Daniel heard a tap on the glass window of the observation room and looked up
to see General Hammond standing with Jonas Quinn looking down. He stood quickly
and made his way to them. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Your commander was kind enough to grant me passage. I brought this.
Naquadria. Took as much as I could," Jonas informed him.
"Why?" Daniel asked.
"The data recorded during that accident demonstrated the potential power of
the weapon unlike anything collected previously. I really don't know what
was worse, seeing my colleagues die in the manner they did, or seeing the looks
of utter glee on our leaders faces when they were told the potential power of
this weapon. They wanted to know when it could be demonstrated. I told them the
truth about what happened," Jonas said.
"Tell us," Hammond ordered.
Jonas did as Hammond asked describing the accident in the lab and the other scientists fleeing the danger.
"He took out his weapon and shot the window," Jonas said. "He removed the core and prevented the explosion. I am ashamed that they would not bring themselves to recognize the colonel's heroism. He saved millions of lives."
"He saved more than that. If he hadn't removed the core, your planet probably wouldn't still be there," Sam said from the doorway. She didn't wait for a reply before turning away and heading down to the room below.
The three men watched as she entered the room and gently took O'Neill's hand in her own. General Hammond and Daniel traded a look but said nothing. They both knew what Sam and Jack had sacrificed. They had waited hoping to have their chance someday. It appeared now that that someday would never come.
"Just so you know," Sam whispered to him. "Jonas had a change of heart. He stole some naquadria for us. He took a big risk, he said it was because of what you did. I think it could be important, and I wanted you to know that. You have an effect on people, Jack. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew." Unable to hold the tears back any longer, Sam began to cry in earnest.
A part of Jack heard her and saw her tears as he sat with Oma in the 'Gate
room. "You can never reach enlightenment if you do not believe you
are worthy," Oma told him.
"Then I guess we may have a problem," Jack said. "Because I'm not worthy
of what she feels for me. I should have done more."
"The future's never certain. You saved many without regard for your own
life," Oma reminded him.
"Could have destroyed the device," Jack argued.
"You believe your journey is not over?" she asked.
"Actually I'm not entirely sure what the point of my journey so far has
been, I mean if this is about being honest with yourself. I believe my entire
life has been a failure," Jack said as he turned to look once again at his
weeping second in command. He thought of Sara and how he had hurt her as
well. Most of all he thought of Charlie. He still felt he'd failed
his son.
"Why do you feel you have failed on your journey? Your son chose his own
path," Oma said.
"He was just a kid!" Jack
reminded the alien woman as Sam continued to weep at his
bedside.
"You helped free the people of Abydos," she argued. "Had your
son not chosen that path, that would not have come to pass."
Jack turned away from Oma and returned to his own bedside to look down at Sam
where she gently held his hand. His hand hovered over her bent head as he
watched her tears silently fall. "I had the chance to live out my
life with her. I couldn't leave this," Jack said waving his hand around to
encompass the whole SGC. "Every Goa'uld we helped eliminate, another one
took it's place. Maybe we did something good every now and again, but nothing
I've ever done seems to have changed anything. We waited for our chance
and now it's not going to come."
"These tasks of which you speak were great challenges. Perhaps they were
even impossible to achieve," Oma said.
"Does that make it any better?" Jack asked.
"You feel your journey must continue until you have found redemption for
these decisions?" Oma asked.
"No. No more. I'm dead," Jack reminded her.
"Exactly true," the alien woman agreed.
"You said I was the only one qualified to judge myself? So however much I want to achieve enlightenment or whatever you want to
call it, what happens if I look at my life and I don't honestly
believe I deserve it?" he questioned.
Oma told him, "The success or failure of your deeds does not add up to the sum
of your life. Your spirit cannot be weighed. Judge yourself by the
intention of your actions and by the strength of which you faced the
challenges that have stood in your way."
"What if I can't?" he whispered gazing once again at Sam before once more
finding himself in his own pain wracked body. "Sam," he whispered.
"I'm here, Jack" she replied equally as quiet.
"Talk to me," he urged.
"It's not fair!" she said. "We played by the rules, damn it. This can't happen. It can't."
"Life's not fair, Sam" Jack reminded her. 'If life were fair,' he thought. 'We'd be married like in that other reality. Maybe have a kid of our own by now.'
"I wanted..." she started to tell him but couldn't choke off the sob that erupted from her throat.
"I wanted too," Jack admitted before drifting off once more.
Daniel, Janet and Teal'c entered the infirmary and noticed Sam crying quietly beside the still figure of their commander. Daniel traded a look with the other two and then stepped forward putting his arms around Sam. "Come on, Sam" he said quietly. "Janet needs to change his bandages, and then Teal'c wants to talk to him for a bit."
Sam nodded as she noticed the statue in Teal'c's arms. She let Daniel lead her out of the room not bothering this time to wipe the tears from her eyes. Janet made quick work of changing the bandages then stepped out of the room leaving Teal'c alone with his friend.
"DanielJackson once gave me this. He said that its spirit would one day serve it's owner in the afterlife," Teal'c explained as he put it down on the tray beside Jack's bed.
Standing outside himself next to Teal'c, Jack said, "Thanks. I'm not dead yet, but… I guess it doesn't look so good right now."
Teal'c, of course, didn't hear his reply. "If you are to die O'Neill, I wish you to know that I believe that the fight against the Goa'uld will have lost one of it's greatest warriors." He paused before saying, "And I will have lost one of my greatest friends." Jack watched Teal'c salute him before Oma called his attention back to her.
"The people closest to you have been trying to tell you, you have
made a difference. That you did change things for the better," she said.
"Not enough," Jack replied sadly as Sam returned to the room with
Daniel and Janet in tow.
"The universe is vast and we are so small. There is only one
thing we can truly control," Oma told him.
"What's that?" he idly asked as he slowly turned to look at her.
"Whether we are good or evil," she said staring into his eyes.
