Title: Pain

Author: ALeeEn

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, no matter how much I wish they did. I'm only borrowing them for a little while.

Summary: A quick look into Adama's head at the end of the season finale.


A/N: Just a little something that popped into my head this weekend while I was working on something else. My first published fic, so I hope somebody enjoys it.


Pain

Pain.

He understood pain.

He had experienced a lot of pain in his lifetime; had managed to accept it as unavoidable.

He had realized long ago that he had to push it out of his mind and continue living.

Pain.

The pain of losing so many friends and loved ones through the years.

The awful but reluctantly accepted pain of losing his wife.

The unbearable pain of losing two sons – one to death, one to anger.

Brief periods spent with less pain, but it always returned eventually.

The heartache when he'd been informed that retirement would be forced on him, on his ship.

The misery of seeing his son again after so long and not being able to make peace with him.

The anguish upon hearing that his worst fears had been realized.

The devastation he felt when he thought he'd lost his son again, permanently this time.

Unaccustomed joy when he was given another chance to reconcile with his son, if only he could find the words.

Indefinable agony when he learned she had kept the truth from him.

Utter despair when he thought he had lost her as well.

Burden of command, of having to bear the responsibility for each young life they lost.

And now, inconsolable pain of knowing that it was too late.

Burning pain from the wounds in his chest dimmed by this heartache.

This devastating pain of knowing that he would never speak the words he so longed to say to his surviving son, yet had never been able to speak.

He lay still in his son's arms, struggling to breathe, straining to hold on long enough to make his son understand. Forcing his eyes open, he looked into his son's frantic blue eyes and smiled. For a brief moment, father and son connected as they never had before.

As he lost consciousness, he realized with wonder that his pain had faded.