This is the first chapter of a fic that will hopefully be longer than my usual. I'm trying to focus on Squall and his developing relationships between his father, his friends, and yes, Seifer. Of course, being me, I've made this fic yaoi. Seifer/Squall, in fact. So please don't flame me for that choice. This is in Squall POV, to make it easy for me to get into Squall's head.

I hope you enjoy it, anyway!


"Why don't you let anyone touch you, Squally-boy?"

It was a standard remark from him, but enough to make me pause for thought. Figuratively speaking, of course, one doesn't pause in the middle of a duel. I lifted Lionheart, blocking one of his strikes, aiming a slash at his head.

"I just don't want to be touched." It's not that simple, but Seifer probably wouldn't understand if I tried babbling out all my little reasons. One, I don't like most people touching me – it leaves me vulnerable. Two, if I let someone touch me the chances are that I'm close to them, and in my life, closeness isn't possible. A SeeD could die any day, and so I guess I'm protecting anyone I might care about as well as myself. Three, I guess… I'm saving myself.

No, I'm not like Rinoa; I'm not waiting for some perfect fantasy knight to come along or whatever. I'm simply… waiting. For the right circumstances to come about.

Truthfully, if I were to let anyone touch me, it would be Seifer. He's someone I could care about, even love. He's been around since the first memories I have and I know that he's genuine. He doesn't hide anything, and that's a bonus.

I don't like people hiding things from me, either. If I let someone close to me, I'll not hide anything from them. And perhaps that's another reason for being untouchable – so I don't have to share my little secrets.

Not that any of this is at all important, or any of Seifer's business.

"That simple, huh?" He smirks, his ever-irritating smirk. "Too bad."

Too bad? What's that supposed to mean?

I don't say it out loud, falling further into the swing and clash of metal and metal. Duelling, like this, I've missed. I'm glad Seifer has come back to Garden, if only because of this.

But I'm not paying enough attention. He reaches out and grabs my arm, spinning Lionheart from my grasp with an easy strike. He frowns at me, his scar crinkling.

"You aren't fighting to your full capability, are you?"

Of course not. I snort at him and he rolls his eyes. "I don't mean just because I disarmed you. Something is blocking you – what are you thinking about?"

I just stare at him, puzzled.

"Of course," he snorts, "it figures that you wouldn't tell me. But something is wrong, isn't it?"

"No." My voice is firm, but damn him, he knows me too well.

"You got a call from your father today, didn't you?"

Damn him.

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"How do you know he did?"

"Damn, Squall, the whole Garden can tell when your father has called, you have such a scowl on your face. Now tell me, what did he say? Is it something he deserves beheading for, or is it just you being a typical drama queen?" Seifer crosses his arms, thankfully removing the hand from my arm, and stares at me.

"He wants too much from me."

It irks me, normally I can keep my mouth firmly closed, but whenever Seifer starts asking what's wrong, I can't hold back anything. He knows me too well.

"Shit, that's what all parents are like." Seifer gives me a considering look, his eyes sweeping up and down, making me feel almost… naked. "But I get it; he wants you to open up and tell him everything, right?"

"Yeah."

It's not surprising how he can read me, how he can tell what's bothering me in an instant. No matter what other people think, we've never been just rivals. We've never been friends, but there have been times when we leaned on each other, talked to each other just a little. Garden has been a trap for both of us; constricting his dreams and crowding me.

And yeah, I'd say he's a friend now.

He's been back at Garden about six months. I argued with Cid about it, I didn't think Seifer should come back to Garden – too many things here to make him feel bitter. But in the end, my say counted for nothing, and Seifer was reinstated at Garden. Two months later, he was a SeeD. No wasting of time, now. And he's been back as my serious sparring partner for about three months, since our paths crossed in the training centre.

I'm glad he's here, but I wish he would back off.

"Why won't you?" He asks, tilting his head to the side and giving me a piercing look.

"He won't understand."

"He was a soldier too."

"That's not why."

"Then why?"

"I don't want to." Because sharing makes me open, open like I am right at this moment. Because sharing like I am now makes me feel like I want to be close to people. Because right at this moment, there's a desire in me to kiss this man, to let him touch me.

And that's not how my life is made.

"Maybe it's time you changed that," he suggests, his green eyes still fixed on me, persistent as ever. "He's your father; you have more than anyone else from the Orphanage has. Maybe you owe it to us to take that opportunity."

"Why should I do that?" My brows draw together. He always confuses me this way, why does he do this?

He shrugs. "I don't know. I guess I'm jealous of you, knowing where you come from and all, and you just won't take that and be grateful for it."

"I am grateful for it."

"Then show it. That man is your father, he wants to know you. You owe it to him to let him get to know you, and you owe it to us to take the chance you've been given."

"Shut up." I bend and pick up Lionheart, and he smirks.

"Done talking, then?"

"Done with you." I turned and left him standing there in the training centre. That would have made him mad, back before all the shit with the sorceress. But I get the feeling that he understands now and he won't condemn me for it.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I should take this chance. The others won't have this chance, so maybe… maybe in a way it's my duty, to see what it's like. It all makes some obscure kind of sense.

Damn that man.

Damn him for being right, and damn him for making me want him.