Thank you so much for reviewing, that was so totally awesome! I am currently having a nervous breakdown from the amount of school work that I have to do, and somehow that corresponded into me writing another chapter. Ah, brilliance always comes to you when you have so much else crap to do. Anyway, let me know what you thought, and I have to go back to studying for my midterm and starting my ten page paper due tomorrow. Make me feel better please about sucking at life!

Disclaimer: Oh right, they aren't mine.


Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world- The Matrix


Sandy watched his wife walk away. She was certainly acting strange that morning. Maybe she wasn't feeling well, maybe that would explain her odd behavior. He watched her in the living room as she looked at the pictures on the mantel, and he had barely enough time to react as he watched her wobble and then hit the floor.

"Kirsten!" Sandy yelled out running into the living room. He picked her up and placed her on the couch, feeling her forehead. "Kirsten, honey?" She moaned and opened her eyes again. "Are you okay?"

"I'm…" She tried to sit up, and felt dizzy again. When Sandy helped her sit up, Kirsten looked at the picture on the end of the table. It was a family portrait that she had never seen before. Her and Sandy, and Seth…and Ryan taken when the boys seemed to be about ten. It came back to her, Ryan calling her Mom, Sandy looking at her like she was crazy for suggesting that Ryan call her something other than that. "Oh my God." She raised her hand to her mouth.

"What's the matter?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows in concern. Kirsten shook her head. She wasn't crazy, right? When she had gone to bed, Ryan had been just her foster son. She loved him like a son, but he wasn't actually her child. But now…now there were pictures of him when he was little with her and Sandy and Seth. And he had called them Mom and Dad…and…Kirsten was so confused.

"I'm sorry, I just felt a little dizzy," she assured him. "I'm fine." The look on Sandy's face told her that he didn't quite believe her, but he didn't argue with her, instead nodded.

"Well, you are definitely not going to work today," Sandy told her. "You are going to rest today." Kirsten didn't try to argue back, she knew that it was futile.

"Mom? You ready?" Seth asked coming into the living room.

"I'm going to drive you to school," Sandy said. "Your mother isn't feeling well." Sandy stood up, but not before leaning down and placing a kiss on Kirsten's forehead. "Go get your brother and meet me at the car."

"Okay, hope you feel better Mom," Seth told her before disappearing from the room. Sandy helped Kirsten to her feet and with a precautionary arm around her waist, led her upstairs to their bedroom and tucked her in.

"I'll call and check-in in a little while," Sandy told her, leaning down and placing a kiss on her lips. "Get some sleep." Kirsten waited until she heard the car door slam and the car start before she threw the covers off of herself and hurried downstairs. There were pictures everywhere. A happy family.

A happy, complete family.

It occurred to her that Ryan would have a bedroom in the house, and not the pool house. She remembered him following Seth up the stairs that morning, and she hurried up the stairs and opened the door next to Seth's.

It was a boy's bedroom. A typical teenage boy's bedroom. Ryan had kept the pool house spotless, and while Rosa had always helped Seth keep his somewhat clean, you were bound to find some stray articles of clothing, or hidden dirty dishes somewhere in his room. This bedroom was the same way.

A half-filled glass of water was sitting on the nightstand, and an empty glass was sitting next to a plate full of crumbs by the computer. Kirsten spotted a dirty soccer uniform on the top of the pile of clothes in the hamper, and a notebook was lying on the floor open to some page with what looked like jelly stains. Ryan was always meticulous with his school work. Kirsten shook her head, and continued her search around the bedroom. She felt fairly guilty about snooping, but not guilty enough to stop looking. She wandered closer to the desk and saw pictures of him and Marissa, and him with Luke in their soccer uniforms. A surf board was resting against the wall by the closet, and Kirsten saw two framed pictures on his desk. One was of what looked to be Ryan at about fourteen with Sandy on the beach, each holding a surfboard and grinning at the camera, and the other was of her and a three-year-old version of Ryan. They were sitting on a swing facing one another, both heads thrown back in laughter.

Kirsten felt the sudden need to sit down, and plopped down on the computer chair. What was going on? Her head was spinning, and it took a minute for her to be able to stand up again.

The next place she headed was down to the family room. She walked over to the cupboard where they stored all their home videos and pulled out the crate of tapes. Familiar looking tapes that she knew had once said, "Seth's birthday" now stated, "Seth and Ryan's birthdays" in her own handwriting. Pulling out the first one, she quickly stuck it in the VCR and pressed play.

"Ryan honey," she heard her voice instruct. "Look at Mommy. Look at Mommy, Ryan." The one-year-old grinned at the camera and stuck out his hands to be picked up. When Kirsten didn't right away, the grin disappeared and was replaced by a pout.

"Momma," he whimpered.

"Sandy. Can you take the camera?" There was some shuffling around and the camera was handed off to Sandy, and Kirsten, sixteen years younger, appeared on screen. She picked up Ryan and turned to face the camera.

"Kirsten, make him say something," Sandy's voice instructed.

"Ryan, baby, say hi to Daddy," Kirsten said picking up Ryan's hand and trying to make him wave. Ryan, instead, buried his head in Kirsten's shirt.

The phone rang and Kirsten paused the tape and picked it up. Her hands were trembling.

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, how are you feeling?" Kirsten wondered if she should tell the truth. Well, honey, I woke up this morning and found out that I gave birth to our foster son and no one seems to be concerned about this except for me.

"Much better," she lied.

"Good," Sandy said. "I'm getting out of here a little early to make it to Ryan's soccer game, did you want to come?"

"Oh, um, sure," Kirsten said. She wasn't sure if this was normal behavior or not. Did she go to her son's games? She was sure she must have when he was little, but did she now that he was older? There was so much that she didn't know. She pinched herself for what felt like the thousandth time that day to make sure that she wasn't dreaming.

"Great," Sandy said and she could feel his grin through the phone. Maybe she didn't normally go to Ryan's soccer games. "I'll swing by and we can go together then."

"Okay," Kirsten replied.

"I love you, I have to go. Get some rest."

"I love you too, bye," she said softly hanging up the phone and pressing play on the VCR. She watched as the boys opened their birthday presents, and blew out the candles on their cake. When the tape ended, she stuck in the next one and watched their first Christmas, and then the next tape showed their second birthday.

Kirsten sat there all day watching the tapes. She only paused briefly to run and take a shower and get dressed. She watched tape after tape and wondered how this was all happening. It couldn't just be an elaborate prank. It just couldn't. That would be too cruel.

Kirsten wasn't even aware that she was crying, until the front door opened and Seth walked in after school.

"Mom? What's the matter?" He asked. Seth spotted the home videos and understood. His mother got nostalgic from time to time, and she must have that day. He walked over and stopped the tape.

"Hi honey," she said softly as she wiped away the tears.

"Is this what you've been doing all day?" Seth asked with a small smile on his face. Kirsten just nodded, and stood up and folded the blanket that had been on her lap. She took a deep breath and smiled at her son.

"How was school today?" She asked as she headed into the kitchen.

"Eh. It was school," Seth shrugged as he pulled out the milk carton from the refrigerator and took a drink.

"Seth, cup please," Kirsten instructed. Seth, of course, ignored her. It was almost relieving to see that some things hadn't changed. "Do you want to come to the soccer game tonight?"

"Can't, I promised Summer I'd help her with her history homework," he said. "Why are you going? I thought you and I had a pact, only championship games?" It was Kirsten's turn to shrug.

"I don't have anything to do tonight," she informed her son. The front door opened again before Kirsten had to search for any more excuses and Sandy breezed in.

"Hey kiddo," he said to Seth before continuing over to give Kirsten a kiss on the cheek and to feel her forehead. "You coming?"

"Alas, Father, no I am opting out of watching the athletic Cohen show off." There was no bitterness in his voice, and Kirsten found herself praying that Seth and Ryan's relationship was exactly the same in this alternative reality that she had found herself in. Sandy just laughed as he grabbed something to eat.

"You almost ready to go honey?" he asked Kirsten.

"Oh…yeah, let me just grab my sunglasses," she said as she went upstairs and wiped any traces of tears away. Sandy hadn't noticed her red eyes, and she didn't want to have to answer any more questions. When she went back down, Sandy was holding his keys and had his sunglasses on and smiled at her. She slipped the sunglasses over her eyes and smiled back at him.

"Let's go," she requested.

She didn't know why this was happening, or how long it would last for, but for the time being, she was going to enjoy it.


"Go!" Kirsten screamed jumping up from the bleachers. "Go! Go! Go!" Ryan raced across the field, dodging the other team's players as he headed towards the goal. Sandy was standing up next to her screaming; actually all the Harbor parents were standing up next to them screaming. When Ryan scored the goal, the Harbor fans went nuts, and Carson Ward clapped Sandy on the shoulder.

"A born athlete you've got there," he told him.

"I don't know where he got it though," Sandy said laughing.

"From me," Kirsten spoke up, surprising herself as everyone laughed. After the game was over, Ryan jogged over to them.

"Mom!" He grinned. "You came." The mom part still threw her off a little, but she recovered quickly.

"Of course, honey," she said. "You were so great!"

"Hey how about some pizza to celebrate?" Carson Ward said slapping a hand on Luke's back. Kirsten wondered suddenly if everyone still knew that he was gay. "I'll call the wife and let her know." Apparently not, she thought to herself. What else had changed? Julie and Jimmy, were they still married?

"Sure," Sandy said. "I'll call Seth and see if he wants to meet us." Kirsten put her arm around Ryan as they walked to the car.

"You were awesome," she told him.

"Thanks," he replied. She was struck how different this Ryan was from the Ryan that she knew. The Ryan that she knew would have blushed at the compliment, and hung up his head. This Ryan grinned at her. This Ryan was used to compliments, and especially compliments from his mother.

His mother. That was what she was. Unbelievable.

"Hey, Seth's going to meet us there with Summer," Sandy reported.

"Ryan!" Marissa jogged over to the Cohens and threw her arms around him. "You were great."

"I thought you were mad at me," Ryan asked, but he was grinning. Marissa just smiled and slapped him lightly on the arm. "Want to come to get pizza with us? Summer and Seth are meeting us."

"Sure, if it's okay with your parents," Marissa said.

"Of course honey," Kirsten said. "Do you have your car here?"

"No," Marissa shook her head, a flash of something crossed her face. Sadness? Had Kirsten said something wrong? She looked at Sandy, but his face revealed nothing. "My dad dropped me off."

"Well, then you can ride with us," Sandy said and the four headed towards the car. He opened the door for Kirsten who climbed in, and was suddenly hit by a memory.

Seth and Ryan running around the back yard. They were maybe four? Five? Sandy was chasing them with a squirt gun, and Ryan ran to Kirsten and hid himself behind her.

"Save me Mommy!" He cried, and she laughed and placed an arm around him.

"Come out and face me like a man," Sandy teased his son laughing. He lifted the squirt gun up so that it was pointed at Kirsten. "Or else your Mommy gets it."

"Sandy," Kirsten warned. "You wouldn't dare."

"Don't touch Mommy!" Ryan cried out protectively, throwing himself in front of his mother and giggling as the water hit him. "Daddy! Stop, get Seth!"

"Kirsten, honey? Are you okay?" Sandy shook her gently and she looked at him and saw the concerned look on his face.

"Yes," she said shaking her head. "Um, I'm fine."

"You got this glazed look on your face," Sandy said frowning at her.

"Oh, I was just remembering something," she told him. He nodded and kissed her cheek before starting the car. Kirsten turned to look out the window and tried to reorganize her thoughts.

What did it mean that she was remembering things from a past that she was almost positive that she had never had?


So please let me know what you thought, and I'm going to continue my nervous breakdown…wish me luck. Thanks!