A/N: Okay… I don't really like the first chapter, it came out differently then I'd expected. But overall it's okay. This is Summer's POV. I like it better; coz I like Summer better. She's easier to write – I get her. Any who… Her stepmom's throwing some Newpsie dinner party thing, and Summer's just hanging around. Thinking. And, seriously, read the lyrics coz I think that just about every line relates to Summer in a way (or at least the Summer in this story), which is really weird. I didn't even like the song til I figured that out. Savage Garden are like, so... Meh. But they have good lyrics. Oh, also, I didn't know what Sum's stepmother's name was, so I randomly picked one.

Also—I know I'm not really making Summer a bitch in this… I want to, kind of… but I can't do it. So, she's kind of out of character. I think what I'm trying to do is show that Seth makes her less of a bitch. And I know that all this happens in a short period of time but I only wanted it to go for three chapters, and I knew they'd be short. I wanted to see if I could do a short one.

By the way – Chapter 1 is on a Friday, Chapter 2 is Friday night, Chapter 3 will be Saturday. At the dance thing. And, I dont really do ratings, but this swears... a few times. So did the last chapter, sort of. So, sorry.

Disclaimer: Again, I own neither The OC nor Savage Garden, I am not married or related in any way to Josh Schwartz so I have nearly no chance of inheriting the OC (unless I can win it in a contest or somehow buy it off e-bay. I highly doubt that'll happen). Which is a serious bummer. And I also don't own Aqualung or Brian McKnight. Or Summer, Seth, or any other characters. If I did, I sincerely disbelieve I would be sitting here in my PJ's writing a fanfic about them. So, now that we've gotten that cleared up, on with the story.

Chapter Two – Justifying The Hurt Inside

Summer walked into the hall where her stepmother was hosting some massive Newpsie dinner/party/event, clicking her Marc Jacobs heels. Her stepmother, Lydia, had actually been sober when she'd planned it. And off the pills, for at least a few hours. Amazing.

Lydia had been ecstatic about this event, thinking that the Newpsies viewed her as an equal. Gasp! What an accomplishment. Summer rolled her eyes at the thought. Back when her mom was around, Summer had wanted to be a Newpsie. But now, although it still seemed fun and interesting, she wasn't all that into it, because she had bigger things to think about.

Like the awesome party at Holly's place that she was missing out on.

And instead of being there, she was here, because Lydia had wanted to introduce her to Newport society. Well, duh, she'd only been living here her whole life! But Lydia had insisted that this was her future.

Summer pouted, thinking of all her friends having fun without her. Well, except Whitney Caborelle. Summer didn't care about that bitch. She had made up another bunch of rumors about Summer. Again. In fact, Summer didn't particularly care for any of her 'friends'. They were all fake, phoney, disloyal liars. Well, most of them. She loved Coop like a sister, held a tolerance for Luke and Holly, and accepted a few of the semi-decent friends that Luke had. But most of them? Tryhard bitching idiotic drug addicts.

She sat down at one of the tables that were set up. Hardly anyone was there yet and Summer couldn't see Lydia any where. She tapped her nails on the table, again thinking of the party. She wondered what Holly was up to. Probably snorting coke with Whitney. Then it hit her, rocking coke parties. That's what he'd said. Cohen. And he was right. Had he gone to Holly's?

No, she chastised herself, why would he? No one wants him there. And why do I care anyway?

Yeah, but Coop had probably brought the bad boy from Chino, and Chino boy had probably brought Cohen. Maybe. But it was a long shot.

Eww. Chino. She shook her head, disbelieving the plays she'd made for him since he'd been here. How freaking stupid. Eww. Well, anyway, he's so into Coop. I think. So I'm over him. And Cohen, God, hello, dork, I cant even think about him, besides, Cotillion anyone? Why did he choose that Pittsburgh geek over me? Because they're both geeks. Losers.

She balled her fists and dug her nails in the palms of her hands. She pushed really hard, then opened her hands. No blood, but there were tiny scratch marks.

Summer rolled her eyes and looked around for Lydia. There was no one here except for a few loner Newpsies, and some work crew. Oh, and Julie Cooper. Summer was just about to go over to her best friend's mom when she noticed Kirsten Cohen standing next to her. Summer sank back in her seat, and turned away. Kirsten Cohen. She couldn't talk to her, she'd feel too guilty. And besides, what kind of a conversation could she have with Julie Cooper?

Summer pulled her cell out of her purse and with a manicured fingernail pressed down '2'. The speed dial rang Marissa's cell and someone picked up, giggling.

"Hi?" Summer asked, wrinkling her nose. "Who the hell is this and why have you got Coop's phone?"

"Hey, Sum," Holly giggled.

"Oh, hey Holls. Is Coop there?"

"Uh huh," Holly giggled some more. She was obviously high on something. "I wish you were here, Sum. Cooper just isn't into partying tonight. It's okay though, coz Luke is." She giggled again.

Summer thought she might just ignore that, when she heard Luke's (drunk) voice say, "Who is it, babe?" and Holly squeak, "Summer, babe." Then she heard them kissing.

Summer squeezed her eyes shut. "Holly, put Coop on the phone." She said sharply.

Holly giggled again. Summer was getting fed up.

"Ooh, Luke, that tickles…" Holly tittered.

"Holly!" Summer growled.

"Oh, yeah. Marissa. Hey, Luke baby, just wait a sec, I gotta give the phone to Coop."

"Who?" Summer heard Luke say thickly.

Aaauuurgh! Summer clenched her free hand into a fist. "Holly." She said as she heard Holly shifting through the crowd.

"Mm hmm?" Holly asked distractedly.

"What the hell are you and Luke doing?"

No more giggles. "Nothing, babes. It was nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing. It sounded like you were at least kissing him. What else, huh? Blow job? Handy? He go down on you?"

"I wasn't – we weren't, okay? Nothing happened." Holly's voice grew angry, "What do you think I am, Summer, some kind of slut?"

Yes, I do, Summer thought, but she said nothing. "You sure act like one," Summer hissed. "He's Coop's boyfriend, Holly!"

"I wouldn't do that to Marissa," Holly whined. "I'm a good friend, Summer!"

"Hey Holls… Is Summer on the phone?" Summer heard Marissa's voice.

"Yeah, it's your cell, Cooper. Here ya go," she said before muttering to Summer. "It was nothing, Sum, nothing."

"Hey Summer!" Marissa said happily.

"Hey Coop," Summer said, trying to fake it.

"What's up?" Marissa asked, noticing her tone.

"Nothing, its uh, its boring here. I can see your mom, though –"

"I feel sorry for you," Marissa cut in.

"- And Kirsten Cohen. Uh, speaking of which, did you bring the Chino boy to Holly's?"

"Yeah," Summer heard Marissa's smile.

"Ooh, Coo-oop, something's goin on there," Summer smiled.

"No, it's not," Marissa said quickly. A little too quick.

"Whatever. Is Cohen there?"

"Uh huh."

"Is he, like, wasted? Is he hooking up with that Pittsburgh freak?"

"No, he's not trashed. He's barely had one drink. And, you mean Anna? She's not here. She's in, like, Tahiti. Anyway why do you care?"

"I don't," Summer said quickly. A little too quick. Then she heard him.

"Hey, Marissa… How much longer do we have to stay here for? This what you guys do for fun? Coz it's sooo boring."

"Typical," Summer scoffed, "There aren't any comic books or crappy music is why."

"Hey, his music isn't that bad," Marissa defended and Summer cocked an eyebrow.

"Is that Summer?" she heard Cohen ask. How did he know?

"Yeah." Marissa said nonchalantly, "You wanna talk to her?"

"No!" Summer cried.

"Nah, she hates me. Besides, she couldn't possibly talk to a dork like me. Never."

Summer felt ashamed instantly, then mentally kicked herself. She did not feel ashamed. This was Seth Cohen.

"Oh, no, it's, um –" Marissa stuttered to Cohen. "Uh… Seth, we can leave if you want. I don't mind."

"Okay," Summer heard Seth sigh, "I'll go get Ryan. Um, Marissa… Could you tell her I said hi?" he asked shyly, then Summer assumed he'd walked off because Coop said shortly, "Seth said hi."

Summer grinned, then lost her smile. Her real smile. She never smiled like that.

"Why does he think you hate him?"

"I don't know," Summer said shortly. "Maybe because he's trapped in his own world of like, comic books and whiney music anddorks from Pittsburgh."

"Um, okay." Marissa said sheepishly. "Cut him some slack, Sum. He's really a nice –"

"So, what are you gonna do now?" Summer cut her off. She didn't need to know how nice Seth Cohen was. She didn't need to know anything about him.

"Go home and pass out from boredom?" Marissa suggested. "Or, uh, from intoxication."

"Make out with Chino in the poolhouse?"

"Ryan, his name is Ryan."

"Ohh, so you will?"

"No." Marissa said shortly. "Look, I've got to go. They're waiting for me."

"Ever heard of walking and talking?"

"Ha ha," Marissa said sarcastically.

"Coop – before you go – Luke was –"

"I don't want to hear anything about Luke." Marissa said coldly.

What? Oh right, they'd kind of broken up over Cotillion. Kind of.

"You guys gonna get back together?" Summer asked softly, in a voice reserved only for Coop.

"Honestly, Sum, I have no idea. I really gotta go now, but I'll send Seth your love." Marissa joked.

"I have absolutely no love for Cohen. Not now or ever."

"Okay, Summer, I get it. See you." Marissa clicked off her phone. Summer sighed. Marissa was pissed off. Why? Was Cohen suddenly, like, her best friend now?

Summer buried her face in her hands, with her elbows leaning on the table. Marissa was gone. She had so many problems – her dad, her mom, Luke, Holly, Ryan. And Summer was just adding to them. She has no room to love me, Summer thought numbly.

Who does love me? She asked herself. Mom, nope. Daddy, well maybe when he's not overseas which is every day, every month. Lydia, why bother asking. Coop, well, I'd thought so. But she has so many problems. Cohen – WHY IS COHEN ON THE LIST? He's kind of, ew. And he doesn't even like me. He ditched me at Cotillion. And he said all I do is make booty calls and snort cocaine. Excuse me, I have never even tried coke. And the booty calls – not really. So he can go screw himself.

And everyone wonders why I'm a fucking bitch. I have no one.

"Summer! You made it!" Summer lifted her head up to see Lydia rushing towards her. "Hi, sweetie! There are so many people you just have to meet!"

Summer looked around the room. It had quickly filled, and she hadn't even noticed. Yep, there were Julie and Kirsten, Kirsten looked bored and Julie looked like there was nothing she'd like more than to strangle Kirsten. Summer wondered why. How could anyone hate Kirsten Cohen?

Summer sighed as Lydia introduced her to the twelfth Newpsie. "Hi, Tarryn. It's great to meet you." Summer said wearily. Lydia shot her a look and she instantly perked up, "You look beautiful! I love your necklace!"

"Thank you," Tarryn said vainly.

"And, wow. You have gorgeous hair," Summer lied. "Are those highlights natural?"

"Maybe we'll talk to you later, Tarryn," Lydia interrupted. She was all smiles as she dragged a fake-smiling Summer over to a blonde and a reddy-brunette.

"Hello, Lydia," the blonde smiled warmly as she saw them coming. Summer's heart sank.

"Hello," Lydia grinned. "Summer, this is –"

"Hi Mrs Cooper. Mrs Cohen." Summer said sadly.

"- Julie and Kirsten," Lydia finished. "You know them?"

"Mrs Cooper is my best friend's mom. And Mrs Cohen is Seth's mom." Summer could have kicked herself for saying that.

"Okay," Lydia said nonchalantly. "Summer, I'll be back in a little while. Uh – nice to see you Kirsten, Julie." She scurried off towards the bar. Summer sighed, frustrated and annoyed.

"Having fun, Summer?" Julie asked. "Where's Maris tonight?"

"She's over Holly's," Summer said. "And, nope, I'm not having anything remote to fun. Uh – no offense."

"You feel like you're on show, right?" Kirsten asked kindly.

"Uh huh." Summer bit her lip. "I so did not want to come to this."

"Me neither," Kirsten admitted. "So – do you know Seth?" she looked confused.

"Yeah," Summer said slowly. "He's um, well, I've met him. Me and Seth were supposed to go together for Cotillion, but he ditched me." After I ditched him, Summer thought.

"Oh," Kirsten looked puzzled, "I'm sorry, sweetie."

Summer shrugged, "Add it to the long list of people who have disappointed me." She realized what she'd said, and quickly muttered, "I gotta ring Coop, I'll see you guys later," before running over to the bathroom, looking back to see Kirsten and Julie exchange looks.

A few hours later, she was sitting the circle of the highest Newpsies, next to Julie Cooper, who was next to Kirsten. Kirsten, again, looked bored. Julie looked stuck-up and half drunk. All these Newpsies – they all knew Summer. They all knew her past. And whenever the topic turned to her, she lied. She lied about everything. Convincing people she had true friends, a boyfriend, and some semblance of a good family life, was pretty damn easy. But she couldn't lie to herself. She had no one. She was hurting. And what were the reasons? Mom: scared of commitment. Daddy: workaholic. Coop: too many problems. Lydia: drugged up. Cohen: was Cohen. God damn it. Why had he made the cut again?

She's taking her time making up the reasons

To justify all the hurt inside

They'd just been talking about her. They'd asked where her father was tonight. Where he had had been at any and every important function to date. And the answer was 'working', 'with a client' or 'on holiday'. And all of these Newpsies rested on the truth somehow. That he was never there. And they all looked at her sympathetically, even Kirsten Cohen and Julie Cooper. But she knew they thought she was a whore and a bitch. And Summer wanted to be sick. Or at least get the hell out of there.

Guess she knows, from the smiles

And the look in their eyes

Everyone's got a theory bout the bitter one

She let the Newpsies get back to their gossiping. She got up and walked away, out into the hall where she sat by herself. And she knew they were talking about the poor neglected dark haired girl, who used bitchiness as a cover up and acted like a skank.

They're saying

Mama never loved her much and

Daddy never keeps in touch

That's why she shies away from human affection

Summer stood up and went outside. She was fed up with the Newpsies making gestations that she was treated like shit by everyone. That her life was sucky – pointless. She didn't need them to do it when she'd landed on that fact years ago. She got her keys from the valet, got in her car and started it up.

But somewhere in a private place

She packs her bags for outer space

And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come

She drove as fast as she could, wanting nothing more than to be at home.

And she'll say to him

She's saying

I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be

If you'll be my baby

I've got a ticket for a world where we'll belong

So would you be my baby?

When was the last time Coop needed me? The question flashed through her mind. When was the last time anyone loved me? Hell, when was the last time I loved anyone? I don't. I don't love, I don't feel. And no one feels for me. Except Cohen, maybe. Huh, yeah, right. But that doesn't work, because, he's a loser. And I'm Summer Roberts. And my friends – my friends. I don't have any friends. They're all lying, slutty, cheating whores or lying, sex-obsessed, cheating jerks. They're disloyal. They're vindictive. They're addicted to drugs and alcohol and sex. And deep inside me, I'm not.

She can't remember a time when she felt needed

If love was red then she was colorblind

All her friends, they've been tried for treason

And crimes that were never defined

So, my friends don't love me. No guy has ever loved me. My family doesn't love me. And I don't love anyone. Love is fucking foreign to me. Bleak, distant, futile, depressing.

She's saying

Love is like a barren place and

Reaching out for human faith is

Is like a journey I just don't have a map for

Summer pulled up at her house. She stopped the car, got out, and looked up at the sky. It just seemed so easy up there. What was the point of being here? She had no hope, nothing to hope for. No one to depend on… Except maybe Cohen.

So baby's gonna take a dive and

Push the shift in overdrive

Send a signal that she's hanging all her hopes on the stars

What a pleasant dream…

Cohen? She asked herself. Ew. But the real, true, her mentally slapped herself and screamed, 'Wake up, you hypocritical bitch…'

Just saying

I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be

If you'll be my baby

I've got a ticket for a world where we will belong

So would you be my baby?

Summer sighed. She was going crazy. She let herself in and ran up the stairs, and flung herself onto her bed, her body convulsing in sobs as she shook them out. She never cried. But now there was more of a reason to than ever before. She had no one.

Hold on

Hold on

She sat up, sniffling. She had to ring her stepmother, tell her she'd come home. But Lydia had left her cell at home. Who else was there? Kirsten. Summer sighed. She'd have to ring Cohen to get his mother's phone number.

Her face still streaked with tears, her body still shaking, she reached for her purse, and taking the cell phone out she searched through her phone book. She went past 'Daddy' and felt the tears fall again.

Mama never loved her much and

Daddy never keeps in touch

That's why she shies away from human affection

She wiped the tears and found 'the Cohen home'. Summer grabbed the house phone in her bedroom and dialled the number. As it rang she looked at the time. 11:01. Oh please, please Cohen, be home, she prayed.

But somewhere in a private place

She packs her bag for outer space

And now she's waiting for the

"Hello?" Seth said, his voice thick and groggy.

Right kind of pilot to come…

"Hey," Summer choked out tearfully, her voice breaking.

"Summer?" he said straight away, and she was startled, first by the fact that he could tell it was her even when she was upset and she'd only said one word. It wasn't like she talked to him much. Second, because he'd sounded so happy to hear from her. "Summer, wow. Wow, hi. Hi, what's wrong?" The tears started again, but this time they were silent. I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, I'm such a bitch, Summer thought tearfully.

"Hi Cohen," she said, struggling to keep her voice balanced as the tears sliding down her cheeks and past her lips.

"Summer, what's wrong? Are you – are you crying?"

"No." she said shortly. How did he know? Not even Coop would be able to tell. She'd only said three words.

"You are," he said softly. "What's wrong? Do you want me to come over?"

"No!" she cried. "I'm fine, okay! I just want your mom's cell number."

"Uh – okay," he said, sounding unconvinced and confused, but overall disappointed. Still he gave her the number.

"Good bye, Cohen," she said coldly.

"Uh, see ya Sum," he said gently, and more of her tears fell. "Feel better, okay? Um – bye."

She thought frantically, he's about to go, and yelled, "Cohen! Don't hang up!" hoping he'd hear her.

"What? Are you okay?"

"No," she sniffled. "No. I'm not. I have – I have no one."

"You have me."

"How? You, like, ditch me on Cotillion –"

"You dumped me first."

"So not helping! And you call me a coke whore today –"

"That's not what I meant."

"And I – I – I'm a bitch to you." She sighed, then realized who she was talking to. "God. God, Cohen, I've got to go."

"Okay, just, Sum?" he sounded bewildered. "Promise me you'll be okay?"

"Jesus, Cohen, I'm not gonna go drown myself in the bathtub!"

"Okay, good. And you do realize you just called me God and Jesus?"

"No, I didn't," Summer sighed impatiently.

"Okay. Summer? Please don't – don't – don't hurt yourself. Don't do anything. I – I don't want you to –"

"Seth." She said, trying to be gentle, while thinking he was crazy. "I am not gonna kill myself, okay?"

"Okay." He took a deep breath. "It's just, I need you."

I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be

If you'll be my baby

I've got a ticket for a world where we'll belong

So would you be my baby, yeahhh

She smiled softly. "You need me? You barely know me."

"I need to see you. At least once a week. If I couldn't do that – if you weren't around – I'd go crazy. And I know you better than you think."

"Okay, um, okay. Thanks, Cohen. I'll see you tomorrow, right? At the dance thing?"

"I guess," he answered.

"Alright. Thanks," she said again before hanging up. She took a deep, deep breath. In, out. In, out. Ring Kirsten.

"Hi, Kirsten?" she said when someone picked up.

"Yes, who's this?"

"It's – it's Summer – Summer Roberts – from the –"

"Summer, I know who you are."

"Right. I got your number off Seth," she kept her voice steady. "I was just wondering if you could tell Lydia I've gone home. I – I feel sick."

"Sure, honey," said Kirsten. "And if you need to talk, you can always come to me. Okay?"

"Um, sure. Uh, thank you. I'll see you later," Summer shook her head.

"Bye sweetie." Kirsten hung up and so did Summer, confused. What was it with the Cohen family? Why did they care about her? So she did have someone. She wondered what would happen if she and Seth got together. She decided that it wouldn't be too bad, as weird as the idea originally was it was starting to grow on her.

But there were so many complications. If only they could fly off to their own little place and be together, easily, where everything felt right with no complications. Nothing was right here any more. She threw herself down onto her bed and let the loud tears flow down. She lay there, shaking, with her face buried in her pillow, sobbing loudly, until she fell asleep.

I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be

If you'll be my baby

I've got a ticket for a world where we will belong

So will you be my baby?

Yeahhh…

To The Moon And Back - Savage Garden. Good lyrics.