
Luna laughed softly. 'The Orb – always the Orb. Oh, well, yes. I've seen it in the Orb.' she looked at Harry dreamily, and Harry found himself almost blushing at the stupidity of the question he'd just asked. He smiled back at her, then looked at his now cold lasagne and pushed the plate away.
'I'll go now before I come out with any more stupid comments,' he said and rose. 'I'll come with Lily the next time she goes to see you, Luna – then we can have some tea and talk in peace and quiet. We've got so much to catch up on, don't we?'
Luna nodded smilingly and went on eating her lasagne. As Harry came to the door, he turned around and looked out over the four house tables. There, at the Gryffindor table, was John, talking to Jamie and Lizzie as usual, not looking too worried at all. Harry looked back at Luna, opening his mouth to say good bye, but stopped. As he saw her face, he had a quick, almost imperceptible flash of déjà vu – the expression in Luna's face was similar to the one she'd had once when he left her in North Tower – an inscrutable, mysterious expression, an expression that made Harry shudder with unease. He shook himself to get rid of the feeling, then blinked and looked at Luna again. She looked completely normal, just the way she always did. He couldn't keep from staring at her for another second, then averted his eyes and left the Great Hall, quickly.
That night, as Lily had fallen asleep, Harry sat in front of the fire, a cup of tea in his hand. He was relaxed, yet his gaze kept wandering to the fire in case someone should show up there again. He was so tired. Images kept flashing before his mind – his dream, the face in the fire, Pansy that day when she'd got the owl, Luna, even Tonks's embittered face as she blamed Snape for Lupin's death. It was already dawn when Harry awoke, still sitting in his chair, feeling as if he hadn't slept at all.
He walked over to his bed without bothering to undress, and fell into a heavy, leaden sleep, finding it hard to wake up when it was time for breakfast an hour or two later. Lily had gone off to the Macmillans and Harry was in the shower when there was a sharp knock on the door to his quarters.
'Hello-o!' he heard Pansy's voice from the living room. He swore quietly for not having locked the door after Lily left, put on his bathrobe and went out to her, drying his short, fair hair with a towel.
'Pansy,' he said, 'why don't you sit down while I get dressed.'
'Oh dear, did I interrupt your shower!' Pansy exclaimed, looking at him appraisingly. She didn't let her eyes rest on Harry for long, however, but kept throwing nervous glances around the room.
'Never mind,' said Harry, flashing her a smile. He put on his robes quickly and went back to her, realising he was almost looking forward to this conversation. She was still standing. 'So, Pansy,' he went on, 'Glad to see you're back.'
Pansy laughed coquettishly. 'Oh, it's good to be back, Henry.'
'Been to see some friends, have you?'
'Yes, but never mind that now – I – well, you know –' she stopped suddenly and looked around again. 'There's nobody else here, is there? Have you any protective charms on your chambers?' Her gaze swept past the fireplace, Harry noticed, where there was still rather a large, warming fire.
'Of course I do,' he said calmly, thinking, ruefully, of the unlocked door from just a few minutes ago – and of the face in the fire the day before. 'I teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, remember?' He sealed the door with a quick locking charm.
'Oh – yes... Well, one never knows.' She hesitated, searching for words, looking flustered, almost distressed.
'But Pansy, why don't you sit down,' said Harry, surprised at her insecurity, so un-Pansylike. He indicated one of the comfortable armchairs in front of the fire. 'Did anything happen?' he asked as they both sat down.
'Oh, no, no,' said Pansy, then looked at him again, clearly in some doubt as to whether she should tell Harry whatever she was about to tell him. Harry almost felt sorry for her, silly and self-centred though she was.
'Look Pansy,' he said, 'why don't we have a cup of tea here instead of going downstairs to breakfast.' Without waiting for a reply, he waved his wand to produce a neat breakfast tray. 'You know, Pansy – it's good that you're here actually,' he went on, 'because I wanted to talk to you... about what you said the other day. You know, about – Snape. About him being innocent.'
'Oh, Snape!' Pansy snorted, '– Never mind him now! He's not important, don't bother your head about him, Henry...' she looked at him doubtfully again, seemingly unsure of how much to disclose to him. 'Snape doesn't matter, not since I found out that – er – well, never mind, he's just not important.' She cast another glance towards the fireplace and then towards the door. 'Besides, I'm not sure that it's safe – they might hear us, you know.'
'Hear us? Who? Pansy, surely you know – I mean, surely you can't believe anyone could get past the wards around Hogwarts?'
'Oh, the wards!' Pansy said impatiently, looking at Harry as if he were a stubborn child. 'That doesn't matter to them! But as I said, don't ponder too much on Snape; sure he's in Azkaban anyway, so what would be the point?'
'But Pansy,' Harry looked at her puzzledly, 'it was you who said he was innocent!'
'Innocent? I didn't say that, I only said his guilt couldn't be proven... There's a vast difference there, Henry.'
'Oh...' Harry tried to work out what was really on Pansy's mind but failed. 'So you don't think he's innocent then?'
'Did I say that?' Pansy retorted irritably. 'But why bother our heads about Snape; no one will ever find out about him anyway, he's been locked up in Azkaban these fifteen years and never spoken to a single soul... And he won't for the next fifteen years either. Let's just let him rot in peace – I've got more important things to attend to!' She stood up, looking around confusedly again, wringing her hands, then said, 'Oh, I'll tell you... I have to, what else can I do...?'
Harry had risen too and was staring at her. What on Earth was she on about? Their breakfast tray sat on the little table untouched, the tea cooling in its cups.
'But no,' Pansy went on, 'No, no – I mustn't tell you –' she looked at him fearfully, 'no, I mustn't; it might be dangerous for me – and you –' She walked away from the fire and the armchairs, to the centre of the room, then paused, unable, however, to stand completely still, her eyes still darting in every direction. 'They might hear, after all, and then he – he'd know –'
'Pansy, look,' Harry said, almost pleadingly, for Pansy was looking very distressed now. 'Why don't you sit down again and have some tea and – well, tell me what's troubling you. You never know – maybe I can help?'
'No! I couldn't possibly. Oh Henry, surely you see I must do what's best for me! Surely you understand me, Henry – you're a Slytherin yourself – tell me you understand!'
Harry had never understood less in his life, but nodded reassuringly all the same. 'Now Pansy, just sit down –'
Pansy shook her head violently and made for the door. 'I must go, Henry... there's so much I need to do – so much I need to think about.' She sighed heavily, looking both ways as she opened the door out into the corridor, and left without another word. Harry stood transfixed, staring at the door which closed behind her.
He was about to go after Pansy, to try to find out what she had been on the verge of telling him – to calm her down – when there was a knock on his window. There was a large tawny owl outside. Harry let it in and it dropped the note it had brought and left, not waiting for an answer. Harry opened the note quickly, not looking too closely at his name, written in green ink on the outside. 'Harry,' it said simply,
There is something urgent I need to talk to you about. I know we said that we shouldn't meet again, but there is no one else I can turn to with this. I shall come and see you tonight.
Ginny
Author's Note: A welcome to the new readers of this story, and a big thank you to all those who have reviewed! Please share your thoughts on this chapter as well. :)
