Chapter 8
He couldn't remember. He just couldn't remember.
Jack moaned, tossing and turning in his fitful sleep, passing in and out of consciousness. He was assailed with so many smells, the sterile stink of disinfectant, the earthy aroma of autumn leaves, and the stench of bile. All conflicted in this putrid battle for dominance.
He thought he heard things. Voices. People, people he didn't know, were around him, talking.
"He's gotten worse."
"If only he'd take his medications."
"Hostile behavior, aggressive movements, inability to distinguish reality from fantasy…" There was a pause. "He's becoming a danger to himself and to others."
"Should we increase his dosage?"
"It doesn't matter if he refuses to take them. I recommend institutionalization."
He listened to them for a while, strangers that so easily discussed his life and freedom, while he lay immobile wherever he was. All he could seem to do was listen, or drift, unable to move under the heaviness that pressed down on him.
Was this how Daniel had felt when they'd thought he was schizophrenic? Trapped and alone, watching the time fly by, just waiting to pass on without anyone knowing the truth?
What was the truth? Why couldn't he remember?
He could remember some things. He remembered Daniel and Teal'c goofing around in Daniel's hospital room. He remembered feeling faint. He remembered Teal'c rushing to his side. Then, he had heard MacKenzie, and Schneider, talking to him as he slipped in and out of consciousness.
He swore he'd heard Daniel.
They wanted to restrict him, keep him away from Teal'c and Daniel, he recalled.
"Don't let them," Jack had told Teal'c before he had passed out for the final time. "Talk to Carter. Tell Carter."
The blackness had come again, warm hot sticky blackness that left him cold and sweaty.
He had drifted in the darkness for a long time, content on not thinking and not being. But inevitably, the darkness had started to fade, leaving him with jagged fragments scraping at his mind.
Colors of red, yellow and green swirled around his head. He was tormented, assaulted with the smells again.
He had remembered Daniel. Daniel was with him.
The sound of a volley of shots rang through the air, slicing through the serene crispness of the cool morning sky. Grunts, screams, and silence.
Daniel dropped to his knees. Blood flowed like a river.
Jack jerked awake, breathing hard as his eyes surveyed the room.
Home. He was home.
Slowly, he rose to sit in his bed, eyeing his bedroom once more, suspicious of everything around him. He couldn't recall coming home, or even how he got here. He couldn't remember what had happened. He couldn't even weave together the threads that were left dangling in his mind.
Moaning, he bowed his head into his hands.
He was crazy.
Jack wasn't about to let some insanity keep him from visiting Daniel, or trying to renew his relationships with Teal'c and Carter. So, later that morning, Jack found himself back at the reception desk, waiting to be cleared for a visit.
"What do you mean no?" Jack asked, pressing his hands down on the counter.
"I'm afraid I can't let you in, Sir."
Jack was not going through this again. Screw it. He'd go on his own.
Without another word, Jack walked past the reception desk and headed down to see Daniel. First, he'd check Daniel's quarters to see if he'd been released; Jack still didn't have a very good grasp on time and wasn't sure how long he'd been out of it. If Daniel wasn't there, then he'd just go over to the hospital and see him there.
Simple.
"Sir, you can't! I'll call security!" the female receptionist screamed after him.
Let her. She could call everyone in the damn place. This was getting old.
Jack kept walking, ignoring the protests and the looks that people were giving him. Any second now, security would be on him, but he'd make it to Daniel's room first. Maybe if he were lucky, they'd knock him out and bring him out of the haze that was distorting everything.
Or they'd drug him. Maybe he and Daniel would get matching cells.
"Jack! Uh, Sir!"
Jack paused long enough to see Herman rushing up to him while waving the security officers away. Jogging up to Jack, he turned, blocking his way, gazing at him sternly.
"Just coming for a visit," Jack said simply.
"I know." Herman forced a smile but didn't move. "As much as I'd like to let you see him, it's not a good idea."
"Why?" Jack glared at him. "Can't have crazy old men coming to visit friends? Afraid it might rub off or something?"
"No, it's not that. You know it's not that." Herman sighed, and for a second Jack thought maybe the man really was sorry. "After what happened the other day, I just think it would be better for you to come back when you're back on your medication and feeling more like yourself."
"Not going to happen," he said, pushing him aside. He started to head back towards Daniel's room. "I am not going to spend my life doped up without any idea of what is happening around me. And I'm seeing Daniel."
Herman grabbed him by the arm. "I can't let you go. Not after what happened last week."
Jack shrugged him off, eyeing him suspiciously. "Last week?"
"When you attacked your doctor?" Herman said, reminding him. "You don't remember that?"
Jack didn't even look at Herman. He remained standing alone, staring at the wall, trying to absorb this new piece of information.
Everything was fitting too perfectly. Every time he felt like he was making headway, every time he was able to gather more information as to what happened, he would hit a stop. It didn't matter what it was, whether it was sickness, or a doctor, or even a flat tire. There was always something trying to throw him, something was trying to stop him from seeing Daniel, or renewing talks with Teal'c and Carter.
Jack was beginning to sense a conspiracy.
"I'm going."
Herman grabbed him again, this time more forcefully. "Don't make me—"
"It's okay. Let him go."
Jack exhaled with relief, glad to see Carter walking up to him. He was sure he saw what looked like pity in her eyes, and he realized that she probably saw in him nothing but madness. She didn't look at him the way she used to, not back when they'd worked together and respected one another.
When Herman released him, Jack brushed his jacket with his hands and straightened himself, trying to scrap up any dignity he had left. Watching Herman back off, Jack coolly walked to meet Carter.
"Change of heart?" he asked her.
"I had a talk with Teal'c," she said softly. Forcing a small smile, she tugged lightly at his jacket, steering him towards Daniel's room. "Come with me."
They entered the room, finding that Daniel was waiting for them with one of his handlers by the door. He didn't rush to greet them, nor did he even seem to care either way. Daniel just stared impassively.
"How's he doing?" Jack asked, though really he didn't want to know.
"Good," she said, reaching over to brush her fingers through Daniel's hair. He still made no move. "The stroke was a minor one, and he's come out of it fine."
Jack nodded. This felt…awkward. He wasn't entirely sure what to say to her, and he could see the same resistance in Carter as well. Ten years had gone by and they couldn't even small talk right.
"So, how are things? Pete? Work?" he tried.
"Good," she said again, but appeared uncomfortable.
Well, they were getting nowhere this way…
"Do you want to take a walk?" Carter asked at last, though her hesitation and lack of enthusiasm threw him.
Jack nodded. It wouldn't hurt. "Sure," he replied.
He, Carter, and Daniel made their way outside onto the lawn. Jack could tell this was a popular place for the patients and their caretakers to come; several groups were sprawled out picnicking or watching the clouds pass across the sky. Some of the more alert patients were laughing and chatting away. Some of the more mentally disturbed folk sat speechless in their own little worlds. Other people, obviously just physically injured and recovering, sat in the sun, relishing the fresh air.
"People come and go," she said quietly, walking between Jack and Daniel. "There are new faces here everyday."
There was sadness in Carter's voice, one reflected in her blue eyes. He knew what she meant by the words, and it stung them a little more than he thought it should.
"Daniel's never going to be able to take care of himself," Jack realized, vocalizing his fear.
"No," she said.
That was it. After all they had gone through together, the four of them, this was how it ended. They were splintered and no miracle could change Daniel back to who he once was.
Dejected, Jack glanced over at Daniel, watching as the younger man stumbled alongside Carter, just going through the motions of his life. His curiosity and his zest had been destroyed; he was practically an empty husk.
"But Teal'c said Daniel did stuff."
Carter thought about what he said, taking a moment to smile at Daniel warmly, and rub his arm. "Teal'c seems to have a way with people," she admitted. "Daniel and just about everyone at the hospital open up to him whenever he is here. Aside from that…" Carter sighed. "I can get him to talk a little and sometimes I think he understands what I'm saying, but even now we're really unsure of his cognizant abilities."
"I think he knows more than he's telling us," Jack said coolly, sizing up Daniel. The other man turned his head and looked up at the sky, his mouth hanging open, ready to catch flies. Yeah, so Daniel just had to prove him wrong. "We played chess the other day," Jack lied.
Carter wasn't buying it. "He may have some moments of lucidity but…"
"Yeah, I know. Wishful thinking."
"Though, there is some truth to what you've said," Carter said. It sounded as if her voice would crack. "Sometimes I think he's holding back, almost as if he's afraid and ashamed. When he does talk," she explained, "he has trouble stringing a coherent sentence together. I'm convinced he knows that something is wrong, but he can't understand why. He knows he isn't supposed to be this way."
Jack was stunned, and even a little horrified. Daniel knew. God, Daniel knew he was sick and he couldn't figure out how or why.
"What about the Asgard? Or the Nox?" Jack offered, trying to think of anything. His buddy Thor would do anything for him. He figured he could fix him up, and make Daniel as good as new, too. "Or maybe some other race we met?"
Carter shook her head, hiding her face in a way where Jack was certain she was trying to prevent him from seeing any weakness in her. "The war with the Goa'uld did more than put hardships on all of our lives for the past few years. While we were fighting them, we never realized how bad things became with the Asgard."
Jack opened his mouth, dumbstruck. She couldn't mean…
"The Replicators decimated their population, Jack." Her gaze was as sympathetic as it could be. "The remaining Asgard had to flee and try to find some way to rebuild, especially since their clone bodies just can't…" She shook her head. "We don't even know how many are left alive."
They'd lost the Asgard? The Asgard?
"What about the Nox?" Hey, it was a long shot, but the Nox liked them. Some of them, anyway. "Did they get word…?"
Carter nodded, grabbing Daniel gently by the arm when he started to stray. "The Nox managed to get in touch with Teal'c and the Jaffa. We apprised them of the situation and they seemed willing to help, especially Daniel, but then we lost contact. They seem to have just disappeared."
No one just disappears, Jack thought somberly.
"The Ancients? Atlantis? Anyone?"
Slowly, Carter shook her head. "We've never been able to contact the Ancients and neither did the expedition from Atlantis. Doctor Weir and her crew found nothing we could have used."
Jack found that hard to believe. "No one at all? What about the Tok'ra?"
Now, Carter was visibly shaken. "Most of them died at The Battle for Gatik." Her voice became quiet. "It was a turning point in the war. Many Jaffa, Tok'ra, and Goa'uld died there."
Damn, Jack thought. He had a sneaking suspicion what had happened had something to do with her father.
"I'm sorry, Carter," Jack said, reaching out to put his hand on her shoulder. He gave it a tentative squeeze before withdrawing completely. "I don't remember."
"Really?" she asked suddenly, with a twinge of anger to go along with her skepticism. "Are you really seriously telling me that you can't remember anything over the past ten years?"
She had every right to be angry, if what she had said was true. He'd split. He'd left Carter, Teal'c and Daniel to handle this mess on their own.
"I'm not making it up, Carter," he said quietly. "I'm frustrated beyond belief that I can't remember a damn thing. Teal'c tells me things. You tell me things. The doctors tell me things." He shook his head, setting his jaw. "It doesn't seem right. None of it."
She just brushed him off angrily, grabbing Daniel once again as he started to wander away. "It's not right. It's not fair what you did to us. It's not fair that you think you can walk back into our lives whenever it suits your needs."
Jack just looked at her, not knowing what to say.
"Do you realize how hard it's been on me?" she said bitterly, the anger cracking her features. "Teal'c had to keep fighting the Goa'uld. You, despite a head injury, came out relatively okay, but you walked. You left. You left me and Daniel alone."
She was rattling now, but Jack didn't care. She didn't care. She needed to do this.
"Alone, Jack. Alone. He was lying in his bed, calling out for people that died years ago. God, do you have any idea what that is like? To have to sit there and see your friend just break down, sobbing for comfort that no one can give him? And you," she said, nearly snarling. "And you stood there. You just stood there, cold and indifferent. He cried for you, Jack, and you walked away."
Blank. Nothing but blankness. He couldn't remember anything Carter was saying. To him, it never happened.
"I'd never walk away," he said his voice low.
"You did. You did walk away. Teal'c and I tried. We tried so hard. But you wouldn't see us. You wouldn't see Daniel. We used to be a team," she shouted, stabbing her finger at the air. "I thought that meant some thing to you!"
"It does!" he shouted back. "I wouldn't do that! It never happened!"
"It did happen, Jack, and you have to accept that!" Carter shifted her weight from her left foot to her right, shaking her head in disbelief while running her hands nervously through her hair. "You can't live in this denial forever. You have to come to terms with this."
"Carter…"
"No," she said, her voice now breaking. "Nothing you say can erase the pain that I felt. Nothing you can do can change what the four of us once had."
"We didn't lose it. Unless I'm crazy, this never happened, Carter!"
"God, I can't believe you!" She laughed, her eyes wild, as she turned and repositioned a very confused and distraught Daniel. "You still don't see it."
"Carter," he said again, this time his voice dropping into a warning.
"And do you know what the worst part of this whole mess really is?" she said, her tone far past the point of bitterness.
He kept his tone cool. "What's that?"
"I want to be angry with you, Jack. I want to say it's all your fault. I want you to pay for what happened on Aria." She sighed, lowering her voice when she saw Daniel squirm uncomfortably. "But Teal'c believes you, and I have faith in Teal'c."
He frowned. "What are you saying?"
She sighed, a frustrated sigh, causing Jack to wonder if she was mad at the situation or just mad at herself. "I'm probably going to regret this, but…are you sure you are only receiving flashbacks from this one mission?"
"Oh, there's no mistaking it," he said confidently. "Nothing else is coming to me. Not even the stupid little things. I just keep getting bizarre out of sync flashes to this planet, and they're becoming more detailed and intense everyday."
"I don't understand it," she muttered, drawing Daniel closer. "Why just that one mission? You should be able to have glimpses into different aspects of your life. Unless…" Her voice trailed off as she frowned thoughtfully. "Unless, you repressed this memory so deeply, your mind can't function until you've come to terms with it."
"No…I was thinking more maybe the Goa'uld, or maybe our friends the Replicators." Jack scratched his cheek. "Time travel or something?"
She stared at him. "You're theorizing that your mind from ten years ago was somehow transplanted into this time period in order to give you a glimpse of your future so you could change the outcome?"
Okay, so that hadn't exactly been what he'd been thinking but…"Yeah," Jack answered, stepping to the shade. "You took the words right out of my mouth."
Carter nodded, but he could already see her mind was buzzing. "Theoretically, it's possible. But it's one of the more fringe notions of time travel."
"So? If it's got something to do with Goa'uld technology or…Ancient tech?' Jack asked hopefully. "Maybe I touched something I shouldn't have?"
How ironic would that be, he thought, after all the years he kept vigilant making sure Daniel and Carter didn't get too wrapped up in their discoveries.
"Something maybe on that planet?" he added hopefully.
"It's a long shot," Carter admitted. "But, I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me. We should have seen a difference, or found something. None of this is adding up."
Jack sighed inwardly, starting to feel his frustration bubble into anger again. He just needed someone to listen to him, to believe him.
"Carter, really. Something is happening and I don't know what." The three of them stopped, standing apart in the shade of a large tree. "I'm a man of action. No one gets left behind. Is it my M.O. to shut down and push people—"
He didn't even allow himself to finish his thoughts. Not when realization smacked him like a ton of bricks. There wasn't any need for him to get caught up in another lie. Sure, he was a man of action. He never left anyone behind. Throughout his career he made sure of it, only regretfully disavowing his creed when there was no other choice.
But there was always a choice when it came to the sticky subject of emotions. And every single time he'd been faced with his emotions, he ignored choice. He ignored his motto completely.
Damn, he was a jackass.
Beginning to feel more alone than he'd felt in a long time, Jack nearly lost himself to emotions and his thoughts. Instinctively, he wanted withdraw, to start the cycle all over again, to just get away.
It was Carter's sympathetic touch that brought him back.
Smiling softly at him, she tugged him back towards the building. "Maybe a break from your medication actually did you some good," she said softly.
"Yeah." Though somehow, Jack didn't think so.
"Come inside," Carter said quietly. "We can talk some more over lunch."
Jack set his tray down on the cafeteria table, resisting the urge to chuck the whole thing. After seeing the coloring of bologna here, he'd settled for the tried and true tuna sandwich, but even now he was having regrets. He swore the sandwich was moving.
Though, the state of his food lost all meaning when he became distracted by Daniel, who was waiting for Carter, and doing this strange repetitive maneuver where he grabbed his shirt and stomach over and over.
Jack stared at him, wondering if he was witnessing the side effects of Daniel's brain damage or something else.
"What's he got an itch?" Jack asked Carter as she approached the table.
"It means he's hungry," Carter explained, placing the tray down in front of him. Immediately, Daniel smacked his lips and stopped grabbing at his stomach, easing himself into the seat across from Jack. "He uses non-verbal cues to communicate."
All his life, Daniel had been one to communicate. Jack knew his file inside out. From his early years to now, Daniel had always had a desire to learn and understand people, primarily through language. He wasn't really sure if that need had blossomed after he'd lost his parents, or while in the foster care system, or because of his abandonment by his grandfather Nick. Whatever the case may be, Daniel had always accompanied his linguistic element with hand gestures, facial expressions, anything to make his ability to make a connection more successful.
Seeing him try to communicate now, with the only way he knew how, didn't make Jack feel any better.
Daniel ate quietly. He would bring his sandwich up to his mouth, chew slowly, his vacant gaze slightly off kilter. He'd look at Jack, almost as if he was watching him, studying him, with eyes that saw while at the same time eyes that didn't.
Uncomfortable, Jack shifted in his seat and bit into his tuna sandwich.
"It took us awhile to understand the various physical gestures he was making to try to talk with us," Carter said, bringing his attention back to her. She rubbed Daniel's back affectionately. "Even though he doesn't communicate verbally anymore, he still seems to be able to get what he wants," she admitted with a smile.
Wasn't that always the case?
Daniel stood in front of Jack's desk, arms crossed, his brow furrowed in thought. "I'm beginning to believe that they have Carthaginian roots, but I can't be sure. Their society is definitely feudal, though, with traces of Anglo-Saxon and even German influence."
When Jack stood and started for the door, Daniel still didn't take the hint and continued to talk. "Though, what I find strange is the complete lack of discerning cultural features and cohesion in their society. No monuments or obvious architectural works, aside from their castles which are far better in construction and quality than anything here, and even their place names, surnames, and overall language sounds and feels generic. I was only able to piece together some clues based on obscure root words within some old texts." He paused, stopping with Jack by the door. "I'm sure with some more research, and some study of their mother tongue I'll be able to figure it out."
"And I would be interested why?"
"Well, considering the fact that they are requesting a meeting with you, I thought you'd like to know a little bit about their history."
Jack rolled his eyes at Daniel. Always with the history and the culture.
"From what you've told me, it doesn't sound like you know who they are. And you're going to teach me?"
Daniel set his jaw, staring at Jack indignantly. "I have a general idea of their roots, but I haven't been able to pinpoint their exact culture, yet. It's possible that with all the peoples that were taken from Earth, that some cultures we come across will have a certain amount of blending to them." He followed Jack out of his office and into the hallway. "It's not much different than here, on Earth, when cultures come into contact with each other."
"Yes, Daniel," he said, beginning to become frustrated. "You've told me. Twice."
"Well, that's because it's important." He slipped around Jack and stood in front of him. "I know the President is pressing you for something tangible from the Stargate missions, just like the former administration did with General Hammond. Now, I believe these people may be able to provide that for us."
Jack arched his eyebrows. Was this the same Daniel Jackson that used to beat him up over trying to gather new forms of technology?
"And?"
"And, no catch, Jack. Not this time." He crossed his arms again, staring Jack down with all he had in him. "They're a peaceful people and accepted us graciously. They're giving us access to so many parts of their culture, despite how generic it is, but this includes everything. Even their technology."
Jack mulled over Daniel's statements, weighing them against the Intel they already had on the people of Aria. Both Teal'c and Carter had already reported to the SGC via the MALP, feeling comfortable enough with their hosts to send Daniel back to brief Jack while they remained on Aria. Which, now, Jack was figuring was a tactical move by Carter. Jack wasn't blind to the fact he was getting a reputation for letting SG-1, especially Daniel, get whatever they wanted.
That just wasn't true.
But on the other hand, Carter would never separate the team if she felt uneasy over the situation. Carter wouldn't risk her team's lives.
Jack sighed. "Okay, so what do they want?"
"Jack?"
He snapped out of his reverie, still caught off guard every time he heard Carter call him by his name. "Carter?" he asked, blinking back to reality.
"Another flashback?" she asked.
He swallowed down the vile food and nodded, thankful he hadn't choked while taking his little mental trip. "They're oh so fun."
It was only a matter of time before Carter's curiosity got the better of her. Puzzled, she leaned forward, sliding her tray to the side to study him more carefully.
Daniel kept chewing.
"Lots of images," he said, tossing his sandwich down with disinterest. "It's disjointed. On the planet, at the SGC, in a castle…
Running through the forest being chased by a bunch of crazies…No, he could honestly say he didn't miss this part.
"Running," he finished.
"Running?" Carter questioned.
"Yeah. Running," he mumbled, picking at the glop that was spilling out of the side of the sandwich. "With trees. Lots of trees."
"The planet?"
He glanced up at her, keeping his face serious. "You tell me."
Carter eyed him carefully, sizing him up no doubt. He could tell that part of her wanted to tell him everything she knew, but another part of her was holding back, probably afraid she would get hurt again. Which was all well and good, but this was his life they were playing with right now, and he wasn't comfortable with being left in the dark.
"What's…what's the last thing you remember?" she asked cautiously.
"And what is a hemmir?" Jack asked, not bothering to keep the lack of interest out of his tone.
Nothing seemed to ever dissuade Daniel. "It's actually quite fascinating, Jack. The doctors here use them on their patients. It helps the patient relax while the doctor operates on them. Or something…" His voice trailed off as he rubbed his fingers over the thin device. "I think it serves as a kind of anesthetic, which by the way, is remarkable considering their culture isn't as advanced as ours."
"Yes, how remarkable." Jack wasn't convinced. More likely than not, this was a sign that all was unwell here. The only other culture they'd met, from his recollection, that was backwards but had jumbo weapons were the people that had the Sentinel, and weren't they ever helpful. "What else you got?" Jack asked, attempting to bring Daniel back to the present.
Daniel put the thin objects down and moved over to the next item. He hovered over it, as if he was trying to find the right words to describe the…ball. While Daniel mused over it, Jack took the opportunity to catch this Eli Karn guy eyeing him carefully, almost secretly, though he was doing a poor job of it. Carter was near the door, talking to her "counterpart," Olin San. Then, he figured Teal'c was still discussing security with…Ty Yolen.
"A cathed," Daniel said at last, placing his palm on the ball. "If I remember correctly, the doctors here pour some kind of manufactured liquid into the sphere, and when you squeeze it, the substance seeps into your pores and has a calming effect. Something about inner healing something something…"
Jack quietly walked over to Daniel, dropping his voice. "Daniel, has it occurred to you that you aren't exactly a medical expert here?"
"Janet would have loved this stuff, you know," Daniel said abruptly.
That took Jack by surprise. He supposed in some way she would, had she still been with them.
"That doesn't give you the authority to go around pretending to be a doctor," Jack said under his breath.
"I am a doctor," Daniel countered with a smile.
"Not that kind of doctor…" Jack frowned, watching Daniel fingering something else. "Daniel…"
"This-this is just a head rest," Daniel said. He moved to the next item and frowned. "And this, well, I don't know what this is, but this…" He pointed to a chair. "This helps to regenerate old cells. Karn let me try it."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"
"Yeah," Daniel's eyes narrowed in that crafty teasing way of his. "Do you remember when you shot me?"
Jack cleared his throat. "Yeah."
"Now you can barely see the mark," he said proudly.
Wonderful…so Daniel had already begun playing with Doctor Frankenstein. Another reason why he missed going off-world. Who was going to tell Daniel and Carter to stop touching things?
Speaking of Carter…He shook his head, snapping out of the flashback to stare at her. She was waiting, hesitant, but still waiting.
Daniel smacked his lips as he blinked at Jack and ate some more.
"I remember some medical type stuff. And labs?" he asked, his voice tilting slightly at the end. "I remember labs."
"They…weren't medical aides, Jack."
This caught his attention, causing Jack to sit straighter, his tuna sandwich long forgotten. He knew that tone of voice, and he knew that look of hers all too well. She knew more than he did, and didn't know exactly how to explain it to him.
"Out with it, Carter."
"They were experimental labs," she explained, pausing for a moment to rub circles on Daniel's back when he coughed. "They weren't used to care for their sick at all." She stopped, a burning intensity in her eyes. "They lied to us."
He knew something was fishy. He knew that those labs were not what they seemed to be.
"I remember something about bioweapons?"
Carter nodded. "They had a whole storehouse of weapons, including the so-called medical devices they showed Daniel." Inhaling sharply, her face changed from one of anger to sorrow. "We tried to get to you. We tried to get you and Daniel but it was already too late."
Teal'c had said something similar. Something about the people of Aria using them as experiments.
So, that was it? He and Daniel ended up being guinea pigs for some lying, cheating race of people?
"When we found you, you and Daniel were already far gone," she said quietly. "They'd…done something to your minds."
Listening to Carter, Jack reached up to gingerly touch his scar. He'd gone off-world and had fallen into the hands of an unscrupulous people. Worse, it had ended with the destruction of one of his closest friends, and the break-up of SG-1.
What had gone wrong? Why the hell couldn't he remember?
"You weren't as broken as Daniel. We rushed you both back to the SGC, and while you both had brain damage, Daniel…had much deeper wounds."
Even after all these years, Carter couldn't say it. He could see the pain in her eyes, and the years of worry and stress in the lines of her face.
He looked down at his hands, suddenly feeling sick. "So…not time travel?"
Carter looked as if she would cry for him. "Your head…I know you can't understand it, but so much has happened. If you'd stayed on your medication, Jack, this might have been avoided. They help you. They help you distinguish reality from fantasy and they keep your anger in check."
"So you're saying that because I stopped taking my medication, I lost ten years of my life? What sense does that make?" he asked, spitting out the words. "I may not be a technical genius or speak like thirty languages, but I do have some common sense, Carter, and I am telling you I don't like how the pieces of this puzzle are falling together."
She sighed. "You don't have to like it. But it's the truth."
He groaned, tossing a napkin in the middle of his plate. Teal'c had believed him. Teal'c was supposed to persuade Carter for him.
"Wonderful. So I'm a nut and Daniel gets fascinated by applesauce," he muttered, watching Daniel poke his fingers into the food.
"I really didn't want it to happen this way," she said softly.
"Fine. No harm done," he snapped, folding his hands in his lap. "Now that we've had our little talk, how about easing up some restrictions on me? What about letting me visit Daniel and share responsibility over him."
Carter glanced to the side, pursing her lips as she exhaled. She refused to even glance his way.
Now, see, that was bad.
"Carter…"
"I really, really didn't want it to happen this way," she said quietly. "If this had happened sooner, if—"
Jack shot a look over to Daniel, who had released his hold on the applesauce to play with his spoon. It was as if the rest of the world didn't exist for him.
Knowing more than feeling that the other shoe was about to drop, Jack glared at his one time second in command. "What's going on?"
"Daniel's being transferred."
Jack gaped at her. "What?"
She moved in her seat, the discomfort claiming her entire body, and mirrored in her eyes. "He's not getting what he needs." Her voice was cracking, her eyes tearing. "I'm at the SGC so much. Teal'c is off-world. He doesn't have anyone." Her eyes became pleading, aching. "I've tried everything I could all these years for him, but he's just not happy."
"Carter, you can't do that!" Jack shouted, appalled. "You're his lifeline, for cryin' out loud!"
"I know," she replied under clenched teeth. "You don't know how hard this is. And if the war with the Goa'uld was over, this wouldn't be an option. But Pete works all kinds of shifts and sometimes I can't get away from the mountain." She sat straighter, her eyes aflame. "I didn't want this, Jack. I would do anything for Daniel. This is the right decision."
"How's he gonna take it, huh? How are you going to explain to him that he's being moved and he won't see you anymore? Do you think he'll understand?" Jack pointed to Daniel, trying to ignore the fear in the other man's eyes at his tone of voice. "He doesn't understand any of this! He laughs at a stupid mummy that pops out of a pyramid. You're abandoning him."
"Don't." She stood, her face reddening. "Don't you tell me how I feel or how I should act. This is best for him. This isn't about me. This is about him."
Jack glowered at her. "Shipping him far away?"
"Virginia."
What the hell? "Virginia!"
"General Hammond is retired now," she explained, cooling slightly. "He's up there in age, but he's in good health and in complete control of his faculties. He moved out there with his daughter and their family." She patted Daniel's head, smoothing out the hair as he shook and gaped at them. "But he lives alone and would like some company. He wants to take Daniel."
Jack stood to meet her. "What about me? He needs company. I'm retired, too. He can stay with me."
She laughed nervously. "I don't think that is a good idea."
"No, and why is that?"
Carter had lost all patience at this point. "You are not fit to watch him, Jack. I couldn't live with myself if you—"
"What? If I what?"
She stopped, and looked away, setting her jaw. Then, abruptly, she brought Daniel to his feet and began to nudge him towards the hallway.
He couldn't believe it, feeling his throat go dry. She was implying he would—
They began to head to the door, leaving him alone at the table. No. They weren't going to walk out on him. He charged after them.
"You think I would hurt him?" He spun Carter around angrily. "You know me better than that!"
Carter shoved him, firmly planting herself between Jack and Daniel. "You aren't on your medication and you have a tendency towards violence. Look at yourself!"
He took a step back, looking down at his hands. They were shaking, rattled with rage. Jack gasped, stumbling backward, unwilling to come to terms just with how irate he felt. What had happened to him? He'd always had a temper. But he was trained. He was in the Special Ops. He would channel that anger…
And that is why Carter didn't want Jack near Daniel. She knew what a man with his kind of background and training could do. If what she said were true, then Jack wouldn't want to be near himself either.
Carter sighed, drawing Daniel into a brief but warm hug. Jack could see Daniel was nervous, near hyperventilating, something he assumed was his fault. When Carter let him go, she faced Jack. Her anger was gone, but replaced by pity, an emotion that Jack felt was far worse.
"I'm sorry," she said softly, reaching out to take his hand. "I'm so sorry. Jack, I really didn't want it to be this way."
He said nothing. Carter was taking Daniel away and that was final. Daniel would be gone. Teal'c was gone. Carter was gone. Jack would be alone.
After Charlie's death, that was all he had wanted. He had cut himself off from everyone, turned into himself, and valued death far more than life. He hadn't cared what he did to his family or to Sara. He had wished above everything else for pure and utter isolation.
How ironic that after all these years he would get his wish, something he now despised.
"Carter," he said, taking a step closer to her. "Don't."
"It's done, Jack. He leaves in a couple of days."
Done. Just like that. Daniel would never understand.
"He knows General Hammond," she said, trying to give him hope. "The general flies out to see him often. He'll be happy there."
Jack nodded. He felt numb and on fire at the same time, the pain flashing through his body not unlike a blast from a staff weapon.
"Then, will you let me have one last day with him?" he asked. He hated to sound like he was begging. But this was all he had now. "Just, give me clearance to spend the day with him one more time?"
She didn't even consider it. She nodded, the tears in her eyes, as she reached out to touch the side of his head. Jack forced a smile, thankful she at least granted him one last wish. It was all he had.
All he had.
Daniel stepped in between them and twisted his body, resting his head on Carter's shoulder. If things were different, it might have been funny, watching the three of them look like fools. But in reality it was probably the last time the three of them would ever be together.
What a sobering thought.
"Just promise me one thing," Carter said, withdrawing from him and urging Daniel to do the same. "Before you leave, pick up your pills. Just try, Jack. Try and maybe things can be different someday." She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. "It's never too late."
He gave a slight nod, but didn't answer her with words. Sadly, he watched Carter and Daniel disappear out of the cafeteria and leave him to his own thoughts and feelings.
Once again, he felt the cool chill of the autumn air.
